


easier to be

by solinasolina



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Slow Burn, president's daughter AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:55:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 149,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5808838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solinasolina/pseuds/solinasolina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa Woods made history as the youngest secret service agent to be appointed to the president’s security detail. Alongside Special Agents Anya Carson, Lincoln Black and Gustus Hollows, their duty was to protect Madam President Abby Griffin on a day-to-day basis. Lexa was good at her job. She loved what she did – or at least she learned to. So when she's reassigned to Clarke's security detail you can understand her reservations. But she figures it's just six weeks. Six weeks and things will go back to normal. </p><p>or the president’s daughter au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things I know next to nothing about: the president’s security detail  
> things mention a bit in this fic: the president’s security detail
> 
> to be honest my knowledge goes as far as what I’ve seen from scandal, the news, and what i’ve tried to research. most of the time im half guessing procedures and making them up as I go. hopefully the things I’ve written about aren’t too far fetched lmao if they are let me know 
> 
> also im still kind of new to writing so if there’s anything I can do to improve my writing let me know. I don’t have a ~set~ amount of chapters yet but we’re in for a ride so I want to make sure that everything is a-okay for you guys
> 
> shout out to beth who got me into this AU. one minute im tweeting her head canons about this, and then the next I’ve gone and written actual chapters
> 
> happy reading!

 

Just over a year ago Lexa Woods made history as the youngest secret service agent to be appointed to the president’s security detail. Alongside Special Agents Anya Carson, Lincoln Black and Gustus Hollows, their duty was to protect Madam President Abby Griffin on a day-to-day basis. Lexa loved what she did – or at least she learned to. This is not where she’d imagine her life at age 26 but here she was and making the most of it _._

Lexa’s alarm started blasting at 5am, just like it did every day. She was always a morning person so she never had any problem with getting up. Anya however always needed a little more of a push in the morning. As Lexa made her way to the bathroom, she walked by Anya’s door and knocked loudly, “Get up sunshine!” When a loud grunt came from the other side of the door Lexa let out a small laugh and continued on.

She lived with Anya just a block away from The White House, as did Lincoln and Gustus in another apartment. It wasn’t really _home,_ more or less just a place they were given when they took on the job. Being on the president’s security detail meant that they were always on the go.

By 5:45am Lexa and Anya were ready and meeting Lincoln and Gustus by the car.  Gustus drives them to The White House with Lincoln riding shotgun. Anya and Lexa sit in the back seat, going over the day’s schedule. Anya reads the memo on her phone first, “Okay, Abby’s got the brunch today at 10. Gustus bring the car around by 9:30; she’s going to want to get there as early as possible.” Gustus replies with a simple nod that Anya catches in the rear view mirror. “Lincoln, alert the other drivers which route we’ll be taking during morning rounds.”

Lincoln turns in his chair, “Got it boss.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Yes boss,” he smiles as he turns back to face the front.

Anya shakes her head when Lexa speaks up. “Hey, Abby sent us an email late last night. Have any of you guys seen it yet?”

Gustus and Lincoln shake their head.

“No, what does it say?” Anya asks.

Lexa skims over the email quickly. It’s a short email so she decides to read it out loud. “It reads… _Attention_ _Special Agents Woods, Carson, Black and Hollows. Please come into my office by 8am, there is a matter that I need to discuss with all of you.”_

Lincoln turns in his chair again, “That’s all?”

Lexa nods her head.

“Sounds serious,” Gustus says as he pulls into the car park.

As Lincoln exits and shuts the door he comments again. “I don’t even remember the last time she’s called us all in like that.”

Anya does the same, “There’s no point in dwelling on what it could be about. We’ll find out soon enough. Let’s just do morning rounds and then meet at the Oval Office by 8.”

After their morning rounds, Lexa and Anya arrive at the Oval Office by 7:50am, greeting Abby’s secretary, Maya. “Morning Maya,” Lexa smiles as she takes a seat.

“Morning Agent Woods,” Maya smiles back, turning to Anya, “Morning Agent Carson. Abby asked that Agents Black and Hollows go in first.”

Anya takes a seat next to Lexa, “Just the two of them?”

“Yes and then you two after.”

The three of them share a slight nod and Maya goes back to work. It’s not long before Lincoln and Gustus arrive, going into talk to Abby’s office immediately. About ten minutes past and Lexa’s leg starts to shake.

“Why are you so nervous?” Anya asks.

“I don’t-"

Lexa is cut off by the door opening, Lincoln and Gustus providing a small smile towards the girls. Lexa stands up, “What did she say?”

“Someone’s in trouble,” Lincoln teases.

Gustus is quick to give him a slight push. “He’s joking. She’s just on a quick call right now. She said she’ll call you in when she’s done.” He gives a reassuring nod and walks over to Maya – who gives him a folder.

“What’s in the folder?” Anya questions.

He opens the folder with a small smile. “I thought Lexa was the impatient one.” Gustus skims the first page before looking back up to Lexa and Anya. “It’s fine. Just wait till Abby calls you in. Lincoln and I are going to finish rounds. See you later.”

Another ten or so minutes pass before Abby emerges from her office, still on her call. She motions for Lexa and Anya to come in. The three women enter the room with Abby going back to her desk with Lexa closing the door behind them. Both agents stand idly by waiting for some sort of instruction as Abby wraps up her phone call.

“ _I know you didn’t need the plane, Clarke. I just feel better this way.”_ Lexa and Anya watch Abby walk around from her desk and towards the couches that sat in the middle of the Oval Office, “ _I’m excited to see you too sweetie”_. Abby took a seat and gestured for Lexa and Anya to do the same.

Lexa gave Anya confused look, who simply shrugs in response. Anya made her way across the room and sat on the couch across from Abby. Lexa doesn't follow, which caused Abby to let out a small laugh. She spoke into the phone one last time, “ _Alright sweetie, I'll see you then… I love you too… Bye.”_ Abby hangs up the phone and places it onto the table. Looking up to Lexa she smiles, “Agent Woods, please, take a seat.”

“Madam President,” Lexa nods, taking a seat next to Anya. “Can I ask what this is about?”

“Right to it then, my daughter is coming to DC in two weeks.” Abby smiles. “And I am assigning you, Agent Woods and Agent Carson, to her security detail.”

Anya bit her bottom lip, for fear of saying something she shouldn't in front of the president. Lexa however had more of a filter and spoke up immediately. “But Madam President-”

Abby raises her hand to cut Lexa off. “This is non-negotiable Agent Woods. I’ve assessed it with Kane, Lincoln and Gustus. This is a very important matter to me; my daughter is all I have left. After losing Jake…” Abby trails off as the lump in her throat grew. She lets out a few soft coughs.

Lexa sighs. “I understand, but wouldn't it be more appropriate to appoint agents from the night shift or the weekend rotation for your daughter’s security detail.”

“I would have to agree, Madam President,” Anya chimes in.

“If it was more of a low key visit, then yes. But Clarke has been scheduled to do some public appearances.” Abby pauses. “I _need_ you two to be on Clarke’s security detail.”

Anya nods. “How long is she here for?”

“Six weeks,” Abby smiles. “I haven't seen my daughter in over year so it's going to be nice to have her here. That's why I need two people I trust with _my life_ with her.”

Lexa was still unconvinced with the plan. “Who will be on your security detail when we’re on your daughter’s?”

“Lincoln and Gustus will remain where they are and Echo and Luna from the weekend rotation will join them. When Clarke leaves, we will return to normal.”

Lexa thought about it for a moment. She knew Echo and Luna from her past, knew how they worked and operated and even at one point, trusted them with her life. It eases her worries slightly. But still, she would have preferred it if she wasn't being reassigned at all.

Abby stands up and starts to walk to her desk, Anya and Lexa both stand up as well. “Clarke is going to arrive on the 21st. Maya has her schedule, you can pick it up on the way out.”

“Yes Madam President”, both Lexa and Anya say at the same time.

Taking a seat, Abby puts on her glasses. “Assess her schedule when you have some time. And come back in an hour, I want to make sure we beat the traffic getting to the brunch.”

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa and Anya nod again.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly; as does the rest of the week. A few times does Abby bring up Clarke’s stay, ensuring that Lexa and Anya have it all covered (which they do, Abby knows that but her motherly instincts tell her to just make sure). A week before Clarke’s arrival, Echo and Luna are eased into their new positions. Being from the weekend rotation Lexa knew that they knew protocol inside out, but weekdays were a lot more hectic for the President. And Lexa just wanted to make sure they were ready.  

Lexa hadn’t had a chance to meet Clarke yet, only being assigned to the security detail after Abby was signed into office. Lexa learns that once Abby had won the election Clarke continued on with her Doctors without Borders program. There wasn’t a lot about Clarke in the media – only the usual paparazzi shot, pictures with fans and absurd tweets from time to time. Lexa didn’t worry herself too much about it unless Abby brought it up, because when it came down to her job, it was to protect _Abby_.

 

* * *

 

It was 5pm the night before Clarke was due to arrive and Lexa and Anya were home. It was the first time in a long time that they were home that early. Though they couldn’t drink themselves to their heart’s content it didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy their early night. Lexa was making drinks in the kitchen when the doorbell rang, “I don’t even remember the last time we had a proper dinner at home,” she said making her way to the door.

“I don’t think ordering pizza counts as a proper dinner," Anya laughs, not looking up from her phone. “But then again we don’t ever cook and our fridge rarely has food in it.”

Lexa opens the door and pays for the pizza. She drops the box onto the coffee table, noticing Anya still so concentrated on her phone. “What are you doing? You’ve been glued to your phone since we got home.”

“Homework.”

Making her way back to the kitchen Lexa scrunches her eyebrows a little. “Homework?” she calls out. When there’s no reply from Anya she just shrugs it off. Pouring two glasses of the drink she’s mixed she takes them both to the living room, placing one in front of Anya.

“Oh it’s purple!” Anya grabs the drink and takes a sip, “Hmm, now _this_ is my favourite drink.”

“You say that about all my drinks.” Lexa opens the pizza box, going for the half Hawaiian side.

“Yeah, that’s true. It’s your redeeming quality when you choose to,” Anya leans forward, pointing to the Hawaiian side of the pizza with disgust, “Taint your pizza like _that_.” She grabs a slice of pepperoni pizza.

“Yeah keep talking like that. Next time I make you a drink I’m going to add Vodka into it.”

Anya looks up in almost shock horror, “You wouldn’t.”

Taking a bite of her pizza Lexa smirks. “So what this homework you've got?”

“Mmm," Anya hums as she puts down her pizza slice. She grabs her phone, swiping the screen a few times before handing it to Lexa.

Accepting the phone, Lexa can see that it’s of someone’s Instagram posts. It takes a second before she realises that it’s a picture of Clarke in between a slightly shorter brunette and a taller – quite handsome young man. She looks up to Anya, “You’re stalking the president’s daughter’s Instagram? You do realise we’re meeting her tomorrow right?”

“Ha-ha. Clarke’s Instagram is actually on private so _technically_ I’m not stalking her. It’s her best friend’s Instagram, Octavia Blake. And that’s Octavia’s brother; Bellamy.”

“ _Technically,_ it’s still stalking, Anya,” she laughs. Lexa takes another look at the photo. They’re all dressed in swimsuits; Bellamy in a pair of green board shorts, Octavia in a red bikini and Clarke sporting a bright blue one. The background seems to show that they’re on a beach of some sorts. The caption read:

> _#TBT to the time we were in Australia. I miss the beaches and Tim Tams. Any one of you lovely folks want to send some my way? #justkidding #sortof_

Lexa smiles as memories of her own time in Australia start flooding back.

Anya goes for another slice of (pepperoni) pizza. “Remember our trip to Australia?”

“I sure do. The food, beaches, coffee…” Lexa trails off.

“The _girls,”_ Anya adds.

Lexa laughs and nods in response. “Mmm, the only down side was that everything was so damn expensive.”

“That’s true. Anyways I wasn’t stalking… just getting to know the girl we’re going to be watching for the next 6 weeks. I met her a couple times during Abby’s campaign but just from these photos a lot has changed in the past two years.”

There was a soft groan from Lexa.

“Look Lex, I know you don’t like this. But Echo and Luna are more than capable of protecting Abby. It’s just six weeks we-”

“It’s not Echo and Luna. I know they can do it. I just- I didn’t accept this job to babysit the president’s daughter.” Lexa took another sip of her drink. “I’m surprised you seem to be okay with this.”

“Oh I wasn’t at first,” Anya scoffs. “I would have much rather have Luna and Echo watch Clarke – but then I remembered what I promised Jake. You weren’t there Lexa, when Jake died…” Anya came to a long pause. Lexa’s known Anya for long enough to know what this meant. There was very few things that made Anya this way; one of them being Jake Griffin.

Lexa sighs, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“So if Abby wants us with Clarke while she’s here then that’s exactly what we're going to do. So you need to suck it up.”

Lexa raises her glass towards Anya, “Always the eloquent.” As Anya taps her glass with Lexa’s the two of down the remainder of their drink. Lexa was the first to finish, placing her cup on the table “Another?”

“Can you make that yellow one we had the other night?”

“The pineapple one?”

“NO,” Anya grunts. “You taint your pizza with that damn fruit already.”

“I don’t understand how you can dislike pineapples so much. Hawaii was like _six_ years ago, you possibly can’t still be traumatised.”

“Let’s not talk about it anymore. But I think the drink was… passion fruit?”

Lexa’s eyes widen. “That one was disgusting!”

“What?! No it wasn’t.”

The two bicker about the passion fruit drink for a good half an hour or so. In the end they both agree to just stick with the purple drink Lexa had made first. Also Lexa was kind of out of it and there was no way in hell she was ever going to make the passion fruit drink again. It was all 50 shades of disgusting. After finishing the second drink though they both decide to call it night, it’s been a while since either of them has had a decent night’s sleep.  

Lexa and Anya were up by 6 the next morning and out the door by 7. Maya drops by unexpectedly to give them a jumper from Abby with a note that read, “ _Clarke never remembers to wear a jumper. Please give this to her.”_

Lexa smiles at the gesture. “That’s sweet.”

“If I forgot my jumper my mum would have just let me freeze and would have twisted it to some lesson for me,” Anya laughs.

“That’s exactly what you did to me in college!” Lexa laughs back. She lowers her voice slightly to try and mock Anya’s, “ _This is an important lesson for you kid, lecture rooms are always cold. Never forget a cardigan or a jumper because no one’s going to be giving you there’s because they’ll be freezing too.”_

By 7am they arrive at the airport with the plane due to land soon. They both stand outside, leaning against their black SUV. It was something out of a magazine, the sight in front of them. The sun rose slowly, the sky filling with shades of yellow, orange and red. A flock of birds gave them a show for a couple of minutes before quickly dispersing as the plane came into sight. As if on cue Lexa and Anya straighten themselves up.

Anya nudges Lexa slightly. “Here we go, kid.”

Once the plane lands, it wasn't long till people started to disembark. Two flight attendants came down first, then the captain, then Clarke. Lexa watched as Clarke reaches the bottom of the steps and hugs the flight attendants and captain as she thanks them.

“Oh no, she’s a hugger,” Lexa whispers.

Anya lets out a soft chuckle and simply shakes her head. “Let’s go introduce ourselves.”

Lexa gulps and follows Anya who was already making her way to Clarke.

“Agent Carson!” Clarke calls out, sticking out her hand for a handshake.

 _Oh thank god_ was all Lexa could think.

Anya accepts the handshake, “Dr. Griffin. It’s good to see you again.”

“Oh, please just call me _Clarke_. And no need to call me  _Miss Griffin_  either, that sounds like you’re calling my mother.”

“Speaking of… she’s sorry she couldn’t come. There was an early meeting she couldn’t get out of –”

The blonde gives a small shake of her head, “There’s no need to explain. She’s got the nation to look after, right?”  Clarke’s attention soon turns to the woman standing just behind Anya. She smiles and steps forward slightly, offering her hand, “Hi, I’m Clarke.”

Lexa steps forward slightly and accepts the handshake, “Agent Lexa Woods, ma’am,” she greets.

“Oh god don’t call me _ma’am_ either. That’s just as bad as _Miss Griffin.”_

Clarke’s hands were so soft and Lexa found herself _almost_ stroking the blonde’s thumb. She pulls away before she could make a fool of herself, instantly missing the warmth that seem to radiate from the blonde in front of her. Lexa fumbles with the jumper in her other hand and passes it over to Clarke, “From your mum.” Clarke let out a small laugh that made Lexa’s heart flutter.

Taking the jumper she immediately put it on, “Thanks. If there’s one thing that will never change is that woman’s ability to ensure that i’m always warm.” She let out another small laugh as she pulls her hair out from under the jumper.

There it was again, Clarke’s laugh. Lexa didn’t know what had gotten into her. She’s met world leaders, other politicians, celebrities and the Queen and yet here she was, feeling giddy of the president’s daughter’s laugh.

_Pull it together, Lexa._

An airport crew member soon came up towards the three ladies. “Doctor Griffin, here are you bags.” He turns to look between Anya and Lexa, “Would you like some help putting them into the car?”

It was only one suitcase and a duffel so Anya shakes her head. “No, I’ve got it," she replies as she took both bags. “Thanks though.”

The crew member passed the bags along and gave a slight nod. “Enjoy your day, ladies.”

Clarke let out a long yawn, raising both hands over her head. “Why don’t we get the formalities out of the way? Because once I get in the car I’m probably going to fall asleep.”

“Formalities?” Lexa questions.

“You know, your rules _._ This isn’t my first rodeo, Agents Woods,” Clarke smiles.

“Right, right… of course.” Lexa came to pause, unsure of what to say really. She had discussed it with briefly with Anya the week before but both women figured that Clarke was an adult who was allowed to do as she pleased. As long as she allowed them to do their job they would be good.

Anya spoke up instead. “Look Clarke, you’re an adult. You can do what you, whenever you want. Just treat us with respect and we’ll do the same. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” Clarke nods.

“I’m going to put your bags in the boot and give your mum a call to let her know you’ve landed safely. Go take a seat in the car. Rest, we’re going to hit morning traffic so it’ll take a little longer getting to The White House.”

“Thanks Agent Carson.”

Lexa walks slightly in front of Clarke, and opens the door for her when they reach the car. Before Clarke enters she turns to Lexa, “As a heads up, you don’t have to open the car door for me.”

With the hand still on the door Lexa smiles, “I’ll keep that in mind, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke hops into the car, “Oh please just call me _Clarke_.”

 _Not a chance._ Lexa doesn’t reply but merely smiles once more before closing the door and taking a seat in the driver’s seat. The door boot closes with a loud thud and Lexa eyes Anya as she walks over to the passenger side, not yet entering but pulling out her phone instead. Lexa’s gaze makes its way to the rear view mirror and locks eyes with Clarke’s.

“You know, my mum speaks very highly of you Agent Woods.”

Green eyes dance with blue. “I take my job very seriously, Miss Griffin.” She smiles. “So if we were to give you a _rule_ it would be just to let us do our job. We’re here for your protection, so no task is too big or too small for us. Just, don’t go running out on us. We can’t protect you if we don’t know where you are.”

Clarke nods. “That’s fair enough, Agent Woods.”

“If you have any questions or concerns please don’t hesitate to talk to Agent Carson or myself. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next six weeks, trust is a two way street.”

Clarke hums in response. “Okay… I have two questions then. Well one question and one… rule, if you could call it that.”

Surprised and curious Lexa replies, “Ask away.”

“Can I call you _Lexa?_ ”

The question takes Lexa by surprise, so she ponders for a moment. Her initial response is to say ‘no’, to keep things on a purely professional level but she quickly remembers that it’s just six weeks.  And if this was something that would help build the relationship between herself and Clarke (on a purely professional basis) then so be it. “Yes that’s fine. And your… _rule?”_

“Well we’re going to be spending a lot of time together in the next six weeks, so my only rule is that you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.” Clarke smiles, “I’m pretty charming… so I’ve been told.”

Lexa looks back into the rear view mirror where she could see Clarke grinning. She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Shouldn’t Agent Carson be here for this rule too?”

“No, I don’t think I’m her type.” Clarke’s eyes, ever so blue, watch Lexa in the rear view mirror. The two hold each other’s gaze for a little longer than they should. And god only knows how long they would have held it if it wasn’t for Anya about to open the car door.

But before Anya enters Lexa turns in her chair to face Clarke, “I promise to not fall in love with you, Miss Griffin,” she states, one hand over her heart. “Scout’s honour. But as long as you don’t fall in love with me; I’ve been told I’m pretty charming myself.”

Clarke let out another laugh that had Lexa feeling butterflies in her stomach again.

 _Oh this was going to be an interesting six weeks_ the both of them thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the real question here is, pineapple on pizza, yay or nay?
> 
> until next time


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lexa avoids the pot holes for a sleeping clarke. clarke/abby are reunited. something happens or almost happens, who knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all your love on the first chapter. this chapter goes out to all those who said 'no' to pineapple on pizza. you are all the real MVP's. IM KIDDING!! everyone's allowed to have their own opinions, even if they're wrong :)
> 
> HOW WAS YESTERDAY'S EPISODE THOUGH? HEDA'S BACK
> 
> picking up right where chapter 1 ended, happy reading!

As they are driving, Clarke takes in the city before her. It’s been over a year since she’s been back in DC, but not a lot has changed. The buildings look the same, as do the parks, gas stations and malls. There’s a lot more cars then she remebers and a few more construction sites – but nothing out of the ordinary. Some of her fondest memories were created in this city, but also some of her worst.

Anya warns her that there’s been an accident on one of the major roads and traffic has essentially come to a standstill. It doesn’t bother Clarke though; she’s always been a patient person. Plus, it gives her time to squeeze in a quick nap.

Lexa is the first to notice the light snores that echo from the back seat. She glances into the rear view mirror and smiles at the sight. Clarke has her elbow propped up on the window sill and her head resting against her palm. She’s a little more cautious driving, ensuring to best avoid the pot holes and braking so softly and slowly it’s even got Anya’s concerned.

“You could have made that light,” Anya whispers.

“She’s asleep.”

Anya turns in her seat, watching the sleeping blonde for just a moment before returning to Lexa. She smirks, “You’ve got a crush.”

“What? No. I’m just being courteous.” It doesn't help that she's just changed lanes to avoid another pot hole.

Anya notices again and hums in amusement. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Lex.”

Lexa changes back to her original lane and can just _feel_ the smirk coming from Anya. “Shut up.”

Neither agents saw the small smile that crept across Clarke’s face as she ‘slept.’

They arrive at The White House just after 8. Pulling up in the parking lot Clarke pretended to wake up from her sleep, still smiling over how careful Lexa was driving. Lexa’s quick on her feet and before Clarke realises it, her door is being opened for her again.

“Your mum isn’t due to finish her meeting until 9, Miss Griffin. So we’ll show you up to your room so you can freshen up.” Lexa closes the door once Clarke was out.

Clarke smiles, “Thanks Lexa.” She walks around to the boot of the SUV where Anya was unloading her suitcase. She picks up the duffel to help and waits to follow her agents. She’d been in The White House a number of times, but not enough to know her way around. Walking through the halls everyone greets Clarke and all she can do this reply with a slight nod and a soft “Hi” as she has no real idea who any of these people were.

Once they reach the room, Clarke drops the duffel bag and immediately sinks into her bed. “Oh my god this bed feels like it was _made_ for me.”

Anya wheels the suitcase in further and Lexa steps closer towards the bed. “Your mum’s room is just down the hall.” Lexa points out the bedroom and straight down the hallways towards to large white double doors at the end. She then points towards the other end of Clarke’s bedroom, “There is your own bathroom and walk in wardrobe.”

Clarke reluctantly gets off the bed and walks around her room. It’s a lot larger than what she’s used too. She didn’t really care for walk in wardrobes or the big screen TV (she did care for the king sized bed though). It was nice, but she was hoping this visit would give her some sense of _home,_ something she’s been missing for a long time, but right now that’s the last thing she was feeling. She gives a very subtle shrug to herself. “I have one very important question…” she smiles as she took a look outside one of the windows. “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”

Walking by the study table Anya picked up a folder and held it up for Clarke. “Password is in this folder, it’s a series of numbers and letters otherwise I would have just told you. In here is your schedule too, a map of the place and other important details you may need. Our numbers are also here, so if you could just add them into your phone now that would be great.”

“Do you need my number?”

Anya shakes her head, “No. We have it already.”

“Shame,” she smirks, turning to Lexa. Clarke winks, “I was going to make you work for it.”

Lexa could almost feel the blood rush to her cheeks, but she wasn’t going to let Clarke win this round. “That would be counter-productive, Miss Griffin. We’re both agents so getting a phone number isn’t all that hard.”

“Buzz kill,” Clarke laughs.

Three knocks at the door interrupt them which cause all three women to turn around. It’s Maya. She gives small nods towards Anya and Lexa, “Morning again Agent Carson, Agent Woods,” who both return it with a smile. Maya steps towards Clarke shyly, offering her hand. “Hi Dr Griffin, I’m Maya – your mum’s secretary.”

Clarke gives Maya a warm handshake. “Please just call me _Clarke._ It’s nice to meet you Maya.”

“Well Clarke,” she smiles. “Your mum just wanted to let you know that she should be out in half an hour or so. Forty-five minutes tops. She’s really excited to see you.”

“Thanks Maya.”

“Well I have to get back to work. Enjoy your stay, Clarke.”

“I’ll see you around, Maya.”

With that Maya smiles and leaves.

“We’re going to leave too,” Lexa announces. “Give you some privacy. You know freshen up, relax. Everything you need should be here already, if not just let us know and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

Clarke nods in response and Lexa starts to make her way to the door. Anya does the same before turning around once more, “Agent Woods and I will just be outside, down the hall from where we entered. We’ll let you know as soon as your mum is done with the meeting.”

“Thanks again.”

Anya nods. “It’s not a problem. Just don’t forget to put our numbers in your phone before we come get you.”

 

* * *

 

Both Lexa and Anya discuss Clarke’s schedule as they wait for Abby to finish her meeting. It’s nothing they haven’t gone over already, but they were just confirming a few things. Lincoln comes by, with two cups in his hands.

Anya’s the first to stand up, going for one of the drinks. “Oh please tell me that’s what I think that is.”

“You know you’re lucky the barista downstairs likes you. I couldn’t remember your order if my life depended on it.” Lincoln laughs, handing her the drink. “Like what is the point of skim milk when you’re going to order extra whip anyways? And no sugar but adding an extra pump of caramel?”

“To balance it out,” she replies before taking a sip of her drink.

Lincoln laughs again and hands Lexa her simple black coffee, “You’re my favourite.”

“Thanks Lincoln,” she smiles.

“So…” he trails off. “What’s Clarke like?”

Anya returns to her seat, “You've met her, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s been ages. Has she changed much since the last time we saw her?”

“Not from what I can tell. But it’s only been a couple of hours…” Anya takes another sip of her coffee. “She’s got a thing for Lexa though. Or Lexa’s got a thing for her. Same difference,” she jokes.

“What?!” Lincoln smiles as he goes to sit next to Lexa. “Ohh Commander – smooth,” he nudges.

“Why do you insist on calling me that?” Lexa pauses. “And no we do not a _thing_ for each other. I’ve just met the girl. She’s the president’s daughter for god’s sake.”

Anya leans forward slightly, gesturing for Lincoln to do the same. He does and Anya speaks in a softer voice, “She avoided the potholes this morning because she didn’t want to wake up Clarke.”

Lexa groans and buries her head in her hands. “You’re impossible you know that right.”

“I know,Anya laughs as she returns to her normal sitting positing. “But I’m just saying, you don’t even avoid the pot holes for me.”

“That’s because I don’t love you,” Lexa replies blatantly. She didn’t realise what she had just said and looks up to see Anya and Lincoln smirking.

“Don’t go falling for the president’s daughter now,” Anya laughs.

Lincoln brought one arm around Lexa’s shoulder and gave her a slight side hug. “You fell right into that one.”

Lexa pushes him away and gathersher things. “I hate the both of you,” she huffs as she made her way to another seat.

 

* * *

 

Once Clarke was alone in the room she slumps right onto the bed again. She loves the mattress, absolutely convinced it was made by some god who knew exactly what her body needed. Grabbing her phone from her back pocket she opens up her group chat with Raven and Octavia.

 

 **Clarke Griffin 8:21 AM**  
Just landed in DC  
Can’t wait till you guys are here too!

 **Raven Reyes 8:21 AM  
** How was your flight?

 **Clarke Griffin 8:21 AM**  
What the fuck are you doing up raven  
It’s like 5:30 for you are you okay are you sick  
Flight was good. Can’t complain, private jet and all

 **Octavia Blake 8:21 AM  
** I was just going to say the same thing

 **Raven Reyes 8:22 AM**  
Im fine – my leg is just hurting from that plane ride  
Jet lag is a bitch too

 **Clarke Griffin 8:22 AM  
** You need to see a doctor, Raven

 **Octavia Blake 8:22 AM**  
Clarke’s right Rae  
It’s better to be safe than sorry

 **Raven Reyes 8:22 AM  
** I know. I will, soon.

 **Octavia Blake 8:22 AM**  
I’m glad to have my best friends back in the country!  
I CANT BELIEVE ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR AND WE’LL BE ALL TOGETHER SOON AGAIN  
I love you idiots but I’ve got to get to work

 **Clarke Griffin 8:23 AM  
** We’ve missed you too, O

 **Raven Reyes 8:23 AM  
** Speak for yourself Griffin

 **Octavia Blake 8:23 AM**  
You’re a bitch you know that raven  
Im going now  
BYE CLARKEY LOVE YOU

Clarke laughs and threw her phone to the side. It has been over a year since she’s seen Octavia. Raven and herself were part of the Doctors without Borders program and they’ve been out of the country for the better part of the year. Clarke was a doctor; she helped those who were sick and passed on her medical knowledge to the local doctors.

Raven’s role was to oversee her team and their project site. Everything from transportation, setting up centres and talking to local authorities, Raven made sure that everything was running smoothly. She also had a background in mechanics, which definitely came in handy. They had spent some time in Cambodia, Nepal, Kenya and Nigeria, in and amongst conflict zones, natural disasters and epidemics, trying to help those who needed it the most. It was definitely a challenge for Clarke at first, but she loves her job.

Stumbling out of the bed, she made her way into the bathroom. Clarke stood frozen at the door; she shouldn’t be surprised that her bathroom was bigger than some of the houses she’s been in over the past year. Fresh towels were laid out on the sink, shampoos, conditioners; and all the necessary toiletries. It had a large shower and bath and the thing Clarke probably missed the most; a proper toilet. Washing her face with water, Clarke took a long look at herself in the mirror. She still was so tired from the plane ride but knew that sleeping now would only make the jetlag worse. She figures that a quick shower would help her wake up.

 

* * *

 

Maya returns half an hour later to let the agents know that Abby was just about to wrap up her meeting. Lincoln excuses himself first, walking back with Maya. Anya was on a phone call which left Lexa the task to let Clarke know. 

Lexa made her way towards Clarke’s bedroom. She gave three knocks, “Miss Griffin?”  When there’s no reply she knocks again. “Miss Griffin, your mum is about to wrap up her meeting.” When she’s met with no reply again she lets out a small sigh, “Miss Griffin, I’m coming in.” As Lexa enters she hears Clarke singing from the bathroom.

“ _Hello from the outside sideeeeeeee, a_ _t least I can say that I’ve triedddddd, t_ _o tell you that im sorry for breaking your heart...”_ Clarke emerges from the bathroom still singing, “ _But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anym-._ Oh Lexa, Hi. _”_

The first thing Lexa notices is that Clarke is only in a towel. Clarke is wet and in a towel and she still hasn’t turned away. “Sorry Miss Griffin!” she gasp, finally turning away and shutting her eyes. “I knocked, but I guess you couldn’t hear me over your singing.

Clarke let out a small laugh, “Sorry you had to hear that. Are you an Adele fan though?”

“Yes ma’am – I mean, Miss Griffin. Yes she’s quite talented...” At this point Lexa was just mentally slapping herself. She’s never been _this_ unprofessional and Clarke’s only been here for a couple of hours. It's like Lexa couldn't help it though, “As are you, Miss Griffin," she adds. 

“Thanks Lexa, can you maybe say that when my best friends are here? Every time I sing I get a pillow thrown in my face.”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to laugh.

“I’m being 100% serious, Lexa.”

“I can do that Miss Griffin.”

“A-ha!” Clarke squeals, as she found the shirt she was looking for. “I’m not going to be able to convince you to call me just _Clarke_ am I?”

Lexa smiles to herself, and with the silence that filled the air Clarke knew the answer.

“Your mum is wrapping up her meeting now, so once you’re ready Agent Carson and I can take you to her. I’ll just be outside.”

“Thanks Lexa.”

 

* * *

 

Within 10 minutes Clarke, Lexa and Anya are waiting within the Oval Office. Clarke walks around the office and marvels at the sight. Sometimes she still found it hard to believe that her mum was the President. Sure they didn’t always see eye to eye on everything, but Clarke was proud of her. She was proud of the fact that despite everything that’s happened and their differences, her mum didn’t give up. 

The door to the office opens and Abby almost runs across the room to Clarke. “Clarke!” she smiles, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

Clarke is quick to reciprocate the hug, bringing her mother even closer. “Hi mum,” she mumbles, as she buries herself deeper into the hug.

As they hug Anya and Lexa slip out quietly.

They hug for a couple moments longer, simply enjoying each other’s presence. Abby slowly breaks from the hug, bringing both her hands to cradle both sides of Clarke’s face. “Oh sweetie, it’s so good to see you,” she smiles.

“You too, mum,” Clarke replies.

Abby loops an arm around Clarke’s shoulder and guides them out of the office.  “Let’s go grab breakfast; I want to hear about everything you’ve been up to.”

As they leave the office the smile on Clarke’s face slightly falls as it’s only Anya waiting them. She looks around the hallway, “Agent Carson, where’s Agent Woods?”

Anya smirks internally. “She’s gone to make sure everything is ready for your breakfast, Miss Griffin.”

“Okay,” Abby smiles. “We’re going to have breakfast, so you’re excused for the time being Agent Carson.”

Anya gives a slight nod before leaving. “Yes ma’am. Enjoy your breakfast.”

Abby plays part tour guide for Clarke as they walk through The White House. She introduces her daughter to those who are close by, talks about the paintings on walls and which rooms are used for what.

A voice from behind soon catches their attention. “Abby!”

Both women turn around at the call of the name. “Marcus,” Abby greets. “This is Clarke.” Abby turns to Clarke, “Clarke, this is Marcus Kane – Chief of Staff.”

A warm handshake is exchanged between the two of them.

“It’s good to see you back, Clarke.”

“It’s good to be back, Sir.”

“There’s no need for formalities here, Clarke.” He laughs. “You can just call me Marcus. I won’t keep you long I know you and your mother must have a lot to catch up on.” Marcus turns his attention to Abby, handing her a phone. “You forgot this in the meeting.”

Taking the phone, Abby smiles again. “Thank you Marcus.”

“No problem. Well I’ll leave you to it. It was nice seeing you again, Clarke. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”

The Griffins continue through The White House after that. It’s not long before Abby leads them outside to some sort of patio. The railings had vines weaving through them, blue and purple flowers popping here and there. A small round table sat by the edge, with two seats overlooking the rest of the garden. The table had a flower centre piece of roses and an assortment of breakfast foods; bacon, pancakes, eggs, sausages, toast, fruit salad and a jug of orange juice.

From the corner of her eye, Clarke can see two people approaching. It’s Lexa and who she assumes to be a waiter. The two exchange a quick goodbye before the waiter stands by the table and Lexa walks over to the other two women.

Lexa looks to Abby, “Everything you asked for here Madam President.”

“Thank you Agent Woods. You don’t have to stick around, you can go.”

“Okay,” Lexa nods. “If there’s anything you need, I’ll be close by. Enjoy your breakfast Madam President.” She turns to Clarke and gives another small nod, “You too, Miss Griffin.”

“Thanks Lexa,” Clarke smiles.

As Lexa walks away the two Griffins make their way to the table. As they both take a seat, Abby looks to her daughter and motions towards their waiter, “Clarke, this is Tris. And Tris, my daughter, Clarke.”

Tris is the first to offer her hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Clarke.”

“Likewise,” Clarke replies.

“Madam President, would you like your usual coffee?” Tris asks.

Abby picks up her fork and pokes into the fruit salad. “Yes, that’ll be great thanks.”

“And Clarke, would you like some coffee?”

“Umm… no it’s okay actually. The juice here is fine for now. Thanks.”

“Okay. If you change your mind, let me know. I’ll be back soon with your coffee ma’am.” Tris walks away.

Clarke digs into the food immediately. “Oh my god this looks great.”

“We have a great chef,” Abby says. “So tell me about your time with Doctors without Borders. I want to hear everything.”

The younger Griffin looks up from her food and quirks and eyebrow. “Really? Because when I told you I was going you nearly lost your shit.”

“That I can’t deny,” Abby chuckles. “I know you’re not a kid anymore Clarke, but you know… it was just…”

“ _Motherly instincts_ ,” they say at the same time.

They share a small laugh before Abby continues. “I saw how happy it made you. That’s all I want for you Clarke. So I really do want to hear about it all.”

Their conversation is interrupted as Tris comes back with Abby’s coffee. “Sorry to interrupt Madam President,” she says, placing the cup on the table. “If there’s anything you need, just let me know.” Tris excuses herself again to leave the two Griffins alone.

Clarke watches Tris leave and once she’s sure they can’t be heard she continues. “So if I tell you that I’m thinking about going abroad for another year, you’ll be okay with that?” Abby nearly chokes on the bacon. “I haven’t decided anything yet – but there’s still so much to do over there.” Clarke’s voice is softer now, more fragile. “It feels like I haven’t done enough yet and I don’t think I can sit around here knowing how bad it is out there. The things I’ve seen…” Clarke trails off as something catches in her throat.

Abby reaches over and gives Clarke’s hand a squeeze. “It’s okay, sweetie.” She lets go of her daughter’s hand. “Do I like that you’re in the middle of epidemics and conflict zones? No, of course not, but I meant what I said. If this is something you need to do, I will support you.”

Clarke goes on to talk about her time overseas. She tells her mum about the kids she’s met and the families she’s been with. There are stories about broken down cars in the middle of nowhere, midnight shenanigans with the locals and different cultural experiences. She talks about the things she’s taught and the things she’s learnt. It’s an experience like no other Clarke stresses.

They also talk a little about what Clarke has planned while she’s in DC. Clarke’s got a few trips to the local children’s hospital planned (the first of them being the following day), an elementary school visits, galas and one art gallery opening.

Abby also talks about the year she’s had in office. She tries not to bore Clarke too much with the politics, but instead talks about her time in different states and countries, people she’s met, other world leaders and politicians.

“Would you look at that, the president of the United States, gossiping about her fellow leaders.” Clarke smirks.

Abby lifts up her fork, pointing it at her daughter. “If this gets out, just know that I _know_ people.”

Clarke lets out a small laugh and a comfortable silence falls between the two women. This is what Clarke’s missed. Simple, light hearted moments. For the past year she’s always been on the go. From the travelling, providing medical attention, teaching what she knew to the locals and just always helping when she could, there wasn't much time for quiet moments. Which she obviously didn’t mind – she’s just missed it that’s all.

When both women finish their food, Clarke sits back in her seat, feeling quite satisfied. “That was great.”

Abby laughs into her cup of coffee as she takes another sip. “So I know you’ve only been with them for a couple of hours, but are you okay with Agents Woods and Carson being on your security detail while you’re here?”

“You make it like I have any say in the matter,” she half-jokes, earning a disapproving glare from her mother. “Yes they’re fine. Anya hasn’t changed much since I’ve seen her last. I know how she works, she’s a good agent.”

“She is. So is Agent Woods.”

“Do you ever call them by their first names?” the younger Griffin asks.

“Sometimes. I’ve tried to get them to drop the _Madam President_ but they’re pretty adamant on keeping it there” Abby laughs. “But I guess it’s easier this way, in terms of keeping a distinct line in our relationship.”

Clarke picks up her juice and takes a drink. “Any chance I can convince you that I don’t need agents while I’m here?” Abby just gives her a simple shake of her head. “Okay, well it was worth a shot,” Clarke laughs.

“When are your Raven and Octavia coming? They can take the room next to yours. Your friends won’t mind sharing a bed will they?”

“If their bed is anything like mine they’re going to be fine,” Clarke replies. “Octavia is driving up in like 3 days so… Saturday and Raven’s supposed to be flying in on Monday. Raven would have flown in with me but she was needed in LA. Monty needed some help with a project he’s working on.”

“Oh Monty!” Abby gleams. “I’ve always liked him. How’s he doing?”

“Yeah Monty is the best. He’s working for Google now. He and some of the other guys might be flying here in a couple of weeks, to catch up. It’s been a while since we’ve been all together.”

Taking the final sip of her coffee, Abby nods. “That’s a great idea.”

“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Clarke asks as she finishes her orange juice.

“I’m all yours this morning,” Abby smiles, with Clarke returning it. “I do have a meeting at 2 though and some work to do afterwards but I’ll be done so we can have dinner together.”

“Dinner sounds great, especially if it was anything like breakfast.”

“Always thinking about food, I see. You haven’t changed a bit.”

Clarke places one hand over heart to mock being offended, which causes Abby to chuckle. “But seriously mum, you don’t have to worry about me while I’m here. Like you don’t always have to do something with me every day, I understand you’ve got an around the clock type of job.”

Abby reaches over and gives Clarke’s hand a squeeze. “Thanks sweetie. I’ll do my best to do as much with you while you’re here, especially if you plan on going away for another year.”

“I have to make a decision soon, so when I know, you’ll know.”

The Griffin women spend most of their morning on the patio, simply enjoying each other’s company. Their conversation isn’t too far from a normal mother-daughter conversation.

_“Yes mum I did lose a little weight.”_

_“Yes I am eating properly”_

_“Yes I am sleeping properly too.”_

_“No mum I do not have a boyfriend. Or girlfriend.”_

Before they know it's time for Abby's 2pm meeting. “I’m sorry I have to go, sweetie. I’ll see you for dinner, yeah?”

“Yeah mum – I’ll see you later. I might go out, I’m thinking about getting some art supplies.”

Abby stands up and kisses the top of Clarke’s head. “Just let Agent Carson or Agent Woods know. I’m sure they know of a place.”

Clarke leans back in her chair once she’s alone. Her eyes fight the urge to close – the jet lag slowly seeping in. Letting out a few big yawns, she knows she has to get up soon otherwise no one will be able to wake up her up. She enjoys the quiet for another ten or so minutes before going to find her agents. Walking towards where she entered from she’s met with Anya and Lexa, waiting there patiently for her.

Anya gives Clarke a slight nod. “Miss Griffin, your mum said that you’d like to go buy some art supplies?”

“Yes, if that isn’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all, there’s this place not too far from here called… _DArt_. Best in DC.” She motions towards one of the doors and Clarke starts to walk in that direction. Anya besides Clarke, making light conversation about what the blonde was looking for in particular. Lexa follows closely behind them. 

It’s not long before they’re all entering the SUV. Lexa opens the door for Clarke once again, giving her a slight nod. “With the traffic it should take us about half an hour, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke helps shut the car door once she was safely in. Lexa starts to drive as Anya finished setting up the GPS system. About ten minutes into the drive Clarke shuffles forward in her chair, stopping in the space between her two agents. “Will one of you be walking through the store with me?”

Lexa turns her head slightly, which ultimately was a not a good decision. Clarke’s face was so close to hers. Her eyes flicker down to Clarke’s lips just for a second and then back up to the blue eyes. But before Lexa could say anything, Anya screams. “LEXA, STOP!”

Lexa immediately turns her head back to the road. She slams her foot onto the brakes, tyres screeching against the asphalt.

 


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get tense, lexa gets some sense knocked into her (quite literally) and clarke takes a visit to the children's hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just got back from a concert and i had the biggest urge to post this chapter? so here it is! dont mind the mistakes, its just past 2am and im dead tired so the rest of the editing will have to wait
> 
> happy reading!

 A deafening silence ran through the car.

Lexa turns to look at Anya, who looks as if she’d seen a ghost. Both agents turn to an equally stunned blonde in the back seat. Clarke’s hands were gripped around her seat belt, chest rising and falling with each breath.

Lexa turns back to the road in front of her. It was only now that she notices that her hands were gripped tightly around the steering wheel. She puts the car in park and turns off the engine. There’s a car parked on the side of the road, which should not be there. Though her braking was harsh and rough, it doesn’t seem like they’ve damaged any of the vehicles. But that’s the least of Lexa’s worries. She’s more concerned for Anya and Clarke.

Anya unbuckles her seat belt, exiting the SUV and making her way to the back seat. She opens to the door. She lightly places her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “Miss Griffin, are you okay?”

Clarke remains fixated on the back of Lexa’s head. She nods, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

Slowly Anya reaches down to unbuckle Clarke’s belt. “Come outside for a second. Some fresh air will do you good.”

Clarke lets Anya unbuckle her seat belt. Her grasps on the seat belt eases, the colour in her hands slowly returning. She scoots over towards the opened door, but before she exits the car she places her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “Are _you_ okay?”

Lexa shudders at the touch. “Yes I’m okay. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened–”

“It’s fine. We’re all fine.” Clarke gives a reassuring squeeze of Lexa’s shoulder. “Maybe you should come outside for some fresh air too.”

Lexa turns in her chair to meet the blue eyes filled with concern. “In a minute.”

Clarke simply nods in response as Lexa turns back in her chair. Once she’s outside the car, Anya shuts the door and hands her a bottle of water.

“Just wait here, Miss Griffin. I’m going to check on the car and on Agent Woods.”

Leaning against the passenger side door, Clarke takes a sip of her drink. “Okay.”

Anya walks over to inspect the front of the car. There SUV was mere inches away from hitting the parked car in front of them. She walks over to the driver side, opening the door to a very still, stunned Lexa. “Hey, are you alright?” she whispers. 

“I don’t know what happened, Anya. I didn’t even realise it was a parked car.” One of Lexa’s hands return to grip the steering wheel whilst the other gestures to the car in front of them. “Why is it even parked here?! It’s a no-parking zone.”

Anya places her hands over Lexa’s, guiding them off the steering wheel. “Step out. I’ll drive.”

Lexa turns to Anya and nods. She lets out a deep breath and unbuckles her seat belt. Making her way over to the sidewalk, she sees Clarke still leaning against the car. “I’m sorry about that, Miss Griffin. Are you still okay to keep going? Agent Carson will take over driving.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Clarke asks again, straightening herself up from the car.

“Yes, I’m fine” she offers, unconvincingly. Lexa reaches forward and opens the car door for Clarke.

“Then I’m good to keep going.” As Clarke enters the car she gives Lexa a reassuring smile before shutting the car door.

The rest of the car ride is quiet. All three ladies are still a little shaken up by the incident, some more than others. Clarke watches Lexa in the side mirror – who simply stares outside the window for the rest of the drive. Fortunately they reach the art store earlier than expected. As Anya unbuckles seat belt she meet’s Lexa’s gaze; a silent plea telling her that Lexa would rather stand guard outside than go in the store with Clarke. Anya nods and mouths, “Okay.”

Clarke’s already out of the car by the time Anya makes her way around the car. “I’ll be assisting you inside. I can keep my distance – but I need to always have you in my sights.”

“I know,” she smiles. Clarke turns to Lexa who’s just come out of the car. “I’ll try not to be too long.”

Lexa shuts the door behind her. “Take as long as you need, Miss Griffin. There’s no rush.”

Anya and Clarke soon disappear into the store as Lexa waits outside. Taking a seat on the bench she drops her head into her hands. Still a little shaken up, she just doesn’t understand how she didn’t see the parked car. She was distracted and that was not like her, at all. Half an hour passes before she gets a text from Anya

 **Anya Carson 3:35 PM**  
we’ll be out in 10 minutes  
also we’re sparring tonight

 

 **Lexa Woods 3:35 PM  
** do I have a say in this?

 **Anya Carson 3:36 PM**  
no you don’t  
i’ve already called and booked the room 

Lexa sighs and doesn’t bother replying again. True to her word, Anya and Clarke re-emerge from the store ten minutes later. They’ve got a trolley full of art supplies; there are multiple canvases ranging in sizes, paint brushes, paints, pencils, charcoal, brushes and art books. Anya and Clarke unload the supplies into the boot, with Lexa returning the trolley to its stand.

Because of the peak hour traffic it’s nearing 4:30pm by the time they’ve reached the White House. Anya and Lexa help carry the supplies up to Clarke’s room. As they’re about to excuse themselves Abby enters, “Looks like you bought the whole store, Clarke.”

Setting down her bag onto the table, Clarke laughs. “There was just so much! I don’t think we even made it through the whole store. I might actually have to go again.”

“No problems then?” Abby asks, looking between Clarke, Anya and Lexa.

Lexa clears her throat, “Well–”

“No problems mum,” Clarke cuts in. “Agents Wood and Carson were very helpful in helping get these art supplies for me.”

Abby accepts her daughter’s response and turns to Anya and Lexa. “The night shift agents will be here soon, so you two are free to leave. I’m finished with my work and Clarke and I are just going to have a quiet night here.”

Anya nods first, “Good night Madam President.”

Lexa follows closely behind. “Good night Madam President.”

“Good night Agent Carson, Agent woods.”

Clarke offers a small smile to her agents. “Good night.”

“Good night Miss Griffin” Anya smiles. “We’ll see you tomorrow for your visit to the children’s hospital.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Green eyes lock with blue again. A silent _goodnight_ exchanged as Lexa gives a slight nod.

“Night, Agent Woods.” 

 

* * *

 

It’s just after 8 when Anya and Lexa walk into the empty sparring room, making their way to the bench that sat along one of the walls. Anya places her gym bag down first, unzipping it to take out four padded sparring sticks. Lexa also places her bag down and follows Anya to the middle of the room where they start on their stretches.

Anya sat with her eyes close and legs spread apart, leaning over to one side as she reaches for her foot. She holds her position for about 30 seconds before leaning over to the other side. Lexa watches as she mimics Anya's stretches. Anya moves both legs so that they stretch out in front of her and leans forward. “I can feel you staring, Lexa.”

Lexa stood up to give her legs a stretch. She bent her left leg back, holding her foot against her bum. “Doesn’t it bother you that we lied to Abby today? I almost ran us into a parked car.”

Anya simply shrugs. “Yes and no. No one was hurt though, so there’s no point in dwelling on it.”

“Is that what brought on this sparring session then? How many months has it been since we last did this?” Lexa put both feet on the ground and did the same stretch with her right leg. “Six months?”

With her eyes still closed Anya interlocks her fingers and stretches out both arms above her head. “You’re unfocused.”

“What?” Lexa scowls, stomping her foot on the ground. “I’m always focused.”

“You might not see it yet, but I do. Your driving today was reckless.” Anya stood up, right heel on the ground with her toes pointing up. “On any other day you would have seen that car easily, but today you were distracted,” she says, stretching down towards her toes.

Lexa moves her arms to stretch her biceps and triceps. “And what was I distracted by?”

“A certain blonde.” Anya switches foots and starts stretching down again.

An eerie silence fills the room. Lexa knew what Anya was referring to, but she had it covered. Or at least she told herself she did. Lexa knew that there was a line when it came to Clarke. Yes there may have been a moment or two where the line was blurred today, but she would never cross it. As Lexa watches her partner move to arm stretches she felt her blood starting to boil. They’ve known each other for years – Anya knows that Lexa wouldn’t cross the line, so what’s the cause for concern now?

Lexa moves to pick up two sticks. Hitting them together a couple of times, she turns back to Anya. “Let’s do this,” she huffs. She throws both sticks up in the air as Anya catches them swiftly. As Anya twirls both sticks, Lexa grabs the other two.

Anya walks to Lexa so that she was just in arm’s reach. She holds out one of her sticks first. With a tap from one of Lexa’s stick they were off.

Lexa made the first move, lunging forward, bringing both sticks up then down towards Anya. It was sloppy and Anya saw it coming immediately. She brought her own sticks up to block the attack, pushing them forward roughly, causing Lexa to stumble backwards. “That was sloppy. Again."

Twirling her left stick, Lexa shakes her head and steps around Anya. They hold each other’s gaze, each of them walking in a circle formation. “Clarke’s not a concern,” Lexa says. She went for the attack again, this time better than the first. The sound of wooden sticks being beaten against each other and grunts echo through the room. With every attack Lexa tried, Anya either blocked it or had a counter attack. They go at it for a few minutes until _WHACK_ , Anya gets Lexa on her lower calf, causing the younger agent to fall onto her knees.

Anya looks down, “Unfocused. Again.”

Lexa gets up immediately, jumping slightly from side to side, giving her whole body a shake. This time Anya makes the first move but Lexa can tell she’s holding back. Whilst blocking Anya’s attacks Lexa manages to breathe, “Stop holding back.” So Anya brings it up another level. It’s another few minutes of attacking and blocking before Lexa’s upper right arm is hit. “You know I still have to work tomorrow, right?” she groans.

“Then stop making it so easy. Again.”

They go at it again. Lexa manages to get a few hits in this time. But if they had any impact on the other agent, it was minimal. They spar for what felt like hours. The beating of sticks and grunts became louder and more frequent. Lexa was so focused on blocking Anya’s attacks that she didn’t realise that she was backed into a wall until it was too late. Anya had her stick pushing ever so slightly at the base of Lexa’s throat. “Again,” Anya whispers, as she backs away and retreats to the centre of the room.

So again it is. This time they both lunge forward. Sticks hitting each other, eyes darting left and right, making split second decisions on their next move. Lexa manages to whack one of the sticks out of Anya’s hand and quickly brings one of her own to the base of Anya’s throat. They stare at each other for a moment, sweat trickling down both of their faces and each of their breaths becoming heavier. Lexa lets out a few coughs and Anya uses this split second moment to hit the stick away from her throat, duck down and basically tackles Lexa to the ground.

But Lexa’s quick on her feet and manages to roll away from Anya. Standing up she regains her footing, watching as Anya does the same. She’s got both her sticks again.

Wiping the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand Lexa smirks. “Come on, is that all you’ve got?” she taunts.

Anya returns the smirk. “I’m just getting started, kid.”

Anya lunges forward, this time attacking with everything she’s got. She’s attacking one minute and the next it’s reversed and she’s blocking Lexa’s attacks. Anya losses one of her sticks again but it doesn’t render her abilities. She goes harder, faster and moves with more precision. She’s back on the attack and can tell Lexa is having trouble keeping up. This was what Anya was talking about. It may have been six months since their last sparring session but she could tell the difference between then and now. Back then, Lexa’s focus and determination allowed her to keep up and it was a fair fight. But today Lexa was distracted and this fight was anything but fair. 

Even with one stick Anya eventually knocks one Lexa’s out of her hand. Lexa takes another hit to her calf and is fighting from the ground. If there’s one thing about Lexa Anya admired, it was that she never gave up. But it wasn’t long until Anya had Lexa empty handed and lying flat against the ground. “Yu gonplei ste odon,” she whispers, pressing her stick right above Lexa’s heart.

Lexa sighs, pushing the stick away. “Okay. I get it,” she huffs.

Anya tosses her stick to the side and walks towards their gym bags, retrieving both their bottles. “This is the first time I’ve noticed anything like this Lexa, so this is just a warning.” She takes a seat next to Lexa, whose still lying down. Placing one bottle on the ground she opens up the other and takes a drink. “I don’t want to have to pull rank, but I will if I need to. You can’t afford to be unfocused, Lexa. It’s dangerous; for all of us.”

There’s a long pause. Lexa’s not going to fight it because Anya’s right. _Anya’s always right._ Even if she thought she had it covered, if her partner was concerned about it; it must have meant something. Lexa sits up, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” She takes a drink and watches Anya give her a small smile and nod. “The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel unsafe.”

“I know that was not your intention. Just remember, in this line of work its head over-”

“ _Heart,”_ Lexa finishes. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

The following morning Anya and Lexa are back at The White House by 8am. They didn’t need to be there as early when they were on the president’s security detail. They greet Lincoln, Gustus, Luna and Echo who were just finishing up their morning rounds.

“So what are you guys up to today?” Echo asks.

“Clarke’s got a visit to the children’s hospital,” Lexa answers

Lincoln frowns a little, “You guys are so lucky. I love visiting the kids. Abby’s got meetings after meetings today.”

“You’d think you’d be used to it by now,” Anya laughs. “Abby’s got a pretty low-key schedule for the next couple of weeks. So at least you guys won't be too swamped.”

Gustus nods, “Yeah that’s because her daughter’s in town.”

“It’s so boring though,” Lincoln sighs.

Their conversation comes to a halt as Clarke and Abby round the corner. Maya is also with them, going over Abby’s schedule as they walk. The six agents straighten themselves up, moving out of the way to let the three women walk past. Maya hands the folder she’s carrying to Gustus, “Here are the notes you asked for.”

“Thanks Maya,” he smiles.

Maya excuses herself from the group.

Abby pulls her daughter into a hug. “Okay, have a good day, sweetie.”

“I will.” As they break away Clarke smiles, “Hope your meetings aren’t _too_ boring.”

“Highly unlikely,” Abby sighs, letting out a small chuckle out afterwards. She turns to her agents, “Okay, let’s get going.”

Anya, Lexa and Clarke exchange quick goodbyes to Lincoln, Gustus, Luna and Echo. When it’s just the three of them left Clarke turns to her agents. “I just have to get my bag from my room.”

“We’ve got time. There’s no rush,Anya assures her.

When Clarke looks to Lexa, she’s met with a blank expression. It does not sit well with the blonde and she’s about to say something to break the ice but decides against it. Clarke walks ahead of her agents, confident that she knew her way back to her room. She was wrong.

“Miss Griffin,” Lexa sighs. “Your room is this way,” pointing in the opposite direction to the way they were going.

“Thanks… Agent Woods.”

The atmosphere between the three women today is different. Yesterday she felt at ease with them… but today the tension was high. The only thing Clarke could put it to was the fact that she had made them lie to her mum. Once they had made in it to Clarke’s room, both Anya and Lexa waited just outside. It’s not long before Clarke is ready to go, her duffel bag with her.

The drive to the hospital is as expected, silent. There’s music in the background which all the ladies ignore anyways. Clarke tries to distract herself with the scenery that passes but her mind doesn’t stray too far from why things with her agents were so different today. It’s not like any of them were hurt, so why bother worrying her mum about it?

Upon entering the children’s hospital, Clarke feels slightly at ease. Not in the way that sick children makes her happy, but this is where she knows she can help. This is where she feels most comfortable, where all those years of medical school become worth it. Today’s she here to spend some quality time with the kids.

When they were in Nigeria, their biggest concern was the children. They had set up their project site in an overflowing orphanage that was struggling. To help lift the atmosphere there, Raven had organised almost daily skype calls with the children from the DC hospital. For 4 months the Nigerian kids and the kids from DC would talk, laugh, share jokes and play games with each other via skype. Today Clarke was going to meet the children she’s skyped with all those months for the first time.

Lexa and Anya keep their distance. They watch as Clarke introduces herself (and Lexa and Anya) to the doctors and nurses, telling them how excited she is to finally be here. As one of the nurses guides them through the hallways, Clarke suddenly runs a head of them, tapping one of the doctors on the shoulder. “Niylah!”

The other woman turns around, and the light in her eyes seem to gleam. “Oh my god, the infamous Clarke Griffin!” she yells, pulling the blonde into a tight hug. As Niylah breaks away from the hug she looks Clarke up and down, “Girl, you look good! Skype does you no justice.”

Clarke laughs in response. Her and Niylah had only met during those skype sessions with the kids, but were quick to become friends. “You look pretty great yourself, Niylah.”

“You’re here for the kids, right? Is Raven with you?”

Clarke nods. “Yeah I’m here for the kids. And no, Raven’s in LA right now but she should be here next week. You’re bound to see her; she’s really excited to meet the kids here.” Clarke turns slightly, pointing at Lexa and Anya. “I’m here with my agents today; Agent Anya Carson and Lexa Woods.”

Niylah tilts her head slightly and smiles. “Nice to meet you.” She returns her head to Clarke. “I have to get to a surgery, but why don’t we go out for a drink sometime?”

“That sounds great. Are you free tomorrow night?”

Niylah looks up to the roof, thinking about her schedule. “Yes… I get off at 6.”

“Great!” Clarke gleams. She leans forward, pulling the notepad and pen that stuck of our Niylah’s scrubs. She scribbles down her number before putting in back in the doctor’s pocket. “Just text me a place and I’ll see you there.”

Niylah pats her scrub pocket and smiles. “See you tomorrow then.”

After Clarke’s catch up with Niylah they continue to make their way through the hospital. The walls are painted in bright colours, generally with animals taking up most of the space. It’s not long before they reach the children’s playroom. When they enter some of the kids immediately recognises Clarke. “Doctor Clarke!” they yell, running up to the blonde.

Clarke drops her duffel bag and lowers herself to her knees, trying to hug as many of them as possible. “Ahhh! You are all so much bigger in real life!” She ensures that all the kids are hugged and for the kids she doesn’t know, she tries her best to introduce herself to them. Soon Clarke is dragged to one of the painting tables where she joins in on the fun.

Lexa and Anya situate themselves at either side of the entrance. Lexa watches Clarke interact with the kids and her heart melts a little. Clarke’s so careful and gentle around them. She’s always making sure to involve as much of them at any given point. She listens to all the whacky things they have to say and laughs at all their almost-funny jokes.

Clarke’s earlier encounter with Niylah had, to put it simply, made Lexa jealous. She knew she had no right to be, but she was. She was jealous that basically everyone other than herself would be able to ask her to simply hang out. But Lexa knew she had to keep a distinct line between the two of them. In just the first day Lexa had: promised to not fall in love with the blonde (which was unprofessional), saw Clarke in just a towel (which was REALLY unprofessional) and had taken her eyes off the road for a moment too long (which was just bloody reckless).

So Lexa’s plan was to keep her distance. She would smile less, speak only when she needed to and refrain herself from saying anything that may be interpreted as anything less than a professional relationship. She figures it's was a solid plan. But ultimately, she knew it wasn’t. Clarke’s infectious smile and overall positive vibe were going to prove hard to avoid. Just in the couple of hours they’ve been together today, Lexa knew Clarke was feeling the tension between them and she hated that. Torn between wanting to keep her distance and not wanting to make the girl feel uncomfortable, Lexa had no idea what to do.

The playroom has a few areas set up for the kids to enjoy themselves. There’s painting, colouring, Big Hero Six was up on the TV and a skype session going with the kids back in Nigeria. Clarke was currently at the skype area. She had two kids on her lap and a few more surrounding her as they laugh and joke with the kids half way around the world.

When the skype call ends the children with Clarke disperse around the room. Clarke steals a quick glance at Lexa and Anya who look like they haven’t moved a muscle since they’ve gotten there. Walking towards them she smiles, “You know, you’re more than welcome to interact with the kids too. They’re a great bunch.”

“We can’t afford to be distracted, Miss Griffin,” Lexa replies promptly.

“They’re just kids. Nothing’s going to happen here.”

Lexa gave a small shake of her head, “Sorry, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke let out a small huff and turns back to the kids. She felt defeated. The tension between her and her agents was still high and she didn’t like it at all. But now was not the time to think too much into it. She was here for the kids, so that’s what she went back to. Clarke calls for them to join her on the mattress, “Why don’t we have story time? I have a very special story book from our friends in Nigeria!”

As the kids gather around, Clarke grabs book from her duffel bag. Sitting on a chair that was much too small for any adult, she smiles at the kids in front of her. She props the book on her knees, displaying the cover. “This book was made by our friends in Nigeria. They created the story, drew all the pictures and coloured them in too.”

One of the kids raised their hands.

“Yes, Anna?”

“Do we get to keep the book?”

Clarke nods. “Yes!”

Another kid raised his hair promptly after.

“Caleb?”

“Can we make them a book too?”

“You’re jumping a head little man!” Clarke laughs. “But yes, we can and I’ll make sure it gets to them safely. So what do you say, you guys want to read this book?”

All the kids cheer in agreement so Clarke gestures for the kids to scoot closer, so that they all can see the pictures. “Come on kids; come closer so you all can see.” She pauses as she watches the kids shuffle forward. “Can everyone see?” When there’s a general nodding of heads, Clarke starts the story.

Lexa watches Clarke reads the story and her heart melts a little more. The blonde uses different voices for different characters, one minute she’s screaming and next she whispering. Her hands move from left to right, adding more excitement to the story. The children react to everything, laughing and screaming at Clarke, as if they could change the narrative.

Lexa thinks that maybe the six weeks won’t be so bad, that she could go back to the way things were the previous day without crossing the line. But when green eyes meet blue there’s a sinking feeling in her gut telling her otherwise again. Clarke offers a small smile but Lexa doesn’t return it. Instead Lexa turns to Anya and whispers, “I’m going to do a lap of the floor. Make sure everything’s okay.”

Anya turns to her partner and scrunches her eyebrows. “It’s a children’s hospital, Lex. It’s fine.”

“I’m just following protocol.”

“Yeah for the president, but we don’t need to do that here.”

“I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” Lexa turns on her heels and is almost out the door when she feels Anya take a grip of her arm.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” Lexa shakes Anya’s hand off, “I’ll be back in 10,” she repeats before leaving.

Clarke just continues the story when Lexa doesn’t return her smile. Again she feels a little defeated, but knew that now was not the time to dwell on it. The kids in front of her were nearly bouncing off the floor as the story was coming to an end and Clarke wanted to make sure she finished it with a bang. But in saying that, it didn’t stop her from seeing the small encounter between her agents.

The drive back to the White House is filled with light chatter between Anya and Clarke. Anya asks about Clarke’s time with Doctors without Borders, showing a genuine interest in the stories she had to share. And Clarke was grateful that it wasn't another silent car ride. She always enjoyed talking about her time overseas, anything to get more people joining in on the conversation.

Anya and Lexa escort Clarke to her room. The conversation between Anya and Clarke continues but Lexa has yet to join in, so she just lingers behind them. This doesn’t sit particularly well for Clarke, she wants to engage Lexa in the conversation too but she just doesn’t know how. There was no way she was going to let it be six weeks of _this._

As they reach Clarke’s room, Anya receives a phone call and takes two steps back to answer it.

“We’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, Miss Griffin.” Lexa nods her goodbye and starts to walk away.

“Lexa wait,” Clarke calls out. Lexa turns around, but doesn’t take dare to step closer. So Clarke steps closer instead. “I…” she trails off, studying the green eyes before her. Green eyes filled with a story she wants to uncover.

Lexa doesn’t look away. The way Clarke stares at her sends a shiver up her spine, but she refrains herself from moving even an inch. “Miss Griffin?” she chokes out.

“I…” Clarke repeats, not sure where she wanted to say. “Nevermind, it’s nothing. Sorry.”

“Okay.”

Clarke watches Lexa walk away and sighs. _Tomorrow… tomorrow is another day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you guys are celebrating the lunar new year this weekend, happy new year!


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke catches up with an old friend and so does lexa
> 
> clarke has got a million things on her mind whereas lexa only has one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is more of a filler chapter, advanced apologies because there isn't any clexa in this chapter but you know, when i mention slow burn it's going to be s l o w :)
> 
> happy reading!

_*Incoming call - Monty Green*_

Clarke gleams at the screen. She had just woken up and started going through her notifications when her phone started to buzz. She answers the call, “Morning Monty."

“ _Ah Clarke, I can’t talk long because im just about to enter a meeting but im in DC!”_

Clarke sits up straight in her bed with a new found burst of energy. “You’re in DC-DC? Like DC the White House DC? DC as where I am right now?”

_“Haha, yes Clarke. I flew in late last night… very last minute. Look, they’re calling me into the meeting right now but let’s hang out soon? I should be free tonight if you’re not busy. And if you are, we’ll figure something out. I just wanted to call and let you know I was here.”_

“Sounds great, I'll talk to you soon.”

“ _Bye Clarke_.”

“Bye.”

Slumping back into her bed, Clarke couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. She absolutely loves Monty; he was clever, witty, funny and had the biggest heart. Since Raven was working on a project with him there was also a chance that her best friend would be in town too. But Clarke thought about it for a second, Raven would have definitely called her to tell her she’d be flying to DC, no matter how last minute the trip was. Raven was the type of person to text people that she was going to the toilet.

She unlocks her phone once again and messages Raven. 

 **Clarke Griffin**  
monty just called and said he’s in dc  
 are you here too?

The little “read” message appears almost instantly as the three dots pop up to indicate that Raven was typing her reply. But then the dots quickly disappear. It didn’t faze Clarke though; this was a (bad) habit Raven had, reading messages and replying later.

Clarke tosses her phone to the side and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up. The only plans she had for the day was drinks with Niylah later in the night. After taking a quick shower and changing she soon joined her mum out in the patio for breakfast.

 

Abby was already halfway through her meal as she reads through the morning newspaper. Looking up she smiles, “Morning Clarke.”

“Morning mum.” Clarke walks by stealing Abby’s cup of coffee and taking a seat. “This is some great coffee.”

“I know,” Abby laughs.

It’s a nice quiet meal for the two of them. They talk about what they had planned for the rest of the day and over the weekend. Clarke mentions that Monty is already in town and Abby almost cheers in excitement (she too, adores Monty). She also reminds her mum that Octavia was going to arrive the following day and going to the pop-up gallery with them.

As they eat Abby passes along the pages of the newspaper she finishes reading to her daughter. Clarke skims to page first, if something catches her eye she reads it properly, but if there’s nothing then starts to fold them into paper cranes. 

 

* * *

 

Lexa and Anya got to sleep in today since Clarke’s only plans for the day weren’t till the evening. And since the blonde had no plans on leaving The White House they were given the all clear to take most of the day off. (But not before confirming with Lincoln, Gustus, Maya and eventually Abby herself.)

Lexa almost storms into the kitchen and stops right by Anya who had her head in the fridge.

“So we really don’t have much, but I think I could pull a decent sandwich together for lunch. Want one?” Anya says.

Lexa put pressure on the fridge door, closing it as Anya moves away. She shoves an invitation in Anya’s face, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

Anya took the invitation and threw it onto the table. “I thought you two were on good terms?”

“We are,” Lexa huffs.

“Then what the fuck is the problem?”

Lexa moves to the counter, pulling out the chair to take a seat. She has her elbows up on the bench as she rubs her face. “You really don’t see the problem?” Anya shakes her head so Lexa continues. “You don’t think you should have told me that the pop-up art gallery we’re going to tomorrow belongs to my _ex-girlfriend?_ ”

“I tried to tell you when we got Clarke’s schedule. But you just said to give you the need-to-know of the event.”

“The fact that it’s Costia’s art gallery is kind of need-to-know, Anya.”

Anya let out a deep sigh. Clarke was attending the opening of a pop-up gallery which just so happens to belong to Lexa’s ex-girlfriend. She went back to the fridge, gathering a few items and returning to stand across from Lexa. “You guys catch up over coffee whenever she’s in town. Why does it the matter? She’s bound to give you a call while she’s here anyways.” There’s a pause and Anya notices the way Lexa’s eyes droop slightly. “This is about Clarke isn’t it?”

“What? No?” Lexa scoffs.

“You like-like her, don’t you?”

“Like-like? Seriously? What are we, 13?”

“You’re not denying it–”

Their conversation is interrupted as one of them gets a phone call. Lexa notices it’s her phone and picks it up immediately, ignoring Anya’s not so subtle groan. “Hello?”

“We’re not done here,” Anya whispers as she prepares their lunch.

“I’m sorry to hear that Miss Griffin.” Lexa ignores the slight smirk from Anya. “Yes okay…Are you sure? Okay… Well you’re here for some time so I’m sure you can rearrange drinks for another night… Yep… Thank you… Okay… Yes Agent Carson and I will be there first thing tomorrow morning… Okay… Bye.”

“So what was that about?” Anya asks as Lexa hangs up the call.

“Clarke’s date with Niylah got cancelled. She assures me that she's not going to leave The White House today so we don’t need to worry about coming in. Abby said it was fine too.”

“Date huh? I’m pretty sure they were just going out for drinks.” Anya cut one of the sandwiches into two triangles before pushing the plate towards Lexa.

“Whatever,” Lexa shrugs. “We have a free day.” She tries to hide the fact that Clarke’s cancelled date – or whatever it was – has her feeling _something_. But what the _something_ is she can’t be sure. On one hand Lexa’s kind of happy that Clarke’s night was cancelled because she was jealous of Niylah. But on the other, Clarke seemed to be looking forward to catching up with the other girl. And on the phone the blonde’s voice was softer, less chirpy and happy than it usually was.

Anya takes a bite of her sandwich and then puts it back down. “I’m sorry about not telling about Costia. I really didn’t think you’d care.”

“I _don’t_.”

“You obviously do. I’ve known you for years Lex, I know when somethings up. But you’ll talk to me when you’re ready.” Anya sighs. “But remember, you being unfocused it dangerous for all of us.”

Lexa nods her response. She made her way around to their liquor cabinet. “Want to spend the day binge watching some TV?” she asks, bringing out a few bottles.

“Yes!” Anya exclaims. When she saw Lexa start to make a drink she let out a small chuckle. “Make me my damn passionfruit drink, woman!” Anya grabs her plate and heads into the living room.

“NEVER” Lexa calls out. She quickly made two Mai Thais and joins Anya in the living room. Returning to the bench, Lexa grabs her plate and a few other snacks before settling down in the living room. She starts to scroll through Netflix, “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything,” Anya mumbleswith food still in her mouth. “Anything besides a Disney movie,” she clarifies. “It’s been over 10 years for some of these movies and you _still_ cry.”

Lexa reaches over and takes the Mai Thai she made for Anya. “No drink for you.” She took a sip and looks straight to Anya, “Also you just have no heart.”

Placing one hand over heart, Anya tried to mock being offended. She grabs the remote and closes her eyes. As she scrolls through the list she heard Lexa mumble as she chews on her food, “Whatever you land on, we’re watching! No take backs.”

Anya landed on The Lion King and grunted.

 

* * *

  

The day passes agonisingly slow for Clarke. After breakfast she explored more of the White House, introducing herself to members of her mother’s staff. It seemed like they were quite busy so Clarke made sure to stay out of the way. Her mind doesn’t stray too far from Lexa though. It was like the brunette had suddenly built up walls ten stories high, making sure that Clarke wasn’t able to get anywhere near knocking them down.

Drinks with Niylah were cancelled sometime time around lunch since there was an out of town emergency for the other woman. Clarke gave Lexa a call soon after, letting them have the day off. Maybe they all needed a day away from each other to ease the tension. She also sends Monty a quick message.

 

 **Clarke Griffin 1:56PM**  
im free tonight if you still wanted to hang out  
dinner and billiards?

By the late afternoon Clarke grabs a few of her art supplies and settles herself in one of the gardens. She finds herself sketching the green eyes she’s had her eyes on since the day she’s got here. Fortunately it’s only the eyes she’s drawn when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey sweetie,” Abby smiles as she takes a seat next to Clarke. “Those are some beautiful eyes. Anyone in particular?”

Clarke returns the smile. “No,” she lies, closing her sketchbook. “Just trying out the pencils I got yesterday. How was the meeting?”

Abby leans back in the chair, giving her arms a stretch over her heads. “You know, the usual. Aren’t you going out tonight? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?

“No, Niylah had an out of town emergency. I told Agent Woods and Carson that they didn’t need to come by tonight.”

“That’s fine. You know the rules; within The White House you don’t have to call them in. But anywhere outside, they have to accompany you.”

“I know,” Clarke reassures. “Um Monty’s in town and I told him that if he was free tonight that he could have dinner with us. Is that alright?”

“Of course, the more the merrier! Didn’t you say Raven was working on a project with Monty? Is she here too?”

That’s when it dawns on Clarke that Raven _still_  hasn't replied back. Now Raven may have been a late replier but something felt off. “No, I messaged her but I haven’t heard from her yet. But if she’s here I’ll make sure she comes by.” A short comfortable silence fall between the two Griffin women until Clarke asks, “Are you still coming to the pop-up art gallery with us tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Abby smiles. “I’m thinking about getting another one of Costia’s paintings too.”

“ _Another_ one? What?!” Clarke turns to her mum, shocked. “You already have one her paintings? How did you get one of her paintings? She’s got waiting lists for her waiting lists! Why haven’t I seen it? Where is it?” Costia Winters was one of the country’s most sought out artists. Clarke, to say the least, was a big fan. 

Abby laughs at her daughter’s reaction. “Oh you haven’t been in my bedroom yet. It’s there. You are aware that I am the President of the United States, right? I _know_ people.”

“And which people do you _know_ that got you one of Costia’s paintings.” Clarke edges her seat closer. “Can I have their number?” She leans forward slightly and grins. “Can you introduce me?”

Abby gives her daughter a slight push back. “I hope you’re not like this tomorrow. Can’t have you embarrassing yourself, and more importantly, me,” she jokes. “You actually already know the person who got me Costia’s painting.”

“What?”

“Agent Woods,” Abby replies. “She got it for me after we went to one of Costia’s pop up galleries in New York.”

“And how does Agent Woods know Costia? They don’t seem to run in same circles…” Clarke trails off, creating scenarios in her head as to how the two of them knew each other.

“They were together for a while.”

Both of Clarke’s eyebrows shot up. She was not expecting that. “What? _Were_ together? As in together-together? What happened?”

“I don’t know, Clarke,” she laughs. “One day Lexa brought me a painting and told me it was a gift from Costia. So I obviously asked her how she got the painting and that’s when she told me they were dating. A couple of months later I asked how they were doing and all Lexa said was ‘ _We’re not together anymore.’_ So I left it at that.”

Clarke leans back in her chair, “Huh…” She tries to ignore the slight jealously coursing through her body. At first she thought she was jealous of Lexa. Costia had always been someone Clarke has admired. Her art was the type of art that sparked something in everyone. Those who didn’t know much about art would stop and take a second look, trying to _see_ what they were _feeling_. And for those art lovers, they’d always take a third and fourth look, looking deeper into the colours and the way the lines moved, trying to uncover the story behind the painting.

But as the minutes past Clarke realises that she was not jealous of Lexa, she was jealous of Costia. Costia, who got to at one point got to kiss Lexa, to hold her, to know the little things that make you fall in love with a person, to know her in ways that Clarke could only ever imagine. Her train of thought surprises her, she’s only known Lexa for a couple of days and here she was, imagining what a life with her would be like. _Get yourself together, Griffin._

Clarke tries to think about something else by opening her sketchbook and drawing her mum. The sketch soon adds two more figures, herself and her dad. She let out a small sigh remembering that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was meant to be here too. Jake Griffin died nearly a year and a half ago. He was on his way to the airport to pick up Clarke when their car collided with a semi-trailer. Jake had helped his two agents (Anya and Lincoln) out of the car and towards safety before going to help the driver of the semi-trailer. But as he ran towards the vehicle, there was a small explosion that knocked him out. Jake Griffin died at 1:45PM on the way to the hospital.

Clarke can feel the tears starting to form. She quickly moves to go sit next to her mum, the chair is much too small for the two of them but they make it work. Resting her head on her mother’s shoulder she hands over her latest sketch. “I miss him,” she whispers.

Abby puts away her phone immediately and takes a hold of the book. She smiles. Her daughter has always been so talented; something she definitely got from her father. “I know sweetie, me too.” Abby loops one of her arms around Clarke’s shoulder, bringing her in closer and kissing the top of her forehead. They stay like this for a while, simply admiring the sketch in front of them and the memories of Jake Griffin that come back.

 

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Lexa makes it through The Lion King without crying. “I love this movie so much,” she whispers as the credits start to play.

Anya laughs, “I know you do.” She stands up and gathers the empty plates and cups that surround them. “Another movie?” she asks, moving into the kitchen.

Lexa thinks for a moment, “Maybe later? I think I might go see Costia.”

“Do you want some company?”

“No, it’s okay.” Lexa stands up and heads towards her room to change. “I just want to go say Hi and tell her that I’ll be there tomorrow,” she calls out her room. Lexa keeps it casual, changing into some dark blue skinny jeans, a white shirt and a black jacket. She fixes her belt with her weapon and badge and puts her hair up into a lose bun. Returning to the kitchen she sees Anya cleaning the dishes, “I won’t be long. I’ll grab some groceries for dinner.”

Anya nods. “Tell her say Hi.”

Grabbing the car keys from the wall Lexa smiles. “Yep. See you later.”

The drive to the art gallery is quiet. There’s a lot going on Lexa’s mind, well actually that’s a lie. There’s only one thing on Lexa’s mind; Clarke Griffin. Never in a million years would she have guessed that the president’s daughter would have such an effect on her. As Anya constantly reminded her, in this line of work it always had to be _head over heart_ – which ultimately lead to Lexa’s _love is weakness._ After her breakup with Costia, Lexa told herself that she couldn’t – no, that she wouldn’t let someone into her life like that again 

When Lexa arrives at the gallery, the windows are completely covered, keeping prying eyes away. Two security guards stand at the entrance of the door, checking everyone who comes in and out. It was to be expected, Costia was just  _that_ good. Lexa makes her way to the door, stopping in front of one of the guards.

“Name?” he asks.

Lexa grabs her ID and shows it to the guard. “I’m not on the list, but if you could tell Costia that Agent Lexa Woods is here, that would be great.”

The guard looks to the other guard, who gives him a nodding approval. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right back.”

He disappears into the gallery and Lexa turns to face the street. Out of habit, she scans the buildings surrounding the area, going through the protocol she would have if she were on Abby’s security detail still. She knew that one of her colleagues would be here doing the same, if they haven’t done so already.

“Lexa!” a familiar voice calls for her.

Turning around she sees Lincoln by the door, waving for her to come inside. “Hey Lincoln. Is it just you here?”

Lincoln holds the door open for her. “No, Echo’s inside too. We’re just finishing up actually.” He smiles. “You’re here for Costia?”

“Yeah. Wanted to come say Hi before we come here tomorrow.”

 “Well she’s just in the back room, I’ll take you.” 

They walk at a slow pace, allowing Lexa to admire the paintings on the wall. She didn’t know much about art, but always loved what Costia managed to create on the canvas. Turning to Lincoln she asks, “So your assessment of the gallery… all good?”

Lincoln nods. “Perfect actually. I guess Costia knew exactly what was needed,” he smirks. “Tell me again why you two aren’t together? You guys were good together.”

“You know why,” is all that Lexa offers and Lincoln knows to drop the subject. He knew but whole heartedly disagreed on the whole _“love is weakness”_ attitude his friend held. Once they reached the back room Lincoln excuses himself to go find Echo.

Lexa sees Costia sitting up on the table with papers scattered everywhere. She smiles, giving three light knocks on the door.

Costia looks up from the stack of papers, “Oh my god, Lexa!” she smiles. She jumps up off the table and made her way towards the brunette standing in the doorway. Costia immediately pulled Lexa into a hug.

Lexa wasn’t a very affectionate person, but with Costia it was always different. After a moment of being tense, she ases into a hug. “Hey Cos.”

“God Lex, why are you always so tense?” Costia jokes, pulling away from the hug. “Lighten up a little.”

“Well it’s good to see you too,” Lexa laughs.

“I was going to call and see if you wanted to grab coffee but the truck company lost some of my paintings. I've been going crazy trying to find them.” Costia went back to sitting on the table.

Lexa follows her through the room, “Oh no. Did you find them though?” she asks as she took a seat on one of the chairs.

“Yeah, just before you came in actually. They should be here before we open tomorrow.” Costia starts to gather the papers into a few neat piles. “I’m assuming your coming tomorrow, right? Since Abby is coming?”

“Yes I’ll be here tomorrow. But not with Abby.” She pauses as Costia raises an eyebrow. “Anya and I have been assigned to her daughter’s security detail while she’s in DC, so I’ll be here with her. Oh and Anya says Hi.”

“Oh right right,” she nods. “Clarke Griffin, right? I’ve read up on her, what she’s doing with Doctors without Borders is great. She seems great...” Costia trails off, ending her statement with an almost question.

Lexa picks up on it and smiles to herself, “Yeah, she is.”

Costia notices Lexa’s subtle smile at the mention of Clarke. She knows that smile; she use to be on the receiving end of it. But she doesn’t say anything, not yet. “I’m excited to meet her and to see Abby again.”

“Yeah that’s why I dropped by today. Since I’ll be on the job tomorrow I won’t be able to–”

“I know Lex,” Costia interrupts. “We were together for a year, I know the drill. Tomorrow you’ll be on the job.” Costia smiles, reassuring her that she wasn’t taking a jab at the way Lexa chose to do things. Lexa’s job was important and remaining focused at all times was a priority. When they broke up, it was a mutual decision, both their work came first in the relationship. Costia always hoped that it just wasn’t the right time for them, that they’d find each other again. But that idea quickly faded when she knew, deep down, that they weren’t meant to be.  

Lexa returns the smile. She didn’t have a lot of friends – her line of work rarely gave her the chance to socialise. But Lexa was glad that she and Costia had managed to remain friends after the breakup. It was nice, not having to hold up walls, not having to be responsible for someone else’s safety. Lexa loves her job but it was nice to _just be,_ even for a little while. The two of them sit and talk, catching up on what they’ve been up to since they last saw each other.

 

* * *

 

Monty manages to get out of work early enough to have dinner with Clarke. When he arrives the two of them nearly jump into each other’s arms, it’s been too long since they’ve seen each other. Reluctantly, Clarke pulls away from the hug first. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Clarke,” he smiles. They’re out on the patio with their chef cooking on the BBQ. He moves to pull out the chair for Clarke to sit, “Is it just us two?”

“Yeah,” she nods, taking a seat. “My mum really wanted to be here too but she got pulled into a late meeting.” 

Monty takes a seat just across from Clarke. “That’s fine.” He pauses to pour two glasses of water. “So how have you been? How was the Doctors without Borders program?” he asks.

Clarke smiles. Monty always shows a genuine interest in whatever topic they were talking about, it’s what made him such good company. Clarke shares her stories and experiences about her time overseas. Like she did with her mother, Clarke tells Monty about the people she’s met and the things she’s learnt. Eventually she tells him everything she wants to share. “What about you? How’s that project going? Raven’s got to be a handful” she laughs.

Monty raises an eyebrow, “Raven?”

“Yeah, she’s working on the project with you, isn’t she?”

“No… I asked her but she said she couldn’t come to LA…” There’s a long pause, both of them confused with what was going on. “Did she say she was with me?”

Clarke lets out a small sigh. She was sure Raven said that she’d be working with Monty. “Maybe I heard wrong…” she trails off, knowing all too well that if Raven wanted Clarke to know what was going on she would.

Monty catches on to Clarke’s subtle hint to change the subject, so he does. He talks a little about the project he’s working on and what he’s got planned while he’s in DC. The rest of the hour is spent having dinner and talking about things they’ve missed over the past year. It’s easy conversation for the two of them, like no time has passed at all.

Eventually they move into the billiards room with a case of beer. “ _Our_ usual rules?” Clarke smiles, handing Monty a cue stick.

“You know it.”

Their billiards game was established some time during college when no one knew or care for the proper rules; they just wanted a new drinking game. It was simple really; whichever ball was sunk first would be your ball (whether it be full or stripped – that was your type of ball for the entire game). Obviously the aim of the game was to sink as many of your own balls as possible, but sink your opponent’s ball you’d have to drink. Sink either the black or white ball, you drink. Absolutely flunk your go by not even hitting a ball, you drink.

Monty won the first round. Clarke down one beer and Monty only half a bottle. “That’s not fair, you’re like smart-smart" Clarke says, opening up another bottle.

“Clarke, you’re a doctor,” Monty laughs. “You’re smart-smart too.”

They go again for a second game. As Monty lines up his cue stick he asks, “So did your mum assign agents to you while you’re here?” Hitting the white ball, he manages to sink one of this own balls.

Clarke moves around the table, deciding her next move. “Yeah she did.” She pauses, lining up her shot. “Two of them…” she trails off, her mind suddenly wondering back to her green-eyed agent. Clarke takes the shot and absolutely flunks it, missing the white ball completely. She lets out an audible huff.

“Wow Clarke I’ve never seen you miss like that before.”

Clarke takes a drink and settles it back down on the table. Taking a seat on one of the stools she looks over to Monty, “Can I tell you something?”

Monty notices how the tone in her voice drops and is immediately concerned. “Of course,” he says, putting his cue stick aside and moving to sit on the stool next to Clarke.

Clarke fiddles with her beer bottle, “I think I may have done something to piss off one of my agents? But I can’t be sure because the first day I was here she was so… I don't know how to put it. But she smiled, she laughed, and I think she even flirted a little. But the following day it was the complete opposite.”

“Did something happen between the first and second day though?”

Clarke thinks about it for a moment, whether or not she should tell Monty about the near accident. “I know I probably don’t have to say this with you, but please don’t tell anyone this…” Monty nods and gave a reassuring smile. “We were nearly in an accident. Key word being _nearly._ ”

“What?!” 

“There was a car parked on the side of the road and Lexa – one of my agents had to brake really harsh to prevent us from hitting it. I think we were all pretty shaken up by it.”

“What did you mum say about that?” Monty asks, taking a drink of his beer.

“She doesn’t know…”

“Was it your idea not to tell her? Or was it your agent’s?”

“Mine,” Clarke whispers. “But no one was hurt. I didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily; you know how she can be sometimes. And I didn’t want my agents getting into trouble for it.”

“But look at it from their perspective Clarke. Your agents are there for your safety and now you’ve put them in a position where they’re lying to their boss about what they’ve been hired for.”

Clarke closes her eyes and let out a small sigh. Bringing her hands to rub her face she felt a light squeeze on her shoulder. Looking up to Monty, he offers another reassuring smile before moving back to the billiards table. He knew she needed a minute to think it through.

“What do you think I should do?”

“You know I can’t answer that for you, Clarke.” Monty takes another shot and sinks another ball, he speaks up again. “Look, if I was your agent I’d probably let it slide this one time, just because no one was hurt. But I sure as hell would make sure that it didn’t happen again.”

“So you think that’s what she’s doing? Building up walls ten stories high to make sure she doesn’t get… distracted? Her eyes were off the road for just a _second_ too long.”

“That’s all it takes though, a _second,”_ Monty bites back, a little harsher than expected. “One second more and I could have been visiting you in the hospital instead of here.” The seconds drag on for what felt like hours, Clarke taking in everything. He continues, “So yes, based off what you’ve told me I think that’s exactly what she’s doing… I mean unless there’s something else going on…”

Clarke shakes her head almost too quickly, “Nope," But she takes a moment to think about what Monty has said. He was right, she didn’t think about it from her agent’s perspective and the position she’s put them in. For Clarke it may have been a little white lie but it was a different story for Anya and Lexa.

She doesn’t anything else after that, instead Clarke goes up and takes her turn at the table. She lets out a long loud groan when she not only manages to sink the black ball, but also one of Monty’s. Moving to her beer, she chugs down the rest of her drink. Surprisingly Clarke ends up winning the game and the two decide to leave it at that.

“I should get going. I have another meeting tomorrow,” Monty says, putting on his coat.

“Thanks for listening, Monty.”

“Anytime, Clarke.”

“Hey are you free tomorrow night?”

Monty ponders for a moment, “Yeah… I should be.”

“Octavia’s coming into town tomorrow and we’re going to a pop-up gallery. Want to join?”

“Count me in,” he smiles. “Just text me the details and i’ll be there.”

Clarke guides them through the White House and into the garage where one of the agents was waiting patiently. She pulls Monty into a hug, “Thanks for coming tonight, it was good seeing you again.”

“You too, Clarke.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke Griffin lies in bed with a million things racing through her mind. She thinks about her decision whether or not to do another year with Doctors without Borders, she thinks about Raven and what was up with her, she thinks about her dad and how much she misses him. Her last thoughts are of Lexa though and what she was going to do in order to get through to the girl.

 

Not 5 minutes away Lexa lies in bed doing the same, except she’s only got one thing on her mind; Clarke Griffin. She repeats _head over heart, head over heart_ to herself in an attempt to push through. How had this blonde haired, blue eyed beauty disrupted Lexa’s whole work ethic in a manner of days? The last thing Lexa remembers before falling asleep is Clarke’s laugh the first day they met.  _Yep, this was going to be a train wreck._


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they all go costia's pop up art gallery... fun times

It’s just past 9am when Clarke wakes. The only things she had planned for the day was catching up with Octavia around noon and then going to the pop up gallery later in the evening. Once freshened up she makes her way out to the patio for breakfast. There’s a note from her mum, “ _Morning sweetie, had breakfast already. Please come by my office once you’re done.”_

Clarke puts the note aside and pours herself a glass of orange juice. It’s not long before Tris arrives with a breakfast platter that could definitely feed more than one person. As she eats she goes through her notifications; a couple of emails, two snapchat notifications, tweets and event reminders. When she gets to the bottom of the list she sees 4 missed calls from Octavia and a handful of messages from the girl.

 **Octavia Blake 6:33 AM**  
Please call me when you can  
Sorry that sounds like something serious has happened  
It’s nothing like that, promise

Clarke hits call immediately. When Octavia picks up, it isn’t with a hello. Instead you can hear her yelling over the phone to some other people, “ _Wake up Jeremy! This isn’t your small town restaurant anymore. This is New York!” … “Anna, god, tell me the delivery truck is on its way.” … “Chop chop people! Indra will be here any minute!”_

Clarke can’t help but smile as she listens to her best friend work. Octavia is a sous-chef at one of New York’s finest restaurants, _Adina’s._ She's beaten all the odds to get to where she was today. After high school Octavia threw herself into every kitchen she could, working day in and day out to gain the experience she needed. Her big break came by chance. After a stressful dinner service Octavia was left behind the clean up the kitchen. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t have her fun. She experimented with whatever was left over, creating a dish that Indra Porter – one of America’s sought out after chefs, ended up tasting. Indra was simply waiting for a friend when her senses pulled her towards the kitchen.

 _“Clarke, hey, sorry,”_ Octavia huffs. It was noticeably quieter.

“Hey O – what’s up? I got your messages…”

_“Can I just say first, I am so so sorry.”_

Clarke caught on pretty quick what Octavia was going to say, “You’re not coming to DC are you?”

 _“I am! Just… not yet.”_ Octavia let out a small sigh. “ _God Clarke –_ _what I would give to be able to drop work right now and come see you. But Indra just told me that she’s opening up a new restaurant in DC and she’s going to start looking for a new head chef. And Clarke… I’m on that list.”_

“Oh my god Octavia! That’s great news!” Clarke was almost bouncing out of her chair. “Look at you, Miss Octavia Blake, head chef of _Adina’s_ DC. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

_“So you’re not mad?”_

“What?! No! Of course not. I mean of course I want to see you, but this is great news. The best news actually.”

Octavia let out a small sigh of relief. “ _I’m becoming interim head-chef this week whilst Indra assesses. Then she’s going to LA, San Fran and Florida to assess the other candidates That’s why I can’t come down just yet.”_

Clarke gives a slight wave of her hand, despite being on the phone. “It’s fine, O. I’m so happy for you, I am.”

“ _Thanks, Clarke. Look I have to get back to work, morning madness over here. I could really do with a drink from the bar.”_

“It’s not even 10,” Clarke laughs.

 _“It’s night time somewhere in the world,_ ” Octavia shrugs. _“I’ll talk to you later Clarke. Bye.”_

“Bye.”

Clarke hangs up the phone and leans back into the chair. She was a little sadden by the fact that she wouldn’t be seeing her best friend yet but the great news Octavia just shared was more than enough to make up for it. She grabs her phone once again and opens up her chat with Monty.

 **Clarke Griffin 9:51 AM**  
Octavia can’t make it to DC today  
Still up for being my date tonight? 

 **Monty Green 9:55 AM**  
Of course!  
What colour is your dress tonight?

 **Clarke Griffin 9:52 AM  
** Navy blue, why? 

When Monty doesn’t reply Clarke simply shrugs it off and goes back to her breakfast. About 20 minutes later she’s making her way through the White House, eventually reaching the Oval Office. She sees Lincoln, Gustus, Echo and Luna sitting, waiting patiently by the door. When she greets them they all stand up and give a courteous nod. She then sees Maya working at her desk, “Morning Maya.”

“Morning Clarke. You can go in, she’s expecting you.”

Clarke gives a slight nod and makes her way to the door. She gives three knocks and before she knows it, the door is being opened for her. It’s Lexa. “Morning Miss Griffin.”

“Morning… Agent Woods.”

Lexa steps aside, letting Clarke through. Abby is sitting on the couch in the middle of the office, glasses on, reading something on her iPad. Anya is doing the same, across from her boss.

“Sweetie, sit.” Abby pats on the empty space next to her. As Clarke walks closer, Abby continues, “We’re just going over today’s schedule.”

Anya scrolls through the iPad once again. “Okay so the gallery opening starts at 6…”

Clarke listens to the plan for the day. It was the usual routine, just making sure that everyone was on the same page. Throughout the entire conversation, she didn’t dare to look up at Lexa though, who remained standing by the door of the office. Clarke could just feel the green eyes starring right at her.

 

* * *

 

When the time came, it was decided that Anya and Lexa would drive Abby and Clarke to the gallery – with Lincoln and Echo following in the car behind and Gustus and Luna in the car in front. Anya was already in the car, setting up the GPS as Lexa waits by the passenger side door. It’s not long before Abby and Clarke emerge, both women simply radiating. Abby walks over to the other side of the car where Anya would open the door for her.

Lexa’s eyes were on Clarke as she came closer. Clarke wore a simply navy dress that cut just above her knees. The dress looked like it fit perfectly, curving around her hips in just the right way. Her blonde hair was pulled to her right side, her curls neatly falling across her shoulder. Lexa also caught a glimpse of Clarke’s tattoo as she got closer, a series of small black birds on her chest, flying in the direction of her shoulder. 

Lexa’s breath hitches as she caught the smell of Clarke’s perfume; she smelt like strawberries. Lexa opens the door and smiles, not trusting herself to say anything. Clarke simply returns the smile and enters the car, pulling the door shut.

The drive to the gallery is fairly quiet. Lexa lowers the volume of the radio when Abby and Clarke talk about little things and turns it up again when the conversation dies down. It’s a short drive to the gallery but Lexa manages to catch Clarke watching her through the side-view mirror a handful of times. Each time they catch each other’s gaze, the hold it for just a moment before turning away again.

They pull into the parking lot beside the gallery. It’s already been secured by extra agents who have been assigned to tonight’s event. The hustle from the crowd outside the gallery echoes through to the parking lot. Once they’re out of the car, Clarke straightens her dress up and fixes her hair slightly in the reflection of the car.

Abby does the same and looks over to her daughter, “When’s Monty coming?”

“He’s already there, waiting for us just by the entrance,” Clarke smiles.

Gustus and Echo lead the way out of the parking lot. Abby and Clarke follow them, with Anya and Lexa at either side and Lincoln and Luna follow closely behind. Once they hit the street the extra agents stand guard by the barricades, ensuring that the paparazzi and crowd don’t get too close. It’s loud and a lot of camera flashes go off, something that Clarke has never really gotten used to. Her discomfort is evident but soon enough they reach the entrance of the gallery.

“Monty!” Clarke calls out, spotting her friend behind a police officer.   

“Is that your friend? The one in the navy blue sweater?” Anya asks.

Clarke nods and Anya makes her way towards Monty. She whispers something into the police officer’s ear who then gestures for Monty to come through.

Anya introduces herself and offers a handshake. “I’m Agent Carson.”

“Monty Green,” he smiles.

The two then make their way towards Clarke. Monty reaches in to hug Clarke first, “Yesss,” he whispers.

Returning the hug Clarke and raises an eyebrow. “What?” she asks, breaking away from the hug.

“My sweater matches your dress,” he grins. Monty was dressed in a navy blue sweater, with a white collared shirt sticking out around his neck. The top of a dark grey tie was also visible, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, his pants were light shade of brown and his loafers were a couple shades darker.

Clarke looks up and down at Monty’s outfit and smiles. “You look very handsome.”

Monty then turns to Abby, “It’s good to see you again Abby.”

Abby pulls him into a hug, “I agree with Clarke, you do look very handsome. Sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday, but I’m glad you’re here tonight.” 

Gustus steps a little closer towards Abby, “Madam President, let’s go inside. The crowd is getting a little rowdy.”

“Of course.”

When they enter the gallery there can’t be more than 40 people wondering around. Clarke absolutely marvels at the site in front of her. All the walls are pristine white, allowing the paintings on the wall to stand out completely. Makeshift walls scatter throughout the centre of the room, showcasing more of the artwork. Waiters walk throughout the room, offering champagne and appetisers.

“Wow…” Monty whispers. “I don’t know a lot about art but at first glance, this place is amazing.”

“Yeah, Costia Winters is  _the_ artist,” Clarke replies with her eyes still looking around the room.

Lexa smiles to herself at the mention of Costia. Her ex-girlfriend has worked so hard and for so long to get to where she was today and Lexa couldn't have been more proud.

Abby gives her daughter a slight tap on the shoulder. “I’m going to go say hello to some people.”

“That’s fine.” Clarke smiles.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep her company,” Monty adds.

Abby lets out a small chuckle and nods. She wonders off, going to say hello to some old friends with Gustus, Lincoln, Echo and Luna following closely behind.

“Shall we?” Monty asks, gesturing for them to go through the gallery.

“We shall.”

They start to walk to the left side of the gallery, with Lexa and Anya keeping their distance. They walk at a slow pace with Clarke offering light commentary on each piece. Monty offers his opinion on the art and what he thinks the story behind the painting is, with Clarke doing the same.

Monty walks ahead of Clarke slightly as the blonde has seemed to be captivated by one of the paintings. Anya immediately follows Monty, earning a very subtle glare from Lexa. The painting Clarke was admiring was one Lexa had fond memories of. She found herself stepping closer, standing just beside the blonde.

_Lexa enters Costia’s apartment just after midnight. Carefully she placesher boots in the corner, keys on the table and bag on the floor, making sure she didn’t disturb her probably sleeping, girlfriend. They had just been together for over 6 months and Lexa had just returned from 2 weeks of travel._

_"Lexa?” Costia calls out._

_Lexa walks past the living room and into the second bedroom that was turned into an art studio. “Hey Cos, sorry I’m so late, the flight was delayed and then we had car –”_

_Costia cut Lexa off with a slow kiss. “I’ve missed you”, she whispers against Lexa’s lips._

_Lexa leans in again, “I’ve missed you too.”_

_Breaking away from the kiss Costia turns around to the canvas she was working on. Lexa loops her arms around Costia, resting her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “It’s very… green," Lexa smiles._

_Costia chuckles, “Always a way with words, Lex.”_

_Well Lexa wasn’t wrong. The canvas in front of them was all different shades of green. Various paint strokes splattered across with no real sense of direction. It wasn’t easy to tell where one stroke started and where it ended._

_“Is it finished…?” Lexa asks cautiously._

_Costia laughs again, turning to face her girlfriend. She brought her hands up to rest of Lexa’s shoulders. “You’re cute, you know that?” Lexa hums in response. “It’s not quite finished yet…”_

_“No?”_

_Costia shakes her head. She moves to grab one of her paintbrushes and dips it into the lightest shade of green she had.  Returning to Lexa, she smiles. “Give me your right hand.” Lexa did as she was told and Costia starts to paint the palm. Once Lexa’s palm was covered in green, Costia guides the hand to the bottom right hand corner, hovering it just above the canvas._

_Lexa’s eyes widen, “Are you sure?”_

_Costia nods and pushes the hand down onto the canvas. After a couple of seconds she took Lexa’s hand off the canvas and smiled, “Now it’s done.”_

 

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Clarke says, not taking her eyes off the painting. This snaps Lexa out of her memory but she doesn’t say anything. “I don’t really know why there’s a handprint in the corner, but somehow it just ties everything together.” Clarke pauses. “All the green is just so…” she turns to Lexa, green eyes starring right back at her, “beautiful…” Clarke whispers.

Lexa stops herself from smiling and simply nods. “You should re-join your friend.”

Clarke nods and makes her way towards Monty. “You look like you’re thinking very hard.” Monty was standing in front of the next painting, with both hands behind his back.

He leans over to Clarke slightly and whispers, “I have to ask, is the water bottle meant to be there? I don’t want to offend anyone…”

Clarke looks over to the painting and then down to the ground. There was in fact, a water bottle on the floor. She was just as confused as Monty at this point; this was not something she’s seen Costia do before. Clarke ponders for a moment and Monty returns his gaze to the painting.

Behind them Anya and Lexa were smiling (mainly because no one could see them smiling). They knew that the bottle was not part of the exhibit; someone had left it there just moments before. It might have been a bitch move but they decide to not say anything just yet.

“Agent Woods! Agent Carson!”

Lexa and Anya turn around at the call of their name, as does Clarke and Monty.

Anya smiles. “Hey Costia,” she says, offering her hand. “Great work, as always.”

Costia takes the handshake. “Thank you. It’s good to see you again.” She pulls Anya in a bit closer and whispers, “Let’s catch up some time before I leave.”

“Definitely.”

“Hello again, Lexa,” Costia smiles.

Lexa offers a nod and with a smile.

Clarke watches the exchange between Costia and her agents and feels a slight course of jealously running through her body. Monty nudges her asking if that was _“The Costia”_ and all Clarke can do is hum in response, her eyes trained to the back of Lexa’s head. She catches Costia saying “ _again”_ and wonders when the two of them saw each other last.

Costia is then sticking her head over Lexa’s shoulder and smiling at Clarke. “Dr Griffin,” she greets, walking towards the blonde.

Clarke meets her halfway and offers a handshake, “Please, just call me _Clarke_. It’s an honour to meet you Costia. I’m a big fan of your work.”’

Costia accepts the handshake. “The honour is all mine, Clarke,” she smiles. “I admire all the work you’ve done with Doctors without Borders. It’s a great organisation you’re a part of.”

“It definitely is.” Clarke then turns around and pulls Monty up to where she was standing. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Monty Green.”

“It’s nice to meet you Monty.”

“Likewise. You’ve got an amazing gallery here.”

“Thank you,” Costia replies. He face suddenly drops when she spots the water bottle on the floor. “Oh my god,” she says, walking over to pick it up. She hands the bottle to one of the waiters that walk past and returns to Clarke. “Don’t want to confuse people now. Sometimes there’s a very fine line between what’s considered art and what’s plain rubbish.”

Clarke and Monty let out a small laugh.

“Mind if I join you in walking around the gallery?” Costia asks.

There’s a tiny bit of her that wants to say no; to keep Costia away from Lexa for as much of the night as possible. Even though Clarke knew next to nothing about their relationship she was jealous of their history. Again, it surprises her how much she cares but she manages to push it aside (for now at least) because she really did admire the woman’s work. “It would be an honour."

Costia, Clarke and Monty move towards the centre of the room. Clarke and Monty offer their thoughts on the paintings with Costia telling them her version of the story behind the paintings.

“This couldn’t be more awkward” Anya whispers, just loud enough for Lexa to hear. “Actually I don’t know… maybe if Ontari were to show up…”

Lexa turns to glare at her partner.

“Oh can you imagine, Costia, Clarke, Ontari and Emori. God there’s a fun night. _”_

Lexa huffs and takes two steps away from Anya.

They continue through the gallery, with Abby eventually re-joining her daughter. Clarke, Monty, Costia and Abby continue to talk amongst themselves. As Costia excuses herself to speak Clarke concludes at Costia was almost an angel that fell from the heavens. She’s been nothing but warm, welcoming and friendly throughout their entire conversation. Everyone in the gallery starts to gather around the back of the gallery where Costia stood at the podium.

She clears her throat slightly before speaking. “I’d just like to thank everyone for coming out here tonight. It means the world to me that you’ve decided to spend your Saturday night with me and my art.” She smiles. “I have to do it, I have to name drop for a second here. Madam President Abby Griffin and her daughter Clarke Griffin are here and I couldn’t be more honoured to have two such amazing women here tonight.”

A round of applause starts around the room, with Costia also clapping from the podium. Both Abby and Clarke smile and wave to everyone and eventually up to Costia.

Costia smiles and continues. “If you didn’t already know, for the past year Clarke has been working with Doctors without Borders and tonight I’d like to honour her as our special guest.” The room erupts in another round of applause and Clarke is at a loss for words. “Tonight I will be selling three of my paintings,” she gestures to the three pieces that hung behind her, “and _all_ the proceeds I will be donating to Doctors without Borders.”

Again, the room fills with another round of applause. Clarke is at a loss for words as Abby pulls her into a hug.

“That’s all I wanted to say. Again, thank you all for coming tonight. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

When Costia walks off the stage she makes her way towards Clarke, who immediately pulls her into a hug. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”

Costia smiles and wraps her arms around Clarke. “You don’t have to say anything. What you’re doing over there is absolutely amazing and the group deserves all the help they can get.”

Clarke breaks away from the hug, wiping her eyes slightly.

“Oh I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Costia places one hand over her heart.

Monty steps forward offering his napkin. “It’s clean, don’t worry,” he smiles.

Clarke chuckles and takes the napkin, wiping the tears that were forming whilst being careful not to ruin her makeup. “Thank you so much, Costia. That money is going to help so much people, you don’t even understand.”

Costia nods. “You’re an amazing woman, Clarke Griffin.”

“As are you.”

The rest of the night goes smoothly. Monty and Clarke eventually make their way through the rest of the gallery. Clarke is approached by a number of people who introduce themselves and ask about the Doctors without Borders program and how they can help. Chatter amongst the crowd soon sees Costia’s paintings having an accumulated total of just over $20,000.

The night draws to an end with Clarke thanking the three people who have generously bought Costia’s paintings. They all gave well about the initial price and only wishing there was more they could do. Clarke ensures that their generous donation will go a long way and help hundreds of people.

Lexa watches Clarke interact with the other guest. The blonde in front of her simply radiates, making it easy for anyone to feel comfortable. She laughs, she smiles, she does everything that makes Lexa’s heart flutter a little.

“She’s something isn’t she?”

Lexa turns to Costia smiling. “Yeah she is,” Lexa replies. They both turn back to Clarke, “What you did for her tonight… that was really nice of you.”

There’s a small pause as they both just watch Clarke finish up her conversation. Clarke turns on her heels and walks towards them.

“Just be careful, Lex,” Costia whispers.

“What-” Before Lexa could ask Clarke reaches them.

“Costia… I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Clarke smiles and pulls the women into another hug. Lexa takes a slight step back to give them some room.

“Thank you,” Clarke says, pulling away from the hug. “Thank you so much.”

“You are most welcome.” Just then Costia’s name is being called from across the room. “I should say goodbye to my other guest. It was really nice meeting you, Clarke. I hope we can do this again soon.” Costia offers her hand.

Clarke takes it and shakes back. “It was a pleasure to meet you, too.”

Before leaving she turns to give Lexa a slight nod. “Goodbye Agent Woods.”

“Goodbye Miss Winters,” Lexa smiles.

Clarke can’t help but smile at Lexa’s response. Once Costia was out of hearing distance she turns to her agent, “Do you call all your ex-girlfriends in such a formal way?” 

Lexa’s eyes widen, shocked and unaware that Clarke knew of her past relationship. Her heart starts beating faster, “I-” is all that she manages to choke out.

“Sorry,” she offers. “My mum may have mentioned it earlier when I asked about how she got one of Costia’s paintings.”

The moment has caught Lexa off guard, unaware of what to say next.

Thankfully Anya walks up to them, “Ready to go?”

Clarke nods. “Yep.”

“We’re going to be taking the back exit.” Anya moitons towards entrance, “The crowd outside has only grown larger.” She gestures for Clarke to walk towards the back where her mum and other agents were waiting.

Lexa waits for Clarke to start walking so she can follow. But the moment Lexa starts walking there is a loud shattering of glass. The screams from the outside crowd become louder. Immediately Lexa turns towards the entrance and sees that one of the glass windows has been shattered by a brick. Her eyes lock with the person outside who’s about the throw another brick towards the remaining window; the window they were standing right beside. “DOWN!” she screams, pulling Clarke down to the ground, shielding her from the glass that soon shattered around them. A second brick is thrown a few moments later and Lexa lets out a loud groan as it hits her shoulder. A third brick hits her lower waist.

Lexa remains hunched over Clarke and doesn’t dare to move yet. Her arms wrap tightly around the blonde, muttering “It’s okay. You’re okay,” over and over into the blonde’s hair. Anya has since moved to stand in front of Lexa, providing another shield of protection. Hand on her weapon, ready if needed. The police outside have started moving everyone back further and away from the gallery.

Lexa looks up to see Lincoln running over to them. “Abby and Monty are safe. Let’s go!” he says. He goes to stand next Anya, “Lex, go. We’ve got you covered.”

Lexa releases her hold and moves Clarke so that they’re facing each other. Her hands remain on Clarke’s shoulder. “You okay?”

Clarke looks into the green eyes before her and just nods. She’s about to ask about her mum and Monty but Lexa beats her to it.

“Your mum and Monty are safe. Let’s go.” Lexa guides them both to stand up, pushing Clarke slightly in the way they were supposed to go. She keeps one hand on Clarke’s back as they run towards the back. Anya and Lincoln follow closely behind. When they reach the door Lexa turns to Anya, “Go. I need to make sure Costia’s okay.”

Clarke grabs Lexa’s wrist immediately. _Be careful._

Lexa nods, “Go.”

With that Anya and Lincoln take Clarke to safety and Lexa runs towards where she saw Costia last. Most of the guests in the gallery have been guided towards the back room by the security guards. Lexa takes a quick glance around the room to see Costia helping a few people towards safety. She quickly rushes over to provide extra cover, “Come on, get to the back room.”

When they reach the back room Lexa takes around glance around the room to make sure no one was left behind. The commotion outside hasn’t really settled despite the police’s best efforts. Lexa looks around the gallery; the only damage has been done to the front where the bricks shattered the windows. It didn’t look like any of the paintings were ruined – but it was too early to tell.

“Oh my god Lexa.”

Lexa feels a hand on her shoulder and that’s when she remembers the brick had hit her. She winces at the touch.

“Are you okay?” Costia asks.

Lexa turns around. “I’m fine. How about you? Are your guests okay?” she asks, looking Costia up and down for any signs of her being hurt. 

Costia nods. “A little shaken up but we’re okay. No one seems to be hurt… no one other than you.”

Costia reaches for Lexa’s shoulder again but Lexa shakes her head and steps back. “I’ll be fine.” Lexa points towards the back entrance hastily, “I have to go I have to get back to-”

“I know,” Costia offers reassuring.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Costia nods. “I’ll call you tomorrow, let the police handle things. We’ll leave some agents behind to make sure everyone gets home okay.”

Costia nods again and Lexa smiles before leaving.

Once Lexa took the back entrance the adrenalin had started to wear off and the stinging pain in her shoulder and jabbing pain lower back became more evident. She took her left hand and felt the damage on her right shoulder. The brick had scraped her suit, blouse and there was a faint smell of blood. “Shit…” she mumbled, making her way through the car park. She lowered her hand to the right side of her waist, and whilst her suit didn’t seem to be as damaged there, it was definitely going to bruise. 

When she reaches the SUV she saw Anya and Clarke waiting by the car anxiously. The other two cars were already gone; it was a priority to get the President to safety. She offered a weak smile, trying to hide the pain she was in.

“God Lexa!” Anya screams, jogging over to her partner. She knew Lexa was hurt. “What happened?” Anya moves to see if she could help Lexa, that’s when she saw the state of her shoulder.

“I got hit by a brick” Lexa huffs. “I’ll be fine.” When they reach the car Lexa looks at Clarke, whose worry is evident on her face. “Miss Griffin, you should have gone with your mum. It’s important we get you to safety.”

“Let me see where the brick hit you, Lexa.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Are you a doctor?” Lexa goes silent. “I thought so.”

Anya moves to open the door of the SUV. “Just get in the care Lexa and let Clarke look at your shoulder.”

Lexa looks at Anya and then to Clarke and then back to Anya. She knew there was no bother to try and go against the two women you stood in front of her. “Fine,” she whispers, hopping into the back seat of the SUV first. Clarke enters straight after whereas Anya moves to the driver’s seat.

As they pull out of the parking lot Clarke goes through her bag. She’s sitting right behind the driver’s seat and Lexa in the other seat. She then pulls out a first aid kit.

Lexa quirks an eyebrow, “Do you always carry around a first aid kit?”

Clarke shrugs slightly, opening the kit. “If it fits in my bag, yeah.” She scoots into the middle seat, “Turn around, let me look at your shoulder.”

Lexa does as she’s told, turning herself to face the mirror. Clarke carefully runs her finger along the ruined suit and Lexa’s heart beats uncontrollably faster.

“I need you to take off your jacket.”

Slowly Lexa takes off her jacket. Her left arm comes out first without any pain. But as she moves her right arm she cringes slightly. Clarke places her hand on Lexa’s uninjured shoulder, “Let me.” Lexa nods and lets Clarke pull the jacket down and around her arm. When the jacket is discarded, Clarke takes a closer look at the shoulder. The brick has scrapped through her blouse leaving a lot of tiny cuts on Lexa’s shoulder.

Clarke unzips her first aid kit. It’s only got the essentials; some gauze, cotton balls, scissors, alcohol wipes, bandages, a few creams and medication. “I need you to take off your blouse too.”

Lexa’s heart almost skips a beat. “What?”

“I need to clean your cuts a little. You’ve probably had all your shots but we don’t know where that brick has been.”

“I’ll be fin-”

Anya cuts in, “Just listen to the doctor, Lexa.”

Lexa lets out an audible huff and starts to unbutton her blouse. With her back to Clarke she still catches the blonde’s gaze through the window. Clarke’s quick to look away – shifting slightly in her seat. Lexa lets out the smallest smile as she takes her right arm out of the blouse, letting it fall down her back.

Clarke moves the blouse over to the side, exposing Lexa’s right shoulder blade. What she was not expecting to see not one, but two tattoos. The first one of them was an intricate pattern that wrapped around her upper arm. Since the first day they had met Lexa had always worn a suit jacket, it didn’t even cross Clarke’s mind that she could have a tattoo (but then again, why would it?). The second tattoo was one that ran down the middle of Lexa’s back. There was an outline of a circle towards the top, cut through by two pillars. From there it a series of smaller lines, in a pattern that Clarke couldn’t quite figure out, which lead lower down Lexa’s spine and into a coloured black circle. It takes everything in Clarke to not trace the tattoo with her hand.

Lexa lets out a small cough. “It’s not bad is it?”

Clarke shakes her head. “No.” She goes through kit and takes out a small bottle of antiseptic. “I’m going to clean your cuts, it might sting a little.” Clarke dabs antiseptic onto some cotton balls and moves to clean Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette tenses at the first touch, as if Clarke’s fingers had burnt her so she pulls back slightly. When she sees the shoulder ease a little Clarke offers a weak smile, despite no one seeing. “Sorry, I should have told you I was starting,” she whispers.

“It’s fine.”

Clarke continues to clean the cuts. Once she’s done she grabs something else from her kit. “I’m going to put a bandage over it, okay?”

“Okay.”

When Clarke pats down the bandage in place her eyes wonder to Lexa’s lower back. The bruise on her waist had grown a dark shade of purple. She lifts up Lexa’s blouse, helping her put it back on. “I don’t have anything for your bruise on me, but if you come back to my room I can give you something.”

Lexa puts her blouse back on and buttons it up again. She doesn’t bother tucking it again though, she’s sure no one’s going to care tonight. Turning back in her seat she turns to Clarke and offers a smile, “Thank you.”

The rest of the drive is silent. Clarke has moved back to her original seat, leaving a space between her and Lexa. She thinks about what’s happened, but from the moment the brick shattered through the glass the night becomes a blur for her. They only things she remembers clearly is Lexa hunched over her whispering “ _It’s okay, you’re okay”_ over and over.

Lexa stares out the window and from the reflection she can see Clarke doing the same. She places one hand over her heart, which was still beating quite frantically over what’s happened. Her body still feels the warmth of Clarke’s from when they were in the gallery and her shoulders still seem to burn from Clarke’s touch (though that may have just been the antiseptic).

When they arrive back at the White House, they first stop by the Oval Office where Abby, Monty and the other agents were waiting for them. Abby just wanted to make sure that her daughter was okay and uninjured. It’s a welcome call when they decide to call it a night.

Abby looks between all her agents, “Thank you all,” she says.

They all give a slight nod and start to make their way out of the office. Echo and Luna excuse themselves first to grab their things from their longue room. And Lincoln and Gustus offer Monty a ride back to his hotel.

Just as Lexa and Anya are about to say their goodbyes, Lexa gets a tap on her uninjured shoulder. “Agent Woods, come get the cream for your bruise. It’ll just be a minute.”

Lexa looks at Anya who just gives her a slight nod. “I’ll wait in the garage.” Anya turns to Clarke, “Good night Miss Griffin.”

“Good night, Agent Carson.”

The two of them walk back to Clarke’s room in silence. Lexa waits nervously at the entrance of Clarke’s door, unsure of whether to enter or not. She decides against it, watching Clarke disappear into the bathroom. Moments later she emerges, a small plastic tube in her hands.

“Just rub this onto your bruise twice a day and it should heal within a week or so.” Clarke hands the cream over to Lexa, who accepts it. But when Clarke releases the cream into Lexa’s hand she doesn’t move away immediately. Their hands hover over each other for a moment, the only things separating them was the tube between them; both women aware of the warmth radiating off each other’s hands.

Lexa smiles “Thank you” and slowly moves her hand away.

“I should be thanking you.”

“It’s my job to protect you.”

“Regardless, _thank you._ ” Blue eyes dance with green once again. Another silent _thank you_.

“I should go…” Lexa whispers.

“If your shoulder feels worse in the morning, please let me know I can recommend something.”

Lexa nods, “Good night, Miss Griffin.”

“Good night, Agent Woods.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted a soulmate au the other day if you were interested in reading something a little more fluffy/happy :) i'll be posting part 2 of it later today aswell


	6. chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the day after the gallery incident + the start of "rules were made to be broken"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy reading!

Once Clarke had showered she immediately headed for bed, all she wanted was for the day to be over. But sleep did not come easy. After tossing and turning for a while she gave up. She found herself going through the hoard of notifications that appear on her phone since the incident at the gallery. She had 4  missed calls from Raven and Octavia (each) and a handful of unread WhatsApp messages from their group convo.

 **Raven Reyes 11:50PM**  
clarke it’s all over the news are you okay?!  
is monty and your mum okay?!

 **Octavia Blake 11:53PM**  
please give us a call when you can  
we’re worried

 **Raven Reyes 11:55PM  
** let us know that you’re safe please

So Clarke gives a call to Octavia first, adding Raven into the conversation shortly after. Her best friends both sigh in relief to hear that she, Monty and her mum had all escaped uninjured. Clarke tells them exactly what happened, everything from the moment she met Monty, Costia donating to Doctors without Borders, to caring for Lexa’s injured shoulder. It’s just past 1AM when the call comes to an end. She knows that sleep will not come, so instead of trying she scrolls through her Twitter and Facebook. It’s not surprising to see that news about the gallery incident all over her feed.

Going through her mentions Clarke feels an enormous about of gratitude for the people who are concerned. But right now she’s too tired to release any form of statement about what happened, and she knows that this was something that PR would need to be involved in too. So she reads as much as the messages as she could, until Monty’s Facebook chat bubble pops up.

 **Monty Green 1:32AM  
** can’t sleep?

 **Clarke Griffin 1:32AM  
** yeah, you too, huh?

 **Monty Green 1:33AM**  
yeah  
are you okay?

 **Clarke Griffin 1:33AM**  
relatively  
sorry about what happened tonight

 **Monty Green 1:33AM**  
don’t apologise clarke  
this was not your fault  
despite what happened I had a great time

 **Clarke Griffin 1:33AM**  
me too  
can I call you?

*incoming call - monty green*

Monty and Clarke talk about everything and anything besides what happened at the gallery. They knew that if either one of them wanted to talk about what had happened, they could. But right now, that’s not what they needed. They just needed a friendly and familiar voice; they just needed to not be alone. 

 

* * *

 

Lexa and Anya decide not go home, instead opting to spend the night in the agent’s lounge within the White House. It’s not a surprise when they see Luna and Echo already there, both working away at their laptops. It was common practice for agents to help with investigations that involved the president. Though they would not lead the investigation, anything the agents brought to the table would be considered vital. Echo and Luna were already going through the videos that had been posted on social media sites to see if they could find anything _._ Anya and Lexa soon joined in, working with at their own laptops.

When it nears 6AM, Lexa is the only one that’s still awake with Echo, Luna and Anya all falling asleep about an hour earlier. They’ve managed to find a handful of videos that may prove to be useful to the investigation, but at this point Lexa’s eyes are so strained she can’t bear to look a screen any longer. So she leaves a note for Anya, “ _Going to the gallery. Call me if you need me.”_

Its dead quiet at the gallery. The outside is still blocked off by police tape, but since no one is around Lexa simply ignores it. Walking towards the entrance she pulls out her phone and sends a message to Costia.

 **Lexa Woods 6:30AM**  
Let me know if you need anything  
Sorry this happened to your gallery

Lexa comes to a stop in front of the gallery. Both windows have been shattered completely, glass scattered both inside and outside the gallery. The outside of the gallery is also littered with rubbish and all Lexa can do is sigh. She pushes the doors opened, thankful that they weren’t locked and slowly steps inside the room. Turning on the flash light of her phone, she shines it to the ground, right where she covered Clarke from the bricks, right where she was hit. There’s are no bricks in sight which meant that the police had finished collecting the evidence they needed.

So Lexa steps around the glass carefully and makes her way to the back room in search of a broom. Once she’s found it and also a dustpan, she makes her way back. But just as she was exiting the back room she heard the sound of footsteps over the shattered glass. Immediately she places the broom and dustpan against the wall and took out her gun. The last thing that was going to happen here was someone stealing one of Costia’s paintings. She points it in front of her and made her way to the front of the gallery. With the help from the street light outside, she notices the back of a familiar blonde.

“Miss Griffin?!” Lexa asks, shocked.

Clarke jumps at the call of her name. She immediately turns around to be met with Lexa pointing a gun at her, “Agents Woods, it’s just me, Clarke!” she yelps, both hands up in surrender.

Lexa was at a loss for words for a moment. She put her gun back in her belt and stepped closer. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Clarke replies, taking a slight step back.

This was the last thing Lexa wanted to deal with. “No you can’t. What are you doing outside the White House? You know you’re not meant to leave without either Agent Carson or I. How did you even get here?" She pauses, still shocked that Clarke had come alone. "Do you know how dangerous it is for you to come back by yourself? To come back here in general? We don’t know the motives for last night’s incident yet so your safety, along with your mother’s is our priority.”

Clarke could feel the tension in the air rising as Lexa spoke. She knew she shouldn’t have come out here by herself. But after a restless night, she felt like this was where she needed to be. She just wanted to see the gallery again. “I caught a cab” she whispered. “I just – I wanted to see the gallery again and I didn’t…” she trailed off because she didn’t know how to explain herself. “You know what, never mind.” Clarke shook her head slightly, “I’ll go back.”

Lexa could see how uneasy Clarke felt in the moment. She didn’t want to be yelling at Clarke, especially not after last night’s incident but this was such a dangerous move on Clarke’s behalf. What if Lexa hadn’t been here and there was a robber in the gallery? There were a million things that could have gone wrong. “No,” Lexa replies. “I will drive you back; I just want to clean up the gallery before Costia gets back. You can take a seat, it shouldn’t take long.” Lexa turns back to where she left the broom and dustpan and made her way back to the front of the gallery, flicking on the light switch along the way.

As she starts to clean she felt Clarke walk towards her, “Is there another broom?”

Lexa looks up to the eyes before her. This was the first time Lexa’s really seen Clarke’s eyes. They were so… blue; like to sky on a cloudless days, like the ocean in the middle of summer. Her eyes reminded her of one of the paintings that were in the gallery. Lexa hands over her broom, “I can get another one from the back.”

Clarke takes the broom and smiles.

Lexa returns with another broom and a bin. They work in silence, Clarke creating small piles of shattered glass that Lexa could use the dustpan to pick them up with. Lexa gives a small stretch of her arms that doesn’t go unnoticed by Clarke.

“How’s your shoulder?” Clarke asks.

All Lexa offers was “Hurts,” with a slight shrug before she started brooming again.

Clarke didn’t try to make conversation whilst they cleaned. She knew she was in trouble and rightfully so. It takes a little longer than expected but eventually the gallery is clean. Lexa takes the bin of shattered glass and leaves it by the dumpster. When she returns to the gallery Clarke’s starring at the same green painting she was captivated by the night before. Lexa watches the back of Clarke’s head and lets out a small sigh. She’s just about to say something when someone comes through the door.

“Lexa? Clarke?”

Both women turn to the door to see Costia walking through.

Lexa walks towards Costia, “What are you doing here?” she whispers.

“I could ask you the same thing, Lex.” Costia looks between Lexa and Clarke. “I wanted to come in and clean up a little before we start moving the paintings.” She looks around the room to see that it was already clean, “But I guess you beat me to it.”

“We just wanted you to have one less thing to worry about,” Lexa smiles.

Clarke doesn’t miss the way Lexa uses the word ‘we.’

Costia places one hand on Lexa’s shoulder, “Thank you Lexa.” She then turns and walks over to Clarke, “Thank you, too. You didn’t have to do this.”

Clarke smiles. “I’m sorry about what happened here last night.”

“Nonsense, Clarke. You weren’t the one throwing bricks into the gallery. It wasn’t your fault.” Costia offers a reassuring smile. “Is your friend okay?”

“Yeah he is.”

“And your mum?” Clarke nods and offers a reassuring smile. “That’s good.”

Lexa’s phone starts ringing and both Costia and Clarke went silent as she picked up the call. “Hello? Yes Madam President, Miss Griffin is with me.” Lexa looks straight to Clarke and continues on the phone, “We’re at the gallery; she wanted to help clean up… Yes it’s safe… Yes ma’am… I can do that… Okay… Bye…”

Clarke offers a small smile, a silent _thank you._

Lexa returns with a subtle nod. “We should go Miss Griffin.”

“Okay,” Clarke nods. She turns to Costia and leans in for a hug. “If there’s anything I can do just let me know.

Costia smiles, leaning in for the hug as well. “Thank you for cleaning up, Clarke.” Breaking away from the hug she looks to Lexa, “Thank you too, Lexa.”

Lexa nods and reminds her that if she needs anything to give her a call. After their goodbyes Lexa guides Clarke to where had parked the SUV. The drive back to the White House is silent, the air filled with so much things both women wanted to say, but neither of them spoke up.

When Lexa pulls into the garage she didn’t move from her seat to open Clarke’s door like she usually would. She remains in her chair, both hands on the steering wheel, looking at the wall in front of her. In not even a week Lexa had lied to Abby about her daughter, twice. That’s two more times than she’s lied in the entire time she’s been on Abby’s security detail. She looks into the rear view mirror to see Clarke watching her intently, “You should go inside, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke nods and opens the door. Stepping out of the SUV she lingers for a moment. “Thank you…” she whispers. _Thank you for protecting me yesterday. Thank you for not telling my mum._ Clarke waits for a reply – any sign of acknowledgement but it doesn’t come. So she swallows her pride and shuts the door.

Lexa lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her hands grip the steering wheel until her knuckles change colour. She was a lot of things in this moment, but mostly mad, mad at herself. Lexa was a good agent, but here she was almost on the verge of tears, doubting herself. She stays like this for a while, until small taps at the window startles her.

Anya raises and eyebrow. “Hey,” she mouths.

Lexa smiles, giving a quick rub of her eyes before opening the door. “Hey.”

“You alright?” Lexa nods but Anya knows better.

“How’s Abby? Did Luna and Echo get the videos to cops?” Lexa asks, stepping out of the car.

Anya stops Lexa from closing the door. “Abby’s fine, she’s just having breakfast last I heard. And yeah Luna and Echo sent the videos already. Get back in the car.”

“Huh?”

“We need to go home, shower and grab a change of clothes.” Anya moves to take the driver’s seat and looks back to Lexa who still is giving her a confused look. “Get in the car; we’ll come back before noon.”

 

* * *

 

As Clarke walks through the White House she takes out her phone and sent a message to Raven. She was still concerned since Raven had told her she was with Monty, when obviously she wasn’t.

 **Clarke Griffin 8:08AM  
** hey are you okay?

The reply comes instantly.

 **Raven Reyes 8:08AM  
** shouldn’t I be asking you that? 

 **Clarke Griffin 8:08AM  
** it’s just you never replied about being in DC or not

 **Raven Reyes 8:09AM**  
oh clarke im sorry I totally forgot  
no im not im in NY atm  
i’ll explain everything to you later

 **Clarke Griffin 8:09AM  
** okay just remember im here if you need me 

 **Raven Reyes 8:09AM  
** i know and I love you for it

As Clarke was about to send another message, a Facebook chat head popped up. After realising who it was she let out a long groan.

 **Finn Collins**  
I heard about what happened in the gallery  
I hope you’re okay  
I miss you clarke  
Im in DC do you think we can meet?

It was too early for Clarke to be dealing with Finn Collins, so she shoves her phone in her bag and steps out to the patio where her mum was having breakfast.

Abby looks up from the paper and smiles, “Morning sweetie.”

Clarke pulls the empty chair and moves it right beside her mum’s. “Hey,” she smiles, sitting down and resting her head on her mum’s shoulder.

Abby scoots a little so that they’re a little more comfortable. She wraps one arm around her daughter’s shoulder, bringing her in closer to kiss the side of her head. “You okay?”

Clarke hums in response. “Sorry I didn’t tell you where I was this morning. I had a restless night and just…” she trails off.

Abby just pulls her daughter in closer, “It’s okay. You went to the gallery again? With Agents Woods?”

“Yes,” Clarke (half) lies. “I don’t know why I thought it would help… everything was a mess and there was glass everywhere. So we cleaned up a little before coming back.”

“They’re looking into what happened last night. When I know something i’ll let you know.” Clarke simply nods against her mother’s shoulder. “Do you want some breakfast?”

“Not yet. I think I might go and see if I can get some sleep. I just wanted to see you first.”

Abby turns to give another kiss on Clarke’s head. “Alright, if you need anything just let me know.”

Clarke nos and made her way back to her room.

 

* * *

 

Anya and Lexa return to the White House just past 11:30am. The staff were working a little more frantically today, trying to get a handle on what the media was releasing about the incident about the gallery. A statement was released on behalf of the White House earlier in the morning, urging everyone to let the police conduct their investigation but the media was having a field day with this.

Lincoln had sent them a message letting them know that Abby had left the White House and to make sure they watched Clarke a little more carefully today. Abby was concerned but knew that if she hovered too much her daughter would only shut her out a little more. “Just… keep an eye out for her” Lincoln tells them.

3PM approaches and neither Anya nor Lexa have seen or heard from Clarke. They start to worry, so they decide to go check on her. Anya gives three knocks on Clarke’s door, “Miss Griffin?”

Lexa takes out her phone, “I’ll call her.” She holds the phone to her ear but then shakes her head. “Voicemail.”

Anya knocks again. “Miss Griffin? It’s Agent Carson. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

No reply again.

Lexa tries to call Clarke again, but it’s a dead end.

“Okay Miss Griffin, I’m coming in. Please call out if you don’t want me to…” Anya waits to see if there’s a reply, but nothing comes. Slowly Anya opens the door, with Lexa right behind her. The room was empty. Clarke’s bed was made, curtains were pulled back and it didn’t seem like anyone was in the bathroom.  

Lexa’s already on the phone again, trying to call Clarke. “Come on come on” she whispers, listening to the ringing tone. That’s when a buzz from the bedside table caught the attention, wherever Clarke was she didn’t take her phone with her. Lexa’s phone then starts to ring, Titus was calling. She picks up the call, “Titus, now’s not a good time.” The only thing on Lexa’s mind right now was finding Clarke before anyone realised that she was gone.

“ _I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important. Miss Griffin is here.”_

Lexa’s eyes widen, “Clarke’s at the cemetery?”

Titus manages the local cemetery in DC, the same one where Jake Griffin was buried. So he was in close contact with Lexa constantly, providing any updates on the people who visited Jake's grave. Anya’s eyes widen at what Lexa had said, but her facial expression soon changes to say that she isn’t surprised.

“ _Yes, she just brought some flowers and started walking towards her dad’s grave. I didn’t see any agents with her so I thought I best call.”_

Lexa sighs with relief. “Thank you for calling, Titus. I’m on my way.”

_“I’ll keep an eye out for her until you do.”_

“Thank you.” Lexa hangs up the call and looks to Anya. “She’s visiting her dad” she says, walking out of Clarke’s room.

Anya follows and closes the door behind her. “That’s twice in one day, her leaving without telling us,” she huffs.

“I know,” Lexa sighs. “I’ll go and get her.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah – I’ll talk to her about it. She shouldn't have to face the wrath of the both of us.”

“Always so considerate,” Anya laughs. “Take an umbrella, the weather doesn’t look too good.”

Lexa nods and then quickly turned on heels to walk back into Clarke’s room. She took a quick glance around the room hoping to find what she was looking for. And there it was, on the coat rack; a jumper. She took the jumper off the rack and left Clarke’s room once again.

Anya smirks seeing Lexa coming back with the jumper. “So considerate.”

Lexa simply walks past her and shrugs, “Just in case.”

 

* * *

 

Dark grey clouds cover the sky which could only meant that a storm was coming. Clarke walks through the cemetery, down the path and towards the lake. Her dad was buried in a secluded area of the cemetery, right in front of the lake where her mother also had a bench built in. She places the bouquet of flowers on the ground smiles. “Hey dad…” she whispers, tracing his name on the tombstone.

She moves to sit on the bench and read and re-read the tombstone in front of her.

 **JAKE GRIFFIN**  
beloved son, friend, husband and father.  
may we meet again.

Clarke just needed some time to herself. No mum, no agents, no phone with the constant buzzing of notifications. She knew that leaving her agents (again) and her phone would get her into some serious trouble, but for some peace and quiet she thought it would be worth it. The last she was here was the time of the funeral; she couldn't bring herself to come back after that. It hurt too much. But whilst she was overseas, when the moon shined from above and the stars littered the night sky she’d talk to her dad. Jake Griffin loved stargazing and that’s where Clarke found solace in his passing.

She took out her sketch book and started to draw the scene in front of her. But instead of drawing the tombstone she instead drew her dad, looking out onto the lake. She jumps at the sound of thunder in the distance, but continues to draw.

 

* * *

 

Lexa parks the car, immediately spotting Clarke sitting on the bench in front of her father’s tombstone. She doesn’t leave her spot though, having a clear view of Clarke and anyone that may approach her. It wasn’t her first time in this place. Abby from time to time asked to be driven here, where she would simply sit on the bench and look out onto the lake. And that was exactly what Clarke was doing, except Lexa could see that the blonde was also sketching in her book.

She wanted to be mad at Clarke – for leaving twice without alerting her agents. She had a speech planned and everything, but that all changed once Lexa reached the cemetery. Lexa saw Clarke sitting in front of her father’s grave and she found her heart aching. Despite not agreeing with the way Clarke went about things today, even she understood that sometimes that all you wanted to do was be alone.

 

* * *

 

About 20 minutes passes before Clarke sees the first rain drops that fall onto her sketchbook, then second and third. Next thing she knows, it’s showering. It isn’t a heavy downpour but she’ll definitely be soaked within the next 10 minutes. It didn’t help that she was only in a t-shirt and shorts too. As she packs away her notebook she suddenly felt the rain stop, despite still seeing rain in front of her. Looking up she saw a black umbrella open above her, and turning around she saw that Lexa was there holding it up.

Lexa didn’t say anything, but hands Clarke her jumper. “You should put this on.”  

Clarke lets out a small sigh. “Thank you.” Taking the jumper she puts it on and turns back to Lexa, “How did you know I was here?”

“I have people everywhere,” Lexa replies.

“The man in the flower shop,” Clarke states, turning back to the lake.

Lexa hums in response. “It’s not a surprise, really. Your mum likes to come out here too… after a bad meeting, or bad day, or just for some peace and quiet… which I assume you’re here for. The only difference is, she tells us and we bring her,” she jabs. The silence that falls between them tells Lexa that she was on the right track. “We had one rule for you Miss Griffin… and you broke it twice in one day.”

Clarke rubs her eyes, “I’m sorry,” she mumbles.

“I don’t need your apology. I need you to let me do my job.”

Another silence falls between the two women. Lexa nudges Clarke slightly with the umbrella, “Take this, I can wait by the SUV until you’re ready to leave.”

Clarke turns around and reaches for the umbrella, feeling Lexa tense as their hands graze at the exchange. “Wait,” Clarke calls out. “Will you… do you mind just staying here with me?”

“I can do that,” Lexa says, taking back the umbrella and returning to her previous position.

Clarke smiles and turns back to the lake. Most of the bench was already wet from the rain; the only spot not wet was right besides Clarke, which she could not see Lexa taking. So Clarke doesn’t bother asking if she wanted to sit. Fortunately the rain remains fairly light; both women just watching the tiny droplets fall into the lake and the ducks swimming idly by without a care in the world. 

“Did you ever meet my dad?” Clarke asks, clearing her throat slightly.

“Once,” Lexa smiled. “Before I was assigned to your mum’s security detail she was in New York for an event... They needed extra agents so I was put there. Your dad came around to every agent and thanked us personally for helping. Our meeting was brief but I remember watching him that day and thinking _what a great man_.” Lexa’s smile drops slightly, “I’m sorry about what happened to him.”

Clarke smiles at Lexa’s response, happy to hear that her dad was exactly who she remembered him to be. She was also smiling because this was probably the most Lexa has talked in the past week. Clarke was grateful that the conversation wasn't awkward or uncomfortable like she thought it would be at first. So she tries to see if she can continue it, “Can I ask you something, Agent Woods?’’

“Sure.”

Clarke scratches her head slightly, “What would you do if a friend told you that she was going to be somewhere but you knew she was lying about it?”

Lexa raises an eyebrow, not expecting this sort of question but she goes with it. “And this friend keeps playing it as if she was where she said she was going to be?”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s not just a little white lie? Like _‘Oh I’m going to the grocery store’_ when she’s in fact going to McDonalds or something?”

Clarke ponders for a moment. “No… it seems like there’s something she’s not telling me. It’s just we’ve been best friends since high school… she knows she can talk to me about anything.”

“Maybe she isn’t ready,” Lexa whispers, eyes travelling to the back of Clarke’s head. “Maybe she just needs some time to figure out for herself what’s going on.”

Clarke sighs. “I just want to make sure she knows that she’s not alone.”

“Then remind her that she’s not. Talk to her; tell her that you’re right here when she needs you. Wait, be patient – but don’t push. I know that it’s hard to sit by and do nothing, especially since it’s your best friend, but sometimes you just got to give them time.”

All Clarke can do is mutter a quiet, “Yeah…” before closing her eyes and thinking about Raven. They met in year 8 science class when Raven “accidently” set fire to Clarke’s pencil case. It was pretty funny (not to the science teacher) but Clarke was having really shitty day and Raven was trying to cheer her up. Octavia came along in year 10 and the same thing happened. Being the new kid in school was always hard so Raven tried to break the ice with her cool science trick (at Clarke’s suggestions.) It did not end well, with Raven, Clarke and Octavia all receiving a week’s worth of detentions. The three of them have been inseparable ever since.

Another small silence falls between them. It’s comforting actually, with the sound of raindrops in the background. Lexa shifts where she’s standing and swaps the hand she was holding the umbrella with.

“You can sit if you want,” Clarke offers, hearing Lexa move behind her.

Lexa looks down to the seat and sees that the only dry spot is right next to Clarke where the umbrella has also sheltered. She lets out a small sigh, her legs were aching, actually her whole body was since she’d hasn’t slept in over 30 hours. So she lets herself take a seat right next to the blonde.

Clarke’s heart stops momentarily as she realises Lexa has chosen to sit down. They’re right next to each other, their thighs and elbows touching. She couldn’t help but smile, maybe she was getting through to the woman next to her. The rain was still falling and Clarke didn’t want this afternoon to end.  A couple of minutes pass before she musters up the courage to speak again. “Can I ask you something else?”

“You’re on a roll today aren’t you, Miss Griffin?” Lexa turns to see Clarke’s lip twitch into a smile. “Go for it,” she smiles.

“I have a…” Clarke trails off, trying to keep her Finn issue as vague as possible. “A… friend who wants to catch up whilst im in DC but he’s the last person I want to see while I’m here.”

“Don’t people usually want to catch up with friends?”

“It’s an ex,” Clarke sighs. _So much for keeping it vague._

Lexa nods. She thinks about it for a moment before it dawns on her that she’s not exactly the best person to be giving advice on this particular topic. “You know Miss Griffin, I’m not the best person to be giving advice on a topic like this–”

“Sorry,” Clarke cut in. “Too personal?”

“Kind of,” Lexa shrugs. “But I was going to say that I’m not qualified to give advice on avoiding an ex because i'm still on friendly terms with mine… as you know,” she smiles.

Clarke opens her mouth slightly, ready to say something when she decides against it. She nods, “Right, of course… would I be crossing a line if I asked what happened? Between you and Costia?”

 _Yes._ “The simply answer; work got in the way,” she sighs. “We just prioritised our work when we were together and we eventually decided that the longer we stayed together the more we were hurting each other.”

Clarke turns to Lexa, whose starring out to the lake. “So it was a mutual decision to end things?” Lexa nods. “And that’s why you’re on friendly terms?” Lexa nods again. “God – I wish things were that simple for me,” Clarke huffs, returning her gaze on the lake.

A series of thunder strikes in the distance, which causes Clarke to jump in her seat slightly.

“It’s okay,” Lexa reassures. “You’re safe here, for now. But we should probably go soon it’s only meant to get worse.”

Clarke nods and takes another moment to look out onto the lake. When she gets out of her seat, Lexa immediately stands up too; making sure Clarke remains dry as possible. Clarke steps towards her father’s tombstone, kneeling down slightly with Lexa close behind. “Bye dad,” she whispers, tracing the name once again.

As they reach the SUV, Lexa once again opens the door for Clarke.

Clarke doesn’t fight it anymore; she knows she’s not going to win.

Lexa shuts the door and makes her way to the boot of the car. She gives a few shakes of the umbrella before dumping it in the back and taking the driver’s seat. Lexa adjust the rear view mirror – meeting the blue eyes in the back seat and smiles. “If your ex does bother you while you’re here, let me know. I can have it handled.”

“Handled?” Clarke laughs. “Do I want to know…?”

Lexa smirks slightly. “The less you know the better Miss Griffin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for your comments/kudos! :D


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is almost half the length of my usual chapters. the plan was to write the remaining half after the episode aired yesterday but with everything that happened i just couldn't. 
> 
> i don't know if there's anything i can say or do to make it hurt any less. but know that i am here if you need someone to talk to. you can talk to me on twitter or tumblr (links at the end) about the 100 or about anything else. lexa didn't deserve this, clarke didn't deserve this, their love didn't deserve this. 
> 
> reshop, heda

Monday morning came too soon for Clarke. After returning from the cemetery the previous day she had to sit with a few people from PR so she could release a statement about what happened at the gallery. Fortunately it didn’t take too long before she was having dinner with her mum and heading to bed for the day.

Today Clarke was scheduled for a couple of interviews. Two of them were to talk about Doctors without Borders, another one honouring her as one of the “top 10 influential young women of 2016” and another with her mother (where she was going to sit in from more of a supporting stance.) She didn’t mind the interviews; she just maybe wanted one more day to herself.

Checking her notifications doesn’t help her mood. Raven was meant to be coming to DC but plans have seemed to change with the brunette leaving a very vague message for Clarke.

 **Raven Reyes 1:30 AM**  
sorry to do this to you as well but I won’t make it to DC today  
will explain everything to you soon, I promise 

Clarke sighs. She was a little angry and kind of annoyed at this point. She just wanted to know why Raven was so secretive about everything. She’s just about to reply when Lexa’s words from the previous day play out in her mind. _Wait, be patient – but don’t push._ So Clarke deletes her initial message and thinks for a moment before she sends a new one.

 **Clarke Griffin 7:08 AM**  
i don’t know what it is you’re going   
through but im here if you need me  
you are not alone 

She also notices that Finn had left a couple more messages but she doesn’t bother checking them. Clarke goes about her usual morning routine – eventually finding her mum having breakfast out on the patio.

 

* * *

 

Lexa and Anya are already at the White House by 7AM. Today was a full day of interviews for Clarke – so they wanted to make sure they were ahead of schedule. The first interview would be with her mum at the White House, and then they’d have to drive her to three different locations in DC for the remaining interviews. It was going to be a long day.

After returning from the cemetery the previous night Anya near grilled Lexa into talking about what had happened with Clarke. But all Lexa offered was “It’s handled” before calling it a night. Anya knew she could trust Lexa, but it didn’t stop her worrying about how much the blonde seemed to be affecting her partner.

The first interview Clarke was set to do was with her mum, within the White House. It was scheduled for 9:30AM and they were right on track. The room was set up, camera crew ready as were the interviewers and both Griffin women were halfway through having hair and makeup done.

The interview goes well. Lexa watches the whole thing unfold from the back of the room. She catches Clarke’s gaze a few times and gives a slightly nod in response each time. Lexa tries to hide the smile that forms whenever Clarke laughs or makes a joke.

The rest of the day goes pretty much the same. Anya and Lexa drive Clarke to the different interview locations. Lexa again, tries to hide her smile whenever Clarke laughs or jokes or simply looks at her. As the last interview wraps up Lexa can tell that Clarke is exhausted. Over the years Lexa has learnt how to read people and the way Clarke’s shoulders slump slightly, how her blinks are slower than normal and how her voice doesn’t have that usual spark tells her that the blonde was done for the day.

As Clarke says goodbye to the people she’s spent the last 2 hours with she finds Lexa ready to go by the door.

Lexa opens the door for Clarke, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Clarke nods. She follows Lexa through the building, a comfortable silence falling between the two.

As they reach the car Anya is already there, door opened for Clarke. “Back to the White House, Miss Griffin?”

“Actually…” Clarke pauses. “I need a drink, think you can take me somewhere?”

“We can do that,” Anya smiles before shutting the door. She turns to Lexa, who’s just glaring at her. “What? The girl has had a long day.”

The drive to the bar doesn’t take long. Clarke steps out of the car and reads the sign out front, “ _Grounders.”_

“It belongs to a friend, so it’s familiar to us,” Anya tells Clarke. “I’ll be out here and Lexa will inside with you.”

Lexa opens the door for Clarke and smiles.

When Clarke enters she’s met with the usual bar scene. It’s a nice small place. There’s a pool table to the far right, along with a couple of dart boards along the wall. The middle of the room is where the bar is, stools running along most of the counter with a kitchen just visible at the back. The room also had a plasma TV with some basketball game playing a handful of tables and booths that were nearly all occupied by people.

Lexa guides them to the two empty seats at the bar, as they both take a drink she calls for the bartender. “Nyko” she smiles.

Nyko smiles and makes his way towards them. “Lexa!” he cheers, leaning over to give her a quick hug. “It’s good to see you again. Here alone?”

“No. Anya’s just outside, but Nyko I’d like you to meet Miss Griffin.” Lexa shuffles in her seat, pointing to her right.

“It’s nice to meet you Miss Griffin,” Nyko smiles, offering his hand.

Clarke returns the smile and accepts the handshake. “Please, just call me Clarke. It’s a nice place you have here.”

“Thank you, I’m quite fond of it myself,” he laughs. “So what can I get you?”

“Bourbon,” Clarke smiles, “Neat.”

Lexa turns to Clarke, “I’m just going to do a round of the bar. I’ll be back in a moment Miss Griffin.”

Nyko pulls out a glass from under the table. “Don’t worry Lexa, I’ll stay close.”

Lexa nods and leaves Clarke for the moment.

Nyko pushes the drink towards Clarke. “Do you ever get used to it?” Clarke raises an eyebrow. “Always having someone watch over you?”

Clarke takes a sip of her drink and shakes her head slightly. “Not really,” she laughs. “But Agents Woods and Carson are good people so that definitely makes it easier.”

“They are good people. I’ve known them for years now.”

Clarke runs her finger along the rim of her drink. “So how do you know them?”

“I’ve known Anya since she was born; I’m good friends with her parents. And Lexa…” he trails off laughing slightly. “Anya brought Lexa in here the day she turned 22. You know they wanted a low-key night but we ended up talking business that saw Lexa designing a drinks menu for the bar.”

Clarke put her glass down and tilted her head slightly, “Drinks menu?”

“Yeah,” Nyko nods. “I wanted a unique drinks menu so Lexa offered to make a few drinks for the bar.” He goes to grab a menu from under the table and slides it towards Clarke, "Let me know if you want anything," he says before going off to another customer. 

Clarke takes the menu and starts to look through it. There are ten different drinks on the menu, all of which she hasn't heard before. The pictures are vibrant, the drinks ranging from all different colours. As she reads the menu she doesn’t notice Lexa returning.

“You should try _The Reaper._ ”

Clarke turns to see Lexa watching the TV and looks back down to the menu. When she found _The Reaper_ drink, it was bright red with the main flavour as strawberry. She calls for Nyko, “Hey Nyko, can I get a Reaper?”

Nyko nods. “Won’t be long,” he smiles.

Clarke scrolls through her phone in the meantime. She checks Twitter and Facebook but when nothing catches her attention she puts it down and watches the TV as well. It’s not long before Nyko brings over her drink and Clarke swears it’s probably the best drink she’s ever had. It’s sweet, but not too sweet. It’s got a good amount of alcohol in it but not enough to only be able to have one. As she finishes her first sip she licks her lips and puts down the glass. “Good recommendation. I didn’t know you mixed drinks”

Lexa turns in her seat and shrugs slightly. “It’s not something worth mentioning.”

“It is when the drinks taste _this_ good.”

Lexa simply shrugs again.

At the moment Nyko places a bowl of fries in front of Clarke.

Clarke looks down to the bowl and back up to Nyko. “Oh I didn’t order this.”

“I ordered it,” Lexa says. “You should eat if you’re going to drink.”

“Ohh.” Clarke doesn’t miss how there are butterflies in her stomach at the gesture. She takes a French fry and then pushes the bowl towards Lexa.

Lexa smiles and simply declines the offer.

Halfway through her bowl of fries, a woman (by the name of Donna) approaches Clarke, inviting her to play a round of darts. Lexa watches from where she’s sitting and tries her best to ignore how her stomach turns whenever Clarke laughs at something Donna has said, or whenever Donna touch Clarke’s arm or how Clarke buys the woman another round of drinks. Lexa _tries_ to ignore it, but fails.

About half an hour later Clarke returns to her seat.

“Going back to your friend?” Lexa asks.

“No,” Clarke smirks. “I don’t actually like playing darts.”

“Then why did you go?” 

Clarke simply shrugs and smiles. “I think i’m ready to leave.”

“Okay,” Lexa nods. She stands up first, waiting for Clarke to do the same.

But the moment Clarke stood up she grabs Lexa by the shoulders, manoeuvring her agent so that she was right in front of her.

“Miss Griffin, what’s wrong?” Lexa whispers, almost stunned by the blonde’s actions.

Clarke adjusts Lexa and ducks a little more, in her best attempts to hide. “Ex-boyfriend Finn, two o’clock,” she mutters. “Now would be a really good time to sneak me out of here without being seen.”

“Which one is he?” Lexa asks, as she slightly turned around.

“Raggedy hair. White sweater.”

Lexa spots him almost instantly, but it was too late. He was walking towards their general direction and there was no way Lexa could pull Clarke away without being noticed. She had a plan though, one that she didn't particularly like, but at this point it was her only option. She sighs and turned back to Clarke. Without saying anything Lexa undid her ponytail, letting her curls fall across her shoulders. In one swift move she proceeded to take off her blazer and unbuttons the top button of her blouse. She was going for the “casual after work drinks at a bar” look.

Clarke watches, a little stunned and confused. She barely manages a “Wha-” before Lexa was leaning in, about to whisper something into her ear. “Play along.”

Clarke gulps at the closeness. As Lexa backs away, Clarke touches the side of her cheek where Lexa just was, feeling as if her skin was burning from the almost touch. Clarke didn’t trust herself to say anything so she just nods.

Lexa offers Clarke a small smile and then guides for them to sit down. “Do you want another drink?” Lexa ask, getting comfortable on her seat.

“I'll have whatever you're having.”

Lexa motions for Nyko, “Two cokes, please.”

Nyko smiles and nods, placing two glasses on the table and filling them both up. Lexa grabs two straws, placing one in either cup and pushes the glass towards Clarke.

“Not really what I was expecting,” Clarke laughs, taking a sip anyways.

Lexa shrugs her shoulders playfully.

Clarke let out another small laugh. 

“ _Clarke_!”

Clarke slumps a little knowing very well who was about to approach her. She didn't turn around, on the off chance Finn would just leave. But unfortunately she soon felt a hand on her shoulder. It was not a split second later, the hand was off her shoulder and Clarke heard a loud groan. She quickly turns around to see Lexa bending Finn’s hand back in a painful manner.

“Hands off,” Lexa said sternly.

“Ow ow ow,” he whines. “I’m Finn. I’m a friend of Clarke’s”

“Far from it, Finn,” Clarke scoffs. She leans slightly forward, placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” she smiles. Lexa nods, letting go of Finn’s hand and returning to her seat. Clarke returns to look at Finn, “What do you want?”

Finn rubs his hand slightly, looking between the two women. “Too talk Clarke, I miss you. Can we just-”

“Whoa whoa whoa” Lexa interrupts. “I’m going to stop you right there. I was already late for this date because of work so i’d really like an uncomplicated night to get to know the wonderful Clarke here.” Lexa turns to the blonde, giving a slight squeeze of Clarke’s knee. _Make it look convincing,_ Lexa told herself. She gave Clarke a small smile before returning to Finn, “Tim, was it?”

Clarke bit her bottom lip, trying to stifle her laughter.

“Finn,” he growls.

“Well Finn, you wreak of complicated,” Lexa says as she takes a sip of her drink. “You should leave.”

Finn looks to Clarke with pleading eyes but before he could say anything Clarke raises her hand slightly. “My security detail is just outside Finn; please don’t make me call them in. They’re kind of hard-asses.”

Lexa looks straight to Clarke who had the slightest smirk on.  She turns back to Finn, “She’s right. So you better leave now, because Clarke might give you the benefit of the doubt but I have no problem calling them in.”

Finn took a small step towards Clarke, to which Lexa immediately responds by standing up as well. “Leave.”

Finn remains staring at Clarke, who simply turns her back on him. He raises both hands up, as if he was surrendering and takes two steps back. “Fine, be like that.”

Lexa didn't sit back down until Finn was out of the bar. Returning to her seat she could see Clarke with the biggest grin on her face. Lexa raises an eyebrow, “What are you so happy about?”

“You called me _Clarke,_ ” she smiles, taking another sip of her drink. “ _Twice_.”

“That doesn’t count. It wouldn’t have worked if i called you _Miss Griffin_.”

“It so counts,” Clarke laughs. “You didn’t have to say my name, but you did.” She turns in her seat so she was facing Lexa directly. Placing one hand over her heart she smiles once again, “This night is going to be one i remember forever.”

Lexa shakes her head and laughs. Not one for bantering she proceeds to run her fingers through her hair, ready to tie up again.

Clarke immediately grabs Lexa’s wrist, which stunned them both. “Don't," she whispers. “I like your hair down.” 

Lexa smiles and decides not to fight it, letting her hair fall down once again. “Do you still want to leave Miss Griffin?

“Really?” Clarke laughs. “Would it really kill you to just call me _Clarke?”_

Lexa shrugs her shoulders.

“You’re so difficult, you know that right?”

“So i’ve been told,” Lexa replies.

Clarke shakes her head in amusement. “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also just know that at least here, im going to keep writing clexa fanfic for you guys because i know how much joy and happiness their relationship has brought people and if i can help in keeping their story alive (even if it's just in an AU) i will.


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke/lexa are the highlight of the morning's news and raven's finally in town!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i just wanted to say thanks for understanding when i wasn't able to update last week. i've deleted the author's note now but know that i read all the comments and i appreciate every single one of you.
> 
> let's get back to the story shall we?
> 
> happy reading!

Lexa wakes up the following day just before 6am. What surprises her though is that Anya was already up, dressed and having breakfast. Lexa stumbles into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. “Morning,” she smiles. “This is a first, you being up before me.” Lexa wanders towards the fridge.

Anya puts down her cup of coffee and sighs. “So I have kind of good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

“Good news,” Lexa replies.

“Luna called this morning and said that the incident at the gallery wasn’t related Abby or Clarke. The attackers were disgruntled owners of the building who were evicted when they couldn’t afford the rent.”

Lexa pours herself a cup of orange juice. “So they’ve caught them?” Anya nods. “Does Costia know yet?”

“I don’t know,” Anya shrugs. “Most likely, but you should give her a call later today.”

“I will. And the bad news?”

Anya sighs again. She reaches for the newspaper that was beside her and turns over to the front page, gesturing for Lexa to take a look.

Lexa curiously walks over. When she sees what’s on the front page she drops her glass. Juice spills down her legs and the glass shatters around her.

“Jesus, Lexa.” Anya moves around to start picking up the large pieces of broken glass. She grabs paper towels, passing them to Lexa to clean herself up. “Go sit,” Anya commands. “Be careful.”

Lexa does as she was told, taking the paper with her. There was a large photo of Clarke and herself from the night before, plastered across the front page. “ _THE PRESIDENT’S DAUGHTER SPOTTED WITH HER MUM’S SECURITY DETAIL.”_ Someone had snapped a photo just as Lexa was leaning in to whisper for Clarke to ‘play along’ when they spotted Finn. But obviously the photo was taken out of context and the article was anything but accurate.

As Anya finishes cleaning up the mess, she stands in front of Lexa. “Want to explain what happened?”

“This isn’t what it looks like Anya.”

“Then tell me what happened and why you didn’t say anything last night.”

Lexa sighs. “We were just about to leave when Clarke spotted her ex coming towards us. I didn’t know what else to do, so I pretended to be her date so he’d leave her alone.” She pauses for a moment, reading Anya’s facial expression (It was blank, which wasn’t a good reaction – but it wasn’t a bad one either). “In this photo, I was just telling her to play along. There wasn’t any time to explain.”

Anya crosses her arms across her chest. “You could have just said Clarke was needed back at the White House. Or you could have called me in. Or that she was late for some event. Or–”

Lexa rubs her face. “I know, alright? But that was the first thing that came to mind.”

“Your feelings for this girl are goin–”

“There are no feelings,” Lexa cuts in again. She gets off the seat and makes her way to the bedroom. “I’m going to change. Someone from PR is bound to call any second.”

“You need to stop cutting me off like that!” Anya calls out.

As predicted, someone from PR does call Lexa as she’s on the way to the White House. It isn’t long before she’s sitting across from Abby’s team, explaining what actually happened at the bar. The grill her about every single detail from the moment Clarke finished her last interview to the moment they arrived back at the White House. Lexa knows that the team is just doing their job, but it’s a long a tiring process.

When Lexa finishes her talk with PR she exits the room to see Anya, Gustus, Lincoln, Echo and Luna all standing by. They all turn to look at Lexa, waiting for her to say something first.

“Everything’s fine,” Lexa says. “They’re going to release a statement after they talk to Clarke. But I need to talk to Abby.”

Still no one says anything but the worried expressions of everyone’s face told Lexa what they were thinking.

Lexa sighs. “Really it’s going to be fine.” She points between Lincoln, Gustus, Echo and Luna. “You four should go finish rounds. I might not be Abby’s security detail but I still know her schedule. She’s got gala prep all day today so go, finish your rounds."

Lincoln steps forward, placing his hand on Lexa’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. “Let me know if you need anything.

“I will,” Lexa nods. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke wakes up the following day and as usual, grabs her phone to check for any notifications. Noticeably there were a lot more then there usually was, so she takes a quick scroll to see if she can find out why there was so much. She finds her answer in her twitter feed. There were multiple links for articles, with a picture of Clarke and Lexa at the bar attached.

> **@NewsDaily** : “ _WHO IS THE GIRL IN THE BAR WITH CLARKE GRIFFIN? –_ Click the link and find out!” http://newsdaily.com/story/09q238nd
> 
> **@DCNEWS** : “The president’s daughter cozing up to the president’s security detail?” http://dcnews.com/2923nbvv40
> 
> **@StarNews** : “Is there love in the air for Clarke Griffin?” http://starnews.com/article/2392992fh

Her first reaction is to call Lexa, but is met with her agent’s voicemail. With her phone still to her ear she tries again as she gets out of bed and freshens up and changes. Lexa doesn’t pick up the other two times Clarke calls, causing the blonde to mutter out a small string of profanities.

It was barely 7am but Clarke knew her mother would be already up. She makes her way out to the patio, only to find Tris clearing up the dishes on the table.

“Oh Miss Griffin, you’re up.” Tris smiles and pulls out the chair, “Take a seat. I’ll be back in a moment with your breakfast.”

Clarke shakes her head. “Not just yet Tris, have you seen my mum?”

“You just missed her. I think she was heading to the Oval Office.”

“Okay thanks.”

Clarke makes her way to the Oval Office. She weaves her way through the staff that wonders the hallways, giving a quick “Hello” to anyone who greets her. Though she was set on finding her mum, she doesn’t miss the whispers.

“ _Did you see the paper this morning?”_

_“Always had a feeling that girl was trouble.”_

_“Shut up Susan, who she dates is none of our business anyways.”_

The last one made Clarke smile slightly, but she didn’t have time to stop and say anything, she needed to see her mum. When she reached the room before the Oval Office she saw Maya working away at her desk and Anya sitting on one of the chairs just outside the door.

Anya stands up, giving Clarke a small nod. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Clarke smiles. “I’m guessing you’ve seen the news?” Anya nods. “It’s not what–”

Anya lifts her hand to stop Clarke from talking. “It’s okay. Agent Woods told me what happened.”

“Is she…” Clarke trails off, unsure of how to ask what she wanted to ask.

“She was with PR earlier, telling them what happened. They’re most likely going to call for you soon too, just to make sure you’re stories align… Not that they wouldn’t but it’s just protocol.” Clarke nods. “Agent Woods is inside, talking to your mum now.”

Clarke nods again. “This isn’t going to get her into trouble is it?”

“Let’s hope not.” Anya sits back down, gesturing for Clarke to do the same.

Clarke takes the seat next to Anya and they wait.

 

* * *

 

Inside the Oval Office, Lexa sits across from Abby, who is behind her desk. She had just finished telling the president what had happened at the bar. Though the PR team already gave Abby the run down on what happened, she needed to hear it for herself.

Lexa sits up a little straighter, “I’m sorry Madam President.”

Abby stares at Lexa, but it isn’t one that burns. She presses a button on her phone and leans down slightly. “Maya, can you see if Clarke’s awake yet.”

“ _She’s already here, Madam President.”_

“Send her in.” Abby sighs, rubbing her face.

Clarke comes through a few seconds later. She stops briefly at the door, looking between the two women in the room. Lexa stands up, giving Clarke a small nod when their gaze met. Her mum was gesturing for her to take the empty seat beside Lexa.

“Mum this isn’t Agent Wood’s fault,” Clarke says, taking a seat.

Moments after Clarke sat down, Lexa sat back down too.

“I know,” Abby reassured. “But I want to hear your side of the last night’s events. We don’t need any discrepancies between the two of you.”

Clarke nods. “Well after the interviews I asked Agents Woods and Carson if they could take me to a bar. I just needed a drink, it was a long day. They took me to Grounders because they know the owner and it was familiar territory for them.” Abby and Lexa both nod slightly, so Clarke continues. “After I had a couple of drinks and some food I was ready to leave, that’s when I saw Finn. It was too late for us to sneak away so Lex- Agent Woods leaned in and whispered for me to play along.” Clarke points to the paper of her mum’s desk, “That’s what she was doing in the photo.”

Abby looks to Lexa then back to her daughter. “Witnesses say that things got… physical.”

“Barely,” Clarke scoffs. “He put his hand on my shoulder so Lexa took it off.” She turns to her agent who’s looking right at her. “I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet, so thank you.”

Lexa gives a small nod, but doesn’t say anything.

Clarke turns back to her mum, “He said he wanted to talk but I didn’t want to hear it. Lexa pretended to be my date and he backed off.”

“And that’s it?” Abby asks.

“Yes,” Clarke nods. “That’s it.”

“Okay. Well PR is going to want to talk to you soon, so just tell them what you told me.”

Clarke nods again. She turns to Lexa, “Agent Woods? Do you mind giving us a minute?”

Lexa turns to Abby, “Is that all Madam President?”

Abby nods. “You can go.”

Lexa stands up, adjusting her jacket. She looks down to Clarke and smiles, “I’ll wait outside.” She leaves the Oval Office, going to sit next to Anya. Lexa drops her head into her hands and sighs.

Anya rubs Lexa’s back for a moment. They stay silent for a while; it’s a comfortable silence. This was how their relationship worked. Both women knew when the talk and when to simply be there for the other person.

When Lexa sits back up she lets out a small sigh. Turning to Anya she smiles, “Thank you,” she whispers.

“Any time,” Anya whispers back, taking her hand off Lexa’s back. “Why don’t you give Costia a call? I’ll find you if Clarke comes out.

“Okay.” Lexa gets up and makes her way around the corner, just somewhere there wasn’t any people lingering around. Taking out her phone she calls Costia.

 

* * *

 

“This isn’t going to get Agent Woods in trouble is it?” Clarke asks.

Abby shakes her head. “No.” Clarke gives her mother an unconvinced look so Abby continues. “She acted quickly to a situation that she wasn’t prepared for, that’s what she’s trained for. Though her method was…” Abby shakes her head slightly, “a little _different_ , she did her job and got you out of the situation.”

Clare nods. Letting a small sigh she hears her stomach rumble. “If that’s all I’m going to go have breakfast.”

“Yes, go eat. Just stop by PR afterwards and then you’re free to do as you please.”

“Where’s PR?” Clarke asks, standing up.

“Down the hall, take a left towards the main common room. It’s the room before board room 1. Just ask Agent Carson or Woods, they’ll make sure you don’t get lost.”

“Okay, thanks mum.”

“So what do you have planned for today?”

Clarke shrugs, “Nothing really. But I’ve got the elementary school visit on Friday which I’m really excited for.”

“Isn’t Raven supposed to do that with you? I thought she was meant to do that with you? Wasn’t Octavia also meant to be here by now?”

“Yeah,” Clarke sighs, scratching her head slightly. “It’s a long story, I’ll tell you at dinner tonight?”

“Okay sweetie. Oh, by the way Callie and her husband are joining us for dinner too. I hope that's alright."

"Of course," Clarke smiles.

"Have a good day."

Clarke walks around her mum’s desk, leaning down to give a quick kiss on her head. “You too, mum.”

When she exits the Oval Office, it’s only Anya there waiting for her. She smiles, “I’m going to grab some breakfast, but do you mind showing me to PR afterwards?”

“Of course, I’ll come by the patio in about half an hour?”

Clarke nods. “Sounds good.”

They walk down the hallway together briefly, before going their separate ways. Clarke continues to make her way to the patio, but before turning a corner she comes to a halt. There’s a familiar voice just around the corner.

“ _Yeah Cos, they got them. They were the previous owners of the building, got evicted when they couldn’t pay the rent… Yeah… It’s good... Yeah… Sorry we couldn’t grab coffee when you were here… But next time, definitely…”_

Clarke took a few steps back, just so that she was out of earshot of their conversation. It felt wrong listening to the conversation, and to make it worse she felt a slight course of jealously run through her. Clarke knew that she had no right to be but she’s been questioning if her low-key crush on her agent was more high-key than she thought.

She doesn’t know what to do at this point. There’s only one way to the patio, but she didn’t want to disrupt the conversation between Lexa and Costia. So she stood idly by, digging her feet into the carpet, hoping that the decision would be made for her.

“Miss Griffin?”

Clarke looks up to see Lexa standing there. “Hey.”

“Are you… lost?”

“No,” Clarke laughs. “Just going to have breakfast before I have to meet with PR.”

“Out on the patio?” Clarke nods. “Mind if I walk with you?”

“Not at all,” Clarke smiles.

The two walk side by side. They reach the patio in silence, with Clarke taking her seat. Lexa leaves without a word, leaving Clarke a little confused. But she simply shrugs it off ad she pour herself a cup of coffee. A couple of minutes pass and Lexa returns with Clarke’s breakfast, placing it in front of her.

Lexa takes a step back. “Enjoy your breakfast, Miss Griffin.”

“Thank you,” she smiles.

“I’ll be just inside when you're done.” Lexa turns on heels, making her way towards the door.

“Lexa wait!” Clarke calls out and Lexa turns around. “I’m sorry about last night, and how it ended up in the news.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.” Lexa takes a few steps forward. “I’m here to protect you, and I was just doing my job. As it for ending up on the news, it’ll pass. In a couple of days some celebrity will be seen grocery shopping and no one will really care about today’s news.”

Clarke smiles. “Still, I’m sorry. Being an agent and all I’m sure you rather not have your picture plastered all over the internet.”

“That’s true,” Lexa agrees. “But PR will release a statement later today and it will pass. Don’t worry too much about it.” She pauses and gives a small smile. “Enjoy your breakfast.”

Clarke watches Lexa leave, and starts on her breakfast. It’s a simple breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.  She picks at her food, replaying the events from the previous night in her head. She remembers how her skin felt like it was burning when Lexa leaned in, she remembers Lexa’s breath in her ear and how her breath hitched, she remembers how fast her heart was racing at the few moments she saw _Lexa,_ and not Agent Woods.

This was the last thing she wanted to have on her mind. Clarke was still worried about Raven and she had no idea what was going on and how she could help. She also had to make a decision about whether or not she wanted to do another year with Doctors without Borders soon. With this she was torn, she’s been on the move for the past couple of years and felt like it was about time to settle down somewhere, find a place to call home. But there was still so much to do with Doctors without Borders, still so much people who needed their help.

She finishes breakfast and makes her way back inside. Immediately she spots Lexa and Anya waiting patiently by the door. “Hey,” she smiles.

They both stand up at the same time. “Ready to go to PR?” Anya asks.

Clarke nods. They start to walk through the White House and Lexa is right by her side. “So you already talked to PR right?”

“Yes,” Lexa replies. “There’s nothing to be worried about, they just want to make sure they have all the facts.”

“Again I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers.

“You don’t need to apologise.” Lexa turns to Clarke and gives a reassuring smile.

When they reach the room, Anya opens the door for Clarke. “We’ll wait outside until you’re done. Is there anything you wanted to do today?”

“Umm.” Clarke thinks for a second.

Lexa cuts in. “It’s okay, we can talk about it after.”

Clarke finishes her talk with PR about half an hour later. She comes out feeling at ease with the situation, being reassured that it was going to be handled and that Lexa would not get in trouble for it. Emerging from the room she spots Anya and Lexa waiting for her again. Walking up to her agent she smiles. She’s about to say something when her phone starts to buzz in her pocket.

_RAVEN REYES CALLING_

“Sorry,” she mouths. She answers the call. “Hey… What? You’re here? Like right now? ... Where? How? … Of course you’re at the space museum…  Okay… Yeah of course…”

Lexa watched Clarke as she spoke over the phone. The tone of the blonde’s voice had done a complete 180, she was grinning ear to ear and it didn’t seem like she could keep still.

“Ha-ha, I’ll be there in like 20 minutes… See you in a bit.” Clarke looks up from her phone to her agents who were giving her curious looks. “That was Raven… um my best friend,” she gleamed, “Who was meant to come like last week. She’s here!” Clarke couldn't hold back her excitement.

Lexa smiles at the how happy Clarke was. “To the space museum then?”

“Yes please. I just want to change quickly; can I meet you at the garage?”

Anya nods. “Yes.”

Clarke claps, “Awesome!”

And before anyone could say anything else the blonde was eagerly jogging off to her room. Anya and Lexa make there was towards the garage, stopping by their lounge to gather their things. When they’re at the car, Anya sits in the driver’s seat whilst Lexa stands outside of the car, waiting for Clarke. Lexa’s got her door opened and is leaning against the vehicle. “So did you do research on this Raven?”

Anya hums in response. “Raven works with Doctors without Borders too, she’s like the project manager… overseeing everything, making sure it all runs smoothly. If I remember correctly she’s been volunteering a couple more years then Clarke has. She’s got a background in engineering or mechanics or both, pretty much a certified genius from what I’ve read.”

Lexa turns to face Anya and smirks. “You talk pretty highly of her. I don’t think you even talk that highly of me.”

Anya shrugs. “I will if you win the Polis Tech award three years in a row, and all before you’re 21.”

“20, actually.”

Lexa and Anya turn their attention to Clarke who was just about to enter the car. Lexa quickly opened the passenger door.

“Thanks,” Clarke smiles. As she settles herself in the seat she continues talking. “Raven’s 21st birthday was the week after she won the Polis Tech award for the third time.”

Anya starts the car engine and starts to drive. “That’s impressive. I actually entered that competition in my first year of college.”

Clarke looks into the rear view mirror, locking eyes with Anya. “Really?”

“Yeah, my first year of college I actually studied engineering but I quickly realised it wasn’t for me.”

“How did you go? In the competition?”

“I didn't even rank,” Anya laughs. 

As they drive Clarke can’t help but fidget in her seat. She’s texting Raven, telling her that she’ll be at the museum any minute. As the museum draws nearer Clarke spots Raven sitting on the steps in no time. She’s almost jumping out of her seat, waiting for Anya to park the SUV. When it’s parked Clarke is immediately out the door and running towards her best friend.  

When Raven sees Clarke she’s immediately on her feet, taking a few steps forward to engulf her friend in a hug. “Heeeey.”

Clarke tightens the hug. “You would think I’d be sick of you after spending a whole year with you. But I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, Griffin,” Raven smiles. She tightens the hug a little further.

After a few moments Clarke breaks away from the hug. “I’ll get my agents to take your bag and we can go check out the space museum.”

Raven’s eyes practically sparkle. “Really?”

Clarke laughs. “Come on, you could have ended up anywhere in DC and you just so happen to be here.” She steps past Raven, taking a hold of the suitcase. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.” Clarke gestured for Raven to follow her back to the SUV.

Clarke stops in front of Anya and Lexa, who were waiting patiently by the SUV. “Agent Woods, Agent Carson, this is Raven Reyes,” she gestures to her best friend. Turning to Raven she smiles, “Raven, Agent Woods and Agent Carson. My security detail while I’m here.”

Anya offers her hand first. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Like-wise,” Raven smiles, accepting the handshake.

Lexa does the same. “I hope you enjoy your stay Miss Reyes.”

Raven takes Lexa’s hand and laughs. “Oh please don’t call me _Miss Reyes_.”

“Good luck with that,” Clarke laughs.

Lexa lets out a very subtle smirk. She points to the suitcase, “Would you like me to put your bag in the car, _Raven_?”

Clarke’s jaw drops. “Really?!”

Raven looks between Clarke and Lexa, confused. She turns to Lexa, “Sure Agent Woods, thanks.”

Lexa nods and grabs Raven’s bag and puts in the boot. She returns to the group with Clarke and Raven looking slightly defeated. “What’s the matter?”

Clarke points over her shoulder, “The line to get in is long.”

“Oh Griffin my friend, you’re the president’s daughter. That’s got to have some pull here?” Raven laughs, swinging her arm around her best friend’s shoulder.

“It does, actually,” Anya points out. She turns to Lexa, “I called earlier, Alex is working so she’ll let you in. I’ll take the car and meet you inside.” Lexa nods and Anya is off without another word.

Lexa points to the side of the museum, “This way.”

Raven and Clarke nod, following Lexa closely behind. They walk towards the side of the museum, bypassing everyone that was in the line for the main entrance. When they reach a secluded area, there’s a guard standing by the fence. Lexa takes out her ID, “Alex is expecting us.”

The guard takes a look at the ID and nods. He speaks into his radio, “Miss Alex, I have Agent Lexa Woods here for you.”

“ _Send her and her guest in Steve.”_

The guard steps aside and gives a slight nod.

“Thanks,” Lexa smiles, stepping past the guard.

“Thanks,” Raven and Clarke whisper, stepping pass as well.

Lexa guides them through a side door, down a couple of hallways and into what looks like a conference room.  In the room there was a woman already waiting there. She wore a white long sleeve blouse tucked into her black pencil skirt, her hair was done up in a neat bun and her glasses sat at the top of her head. She looks up from her phone and smiles, “Agent Woods!” She steps around the table and walks towards Lexa, extending her hand.

“Alex, good to see you back in DC.” Lexa accepts the handshake. She then points to Clarke, “This is Clarke Griffin,” and then points to Raven, “And Raven Reyes.”

Alex extends her hand to Clarke first, “It’s an honour to meet you Miss Griffin.”

Clarke smiles, “Clarke will do, thanks for getting us in the museum.”

“It’s not a problem.” Alex turns slightly to Raven, “It’s an honour to meet you too, Raven. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Raven’s eyes widen. “You have?” she asks, shocked.

Alex nods. “My cousin was a volunteer for Doctors without Borders a few years back and was on your team. She couldn’t stop talking about you when she came back, and every now and then she’ll tell me the amazing things you and your team are doing.”

A slight blush appears on Raven’s face, “Well tell your cousin that she’s allowed back anytime.”

“I will,” Alex smiles. She picks up some land yards that were on the table and passes two to Lexa and one to Clarke and Raven. “Here are your badges. They’ll get you into all the exhibits and if there’s a queue just jump to the front.”

Lexa puts the land yard around her neck. “Thanks Alex.”

“Anytime,” Alex winks which causes Lexa to let out a small chuckle.

Clarke doesn’t miss how Lexa blushes in response. A sinking feeling in her stomach starting to pull but she does her best to ignore it.

“Well I have to get back to work,” Alex continues. “Just make sure Anya gets that badge otherwise she won’t make it very far in the museum. It was good seeing you again, don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t,” Lexa smiles.

Alex looks between Clarke and Raven, “Enjoy your day ladies.”

“Thank you,” they both reply at the same.

Lexa guides them out of the conference room where they soon catch up with Anya. The four women walk their way to the front of the museum, with Clarke and Raven finding a map of the place quickly. From here Lexa and Anya keep their distance, leaving Clarke and Raven to their own devices.

Clarke lets Raven take the lead in going around the museum. They make a quick plan that will take them through most of the museum in the most effective way possible. As they walk through the museum the unspoken tension starts to settle between Clarke and Raven.

Raven does her best to ignore it; this just wasn’t the place to talk about it.

Clarke tries to do the same. It’s harder for her though, because whenever she looks at her best friend she can’t help but wonder where Raven’s been or what she’s been up to. 

About two hours passes before Raven and Clarke end up in a dark room that has stars projected across all four walls. Lexa and Anya remain near the entrance whilst the other two take a seat in the middle of the room.

Raven leans back on both hands, “Do you get used to it? Having two people follow you everywhere?”

“Not really, but you know, they’re just doing their job.”

“They seem cool enough though, thought you would get stuck with two bulky guys who wouldn’t let you get 10 feet away from them,” Raven laughs. She takes a quick glance back at the agents and then back to Clarke, “Not too bad on the eyes either.”

“Yeah,” Clarke laughs. “Not too bad, indeed.”

Back towards the entrance Anya and Lexa lean against the wall, watching Raven and Clarke. Lexa focus was on the leg brace Raven was wearing. “Do you know what happened to her leg?” she asks quietly. 

Anya’s stare remains on the two friends in the middle of the room. “A Doctors without Borders’ camp site was raided a couple of years ago. Local rebels came in and it… got messy.” She pauses. “Raven jumped in front of some people and a bullet hit her spine.”

“Oh god…” Lexa whispers.

“I think I remember reading somewhere that she took a year off for recovery and jumped right back into volunteering.”

Lexa simply nods, watching the brunette from afar. 

Towards the middle of the room, a comfortable silence fell between Clarke and Raven. They marvelled around the room, watching the mini movies that played and the stars that lit up the walls. When one of the mini movies finishes Clarke lets out a small sigh. “Raven…”

By Clarke’s tone Raven could tell that it was time for a talk. She sighs. "Can we just, can we not do this here? Can we finish seeing the rest of the museum and then go back to somewhere more private?”

Clarke turns to stare in front of her, sighing again. “I’m just worried, you know?”

“I know.” Raven leans her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke lifts her hand to Raven’s shoulder, pulling her friend a little closer. They stay like this for a couple moments longer.

Eventually Raven lifts her head up. Standing up she offers her hand to Clarke, “Let’s keep going.”

Clarke takes her best friend’s hand and the two make their way out of the room. When they walk past their agents Raven smirks slightly, “So are you going to tell me why there’s a photo of you and Lexa looking very… cosy all over the internet?”

“Oh god,” Clarke groans. “You shouldn't be surprised when i tell you that _Finn_ is the reason for all of that.”

 


	9. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke/raven talk. monty makes another appearance. big sister!anya. clarke/raven introduce a penpal program to the local elementry school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all congrats to clexa for winning the zimbio march madness poll! and if you haven't already check out the   
> [trevor project](https://www.classy.org/fundraise?fcid=625415), donate if you can, spread the word :)
> 
> hope you all are well, happy reading!

Clarke and Raven spend the rest of the afternoon at the museum, returning back to the White House just after 5pm. They say goodbye to Anya and Lexa for the day and Clarke shows Raven around.

“Dinner is usually around 6:30 if mum is done with work,” Clarke says, opening the doors to Raven’s room.

Raven’s eyes absolutely widen at the room they've just walked into. “Holy shit Griffin, this room is bigger than some of the houses we’ve been in.”

“I know,” Clarke laughs. She points to one end of the room, “You have your own bathroom, everything you need should be in there. And if Octavia ends up coming you guys are sharing the room, I hope that’s okay.”

Raven walks over to the bed and slumps into it. “This mattress… oh my god.” She kicks off her shoes and moves to lie on one side, patting the empty side for Clarke to join.

Clarke smiles. “I know, that was my first reaction to my bed too,” she laughs, walking over towards the bed. She takes off her shoes and goes to lie besides Raven.

The both stare up at the ceiling. It’s a deafening quiet. Clarke tries to start a conversation at least three times but something catches in her throat every time. A couple of minutes pass before she manages to break the silence. “Raven–”

“I was in LA when I told you I was,” Raven cuts in. “But not with Monty.  I went to get my leg checked... it was hurting a little more and wanted to see if the doc could adjust my pain meds.” There’s a pause. “At the end of the appointment she told about this trial surgery a Dr Sam had developed… one that could possibly help with my leg.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow. “That sounds like good news, why don’t you sound excited about it?”

“I flew up to Seattle to meet with her, to see what she had to say. We talked, she did a lot of tests and basically said that I was a perfect candidate for the trial...”

“But...”

“But it’s experimental Clarke. There’s no success rate, there aren't enough patients who have gone through this trial to know if this would even work. And recovery time… we’re looking at _years_.”

“But that’s what a trial is.” Clarke sits up, turning to face Raven, who remains lying on the bed. “Come on Raven, that can’t be a surprise to you. You don’t have to be a doctor to know that you can’t recover from being shot in the spine overnight.”

Raven doesn’t meet Clarke’s stare. Instead she remains looking up at the ceiling and taps at her brace, “I’m well aware, Clarke.”

“The Raven Reyes I know doesn’t give up just when things may get a little hard.”

“I’m not giving up.”

“You’re settling.” Clarke pauses. She reaches for Raven’s hand, causing the brunette to turn. “Why? Because you think you deserve this? For what happened that day? You deser–”

“People died because of a decision I made.”

“No,” Clarke replies. “People died because rebels came and raided your camp. But Raven, people survived _because_ of you. You quite literally jumped in front of a bullet for them. You saved them.”

Raven brings both hands to her face, rubbing her eyes and the tears that were forming. She thinks about that day constantly. They weren’t due to enter camp for another two days, but with everything already set up she wanted to give a few of the locals a tour. So she did. Twenty minutes into the tour, that’s when it happened.

Clarke reaches forward, moving one of Raven’s hands from her face and holding it between her own. “You deserve more.” She gives a slightly squeeze of Raven’s hand, “You deserve so much more.”

“I’ve made up my mind already.”

“What?” Clarke lets go of Raven’s hand.

“I’m not doing the surgery. Not _yet_. With the new pain meds I got, it’s manageable. It’s just – the surgery is too experimental at this stage, Clarke. I’m not ready to play with my life like that. I’m not ready to stop Doctors without Borders, even if it’s temporary.” Raven sits up, moving off the bed to stand up. “What if I do the surgery and I don’t recover? What if it makes it worse?”

“What if it makes it better?” Clarke argues.

Raven sighs. “You’re a doctor, your instincts tell you to fix things when there’s a chance. But it’s not that simple.” She moves to her bag, pulling out a folder and moves back to Clarke. “Take a look for yourself. This is my file, everything from when I got shot to the tests I did with Dr Sam. Her research on the trial is also in there.”

Clarke takes the folder, feeling quite nervous.

“After Seattle I flew to New York to think it over.”

“You always loved Central Park,” Clarke smiles.

“Yeah.” Raven lets out a small chuckle. “I spent a couple of days in Central Park just going everything. I was already leaning towards not doing the surgery when Sinclair called me and told me that they’re putting together a last minute team for Jordan. We fly out in just under three weeks.”

“You’re going?”

“I’m leading it.”

“Raven that’s at least another year, what about your leg?”

“What about my leg, Clarke?” Raven bit back, harsher then intended.

“You know what I’m trying to say, Raven.” Clarke sighs. “I don’t want to fight; I just want what’s best for you. I know that you think that the surgery might not be – but this is the first trial we’ve seen that could benefit you. What if it gets discontinued?”

“I’m more willing to take that risk than the risk of the surgery.” Raven moves back to her suitcase, unzipping it. “Have you decided if you’re going to continue volunteering?”

“Not yet,” Clarke whispers.

Raven grabs a towel from her suitcase and walks back over to Clarke. Throwing the towel over her shoulder she smiles. “You should come with me to Jordan. I told Sinclair that I’d ask you. You know we always need more doctors. We leave on the 15th.” Clarke makes a face. “I know you just got back here, but I’m sure your mum would understand.”

“No it’s not that, it’s just that’s the day after the EMPOWER gala.”

“Just think about it, yeah?” Clarke nods. “I’m going to take a shower. Read my file and Dr Sam’s research, maybe, hopefully it’ll clear up whatever questions you have left. We can talk about it more after.”

“Alright.”

Clarke remains on Raven’s bed and starts going through the file. Though she’s seen at least half of these already, it doesn’t hurt to have it fresh in her mind. She starts from the beginning, the initial reports, followed by the surgeries and recovery period. As she reads there’s a buzzing from her phone.

**Monty Green 5:28PM**  
I saw Raven’s tweet that she’s here in DC  
If you guys don’t have anything planned already want to hang out?

**Clarke Griffin 5:28PM**  
We were at the space museum all day  
Im pretty tired. Why don’t you come over instead?

**Monty Green 5:28PM  
** Would I ever turn down an invitation to the white house?

**Clarke Griffin 5:29PM  
** Dinner will be in about an hour

**Monty Green 5:29PM  
** I’ll be there in 40 minutes

**Clarke Griffin 5:29PM**  
Get dropped off by the east gate  
I’ll have someone come get you

**Monty Green 5:30PM  
** See you soon :)

Clarke throws her phone to the side and continues to read through the files. At this point nothing is news to her since Raven had always talked about the condition of her leg. But when Clarke gets to the research she takes her time in reading it. This was not her speciality, so she tries to understand it the best she could. Like Raven said, it was an experimental surgery, one that did not have enough patients to formulate a valid success rate.

When she hears the shower turning off, Clarke starts to clean up the files. She can read them later, for now she just wanted to enjoy the company of her best friend. Raven comes out with her towel wrapped around her body. “I don’t have to get dressed up for dinner right?”

Clarke laughs. “No. T-shirt and shorts will be fine. Oh and Monty is coming by too.”

“Oh yay!” Raven grabs her clothes from the suitcase and runs back into the bathroom.

Raven and Clarke both yell out at the same time.

“So is your mum still bangin’?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t made a comment about how hot my mum is.”

Immediately Clarke lets out a long loud groan. She spoke too soon. Without a word she takes the file and walks out of the room.

Raven can’t help but laugh from the bathroom. “Aw come on Clarke, you should know me by now.” When there’s no reply Raven laughs again. “Oh Clarke come on, I’m kidding.” No reply comes from the blonde. Raven zips up her shorts and walks out of the bathroom, “Seriously Clarke, the silent treatment, we’re not 12 anymore.” When she’s back in the bedroom Raven realises that Clarke has left. Walking over to the door she whispers, “Clarke… come on Clarke this isn’t funny. I don’t know my way around here and I’m starving.”

Fortunately for Raven Clarke’s bedroom was right next door. Clarke takes them the long way to the patio, showing Raven more of the White House.

“You’re a shit tour guide, Griffin.”

“I’ve been here a week, give me a break.”

When they reach the patio, Tris is already there setting up. “Hey Tris, this is Raven. She’ll be joining us for dinner and also Monty.”

Tris nods a small smile. “I’ll be back with extra cutlery. Would you like something to drink?”

“I’ll have a beer,” Clarke says.

“Me too,” Raven adds.

“Make that three!”

Clarke, Raven and Tris turn to the door to see Monty walking over. Tris nods and excuses herself to grab the drinks.

Monty immediately makes his way towards Raven, opening his arms for a hug. “Oh I never thought I’d say this but I’ve missed you Raven.”

“You too Monty,” Raven smiles.

The three of them take a seat at the table with Tris appearing with their beers soon after. It was mostly Monty and Raven catching up with what they’ve been up to the past year. Monty talks more about his work with Raven (out of everyone she always had the most interest in his work) and Raven talks about her upcoming trip to Jordan.

It isn’t long before Abby walks out onto the patio with two other people behind her. She’s immediately walks over to Raven, bringing the girl up for a hug. “Oh Raven, it’s so good to see you again.”

“You too Mama G,” Raven smiles.

In the meantime Clarke greets Callie and her husband, Caleb. Callie Cartwig was one of the most sought out lawyers in DC, but more importantly she was one of her mother’s best friends. Her husband Caleb Cartwig was a surgeon over at the children’s hospital.

Abby then introduces Callie and Caleb to Monty and Raven, all of them exchanging warm greetings. Tris comes back for to ask if they wanted another round of drinks and the six of them sit and talk whilst dinner is being prepared.

Callie brings the wine glass to her lips and takes a sip. “So Raven, Clarke, you just came back from… Nigeria was it?” Clarke and Raven nod is response. “Do you have any plans to continue volunteering? Or is there something else you plan on doing now?”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet,” Clarke says.

Caleb turns to Raven. “What about you, Raven?”

“We’ve got a team flying out to Jordan on the 15th, sir.”

“That’s the day after the gala; will you still be able to make it to that?” Abby asks.

Raven nods. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss being in a room with some of the nation’s greatest women for the world.”

Abby lifts her wine glass towards Raven, “That’s what I like to hear.”

Raven lifts her beer and gives Abby’s glass a small tap.

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly. It’s light and easy chatter amongst the six of them, more about Doctors without Borders, the gala, Monty’s work and recent general news events.  When dinner winds down Clarke, Raven and Monty excuse themselves from the patio and find themselves in the rumpus room.

Raven sets up the pool balls into the triangle rack. “Our rules?”

“You know it,” Clarke replies, handing a cue stick to Monty.

Monty opens another three bottles as Raven lines up her first shot. It’s a nice clean break as she manages to sink one ball in. They play a few rounds with minimal chatter, only the usual taunt to try and throw each other of their game.

Raven takes a chug of her beer. “Monty, it’s your turn.”

When there’s no reply, Raven and Clarke look to see Monty sitting on the stool, focused on his phone.

“Earth to Monty!” Clarke calls out.

Monty looks up. “You know what we need?”

“What?” Clarke and Raven asks.

Monty lifts up one finger, like he’s about to say something but when returns to typing away at his phone. It’s a few more moments of confused Raven and Clarke watching Monty, before he looks up again. “Are you free next weekend?”

Clarke thinks about her schedule, and nods. “Yeah, why?”

“What about you Raven?” Monty asks, ignoring Clarke for the time being.

Raven nods, taking another sip of her beer.

“Awesome,” he smiles. He’s then back at his phone, typing away.

Clarke and Raven give each other a confused look before Clarke takes Monty turn. She sinks the white ball and takes a sip of her beer.

_*DING* *DING*_ Both Raven and Clarke’s phone light up at the sound. They both make their way to their phones, seeing the notification.

 

Monty Green created a new group chat: “LAKE HOUSE WEEKEND”

Clarke Griffin was added into the conversation.

Raven Reyes was added into the conversation.

Octavia Blake was added into the conversation.

Bellamy Blake was added into the conversation.

Jasper Jordan was added into the conversation.

Nathan Miller was added into the conversation.

**Monty Green 7:50PM**  
Lake house weekend 5 th – 8th out in Mount Weather  
It’s been too long since we’ve all been together

Raven looks up from the phone, “You have a lake house?!”

“It’s my cousin’s, I was just talking to her and she said we could use it next weekend.” Monty smiles, bringing his drink to his lips.

“Oh I hope everyone else can make it too. It really has been too long since we’ve all hung out,” Clarke says.  

Monty hums. “I’ll handle everything in terms of the house. I’m going to be in Mount Weather already so you guys will need to drive up yourself.”

“Shit,” Clarke mumbles. “My agents, my mum won’t let me go without them.”

“Let them come,” Raven shrugs.

“Yeah, the house has got 10 beds so there will be enough space,” Monty reassures.

“But I feel bad, dragging them along to a lake house to hang out with _our_ friends.”

“Come on,” Raven whines. “It’s been over a year since the gang has been together. I’m sure your agents can suck it up for a couple of days.” She moves around the pool table to trap her best friend in a hug. “Please Clarke, please, please, pretty please.”

Clarke looks to Raven, who’s batting her eyelashes. She laughs, “Fine, okay. I’ll talk about it with my mum tomorrow.”

The three friends continue with their game of pool, despite losing track of whose turn it was or who was in the lead. It didn’t matter though; they were having a good time. After another two games of pool and a couple of more beers they decide to call it night. Clarke calls Monty a cab, seeing him off at the east gate before returning to her bedroom with Raven.

Like some unspoken agreement Raven changes into her PJs and makes her way to Clarke’s room. Immediately she slumps into the bed with a loud groan. “When did you become such a light-weight?” Clarke laughs, brushing her hair. “We only had beers. Where’s the almighty Raven Reyes from college?”

“Not here that’s for sure,” Raven mumbles. “I don’t know how my liver survived college.”

Clarke laughs. She turns off the main light and walks over to her bed, turning on her bed side lamp.

“If it wasn’t clear I’m sleeping here tonight,” Raven smiles with her eyes shut.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Clarke jumps into bed and under the covers.

“The primary school visit is on Friday yeah?” 

“Yep. Sinclair sent over the letters from the kids in Cambodia. I’m really excited to start this pen pal program with them.”

Raven hums in response. “Me too.”

Clarke turns on her side to face Raven. “Are you going to let me talk about the surgery?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Raven replies, with her eyes still closed.

“Raven–”

“Not tonight, okay?”

Clarke sighs. “Okay.” She turns back over to turn off the lamp and the two eventually fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

Friday morning rolls around.

The previous day Clarke had spent half of the day showing Raven around the rest of the White House. They decided not to go out, just wanting a chill day instead. The afternoon saw them in the rose garden with Clarke going through Raven’s file again, but they didn't really talk about it further.

Now it was Friday and both girls were getting ready to visit the elementary school. Clarke sat on Raven’s bed, ready to go as the brunette was still trying to decide on what to wear.

“Black top? White top? My dark jeans? Or the lighter ones?” Raven threw her clothes up in the air, ready to give up.

Clarke laughs. “Dark jeans… white top and… your red jacket.”

Raven picks around her pile of clothes at Clarke’s suggestions. She doesn’t even bother going to the bathroom to change. She takes off her brace and simply stripes down to her underwear and bra with confidence. Putting the clothes that Clarke suggested she puts her brace back on and walks over to the mirror. “Damn I look hot,” Raven smirks as she fixes her hair.

“That you do,” Clarke winks. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

Clarke grabs her bag and takes them to the garage where she knows Lexa and Anya would be waiting.

Lexa opens the door for Clarke, “Morning Miss Griffin.”

“Morning,” Clarke smiles, sliding into the car.

Raven walks over to the other side of the car where Anya jumps out of the driver’s seat and opens the door for her.

Raven smirks, “How chivalrous of you.”

“It’s just a one-time thing Miss Reyes.” A with a tiny smile Anya shuts the door and gets back in the driver’s seat.

When they arrive at the school they’re greeted by the principal, Mrs Foster. Clarke and Raven are invited to have coffee and tea with a handful of the available staff members and are given a tour of the school afterwards. They’re currently in the library, admiring some of the art work that’s been framed up on the wall.

Lexa and Anya follow closely behind, admiring the art work too. When they come to a halt, Lexa scans the room to see a class taking place at the other side of the library. She smiles, nudging Anya. “Look, Aden’s here.”

Anya searches for Aden and smiles when she spots him. She gives him a small wave, with the boy doing the same. Lexa is waving too.

Clarke turns around momentarily to see her agents waving across the room. She follows their line of sight and sees a young boy waving back at them. She can’t help but smile, partly curious to who the boy was.

When the tour is over, Mrs Foster guides them out to the main quad. “I hope you enjoyed the tour ladies. I can’t express how much your visit to the school means to the kids.”

“Thank you for having us,” Raven smiles.

“I do have a meeting to get to, but the lunch bell will be ringing any minute now and Mr Howard will come by.” She extends her hand to Clarke first, “I’ll see you later, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke smiles. “See you later, Mrs Foster.”

“Bye Miss Reyes.”

“Bye Mrs Foster.”

When Clarke and Raven are left alone they wonder by to an empty bench. Lexa and Anya do the same, sitting a few benches away. The main quad was opened area with benches here and there, trees providing some shade and handball lines drawn into the ground. At the end of the quad there was a playground, a small grass field and a basketball court.

Raven sighs with content. “I’d give anything to be back in primary school.”

“Yeah,” Clarke laughs. “Minus having to go through puberty again, but yeah primary school was great.”

Ravens starts to go through her bag, “Oh shit,” she whispers.

“What?”

“I forgot my phone in the car.” Raven turns in her seat to Anya and Lexa. “Hey Agent Carson, do you mind taking me to the car? I forgot my phone.”

Anya nods and stands up. She waits for Raven to walk towards her and the two make their way towards the car park.

Lexa stands up too, walking towards Clarke and taking a seat next to the blonde. “So you guys are introducing a pen pal program today?” she asks, looking off into the empty quad.

Clarke nods. “Yeah, our camp in Cambodia was close to a small school so we spent a lot of time there too. The kids absolutely loved the stories we had to share about the schools here, we even managed a few skype sessions with various schools around the country.” She pauses and turns to Lexa, who still simply staring off into the distance. Turning back to the empty quad in front of her she smiles, “The Raven got in contact with some people here and organised the pen pal program on the side.”

“So your bag,” Lexa points to the ground, “Has letters from the kids in Cambodia?”

“Yeah, so when we get to the class the kids here will pick a letter at random and reply.”

Green eyes meet blue. “What you’ve done– What you’re doing is amazing, Miss Griffin.”

“Doctors without Borders is amazing organisation. They make it possible.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s the volunteers that make it possible,” Lexa smiles.

Lexa’s voice is soft which makes Clarke’s heart melt a little. She stares into the greens eyes before her, “Thank you,” she smiles. Clarke’s gaze flickers down to Lexa’s lips for a moment but it doesn’t go unnoticed by either of them. And like a god damn reflex Clarke licks her bottom lip.

There’s a beat between them.

Then, “BOOO!” Raven scares Clarke by jabbing at either side of her waist.

Clarke all but jumps out of the seat. “FU– OH my god Raven! Don’t do that you know how much I hate being scared!”

Raven laughs, “But that’s what makes it fun!”

Lexa puts some distance between her and Clarke. Her whole body becomes tense, unsure of what happened (or what didn’t happen) between her the blonde.

Anya notices and goes to stand beside her partner. “You alright?” she whispers.

“Yeah,” Lexa manages to get out, barely.

“Don’t tell me Raven’s scare got to you too,” she chuckles.

“No, no, I’m good.”

When the lunch bell rings, the children start occupying the main quad. It’s not long before a teacher approaches the Clarke, Raven, Lexa and Anya. “Miss Griffin?”

Clarke turn around at the call of her name. She smiles, “Hi, you must be Mr Howard?”

He extends his hands, “Yes, but _Mike_ is fine.”

“Then _Clarke_ is fine for me,” she smiles accepting the handshake. Clarke then gestures towards Raven, “This is Raven Reyes.” Mike and Raven greet each other with a warm handshake. Clarke points to where Anya and Lexa were standing. “And my agents, Agents Woods and Carson.”

He walks over to them, greeting them quickly before returning to Clarke and Raven. Mike was the teacher on playground duty and also the teacher of the class Clarke and Raven would be talking to after lunch. The three of them make light conversation with a few kids approaching them, introducing themselves to Clarke. Clarke definitely has a way with kids, Lexa notices, and it’s absolutely adorable.

She watches how Clarke interacts with Mike too and can’t help the pang on jealously she gets in the pit of her stomach. Lexa wasn’t blind, Mike was attractive, definitely not her type but attractive nonetheless. He wore a pair of light brown pants with a navy button up shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was a dark brown was properly maintained – as was his stubble.

Lexa’s focus is interrupted when there’s a tap on her shoulder, it’s Aden. She immediately goes to ruffle his hair, “Hey buddy.”

Anya joins in, causing the younger boy to take two steps back. “Stoooop,” he whines. Aden fixes his hair (a little more than needed) which makes Anya and Lexa laugh.

“Who are you trying to look good for?” Anya teases.

“Who’s the lucky girl? Or guy?” Lexa joins in, aiming to ruffle his hair a little more but Aden’s quick to dodge it.

“There isn’t anyone. I came to say _Hello_ to my sister,” he stares to Anya, “And my favourite Aunt,” he stares to Lexa, “But I’m leaving now.”

“Aw no, no, come here!” Anya pulls the younger boy into a hug. “Hey,” she smiles. Aden was Anya’s foster brother. Because of her job she didn’t get to see him as often as she’d like. “How’s everything?”

Aden pulls away from the hug. “Good,” he smiles. “Ma said that we might be getting a dog, I think we’re going to visit a rescue shelter this weekend. Do you want to come?”

“I’ll see if I’m free, okay?” Anya offers a small smile, she hated the fact that she couldn’t give him a straight answer.

“That’s okay,” he smiles. “So you’re watching the president’s daughter now?”

“Yeah, her name is Cla–”

“Clarke Griffin,” Aden cuts in. “I know.” He looks to where Clarke is standing and grins, fixing his hair again.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lexa and Anya. They both give a knowing smirk. “Would you like to meet her?” Anya asks.

“What? No – it’s okay. We – um – She’s going to be in my class after lunch anyways…” he trails off, a little embarrassed.

Lexa lets out a small laugh, which catches Clarke’s attention. The two lock eyes for a moment, Clarke giving Lexa a curious look with Lexa returning a small smile. She gestures for Clarke to join them.

Soon enough Clarke’s by her side. “Who’s your friend?” she asks.

Anya puts both her hands on Aden’s shoulder, causing to boy to turn around to meet the blonde. “This is my foster brother, Aden. He’s in the class that you’re going to after lunch.”

Clarke smiles at the younger boy. She extends her hand, “It’s nice to meet you Aden.”

Aden nervously takes Clarke’s hand. “It’s an honour to meet you, Miss Griffin.”

“Oh what a gentleman.”

Anya pushes Aden forward a little but before she could say anything Lexa interrupts them.

“Okaaaay,” Lexa laughs. She moves Anya’s hand off Aden’s shoulders, “Let’s not embarrass the poor boy.” She looks down to Aden, “Go, enjoy the rest of your lunch.”

Aden nods and is off without another word.

Clarke watches him run off for a moment and turns back to Anya, “He’s cute.”

“He is,” Anya smiles.

When the bell rings again, all the kids start to retreat back towards their classroom, with a gentle nudge from Mike. “Bells rung, grab your things, put your rubbish in the bins and behave for your teachers!”

Clarke can’t help but chuckle, Mike was definitely the type of teacher that made coming to school fun. She watches him high five and fist bump a few of the older kids that walk past.

When most of the kids were well on their way to their room, Mike guides them towards his classroom. It’s just round the corner from the main quad and the students are in somewhat lined up against the building. Anya spots Aden immediately, sending him a quick wink, embarrassing him in front of his friends.

Mike stands in front of his students and smiles. He claps his hands, “I know that you are all excited about our guests today, so I just want to remind you to be on your best behaviours, alright?”

There’s a collective round of “yes” and nods from the kids, prompting Mike to open the door.

Clarke and Raven make their way towards the front of the room, with Lexa and Anya finding a place at the back of the room. The kids are quick to settle in their seats, all eagerly awaiting their afternoon activity.

Raven and Mike set up the laptop and projector whilst Clarke engages with the students. “So how was lunch guys?” she asks, putting her bag on the floor and out of the way. There’s a general positive response so she continues. “My name is Clarke Griff-”

Before Clarke could even finish introducing herself one of the students in the front row raises their hands. She smiles and nods, “Yes?”

“Are you really the president’s daughter?” the boy asks.

There’s a small chuckle from Raven and Mike. Clarke smiles, “Yes, yes I am the president’s daughter. My name is Clarke Griffin and this here,” she points to Raven, who gives a quick wave to the class, “is my friend Raven Reyes. We both work for an organisation called Doctors without Borders, have any of you heard of it?”

Three kids raise their hands and Clarke asks one of them if they like to explain what they knew. “Well I remember seeing a commercial and it looked like doctors were helping kids who looked really sick.”

“That’s the main idea, good job.” Clarke smiles. She goes on to explain a little more about the organisation and what they do. Clarke ends up at the back of the room where there was a large world map hanging on the wall. "Raven and I were in Cambodia a few months ago. Can any of you show me where Cambodia is?”

Aden is the first to raise his hand.

“Come on up, Aden,” Clarke instructs.

Aden jumps off from his seat and walks towards the back of the room. All the other students at this point have turned in their chairs, watching Aden intently. He walks over to the map, standing in front of the general south-east Asian countries, running his finger along the map. “Here it is!” she exclaims, looking up at Clarke.

“Good job,” Clarke smiles. “You can go back to your seat.”

Aden walks past Anya, who gives him a quick high five along the way.

Clarke makes her way back to the front as well, where Raven had finished setting up the laptop and projector. Raven turns on the laptop and projector, “Whilst we were in Cambodia we worked close to a small school where the kids were very interested in schools in America. So we figured that the best way they could get to know more about schools in DC is for you guys,” Raven points around the classroom, “To write letters about what life is like in DC.”

Another student raises they’re hand, and Raven nods, prompting her to ask the question. “Like a pen pal?”

“Yes!” Raven exclaims. “Exactly that. So Clarke here is going to go around give each one of you a letter from one of the kids in Cambodia.” Clarke starts to do exactly this and Raven continues. “You guys can read the letter, and the rest of the afternoon you can spend writing your response. When you’re done, you’ll give the letters to us and we’ll make sure it gets to them safely.”

As Clarke finishes giving everyone their letters she returns to the front of the room. “And hopefully you guys will be able to send one letter a month. Any questions?” No one raises their hands. “Before we read your letters we’re going to play a little video from the kids in Cambodia, okay?” She looks to her agents at the back, “Agent Woods, do you mind getting the light?”

Lexa nods and goes to turn off the light. Raven plays the video.

The rest of the afternoon goes by smoothly. After the video is played all the kids are instructed to open their letters and a few of them even read out there’s to the class. Clarke and Raven go around the room, sharing more stories about the kids in Cambodia whilst they all start writing up their reply.

Lexa can’t help but watch Clarke move around the room. She’s in her element here, helping as much of the kids as she can. She takes her time, listening and talking to everyone in the room. Her voice remains soft and friendly, even when a couple of the kids become a little rowdy. She’s always smiling and laughing and Lexa feels the good type of pang in her chest.

As the class draws to an end Raven and Clarke gather the replies from the students and assures them they they’ll be sent out as soon as possible. Mike takes out a camera, asking Lexa to take a photo of the class, to which she accepts with a smile. The kids gather around the front of the room with Mike and Clarke on one side and Raven right in the middle of the group, in an amongst the kids.

Mrs Foster is back when the final bell of the day rings. She thanks Clarke and Raven again for taking the time to stop by and bringing the pen pal program to the school. As Lexa and Anya guide are guiding them back to the car, Mike is jogging over, calling for Clarke.

“Clarke!”

Clarke turns to see Mike not a few a feet away, and then turns back to Raven, Lexa and Anya. “Go ahead, I won’t be long.”

Raven lets out a soft wolf whistle which only earns her a slight push from her best friend.

When they get to the car, Lexa opens the door for Raven. She leaves the door opened, watching Clarke and Mike talk. Again, she tries to fight the pang of jealously that courses through her when she leans in to touch his arm, or laughs at something he is saying. After a few minutes she sees Clarke and Mike sharing a quick hug before going their separate ways.

“Thanks,” Clarke smiles, as she slides into the car.

Lexa gives a small nod, shutting the door and entering the car herself. As Anya starts to drive she tries her best to ignore the conversation going on in the back seat. Even though the radio was on, Lexa’s ears couldn’t drown out the voices in the back seat.

“So when are you and Mike going out?” Raven whispers.

“We’re not.”

“What? Didn’t he chase after you to ask you out?”

Clarke shrugs slightly. “Yeah, but… I don’t know.” She shrugs again. “Chances are I won’t even be here in a couple of weeks so there’s no point really.”

Raven turns in her seat, facing Clarke. “Doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have one night of fun. Mike was cute.”

“Yeah he was,” Clarke smiles. “But still… I don’t know.”

“Come on, this isn’t the Clarke Griffin I know. Unless…” Raven grins.

Clarke turns to see Raven’s shit-eating grin. “What?”

“There’s someone else,” she states simply.

Clarke’s eyes go wide, she stutters for a moment but isn’t able to string together a response.

“Oh my god.” Raven leans in closer. “Why are you holding back on me? Who is it?”

“It’s no one.” Clarke turns back, eyes straight ahead (which just happens to be the back of Lexa’s head.)

“Come on Clarke, I can be your wing woman.” Clarke turns to Raven, giving her a _please stop_ look. Raven sighs, “Okay will you just tell me if I’m right? Is there someone else?”

Clarke turns back, her eyes landing on the back of Lexa’s head again. “Yeah, maybe…”


	10. chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> raven guesses clarke's "someone", enter octavia blake and [spoilers]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what?! another update so soon? yes, yes it is because why the hell not
> 
> i feel like i don't say this enough but thanks for sticking by and reading this story every week. thanks for your comments/kudos/messages, it really does make my day to hear what you guys think. i would have never have thought so many of you guys would actually like the story, so i really do appreciate every single one of you
> 
> also i feel like a lot of you guys are expecting this chapter to be the start of the lake house weekend, but that is coming up in the next chapter! let me tell you though, i'm REALLY excited about those chapters 
> 
> as always, happy reading!

Lexa gets a call from Clarke early Saturday morning. It doesn’t last long with the blonde wanting to tell her only a few things. First was that they didn’t need to come in today. Clarke and Raven were going to have another chill day and just spend it lounging around the White House. And secondly to tell them that they were going to be going away the following weekend to Monty’s lake house. 

It’s just past 11 and Anya’s on the phone when Lexa walks into the living room. “ _Yeah buddy, I got the day off today so I can come with you to pick out a dog… Yeah haha. Does Aunt Lexa want to come too? Let me ask.”_ Anya looks up to Lexa, “Want to go the rescue shelter today?” Lexa nods and Anya returns to the phone call. " _Yeah she’s coming too. Okay, we’ll see you soon. Bye.”_

“So which shelter are we going to?” Lexa asks.

“The one by Spencer Street, I didn’t catch the name of it because Aden was talking really fast. He’s so excited.”

“He doesn’t know about the adoption yet, does he?”

Anya shakes her head. “Not yet, but I was talking to my parents last night and they want to ask him today.” She smiles. “Today’s going to be a good day.”

“It sure is.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke and Raven spend their Saturday morning in the gardens. It’s just some quiet time between the two of them. Raven's working on some things for Jordan whilst Clarke sketches.  

Clarke is not surprisingly drawing Lexa. She’s got her knees up on the chair, using them to hide what she was drawing from Raven. Every time she thought about her agent her heart raced, it honestly felt like middle school all over again. It’s been quiet for a while now with Clarke occasionally humming along to whatever song that was playing through her earphones.

“Clarke?”

Clarke doesn’t look up from her sketch but hums in response.

“It’s Lexa, isn’t it?”

Clarke’s eyes widen, and slowly she looks up to her best friend. There’s a sudden lump in her throat, “What’s Lexa?” she manages.

“The _someone_.” Raven pauses. “The reason why you’re not going out with Mike.”

“Nothing is goi-”

Raven cuts in, “You don't need to lie to me.”

“You want to talk about lying?” Clarke scoffs.

There’s a pause. The tension between the two of them thickening. Clarke closes her sketchbook, “Sorry,” she sighs.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” Clarke leans back in her chair, using one hand to rub her eyes. She sighs, “There’s nothing going on between Lexa and I.” She meets Raven’s stare and just knows she doesn’t sound convincing at all.

“But you want something…” Raven trails off, gauging Clarke’s reaction.

Clarke looks off into the distance for a moment and then back to Raven. She nods.

“Oh Clarke…”

“I know, alright?” Clarke stands up from her chair, pacing back and forth. “I know, she’s my agent, my mum is her boss, but god she’s… Whenever she’s close, or just whenever I think of her, I get butterflies.” Clarke pats her stomach, “Like actual fucking butterflies.” She pauses and sits back down. “How did you know it was her?”

“I had my suspicions, but you just confirmed them. Something almost happened yesterday, didn’t it? When I went to get my phone from the car, we came back and you two were… looking at each other very _intently_.”

Clarke sighs. “Oh god, don’t remind me.”

“That’s why I scared you.” Raven watches Clarke sink further into the chair. She’s never seen her best friend like this over a person. “You like her a lot, don’t you?”

Clarke, hiding behind one her hands simply nods again.

“Why don’t you go for it then?”

Clarke doesn’t say anything but merely drops her hand and gives Raven the “ _Really_?” look.

Raven throws hands up in surrender, “What? You both are consenting adults.”

Clarke lifts up her index finger, “First, she’s my agent.” She lifts up her middle finger, “Second, I don't even know where i'm going to be in a couple of weeks but i already know I want more than just one night or one date with her." She sighs and lifts up a third finger, “For anything to happen she’d have to like me back which is highly unlikely.”

Raven scoots to the edge of her seat. She lifts up one finger, mimicking Clarke. “First she’s only your agent while you’re here. If you decide not to volunteer again then you could always see if you pursue something.” She lifts up a second finger, “If you decide not to volunteer, you can have more.” Raven lifts up a third finger, “I don’t think it’s one sided.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow. “And what makes you say that?”

“You didn’t see her when you were talking to Mike yesterday. She doesn’t say a lot but she did this thing with her jaw, and like I know I don’t know her that well but i’m 90% sure that she was slightly jealous.”

“A jaw thing?” Clarke questions. “That’s not a very solid argument.”

Raven shrugs, “I don’t know, okay? But my gut tells me that there is a chance she likes you too.”

“Your gut tells you to eat pineapple on pizza, it’s not a very reliable source.” Clarke laughs.

Raven places one hand over heart, gasping. “You take that back!”

Clarke simply shakes her head, reopening her sketchbook. She doesn’t even have time to put her pencil to the paper when her phone starts to ring.

_*FACETIME – OCTAVIA BLAKE CALLING.*_

Clarke immediately shows her phone to Raven before answering the call. She doesn’t even manage a “Hello” before Octavia is yelling at her.

_“WHERE THE HELL IS RAVEN? I SAW ON TWITTER THAT SHE’S IN DC AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME! AND WHY ISN’T THE GIRL PICKING UP HER PHONE?”_

Clarke laughs as she watches Raven check her phone. She does indeed have numerous missed calls from Octavia. Raven jumps out of her seat and moves to sit with Clarke, “Hey O, my phone was on silent.”

“ _What’s the point in having a phone if you’re never going to pick up?”_

“It’s nice to see you too, O,” Raven laughs.

Clarke moves in her chair to give Raven some more space. When they settle in more comfortably she holds out the phone so Raven and herself were both easily on the screen.

“ _Well I’m calling because I’m coming to DC!”_

Clarke nods, “We know that already.”

“ _No, like literally.”_ Octavia flips her camera so that Clarke and Raven could see that she was packing a suitcase. “ _I’ll be there tomorrow.”_

“Tomorrow?!” both Clarke and Raven yell.

“What about work?” Clarke asks.

“ _It is for work.”_ Octavia flips the camera back to her face, “ _Indra wants me to interview some chefs for_ Adina’s DC. _She was going to do it herself but she can’t make it down in time.”_

Clarke’s eyes widen, “She wants _you_ to interview them? That’s a good sign isn’t it?”

“ _Yeah it is, she hasn’t said anything about the head chef position yet but I have a good feeling about this.”_

“You deserve it, O.” Raven smiles. “What time do you get here?”

“ _Lunch, but I have an interview at 1. So I won’t be able to see you guys until later in the evening.”_ Octavia frowns.

Clarke chuckles and gives a small flick of her wrist. “That’s fine. You’re still staying with me, right?”

“ _Yep! Can’t pass the chance to stay in the White House now, can we? I have a couple interviews during the week but I’ll be done by Thursday, just in time for Monty’s lake house.”_

The three best friends talk amongst themselves for the next hour or so. Raven tells Octavia that there’s something she needs to talk about with her but she’d rather do it face-to-face. It takes a little while to convince Octavia that it was nothing to be worried about, but as a concerned best friend she couldn’t help it. Soon after the conversation lands on the topic of Clarke’s not-so-secret crush on her agent.

_“I’ve seen her in some photos, she’s hot_ ,” Octavia comments.

“She is,” Raven agrees.

Clarke sighs. “I hate the both of you.”

_“Did you know she created the cocktail menu for_ Adina’s _?”_

“Really?” Raven asks. “So those drinks we had last time we were there, were all created by her?!”

Octavia hums and in response and Clarke nods. “I didn’t know she did it for _Adina’s_ but she also created a drinks menu at a bar they took me to the other night.”

“Holy shit! Those were some of the best drinks I’ve had in my life.”

“ _Yeah, apparently her and Indra are family friends or something.”_ Octavia shrugs, “ _Indra doesn’t talk about her a lot but when she does it’s usually very highly of her.”_

Clarke runs her hand through her hair, “Yeah my mum’s the same.”

_“Look Clarke, when was the last time you did something for yourself?”_ Octavia smiles. “ _You’ve got the biggest heart and you always put the people you love first. But if this is something you want – if you like her enough, just go for it.”_

“It’s not that simple.”

Raven puts her arm around Clarke, bringing her in closer. “We know, but nothing ever is.”

Clarke sighs. There were a million things running through her mind and she couldn’t seem to think straight at all. This was the first time she’d ever felt so strongly about a person in such a short about of time, and it was a little overwhelming. “Can we just not talk about this anymore? I need some time to think about it…” She leans her head on Raven’s shoulder.

“ _Of course. Just remember we’re here for you.”_

Clarke nods. “Thank you,” she smiles.

Raven pulls Clarke in closer, kissing her temple. Octavia then changes the topic to what she should wear to these interviews and three talk for the rest of the morning.

 

* * *

 

By lunch Lexa, Anya, Aden, Emmet and Rose (Anya’s parents, Aden’s foster parents) were at the rescue shelter. The adults all stood outside the play pen, where Aden was currently being swarmed by a number of dogs.

Rose turns to Lexa and Anya and smiles. “So how’s work? It’s got to be a change of pace now being on Clarke’s security detail.”

“It is,” Anya nods. “Clarke doesn’t have a schedule as packed as her mum’s so where not on the go as much.”

“But it’s just temporary right?” Anya nods again. “So sweetie, when can I expect some grandchildren?”

Anya turns to her mum, “God mum, right to it then? Ha?”

Emmet turns to face Anya slightly, “We’re not getting any younger, dear.”

Anya groans and starts to walk into the play pen, ignoring the small chuckles from her parents and Lexa. “I’m going to choose to not be part of this conversation.”

“You know how the job is,” Lexa smiles, watching Anya join Aden. “There is no time for relationships.”

“I just worry,” Rose replies. She turns to Lexa, “I worry about you too. You both have thrown yourselves into your work. And while that’s not a bad thing, I don’t want you missing out on something, whether it be a relationship or just another opportunity in general, because you’re devoted to this job.”

Lexa sighs, she knows Rose is just concerned but this was the life she and Anya had chosen. “We can’t afford to be distracted.”

“Lexa Woods, if you pull the “Love is weakness” line in on me I swear I’ll–”

Lexa lifts up both hands in surrender. Rose was a black belt in five different types of martial arts so she knew better than to test the woman.

“So should I even bother asking if there’s someone in your life?”

Lexa subconsciously smiles as her train of thought goes directly to Clarke _._ “No, there’s no one.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“What?”

“I know that smile, Lexa.” Rose turns back to watch Anya and Aden. “I know you’re going to continue to deny it so I won’t push. But I’m happy for you.”

Lexa simply shakes her head and laughs. She knows she should deny it, but the truth of the matter was that there was someone. Lexa didn’t want to admit it but Clarke Griffin was _someone_ to her. Maybe not in the way that Rose was implying but Clarke wasn’t just the person who she was meant to protect, not just the president’s daughter, but _someone_ more.

It’s not long before Aden and Anya are walking back towards them. Aden’s got a small golden retriever in his hands and a smile on his face.

“I think we found him,” Anya smiles, ruffling Aden’s hair.

“His name’s Tom Tom!” Aden gleams.

Emmet takes Tom Tom from Aden’s hands and smiles. “He’s cute. Let’s go make this official!”

Lexa wraps her arm around Aden’s shoulder, “Good job buddy,” she smiles as they follow Rose, Emmet and Anya back into main shelter.

When the paper work is out of the way and Tom Tom is officially adopted, they decide to have lunch at Trikru park. Lunch goes by smoothly, besides the mere fact that Aden was too excited about his new dog to properly eat his food.

Once they finish their food Rose and Emmet take Aden over to another bench. They asked if Anya wanted to be part of the conversation too, but Anya simply shook her head. She wasn’t good with having heart-to-heart conversations, even if they were of the good kind. Her parents have had her blessing since they brought Aden into their home and that was never going to change.

Anya sits by Lexa, watching her parents and Aden talk. Lexa has Tom Tom in her lap, stroking his fur and Anya was nursing her drink. About five minutes past before Anya watches Aden jump over and onto the picnic table, engulfing Rose and Emmet into a hug. Anya can’t help but smile watching it all unfold.

Aden then turns his attention to Anya. He says something to his parents before jumping off the table and running towards her. Anya has her arms opened, pulling the boy into a hug as he jumps into her arms.

Aden pulls back slightly, smiling. “I’m going to be a Carson!”

“You’ve always been a Carson, kid.” Anya grins, pulling him into another hug.

 

* * *

 

That night Clarke wanders towards her mother’s bedroom. She gives three light knocks before hearing the lock from the other side click.

Abby opens the door, “Hey sweetie.”

“Hey, busy?”

“Nope, just going to settle in for the night,” Abby smiles. “Come in.”

Clarke immediately hops into the left side of the bed as Abby finds herself on the right side. Both women sit up against the headboard, pulling the covers over their bodies.

“Where’s Raven?” Abby asks as she grabs her iPad from the bedside table.

“Tinder date. She just texted me and said not to expect her to come back here tonight,” Clarke laughs. She scoots closer to her mum, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder.

Abby is skim reading a few emails but Clarke doesn’t pay much attention to it. She had a lot running through her mind at the moment, too much in fact and just wanted to be close to her mum. Her thoughts were completely jumbled between Raven, Lexa and Doctors without Borders.

“Are you going?” Abby whispers, her eyes still on her iPad.

“Going where?”

“To Jordan.”

Clarke sighs, “I… I don’t know yet.”

Abby locks her iPad and places it back on the bedside table. She could tell that her daughter had a lot on her mind. Wrapping one arm around Clarke’s shoulder she brings her daughter in a bit closer, kissing the side of her head. “Well what do you want?”

“I want a lot of things,” Clarke sighs. “I want to go and help more because god only knows that they need it. I hate not doing anything when I have the ability to help.” She pauses. “But I also want to stay because I am exhausted. I’ve been on the go for so long now and it’s been great, but I’m exhausted. I want to settle down somewhere and find a place to call home again.”

“DC doesn’t feel like home, does it?”

Clarke shakes her head. “Do you feel at home here?” she asks in a quiet voice.

Abby shakes her head too. “Far from it.” She pauses to look at Clarke, “But when you’re here it feels like home.”

“God mum you’re such a sap,” Clarke teases. She smiles, “You are my home too, but you know what I mean right?”

“I do.”

“Grandma and grandpa live in Chicago but that city has never felt like home. DC could be home, but I just haven’t been here long enough to find out. And San Fran...”

‘– isn’t home with your dad,” Abby finishes in a quiet voice. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

It was now Sunday evening and Lexa and Anya were waiting by the garage for Clarke and Raven. They were heading out to the City of Light Food Festival where they would meet up with Octavia and spend the rest of the night. As usual Anya was already in the driver’s seat ready to where with Lexa standing outside the SUV.

The drive to the food festival takes about half an hour. It’s an interesting car ride to say the least, as the topic of conversation is the everlasting debate of pineapple on pizza. Lexa and Raven were on one side of the argument, defending the fruit topping whilst Anya and Clarke banded together to passionately argue against it.

The food festival is held on one of the larger parks in the city. Food stalls create a barrier around the event with tables and chairs occupying the centre area. There was a stage to the far left with a band currently playing and the smell that carried through the air left everyone buzzing.

As Lexa opens the door for Clarke she asks, “Where are we meeting your friend?”

“ _Adina’s_ has a stall here so Octavia’s there now to make sure it’s running smoothly.”

Lexa and Anya let Clarke and Raven guide them into the festival. They stay closer than they usually would though, since there was quite a lot of people already here. The atmosphere of the place was electric, people left right and centre were eating, dancing, talking and simply having a good time. It isn’t long before they find the _Adina’s_ stall.

“THE BETTER BLAKE!” Raven calls out.

Octavia immediately turns around and nearly tackles poor Raven to the ground. “Oh my god!” Octavia yells, wrapping her arms around her best friend.

Raven simply tightens the hug.

Reluctantly Octavia lets go to Raven only to pull Clarke into tight hug. “Oh my god,” she repeats.

Clarke chuckles, “Oh it’s so good to see you again.”

Octavia pulls away from the hug, looking between her two best friends. It’s like she couldn’t believe that they were finally reunited again. The smile on her face did no justice to the immense feeling of utter happiness she was currently feeling. Octavia pulls them both into another hug, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to form any coherent sentences just yet.

The three best friends stand there hugging for what felt like forever, but when they broke away they all felt like it still wasn’t enough. Octavia takes just another minute to talk to the people in the stall before grabbing her bag. “Let’s check this place out, I’m starving!”

Clarke, Raven and Octavia walk through the festival, talking like no time has passed at all. They buy a couple of plates of food before finding a table and taking a seat. Having already eaten, Anya and Lexa stand by not too far away.

Raven holds her fork, hovering it over the food. “Oh my god it all looks so good.” She’ about to dig her fork into one of the dishes when Clarke swats her fork away. “Seriously Griffin?” 

“Yes,” Clarke laughs. She takes out her phone and rearranges the dishes till it’s aesthetically pleasing. Once she has her photo she holds up the front facing camera, “Selfie!” she calls out. Raven and Octavia are quick to move themselves into the frame and Clarke snaps the photo. They take a few more selfies before finally digging into the food.

They all eat a bit of everything, constantly feeding each other as well. In this moment all three ladies were over the moon. It has been over a year since they’ve been together and they know that their reunion is going to be short lived. Maintaining long distance friendships was hard at times, especially with the time zone differences, the lack of good internet in the countries Clarke and Raven visited and the fact that their jobs didn’t give them much down time. But the three of remained closer than ever. Despite not being to see/talk to each other for extended periods of time they always made sure that when they reunited they would make the most of it.  

Not too far away Lexa watches Clarke, Raven and Octavia simply enjoying themselves. She knew what she was giving up when she signed on for the job but she couldn’t stop feeling slightly jealous of their friendship. Sure Lexa had friends but nothing like what Clarke, Raven and Octavia had (the closest would probably be _Anya,_ but even then their relationship was very different to the one the three ladies in front of her had.)

The band starts playing and Raven is swaying in her chair. Octavia returns to the table carrying three drinks, she holds her cup. “To whatever time we have together!”

Clarke and Raven both grab their drinks and tap their cups together before taking a drink. Octavia pulls Raven out of her seat and the two of them start dancing to the song the band was playing.

When the song ends Raven and Octavia sit back down on as Clarke stands up. “I’m need to go to the bathroom, any of you need to go?” Both Raven and Octavia shake their heads so she walks towards her agents. “I’m just going to the bathroom,” she tells them before walking off.

“I’ll go,” Lexa says to Anya. Lexa catches up the Clarke, which startles her slightly. “Sorry Miss Griffin, didn’t meant to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” Clarke laughs. “I just scare easily. You don’t need to walk me to the toilet, you know.”

“I do, actually. There’s a lot of people here and despite it being a short walk, anything could happen.”

Clarke lets out a small smile. She knew that Lexa was just doing her job, but sometimes it just felt ridiculous that they needed to follow her even to the bathroom. The rest of the walk to the toilets is silent. Fortunately there isn’t a line so Clarke gets a stall immediately.

They both walk noticeable slower on the way back to the table. “It must be good seeing Octavia again after so long,” Lexa says.

Lexa was the one to initiate the conversation and that makes Clarke smile. “It is. She’s a little pocket rocket and it’s always a good time with her.” Clarke pauses for a moment before continuing. “She told me that you created the drinks menu for _Adina’s..._ ”

Lexa’s heart surely skips a beat as she realises that Clarke’s been talking about her. She nods, “Yeah… Um Indra’s a family friend and I made her a drink at a party one night. And everything kind of just started from there.”

“Your drinks are really good,” Clarke smiles. “Raven even went as far as saying that they’re some of the best she’s had. I have to agree.”

“Thank you, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke and Lexa arrive back at the table with Octavia and Raven ready to grab a round of desserts. So they clear the table and continue to walk through the festival. Choosing which desserts to get nearly takes twice as long because there were just so much to choose from. Raven nearly gives up at how many choices there are in front of her.

But soon enough the three ladies are all holding two dessert dishes each. Lexa spots a table that’s just become vacant so she jogs over and starts to clear it. But as she turns around to call Clarke and her friends over she bumps into someone. She bumps into Clarke who had jogged over to help clear up the mess. “Miss Griffin, I’m so sorry!” Lexa takes a step back to realise that the desserts that Clarke had been holding were now on her and the blonde.

“Oh no it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have creeped up on you like that,” Clarke laughs. She brushes the cake chunks off her shirt and places the dishes onto the table.  

Lexa’s heart beats a little faster at the sound of Clarke’s laugh. She looks to Anya who was just arriving, “Do you have any tissues?”

“I’ve got some!” Octavia calls out. She fishes through her bag and hands them to Lexa.

“Thanks.” Lexa takes the tissues but then hands them over to Clarke.

Clarke smiles as she takes the tissue and tries to wipe her shirt down. It was no use though. Chocolate cake on a white shirt was a night mare to get off with soap and water, so it’d be close to impossible with just a tissue.

Lexa had ice cream on her shirt, she could feel it seeping through her shirt.

“I have a spare shirt in the SUV if you’d like to change,” Anya tells Clarke.

Clarke looks down to her shirt and up to Anya, “Yes, that would be great, thanks.”

Lexa turns to Anya, “I’ll go, I have a spare shirt too.”

Anya nods, taking the lanyard (which had the keys to SUV) off her neck. Lexa guides Clarke back out of the hospital and back towards the SUV.

Lexa offers a faint smile. “Again, I’m so sorry about your shirt. I’ll have it dry-cleaned and brought back to you tomorrow.”

Clarke lets out a small chuckle, playfully placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “It’s fine, Lexa. It’s just a little cake.” She takes her hand off Lexa’s shoulder quickly, as if the touch was burning her finger tips.

Lexa almost stills at Clarke’s touch but continues on like it was nothing. When they reach the SUV she pops open the boot and unzips Anya’s duffel bag to find the shirt. She then quickly unzips her own bag to find another shirt. Closing the boot, she turns back to Clarke. “We can go back to the toilets to change or you can change in the SUV. The windows are tinted so no one on the outside will see you.”

Clarke looks around the car park. They had parked in the far corner and no one was around. “I’ll just change in the SUV.”

Lexa nods and goes to open the passenger side door. As Clarke slides into the car she hands over the shirt before shutting the door completely. Lexa figures she might as well change now as well. There wasn’t anyone around and the SUV covered them from the entrance of the festival. So Lexa makes quick work of her jacket, throwing it on top of the roof of the vehicle. She untucks her blouse, unbuttons the shirt before quickly throwing her spare t-shirt on. What she forgot was that while no one could see into the SUV, people from inside the SUV could still outside.

From inside the car Clarke was just about to take off her top when she sees Lexa about to change as well. Immediately she shut her eyes and turns in her seat, it felt wrong watching. Clarke lets out a few breaths before changing into the clean t-shirt. She gave it another 15 seconds before turning around to see that Lexa had finished changing and was about to put her jacket back on.

Clarke opens the door slowly. She doesn’t say anything but merely gives her agent a small smile.

Lexa returns the smile and walks back to open the boot. “Give me your shirt, I’ll put in a plastic bag so it doesn’t dirty anything else.”

Clarke goes to stand behind Lexa, giving her the shirt. “Thanks.”

Lexa places the shirts into a plastic bag and closes the boot before turning around. When she turns around though Clarke is noticeably closer to her. So much so that Lexa’s back hits the SUV. There is little space between them and Lexa can’t bring herself to move. “Miss Griffin,” she whispers with a shaky breath.

Blue eyes flicker down to the lips in front of her. Green eyes do the same. 

_Just go for it,_ Clarke thinks. So she does, she leans in just so that their mouths were only a breath a part. “Lexa…” Clarke whispers back. Their noses were brushing against each other and she could almost hear how fast her heart was beating.

Lexa freezes momentarily. They were so close; with Clarke’s breath hot against her lips. Abandoning all sense of reason Lexa leans in and presses their lips together. And like something out of a cliché rom com, Lexa sees fireworks when she kisses Clarke for the first time.

Clarke kisses back immediately. Her hands move to the inside of Lexa’s jacket, resting on her agent’s waist as she pins the woman to the car. Lexa’s lips are soft against her own, their mouths moving slowly, as if they were scared that the other would break at any moment.

Lexa breaks the kiss for a moment, giving them a chance to catch their breaths. Not a moment later she brushes her nose over Clarke’s and closes the distance between them again. This time the kiss becomes more heated as Lexa licks the bottom of Clarke’s lip. She lets out the softest moan when Clarke’s tongue slides against her own. One of Lexa’s hand cups the side of Clarke’s face whilst the other pulls the blonde in closer by her waist.

Clarke starts to trail kisses along Lexa’s jaw, down her neck and towards her pulse point. Lexa lets out another soft moan, causing the blonde to only suck harder. But then Lexa cups Clarke’s face, bringing her back up for a searing kiss. Tongues meet instantly as they explored each other’s mouths. Clarke pushes her body fully against Lexa’s and Lexa responds by placing both hands on the blonde’s waist, pulling her impossibly closer.

Lexa changes their position swiftly, so that she was now the one pinning Clarke against the car. Their kiss is still heated with both of them letting out moans from the back of their throats. Lexa’s hands roams down Clarke’s shoulders and down her arms before resting on the blonde’s hips. But when Clarke goes to cup either side of Lexa’s face that’s when the brunette freezes. She immediately takes a step back, looking at Clarke who’s still got her eyes closed.

But then green eyes meet blue again. Clarke immediately straightens herself up, suddenly feeling very exposed. “I’m sorry I thought you–”

“ _I do,”_ Lexa replies all too quickly. "I do," she repeats to make sure Clarke heard. She takes another small step back, “But we can’t.”

_I do._ The words engrave themselves into Clarke’s mind. She tilts her head slightly, “You kissed me back.”

“I know,” Lexa whispers. “I’m sorry I–”

“Are you really though?” Clarke takes a few steps forward until she’s in Lexa’s space again. Slowly she reaches towards the back of Lexa’s neck and pulls the brunette in closer, ever so slowly. “Are you sorry?” she whispers against Lexa’s lips.

_No._ Lexa swallows the lump in her throat. Their lips were again, so close. She could feel Clarke’s breath and she wanted nothing more than to feel the blonde's lips on hers again. “We can’t,” Lexa whispers back eventually. She removes Clarke’s hand from the back of her neck and pushesthe blonde back slightly. “We should get back,” she sighs. Lexa locks the car and starts to walk off, only stopping to make sure Clarke was following.

Clarke lets out an audible sigh before simply following Lexa back into the festival.


	11. chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 1 and 2 of the lake house weekend! the gang is back together, lexa makes some drinks, they all play a game and they go on a hike (well most of them do because SOMEONE trips so SOMEONE has to take them back to the house)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly, reshop, lincoln. you deserved so much better
> 
> secondly, i'm here any of you need someone to talk to. leave me a message or find me on twitter/tumblr and we can talk about whatever you want 
> 
> and thirdly, on a much lighter note, thank you for all the love on that last chapter. i didn't expect it tbh i know clarke and lexa took a big step in their relationship but still i still get pretty overwhelmed when anyone tells me that they like this story. so again, i love you all. hopefully i can deliver in terms of building this relationship and the rest of the story 
> 
> happy reading!

“Did you kiss her? Or did she kiss you?” Anya asks as she paces up and down their living room.

Lexa was lying flat again the couch, one hand covering her eyes. “Does it matter? We kissed, it was mutual and now I don’t know what to do.”

They had just arrived back home after their night at the City of Light food festival. When Clarke and Lexa returned to the group after changing into clean shirts, the tension between the two women didn’t go unnoticed by Anya. Of course they played it cool like nothing happened with Raven and Octavia oblivious to it all but Anya knew better. So when they dropped off Clarke, Raven and Octavia back at the White House, Anya wasted no time interrogating her partner.

Lexa didn’t want to keep what had happened from Anya, she couldn’t. She screwed up and now found herself in a situation she didn’t know how to handle. “I’ve screwed up,” Lexa groans.

“Big time.”

Lexa sits up, dropping her head into her hands. “What do I do?” she mumbles.

Anya watches her partner and never in the years they’ve worked together has she seen Lexa looked so _defeated_. The younger agent usually was able to stay on top of unexpected situation with a clear mind. But ever since they’ve been assigned to Clarke’s security detail, there’s been a noticeable change in Lexa’s work patterns. Anya sighs, the last time she saw something like this was with Costia _._ She goes to sit beside Lexa, leaning back into the couch. “You like her.”

It wasn’t a question. With her head still in her hands, Lexa nods. “More than I care to admit.”

“I’m not going to tell you what you can or cannot do but I’m sure you know what’s going to happen if…”

“I know,” Lexa cuts in. She groans again before a thought hits her. There was a chance someone could have snapped a photo of them kissing. “Shit,” she mumbles. “Shit shit shit.” She gets up from the couch and grabs her phone, scrolling through it furiously.

“Nothing’s been posted… _yet,”_ Anya tells her. “I have alerts for you and her on my phone and so far there’s been nothing.”

Lexa drops back into the couch. It was going to be an excruciating long night for her.

 

* * *

 

The days leading to the lake house weekend were the longest yet. The media may have not featured them the following morning but Lexa felt like the ball was going to drop at any moment. So Lexa avoided Clarke as much as she could; only being by her side when absolutely necessarily and never alone with the blonde.

Fortunately for Lexa, for the most part Clarke kept her distance. There were a few times when it seemed like the blonde wanted to talk to her but Lexa always managed to pull herself away from the conversation. Clarke didn’t have a lot going on this week so it was an easy week to be physically distant from her. But emotionally and mentally, Clarke never left Lexa’s mind.

 

* * *

 

It was now Thursday mid-morning and Clarke, Raven and Octavia were in their final stages of packing for their weekend away. They were all in Clarke’s room simply killing time as Clarke raided her closest. She turns around the Octavia and Raven, holding up a handful of bikini tops, “Which one should I take?”

Raven doesn’t look up from her phone but replies anyways. “All of them.”

Octavia however looks up from her phone and smiles. “I’m sure they’ll all impress Lexa.”

Clarke sends her a death-defying glare but turns back to raid her closet once more.

Raven laughs. “Still can’t believe nothing’s happened. The way she looks at you, it’s quite frankly, disgusting. All those heart eyes.”

Clarke knew the look Raven was talking about. She’d caught Lexa staring a few times like she was the only one in the room. It made Clarke’s heart absolutely melt because no one has ever looked at her the way Lexa does. But this past week things between them have been tense. The words “ _I do_ ,” and “ _We can’t_ ,” have replayed in her mind countless times as she tried to comprehend the mixed signals. 

Clarke clears her throat, head still in her closet. “Something happened between Lexa and I.”

Naturally, both Raven and Octavia both sit up at the news. “What?!” they both yell.

Moving towards her duffel bag, Clarke drops a few more items of clothes into it before turning to her best friends. “We may have… kissed,” she offers with a weak smile.

“What?!” Raven exclaims, slamming her hands onto the mattress. “When? Where? How?”

Clarke scratches her head slightly before straightening herself up. “During the food festival when we went to change into clean shirts…” she trails off as if she wasn’t sure.

Octavia turns to grab a pillow and throws it towards Clarke. “That was days ago!”

Clarke catches the pillow clumsily, throwing it back. “I know and now she’s not talking to me, unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve tried getting her alone but she always manages to leave before I can say anything.” She moves to the bed, lying in front of her best friends. “I hate this.”

For a moment Octavia and Raven simply watch Clarke. It is in this moment they both kind of realise that it was a little more than a crush. Octavia goes to give Clarke’s hand a light squeeze. “You went for it. You put your heart on the line for something you wanted and now at least she knows how you feel about her.”

“At what cost though?” Clarke sighs. “It’s like she can’t even stand being in the same room as me now.”

“Don’t forget this is her job,” Raven says. “It’s not like you can just ask her out. She’s meant to be protecting you and it’s kind of like why surgeons aren’t allowed to operate on family members. When feelings are involved it can get pretty messy.”

Clarke brings her hands to rub her face. “I still hate this,” she repeats.

Once she’s done packing, Clarke guides them down towards the garage. Her agents are already waiting there, ready to go as usual. This time though Clarke’s breath hitches as she sees Lexa. Since they’ve first met her agent has been dressed in some sort of suit or formal attire. But today she was dressed casually in denim shorts and a white t-shirt. She still wore her belt with her gun and badge (which was slightly covered by the jacket she was also wearing.)

Clarke offers a small nod. “Morning Agent Woods.”

“Morning Miss Griffin,” Lexa responds. She’s quick to greet Raven and Octavia as well whilst she opens the trunk of the car.

The three friends take that as their queue to put their stuff in. Once everything was packed the ladies all settle into their seats. Clarke takes the seat directly behind Lexa, Raven is behind Anya and Octavia gets stuck in the middle seat as she was the shortest.

It’s a three-hour drive to Mount Weather. The tension in the car isn’t as bad as Clarke or Lexa thought it would be, though the two still aren't talking to each other. Instead the conversation flows between Raven, Octavia and Anya mostly. Out of all things the three of them find some common ground in the various hikes they’ve done around the country.

An hour and a half into the drive they pull over at a rest stop for a bathroom break, some fresh air and to stretch their legs. The three best friends talk amongst themselves as they pace back and forth of the rest area, whereas Lexa and Anya took a seat on a picnic table.

Playing with a leaf on the table, Anya scrunches it up and throws it towards Lexa. “You and Clarke need to sort out your shit. The tension between the two of you is ridicolous.”

“What am I supposed to say?” Lexa replies louder than expected. She lowers her voice, “ _Oh hey Clarke I kind of want to keep kissing you but I also kind of want to keep by job so…”_

“Hm, maybe not in those exact terms…” Anya smirks.

“I hate you.”

Anya moves her arms to stretch above her head. “Look, we both know that this is a complicated situation you’re in. You know what needs to happen if you want a proper relationship with her… Shits going to hit the ceiling if the media get a hold of this, or even worse, if Abby finds out.”

Lexa drops her head to the table, groaning.

Anya reaches forward, placing her hand on Lexa’s arm. “But if she’s worth it, you may be my partner but you're my friend first. I don’t want you missing out on something that could be great.”

“You sound like your mum,” Lexa mumbles.

“Oh I wonder why,” Anya jabs. “We’re not in DC anymore Lex. You can let your guard down-”

“No, I can’t,” Lexa cuts in.

“You can,” Anya repeats. “If it’s the logistics you’re worried about then know that this lake house couldn’t be in a more secured area. You and I both know that us being here is just protocol. We could have easily argued that she didn’t need us for this trip.”

Lexa turns in her seat slightly, eyes falling on the blonde and her friends. “I can’t.”

“You’re absolutely hopeless, you know that right?” Anya stands up from her seat, having enough of the conversation for the time being. “Let’s hit the road.” She calls for Clarke, Raven and Octavia and within minutes they’re back driving on the road.

The remainder of the drive is peaceful with Raven and Octavia napping. The radio was on, providing some background music to the silence that filled the car. Lexa watches Clarke from the side view mirror, she was smiling whilst typing away at her phone. Before Clarke, Lexa was never a jealous person but now she found herself fighting off the feeling. 

It’s about 3pm when they pull up to the gate of the lake house. “Passcode is 29832,” Octavia tells Anya.

Anya punches in the code and the gates open. Settling herself back in her seat she slowly drives up towards the house. It’s a wide two story house that sat right on the edge of the lake. Trees grew tall around the area, providing plenty of shade amongst the open land. When they pull right up to the house there are already two cars parked with a few people hanging around the front door.

When Anya parks the car Clarke, Raven and Octavia are immediately out and running towards their friends. Monty, Wells and Jasper were all waiting to greet the three of them. Warm hugs are exchanged between the friends with a round of laughter erupting short after.

Lexa makes her way out of the car and towards the boot. She slings her duffel bag over one shoulder and reaches for the remaining bags. Anya is soon by her side and helping, both women carrying three bags each. When they start to walk up towards the house Clarke turns on her heel and immediately walks over to help Lexa with some bags.

Lexa doesn’t have time to say that it’s okay before Clarke’s grabbing her bag. “Come on, I’ll introduce you,” Clarke smiles.

Lexa nods and follows the blonde to the front porch. When she and Anya are by Clarke’s side they drop the bags to the floor.

“Agent Woods, Agent Carson, you remember Monty,” Clarke says as she points to Monty. “And this is Jasper Jordan and Wells Jaha.”

Jasper, Wells, Lexa and Anya all greet each other with a handshake and quick ‘hello.’

Monty helps pick up one of the bags, “Agent Woods, Agent Carson, why don’t you follow me? I’ll show you where your bedroom is.”

Once all the bags are picked up they follow Monty throughout the house. Lexa marvels at the interior, it definitely was bigger on the inside than it did on the outside. When they enter the house they walk into the living room with a very high ceiling. It had couches that could fit at least 10 people on them and a back door that led towards the patio and down towards the lake. There were windows on every wall of the house, giving a complete view of the lake.

When they pass the kitchen and dining it’s just Monty, Lexa and Anya. The others had split to explore the rest of the house. “Your room is downstairs one, away from all of us,” Monty tells them. “Everyone else will be sleeping upstairs or on the couches in the living room.”

Monty guides them down a short flight of stairs that lead them to a door. He opens it, gesturing for Anya and Lexa to walk in. The agents walk in to a very spacious room. It had a king size bed in the middle of the room, a couch and TV. One of the walls was a complete window, giving them a complete view of the lake. Lexa turns to Monty, “Thank you, this is great.” 

“I know that you’re here to make sure Clarke is safe, but I really hope you guys have a good weekend too,” he smiles. “ _Most_ of us a good company.”

Lexa actually laughs. “I’m sure it’ll be a good weekend.”

“Well I’ll leave you to it then. You’re welcome to explore the house and we’ll have dinner going in a few.” With that Monty gives them one more smile and makes his way back to the rest of the group.

Anya immediately falls onto the bed, “Bed’s comfy.”

Lexa walks throughout the room, checking out the bathroom and closest before walking over to the window overlooking the lake. “This is some view.” She slides open the door and steps out onto the grass. To her left the patio was about 6 feet higher than her since their bedroom was on the lower part of the property. But walking up a small hill saw Lexa on the same level as the patio. Lexa takes in the sight before her, there was some open grass area before the edge of the lake.

The lake itself wasn’t that big with a few other houses a couple hundred feet away. In the distance Lexa could see Mount Weather with the peak disappearing into some clouds. Returning her gaze back to the edge of the lake she saw a small wooden board walk that lead into the water and two row boats tied up.

She takes a deep breath in, closing her eyes in the process. She can hear birds chirping in the distance and the leaves rustling in the winds. It was peaceful.

Peaceful until she heard Raven screaming from the patio. “FUUUUUCK, LOOK AT THIS VIEW!”

Lexa lets out a small chuckle before turning to Raven.

“Nice view isn’t it Agent Woods?”

“It sure is.”

A few hours later Monty starts up the BBQ and Lexa finds herself behind the bar. She looks up and down the shelf, it was stocked to the brink with every type of alcohol you could need for a good night.

Raven approaches the bar and taps the counter top. “Any chance I could get you to make me a drink?”

Lexa nods. “Pick your poison.”

“Surprise me,” Raven winks as she pulls up a stool.

Lexa moves around the bar, grabbing a tall glass, a few bottles of alcohol and some juice from the fridge. She pours a bit of everything into the glass before putting a couple of ice cubes in it and pushing it towards Raven.

Raven grabs a straw a takes a sip. Her taste buds come alive as the alcohol passes through. “Holy shit this is good.”

“What’s good?” Octavia asks, approaching the bar. Raven lifts her glass, giving Octavia a taste. “Holy shit. Can I get me one of those?”

Lexa smiles and nods, moving around the bar to grab another glass.

“Does the drink have a name?” Raven asks as she takes another sip.

“Hmm…” Lexa hums. “I think I’ll call it the Octaven, since you guys are the first to try it. Would do you think?”

“Hell yeah!” Raven screams.

Lexa laughs as she puts a straw in the glass and hands it over to Octavia.

Clarke approaches the bar, her hand tapping Raven’s shoulder. “Hey, Zoe’s looking for you. She’s on the patio.” Her eyes don’t meet Lexa’s. She’d been watching Lexa, Raven and Octavia laugh and talk for a couple of minutes, slightly jealous.

Raven thanks Lexa for the drink and makes her way towards the patio, with Octavia following closely behind. Lexa looks to Clarke and Anya’s words from earlier replay in her head. _We’re not in DC anymore._ Clarke’s about to walk away when Lexa calls for her. “Would you like a drink, Miss Griffin?”

Clarke lets a small smile creep on her lips. She turns around slowly, “Sure.”

“Any preference?” Lexa asks.

Clarke shakes her head as she takes a seat. “Surprise me.” In this moment it felt like all the tension that had been built up between the two of them had just disappeared. She watches Lexa move around the bar like she’d been doing it for her whole life. The brunette grabs a few bottles from the top shelf, the cocktail shaker and a martini glass.

When Lexa’s done shaking the cocktail shaker she places the martini glass in front of Clarke. Slowly she pours the alcohol into the glass, lifting the shaker high to give a small show. As the blue liquid flows into the cup Lexa grabs the bottle of Midori and splashes some into the glass as well. The green swirls with blue momentarily before disappearing all together.

Clarke lifts the drink to her lips and takes a sip. “Wow,” is all that she manages at first. She takes another sip, “You really know your drinks.”

Lexa shrugs.

Clarke sighs, she didn’t know why Lexa couldn’t take the compliment. But as the silence draws longer the tension slowly starts to build between them again. Clarke clears her throat, “Hey, do you think we can–”

“LEXA!” Anya calls out from the patio. “COME HERE!”

Lexa has two choices right now. One, she can stay and talk to Clarke or she can once again, avoid the conversation. She knows she should stay, everything in her heart is telling her to do so. But her head wins again and finds herself muttering a quiet “Sorry,” before leaving the blonde alone by the bar.

* * *

During dinner Lexa watches Clarke talk to Harper, the grip on her beer only tightening.

“Easy Lexa, any tighter and the bottle is going to shatter in your hands,” Anya whispers.

“Shut up,” Lexa groans as she takes another sip. It wasn’t long before everyone that was invited to the lake house had arrived. Now they were in the middle of having dinner. Lexa and Anya were currently watching over the BBQ and the rest of the group were scattered across the patio and inside the house. Clarke and Harper were sitting by themselves along then bench, leaning in closer and closer as they talked. And Lexa hated herself for feeling jealous, especially since she was the one that pushed Clarke away.

Octavia walks out from the house holding a box. “Alright bitches, we’re playing The Ark!”

There’s a mixed response from the group, half of them cheering whilst the other half groans.

“Oh stop whining!” Octavia laughs. “20 minutes into the game and y’all are going to be having the time of your lives.” She turns to Lexa and Anya, “You guys are playing too. It’s better with more people.”

“We don’t know how to play,” Anya says.

“Don’t worry i’ll explain it to you in a second. Just got to get everyone to set up.”

“Set up?” Lexa asks.

But Lexa doesn’t get a response. Octavia simply digs through the box and takes out 4 packs of cards. She throws them Bellamy, “You remember which cards we need right?” Bellamy nods and goes to sort the cards. Octavia then pulls out a bunch of flags from the box, to which Monty immediately grabs. He, Miller and Zoe grab a bunch of chairs and make their way towards the grass. Wells and Jasper were already on the grass, pulling a picnic table closer towards the house.

Lexa watches them all hustle around, completely confused. Octavia was currently explaining the game to them but she wasn’t really listening. She picked up a few main things, but was too distracted watching everyone set up the game. Raven then comes out of the house with a box filled different type of alcohol, shot glasses and cups. Without stopping, she makes her way down towards the grass and towards the picnic table. Clarke and Harper were already by Raven’s side, setting up the drinks.

“So you get it?” Octavia asks as she finishes explaining.

Anya simply nods and walks down towards the grass. She needed a drink if she was going to play.

“So there are 13 stations?” Lexa asks.

“Yes,” Octavia confirms. “They make up the Ark. Stations 1-12 are simply called station 1, station 2 etcetera and the 13th station is called Polaris.” 

“And that’s the one everyone wants to get to? The one with the Commander who can either accept or decline my request to join?”

Octavia nods again. “Or if you have enough points you can issue a challenge to overthrow the Commander.”

“How is the Commander chosen again?”

Octavia points to Bellamy who looked like he was finishing sorting the cards. “The game starts off by everyone picking a card. The Commander’s card is the ace of hearts and there’s only one of it in the deck. If you pick it, then you’re automatically the Commander and you basically control the game. If no one picks it, then whoever gets to Polaris first is the Commander.”

“And the king of hearts is the Commander’s second?” Octavia nods. “And the other kings are night bloods?” Octavia nods again. “This is still very confusing.”

Octavia laughs and pulls Lexa down towards the rest of the group. “You’ll catch on quick, don’t worry.”

Once everyone was surrounding the picnic table; the game was set. Around the table there were 13 flags set up with chairs by most of them. Other little items were scattered around the area which confused Lexa even more. On the picnic table there were drinks set up, dices and the cards that Bellamy had sorted.

Jasper goes to grab the cards, spreading them out and holding them up for everyone to take one. Once everyone had a card, Jasper took one for himself. “Okay, remember, ace of hearts is the commander, king of hearts is the second, other kings are night bloods. Queens are healers and if you get a jack you drink double for the whole game.” He pauses, looking around the circle to make sure everyone was following. “Okay on the count of three, show your cards. One… two… three!"

Everyone flips their card and quickly all eyes land on Lexa’s. She had the ace of hearts, she was the Commander. “Seriously?!” she exclaims. She really didn’t want to play and now she had the one card she didn’t want to get.

Raven set up a line of shot glasses. She looks to Lexa, “If a Commander is chosen from the beginning everyone has to take a shot of your choice.”

“Vodka,” Lexa replies, earning a very loud groan from everyone. _Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all._

* * *

Twenty minutes into the game and things were getting intense. Lexa stood on top of her chair at Polaris station, threatening to blow station 8 up if Monty was going to play his healer card to save Jasper. “I like you Monty, I do, but if you save Jasper it’s the end for your station.” She takes a sip of her drink.

Monty looks between Lexa and Jasper. “Shit!” he yells. Turning to Jasper he offers a weak smile, “Sorry buddy, got to think of the long term.” Monty pours the bucket of ice water over Jasper and that was it for him.

* * *

“NAME THREE FAMOUS DAVIDS IN FIVE SECONDS!” Raven yells to Bellamy.

“Ah, um David Beckham! David Attenborough! David…” Bellamy stumbles on his final answer.

Raven throws her hands up in the air, “Times up!”

Bellamy groans as he jumps off the chair he was standing on with Miller.

* * * 

Zoe stands at station 10, balancing a soccer ball on her head. She steps from side to side keeping her eyes fixed above her. “… Uno… Velvet… Watermelon… X-rays… Yoga and Zebra!” She cheers as everyone else cheers around her. Throwing the ball to the side she happily runs to the table, takes a shot, and runs over to station 11.

* * *

Raven and Anya sit across from each other at the picnic table, psyching themselves up for the challenge a head. Harper and Octavia emerge from the house carrying out two plates. Placing them in front of them women both Anya and Raven let out a long loud roan.

“What the fuck?” Raven blurts out when she sees what’s in front her.

Both plates had a bunch of teaspoons on it, all containing small amounts of something. Ranging from soy sauce, hot sauce, wasabi, cinnamon to other liquids they couldn’t identify, Raven and Anya had to eat it all to win the challenge.

Anya rubs her hands in anticipation whereas Raven looks as if she’s about to cry.

“She who loses will be stripped of their night blood title,” Lexa says, standing at the head of the table. “Ready?”

Anya nods and Raven mutters a, “As I’ll ever be.”

“Then go!” Lexa yells.

Raven almost immediate gags on the first teaspoon she takes, but pushes forward. Anya has some better control, but not by much. It’s not a surprise that with the alcohol in their system this was not an easy challenge to do. Raven at the moment was two teaspoons behind Anya, but the older woman was struggling. Raven decided that she wasn’t going to lose this challenge.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Raven mutters before deciding to do something she was going to definitely regret. She quickly grabs one of the empty cups and starts to fill it with the contents of her leftover teaspoons. Raven gives it a quick stir, looking away from the cup for the fear of throwing up right then and there. She takes a deep breath and brings the cup to her mouth. She doesn’t let it sit in her mouth at all, swallowing it all immediately. “FUUUUUUCK,” she yells as it burns down her throat.

Raven sticks out her tongue to show that it was all gone and Lexa lifts up her hand, declaring her the winner.

Anya sighs, accepting defeat. “That’s some gut you’ve got there.”

* * * 

Clarke overthrows station 12 with Wells by her side. Anya is quick to join the alliance, but quickly betrays them as Lexa offers a place Polaris instead. Clarke is pissed and issues a challenge.

“I am the Commander, no one fights for me,” Lexa says as Anya offers to take her place.

So Clarke and Lexa make their way to the centre picnic table. Raven and Octavia set up five red cups filled with different drinks for them both. Both Clarke and Lexa had to drink the drink then flip the cup onto the table. Miller held one hand over his head, “On your marks! Get set! GO!” he yells, slamming his hand down onto the table.

Lexa takes the first four drinks and flips the cups onto the table easily. But as the alcohol finally sets in, she struggles to flip the fifth cup over. This gives Clarke a chance to catch up as she found herself struggling on her third cup. Now both women were trying to flip their last cup, but were failing quite miserably. As much as the alcohol was distracting Lexa, she found the blonde more distracting. The way Clarke bit her tongue as she tried to concentrate at the task at hand caused her stomach to flutter. She wasn’t even trying at this point.

“YES!” Clarke cheers as she manages to flip her final cup.

Lexa haphazardly gives it one more go, and not surprisingly fails. She looks up to the blonde and offers her hand, “Well played.”

Clarke hesitates for the moment before accepting Lexa’s handshake. With a small stroke of her thumb over Lexa’s hand she smiles, “You were a great Commander.”

Lexa pulls herself out of the game and makes her way back to the patio. For the next hour she watches the game closely, or more specifically, she watches Clarke. She can’t help but smile as the blonde plays the game with such enthusiasm, yelling and screaming as she stood tall as the next Commander.

“Mind if I sit?”

Lexa turns in her chair, seeing Monty with cups. She shakes her head, “No at all.”

Monty offers her one of the cups, “It’s just water.”

“Thanks Monty.”

He takes a sip of his water. “So we were talking earlier and we were thinking of going on a hike tomorrow…”

“Why does it sound like you’re asking me permission?” Lexa laughs. “We’re just here to make sure Clarke’s safe. If you guys want to go on a hike, then it’s fine by us. Are you sure everyone’s going to be up for it though?” She points to the people still playing the game, “I suspect a couple of deadly hangovers tomorrow.”

Monty laughs. “It’ll be fine. We can leave by lunch at the latest.”

“Sounds good.”

The game eventually dies down with Clarke holding her position as Commander and Harper as her second. Clarke jumps onto Harper’s back as they cheer their victory. Lexa watches and again there’s a tight feeling in her chest and her stomach turns.

Anya watches Lexa watch Clarke. She sighs and makes her way over to her partner. Leaning down she whispers in Lexa’s ear. “Remember, we’re not in DC right now.”

Lexa doesn’t move, her eyes still fixated on Clarke. “I can’t.”

“Then stop looking at Harper like you’re going to kill her in her sleep.” Anya straightens herself up. “I’m going to shower first.”

Lexa hums in response as she catches Clarke’s stare. Green eyes dance with blue for a moment before Lexa turns away and retreats back inside the house.

 

* * *

 

 

The following morning Lexa wakes to find Anya already up and doing yoga to the side of the room. “How are you doing?” Lexa asks, yawning.

Anya holds her position, “I’m fine. You?”

Lexa nods. “I’m so glad I don’t get hangovers.” She moves off the bed and into the bathroom. After she freshens up, Lexa changes and makes her way towards the kitchen. The smell of bacon hits first as she wanders in to see Octavia working her way through the kitchen. “Morning,” Lexa smiles.

Octavia jumps slightly, “Oh hey Lexa.”

Lexa takes a seat on one of the bar stools, “I’m surprised to see anyone up before,” she looks to the clock, “9. You guys know how to drink.”

Octavia laughs. “Yeah, I don’t get hungover but I can’t say much for the others. Plus, it’s kind of assumed that I cook,” she laughs, moving back to check on the bacon.

“Would you like some help?”

Octavia nods. She walks towards the fridge pulling out a carton of eggs, grabs a bowl and a whisk. “Can you scramble these eggs for me? And then slice up some mushrooms?”

Lexa opens the carton, “All of these?” she asks.

“Yeah, Bellamy can eat like 6 eggs when he’s hungry.”

Lexa starts on the eggs whilst Octavia cooks another round of bacon. They work in silence mostly, with Lexa asking how much seasoning to put and how thick the mushroom slices should be. She then starts to clean down the counter top and the few dishes that were already in the sink. As she’s cleaning she spots Clarke outside on the patio.

Octavia places a bowl into the sink and nudges Lexa slightly. “You should talk to her.”

Lexa shuts off the water and turns to Octavia. She studies the younger girl’s facial expression when it dawns on her. “You know…”

“I do,” Octavia confirms. “But I won’t say anything, don’t worry." She pauses. "Look, I don’t know how to put it but she’s… hurt. She thinks that you hate her and she’s beating herself up for what happened at the festival.”

Lexa turns the water back on as she returns to cleaning the dishes. “I don’t hate her, quite the opposite really.” The second part of that sentence slips before Lexa could stop herself.

“I know,” Octavia smiles. She’s definitely seen those heart eyes Raven was talking about earlier.

Lexa shakes her head. “But I can’t. It’s complicated.”

“She likes you and you like her, what’s so complicated about that?”

“She’s–” Lexa stops as she hears footsteps come down the stairs. Both her and Octavia look to see who it is.

“Morning O,” Harper smiles. “Morning Agent Woods.” Both Lexa and Octavia give a quick hello back. Harper points out towards the patio, “Is that Clarke?”

“Yeah,” Octavia smiles as Lexa returns to the dishes.

“Cool. Um, do you guys need help with breakfast?”

Octavia shakes her head. “No, we’re nearly done.”

“Okay, well I’ll volunteer to clean up after everyone’s eaten,” Harper smiles. “I’m going to say good morning to Clarke.”

“I’ll call you guys when breakfast is ready!” Octavia watches Harper go out onto the patio and then turns back to Lexa. Her jaw is clenched and her overall demeanour has done a 180. “Harper’s just a friend.”

Lexa watches Harper approach Clarke, the two of them sharing a quick hug. “I didn’t even say anything," Lexa snaps back. 

Octavia moves to the bacon again. “You didn’t have to,” she smirks. “They’re just friends, really. They haven’t seen each other in years because Harper’s been working overseas. Plus Harper’s got a massive crush on Zoe.”

Lexa relaxes at the information slightly but doesn’t say anything.

“Just… talk to her.”

Lexa nods slightly. Closing the tap and drying her hands, she helps herself to the food that Octavia’s already set out on the table. Octavia calls in Clarke and Harper and Anya also appears just in time. Lexa makes quick word of her food and heads out to eat on the patio with Anya soon joining her.

The rest of the morning is waiting for everyone to get up and ready for the hike. The hangovers aren’t as bad as Lexa thought they would be amongst the group. The worst of them probably being Raven – but Octavia just assures Lexa that Raven was always that grumpy in the mornings.

By 12 everyone was up and ready to go. They take three cars with them. It’s a short drive to Mount Weather, ten minutes, tops. Once they reach their destination Anya and Lexa are both quick to open the doors for the three best friends. When Anya closes the door she looks to Raven. “I don’t want to offend you…so yell at me if I do but are you going to be okay with the hike and your leg?”

Raven smiles. “It’s fine,” she reassures. “Monty said it’s more of a walk, there’s a set path and it isn’t too steep. Thanks for your concern though.”

Anya simply nods before they walk towards the rest of the group.

Monty stands up on the boot of his car. “Alright guys! The walk is about 45 minutes and we’ll reach a waterfall. There’s a few paths we can take but if you get lost just meet back here by 4pm.” Monty jumps off the boot and starts to guide them onto the walk.

Anya and Lexa hang towards the back of the group, along with Clarke, Raven and Octavia. It’s a nice walk, the forest blooms wildly with hidden gems around every corner. Small streams run along the ground and wild rabbits and deer scurry off at the sound footsteps.

Ten minutes into the hike and Clarke is basically holding her breath, knowing Lexa is right on her heel. Since the kiss she’s been getting mixed signals from her agent. Mostly bad ones, ones that told Clarke she made a huge mistake. But then there were the small gestures like offering Clarke a drink, the stares, the smiles that made her question everything. At this point Clarke has accepted the fact that this wasn’t just a crush and that she’d have to talk to Lexa about it. They weren’t in DC right now, so sometime during the weekend she would talk to Lexa. She had to.

They continue through the forest when suddenly Clarke trips, “Ah shit!” she yelps from the ground.

Immediately Raven and Octavia are by her side, helping Clarke to sit up against a tree. The rest of the group stops as well, making sure they don’t crowd around too much.

“Shit Clarke, are you alright?” Raven asks.

Clarke runs her hand over her ankle and winces at the touch. Surely enough it was slowly swelling up. “I think I twisted it… Shit.”

Anya kneels down towards Clarke. “Hey, we’re going to take off your shoe, alright?” Clarke nods and Anya starts undo the shoelaces and slide off the shoe. Clarke winces again at the pain. Anya inspects the foot, “I don’t think you can keep going.”

Clarke sighs. She was really excited for the walk too.

“I’ll take her back to the house,” Lexa says. “Then I’ll double back around and come pick you up when it’s time.”

Anya raises an eyebrow, “You sure? I can go if you want.”

Lexa nods. “No it’s okay. I’ve done this walk already.” She looks down to Clarke, “Will you be alright with that Miss Griffin?”

“Yeah, that will be fine.”

Octavia puts her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Are you sure Clarke? I can–”

“No, it’s okay O.” Clarke looks around to her friends, who were all looking a little worried. “Seriously guys, it’s fine. You guys do the walk; I’ll see you back at the house.” Raven helps Clarke to her feet and pulls the blonde in for a hug immediately. Octavia is quick to join with Clarke simply chuckling. “I’ll be fine you guys. Have fun! Send me snaps of the waterfall.”

“Will do, Griffin,” Raven says.

Lexa and Clarke watch the rest of the group walk away before starting to walk back down themselves. Without saying anything Lexa grabs Clarke’s arm and slings it over her shoulder, allowing the blonde to lean on her for support. Despite the help, they walk at an agonising slow pace, to the point where Clarke is asking for a break every other minute.

Lexa could tell that Clarke was in pain so she decides change their current situation. She guides Clarke’s arm off her shoulder, goes to stand in front of the blonde and bends her knees slightly. “Hop on,” she says like it was a normal thing.

“What?!” Clarke exclaims. “You’re not carrying me the rest of the way.”

Lexa doesn’t move. “I’m stronger than I look,” she replies.

“I’m going to break your back.”

Lexa sighs. She stands up straight and turns to the Clarke. “You keep walking on that ankle and it’s only going to swell more. You’re a doctor, you know that. So just hop on so we can get you back to the house.” Lexa doesn’t wait for a reply but simply returns to her previous position.

“How serious are you being right now?”

“100% Miss Griffin.”

Clarke gives in. She leans her body forward and Lexa helps her up. Both of Lexa’s arm wrap under Clarke’s legs to hold her up whilst Clarke wraps her arms around her agent’s neck.

Lexa adjusts herself slightly so that Clarke was a little more comfortable on her back and starts to walk. Her heart was beating uncontrollably as Clarke wraps herself a little tighter around her body.

Clarke doesn’t even try to stop herself from resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. The walk back to the car is smooth, with Lexa piggy backing Clarke like she weighed nothing at all. When they get to the car Clarke slowly slides off Lexa’s back and leans on the SUV for support. She watches Lexa open the passenger side door for her.

“Still got that first aid kit of yours?” Lexa asks.

Clarke nods as she slides into the car. “Yeah.” She swings off her backpack and takes the kit out to find some bandages.

“Would it be easier if I wrapped it for you?” Lexa asks.

Clarke looks down to her foot and then back to Lexa. She could easily do it herself but without thinking she hands over the bandage and nods.

Taking the bandage Lexa offers her a small smile. “Swing your legs around,” she instructs. Clarke does as she’d told, so that her legs were dangling over the side of the seat. Lexa kneels down and starts to wrap Clarke’s swollen ankle.

Clarke watches Lexa wrap the bandage around with such care. Lexa’s touch is gentle and she asks if it hurts or if it’s too tight a handful of times.

When she’s done, Lexa starts to drive them back to the house. Surprisingly it’s a comfortable silence between the two of them, the previous tension disappearing (or hiding) completely once again. Pulling up into the house, Lexa helps Clarke up the stairs and onto one of the living room couches. “I’ll see if there’s an icepack or anything,” Lexa says. Before going to the fridge Lexa pushes the coffee table closer so Clarke could put her feet up.

Returning with some frozen peas she hands them over to Clarke. “Sorry, this is all we had.”

“It’s fine,” she smiles, taking the peas.

“So i’ll leave you to rest.” Lexa moves to grab the remote and places it next to Clarke. “If you need anything just call out, I'll be around.”

Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand. “Stay with me,” she says, stroking her agent’s hand with her thumb.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lexa whispers. She doesn’t do anything to break away from Clarke though.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Clarke doesn’t accept the answer and pulls at the hand, guiding Lexa to sit. Lexa falls onto the couch with a small thud. She turns her body towards Clarke, with Clarke doing the same (well as much as she could with her foot on the coffee table still.)

Clarke mindlessly plays with Lexa’s hand, alternating between tracing the long slender fingers to interlocking their fingers together. “Tell me I'm crazy,” Clarke whispers. “Tell me that you didn’t kiss me back. Tell me that you haven’t been thinking about it since it happened. Tell me that you wished it never happened.”

Lexa inhales sharply. “I can’t do that.”

Clarke lets go of Lexa’s hand. “Then tell me why," she whispers as she drops her head slightly.  _Tell me why you’ve been avoiding me. Tell me why it feels like you regret the kiss. Tell me why it feels like you hate me._  

The unspoken messages cause Lexa to scoots closer. She brings her fingers to Clarke’s chin, tilting it up so blue eyes meet green. “I don’t regret the kiss.” She pauses, falling deeper into the blue eyes in front of her. “I like you, a lot. That’s the problem.”

“Why is it a problem?”

“You know why,” Lexa says again.

“No, no I don’t.” Obviously Clarke knew why, but she wanted to hear it from Lexa herself.

Lexa sighs. “You’re the president’s daughter. I'm your agent. I am meant to be protecting you. I’m meant to be focused to make sure you’re always safe. But here I am, falling–” Lexa stops herself from finishing the sentence.

Clarke immediately moves her hand to the back of Lexa’s neck, pulling them closer so that their foreheads were touching. She closes her eyes as she tries to control her breathing. “We’re not in DC,” she whispers.

Lexa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. “We can’t,” she whispers back unable to move.

“We can.” It’s barely a whisper. Clarke leans in a little closer, her lips ghosting over Lexa’s. “Kiss me, Lexa.”

Lexa lets her heart guide her decision this time. She closes the distance between them and they’re kissing again. She brings one hand to cup the side of Clarke’s face, their lips moving slowly against each other. Soft moans escape both their lips as hands start to roam.

Clarke’s hand wanders down Lexa’s shoulder and down below the her thigh, pulling her closer.

Lexa gets the message and moves to carefully straddle the blonde’s lap. “I’m not hurting you, am I?” she asks, cupping either side of Clarke’s face.

Clarke simply shakes as she takes her foot off the coffee table to get more comfortable. She quickly leans up and takes Lexa’s bottom lip against her own. Lexa pushes down, deepening the kiss so that their tongues move against each other. They alternate between nipping, sucking and biting with the kiss only growing more heated. Clarke’s hands move to Lexa’s hip, guiding them to slowly rock in her lap.

Their making out is interrupted when Lexa’s phone goes off.

“Don’t answer it,” Clarke says in between their kisses.

Lexa all but moans into Clarke’s mouth. She breaks the kiss and pushes Clarke back slightly, “I have to. It’s Anya’s ringtone.” She manages to take out her phone from her back pocket and answers the call, but makes no attempt to get off Clarke’s lap. “ _Hey… yeah we’re back… yeah she’s fine…”_

Clarke wraps her arm around Lexa’s back so she’s sitting up a little more comfortably. As Lexa talks on the phone Clarke starts to place soft kisses on the exposed collar. She takes it as a sign to keep going when Lexa tilts her head sightly and brings one her hands to tangle in the blonde’s hair.

 _“Yep… okay… bye.”_ Lexa hangs up and throws her phone to the side. As Clarke continues to kiss her neck she can’t help but giggle. The blonde’s breath and kisses hitting all the sensitive spots on her neck. “You should get some rest.”

“But I’m not tired.” Clarke nuzzles her nose into Lexa’s neck a little further placing a hard kiss down before leaning up claiming Lexa’s lip once again. It’s a slow, chaste kiss. She breaks away so their foreheads resting against each other.

“Okay, then let’s do something,” Lexa says as she starts to climb off the blonde.

Missing the warmth of Lexa’s body already, Clarke stops her. She wraps her arm around Lexa’s body and grins. “Okay, I’ll rest. Rest with me?” she asks nervously.

Lexa smiles. Pulling away from the hug she gives Clarke one more small peck before pulling herself off the blonde, guiding them both the lay down on the couch. Clarke finds herself cuddling Lexa’s side, her head resting on her agent’s chest. They both instinctively wrap their arms around each other, Lexa going to kiss the top of Clarke’s head. “We still have to talk about this,” she whispers against the blonde’s hair.

“I know,” Clarke breathes. With the arm draped over Lexa’s stomach, she pulls the brunette in closer. “We’ll talk.”

“Hold on.” Lexa lifts herself off the couch momentarily, causing Clarke to groan. She grabs her phone from the other side of the couch and lays back down, returning to their previous position. Lexa unlocks her phone and opens her messages with Anya. As she types her text she says, “I’m just reminding Anya to tell me when they’re on their way back. And to make sure to tell us if any of the other guys decide to come back early.”

Clarke nods against Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa lets out a small sigh. Her heart was beating rapidly and she was sure Clarke could hear it. “Can we just keep this between us for now? At least until we figure things out?”

Clarke lifts her head up to meet Lexa’s gaze. She nods, leaning in and placing another kiss on the lips in front of her. “Just us,” she smiles before resting her head down again. “I should tell you that Raven and Octavia know about our first kiss. I’m sorry, I just needed to talk to them but they won’t say anything.”

“It’s okay. I trust you and if you trust them then it’s okay.” She pauses. “Anya knows as well.”

“Oh god,” Clarke mumbles, burying herself further into Lexa’s embrace. “If she didn’t already have a reason to hate me she has one now.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Lexa laughs.

“You don’t see–”

“Shhhhh,” Lexa interrupts, placing another soft kiss on Clarke’s head. “Rest.”

Clarke smiles. “Just one more thing…”

Lexa hums in response.

“Can I get you to call me _Clarke_ yet?”

Lexa closes her eyes and smiles, “No can do Miss Griffin.”

 

 


	12. chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> picking right up from where we left off (with clarke and lexa napping on the couch). we wrap up day 2 of the lake house and also see what the guys get up to in day 3. it's a tiny bit angsty but mostly fluff (for now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's my weekly attempt at trying to help you guys forget about the mess that is canon the 100 (even if it's for a little bit) 
> 
> as always, thanks for the love and support with the last chapter + the story in general
> 
> happy reading xx

It’s a bitter-sweet moment when Clarke and Lexa wake up from their nap. Wrapped around each other as close as they could be, they both savour the closeness and short time they have left to be alone. It was going to be hard to get a quiet moment to themselves in a house filled with people.

Anya had just messaged saying that they were probably twenty minutes away from reaching the bottom of the hike so Lexa needed to get ready to go pick them up. Clarke however did not like this, only tightening her hold around Lexa.

Lexa laughs, “I have to go.”

“Mmm, stay,” Clarke mumbles.

“I would love nothing more, but you don’t know Anya. If I make her wait she’ll have my head.”

Clarke reluctantly releases her hold on Lexa. “Fine. But only because I quite like your head.”

Lexa lets out another chuckle before hopping off the couch. She quickly uses the bathroom and returns to find her bag and keys. Before leaving she makes her way back to the couch to stand in front of Clarke. The blonde had turned on the TV and was watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

Clarke looks up to Lexa, a playful smile appearing on her lips. “You’re in my way, Agent Woods,” she teases.

Lexa leans down to cup either side of Clarke’s face. She leans in and kisses Clarke slowly and tenderly.

Clarke uses her own hands to keep Lexa’s hands in place.

“I’ll see you soon,” Lexa smiles as she pulls back. 

Clarke nods. “I’ll see you soon.” She quickly kisses Lexa one more time before pushing her agent to the side. “Now let me get back to my show.”

Lexa lets out a small chuckle before leaving to pick up Anya.

 

* * *

 

That night was a lot more relaxed than the previous. During dinner, Clarke and Lexa exchanged a handful of subtle (and not so subtle) stares. Every time they caught each other’s eyes their hearts beat faster with the excitement of their new found liking to one another still causing a high. Everyone was exhausted from the hike so by 9pm some had gone to bed; some were sprawled across the living room watching TV whilst everyone else was outside on the patio.

Lexa, Anya, Monty, Raven, Octavia, Miller and Jasper were out on the patio, sharing stories about their afternoon. They showed Clarke and Lexa pictures of the waterfall and the scenery. Whilst the pictures were beautiful neither of them would have given up the afternoon they shared.

“So what did you do, Clarke?” Miller asks as he took a sip of his beer.

Clarke looks down and smiles, “Just slept and watched TV. Still a good afternoon in my books.”

Lexa leans back into the chair, biting her bottom lip. The rest of the conversation flows onto what they were going to do for the rest of the weekend. Nothing concrete was set, with them all agreeing to just see what happens. It’s not like there was much to do in the area anyways.

When the conversation dies down Monty goes to grab his guitar. He strums whilst Raven raps to a few of Nicki Minaj’s songs, with Octavia providing an accompanying beat. Miller and Jasper sing to Zayn’s _Pillow Talk_. And Monty shares an original song he’s been working on. Eventually the guitar is passed to Clarke. She puts down her beer and starts to play.

Lexa immediately looks up to watch Clarke. The blonde’s fingers move effortlessly up and down the guitar as she sways from side to side. Green eyes meet blue, both of them sharing a small smile before Clarke starts to sing.

“ _I must be lucky or this must be my day, It’s the warmth of holding you till I'm infused by your scent…”_

The tune of the song remains light and sweet. It reminds Lexa of a moment in the afternoon where she woke up half way during their nap, to a peaceful Clarke by her side. She wanted to stay in that moment forever.

_“Close your eyes and we can float away, all alone through this crowded place, maybe you and I can find some time…”_

Lexa closes her eyes, drowning out every sound around her besides that of Clarke’s voice.

“ _So baby move your lips, come close I need this kiss…”_

When Lexa opens her eyes again, Clarke is looking right at her. The smile she had when she sung did not help with the flutter in Lexa’s heart.

_“The sweetest touch that I just can’t get enough, could it get any better than this, I’m holding my breath for a kiss.”_

Raven wolf whistles whilst everyone cheers as Clarke strums the last few chords, letting the notes fade slowly out. Clarke smiles around the group, then goes to meet Lexa’s gaze nervously.

Lexa simply responds with a nod as she lifts her beer in Clarke’s direction. A slight blush appears on the blonde’s cheeks as she falls back into her chair.

Anya leans in towards Lexa, “Some afternoon you must have had, if she’s serenading you already,” she whispers.

Without taking her eyes off Clarke, Lexa pushes Anya back into her seat.

A couple more songs are sung before they decide to call it a night. Clarke starts to gather the empty beer bottles and Lexa is quick to offer a hand. Everyone else makes their way back inside as Clarke and Lexa walk to the side of the house where the bins were.

Clarke opens the bins first, letting Lexa drop the bottles in. Lexa returns the favour by holding the lid and allowing Clarke to do the same. Not a moment after Lexa drops the lid to the bin, Clarke pins her to the side of the house. Their mouths meet instantly in a moment of pure bliss. Away from everyone, under the night sky, they’re given another moment to simply _be_.

As Clarke breaks away from the kiss, she’s doesn’t manage to get very far. Lexa keeps her close by interlocking her own hands behind Clarke’s neck. “So I have a question,” Lexa says.

“Hmmm,” Clarke hums as she leans in to place a light trail of kisses along Lexa’s jaw. “Ask away.”

Lexa waits till she meets Clarke’s eyes again. “I have to ask…” she trails off. “You and Harper…”

Clarke sighs, she knows exactly where this was going. Her and Harper have definitely been friendly since they’ve been reunited and while it was purely platonic, Clarke didn’t miss the stares from Lexa. “Are just friends,” Clarke reassures. “I promise. Just friends.”

Lexa nods.

Clarke leans in closer, “Okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa whispers back. She leans in to kiss Clarke again, both of them getting lost in the kiss, mesmerised at how new it all felt but at the same time, how normal it felt to be with each other.”

Breaking away from the kiss, Clarke takes a step back and smiles. “Good night, Agent Woods.”

“Good night, Miss Griffin,” Lexa smiles.

 

* * *

 

Anya waits for Lexa in their room, scrolling through her phone. Ever since they got back from the hike there was a noticeable difference in how Clarke and Lexa were around each other. The looks that the two thought were subtle didn’t go unnoticed by Anya and the tension that once existed between the two had dropped completely. Though she didn’t know what had happened between the two she could tell that it was something good (as later confirmed when Clarke was serenading Lexa.)

She was worried though. Terrified, actually. Though Anya only wished for Lexa to be happy, this budding relationship wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. She didn’t want to see Lexa lose someone she cared about because of her job, _again._ So she was waiting because she wanted to talk to Lexa, to make sure Lexa knew what she was doing, to make sure that Clarke was worth the risk. Anya’s train of thought is disrupted when she hears Lexa enter. The smile on her partner’s face gave all her the answers she needed.

Placing her phone aside Anya looks up to Lexa. “I guess we’re not in DC anymore, huh?”

Lexa closes the door, leaning against it. “No, I guess not,” she smiles.

* * *

Midnight approaches and Anya finds herself unable to sleep. She carefully gets out of bed, making sure she didn’t wake up her partner and goes to use the bathroom. When she comes back out, she hears the patio door being opened and sees the light being switched on from her window. Curious, she grabs a jumper and makes her out of the room and up the stairs.

On high alert, she tip-toes past the kitchen and towards the back door. Once she reaches the door her worries ease as she sees Clarke sitting out on the picnic table. She slides open the door quietly and approaches the blonde. “Can’t sleep?” she asks.

Clarke jumps slightly, definitely not expecting anyone to have approach her. But then she realises it's just Anya. “Yeah,” she sighs.

Anya takes a seat and they both look up. The moon shone brightly above them with stars scattering the night sky. They don’t talk for a while, simply enjoying the quiet of the night.

“You and Lexa,” Anya whispers. “Be careful.”

Clarke turns to Anya who simply watches the sky. The woman’s voice wasn’t laced with anger or it wasn’t threatening for the most part (which Clarke initially thought it would be when/if they’d have this conversation). Instead it was filled with concern.

“Lexa’s already lost some she lo– cared for because of this job. I don’t want to see her go through that again.” Anya pauses to make sure Clarke was getting everything she was saying. She continues, “So if this is just some… fling or fun while you’re here you need to take a step back. Because Lexa likes you _a lot,_ and I can’t – I won’t let you hurt her.”

Clarke swallows the lump in her throat. Whilst she was glad that things between her and Lexa were heading in a good direction she was also worried about the future. She could not come up with any scenario that saw them having this relationship easily. “Is that a threat?” Clarke asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Take it as whatever you want. Lexa’s always had my back and i’m just doing the same.”

Clarke nods, turning her head back to the lake in front of them. She admired Anya and Lexa’s relationship both work-wise and personally. “This isn’t just a fling or some fun… I like her a lot.” She pauses. “So much so that it scares me.”

“Lexa’s scared too.”

Clarke turns her head back to Anya, “Did she say that?”

“No,” Anya shakes her head. “But I know her well enough to know. She’d never admit it to me but I can see it in her eyes. While she looks at you like you paint the night sky, she’s also looks at you to see when and if the ball’s going to drop. It can’t be a good feeling.”

Clarke remains quiet, trying to process what Anya was saying.

“One slip up, one photo and it’s over for Lexa,” Anya sighs. “You’ll get a slap on the wrist compared to what will happen to her if it all goes wrong.” She pauses again watching Clarke nod. “It might sound like I’m scaring you but I just want you to understand that this is not your usual girl meets girl relationship. You’re a public figure and the president’s daughter. She’s a respected agent, top of her class when she graduated. But you’ve managed to put a spell over her and I haven’t seen her like this ever, not even with Costia.”

“You don’t think I know that this isn’t a normal situation?” Clarke snaps. She sighs, “Lexa’s the first person I’ve really liked in a long time and I can’t even kiss her when I want or hold her hand or take her out. So I get it, I get where you’re coming from. But if I can only kiss her when no one’s looking or hold her hand under the table then that’ll be enough.”

“Will it though?” Anya asks. “Will it be enough?”

Clarke should be able to reply immediately, but she finds herself unable to.

It’s in the silence that Anya gets her answer.

“It has to be,” Clarke whispers.

 

* * *

 

It was a restless night for Clarke. Her talk with Anya brought up a lot things that kept her up. She had no idea how her relationship with Lexa would pan out. All Clarke knew was that she really liked the woman and wanted so much more than they could possibly have right now.

When Clarke stumbles out of bed just before 7, Raven wakes up as well. She had heard Clarke toss and turn all night, not getting a very good night’s sleep herself. It definitely worried her since during dinner Clarke seemed to be okay (better than okay actually.) But now Raven could tell that something was wrong. She sits up, yawning. “Why don’t we hang out on the board walk for a bit?”

Clarke just nods before going off to use the bathroom first. When she returns she puts on a jacket and tells Raven that she’s going to go down first. She doesn’t give Raven a chance to say anything before leaving the room.

Raven’s quick to use the bathroom and changes out of her PJs. Before heading downstairs she quietly enters Octavia’s room, nudging her to wake up. Octavia mumbles something slightly before opening her eyes to see her best friend standing over her. Raven doesn’t say anything, but simply motions her head for Octavia to follow.

The two of them make their way downstairs and out towards the lake. Raven uses this time to raise her concerns about Clarke. When they get to the board walk Clarke was dangling her feet into the water. Raven goes to lean against the railing whilst Octavia takes off her shoes and puts her feet in the water too.

Octavia leans her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “How’s your ankle?”

“It’s fine,” Clarke says as she lifts her foot out of the water to show Octavia. “It’s not swollen anymore. I don’t think I twisted it, just a very minor sprain.” Octavia hums in response, still trying to wake herself up.

“Is there something wrong, Clarke?” Raven asks eventually.

Clarke sighs immediately, bringing her hands to rub her face. There was a lot of things wrong. But there was also one thing that felt so right that it almost outweighed the wrong.  

“Did something happen between you and Lexa?” Octavia asks.

Clarke takes a moment before letting a quiet “Yeah,” slip out. “When we got back to the house yesterday we talked a little… kissed a little and ended up napping on the couch all afternoon.” She waits for some sort of reaction from her best friends, but none came. It’s like they weren’t even surprised.

Raven lets out a small laugh, “We figured as much. Your subtle stares weren’t so subtle to us and it you singing that song yesterday didn’t help either.”

“Why do you sound so sad though?” Octavia asks. “Isn’t this a good thing? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“It is, yes…”

Raven raises and eyebrow, “But?”

“But then I talked to Anya last night.” Clarke swallows the lump in her throat, memories of the midnight conversation she had still fresh in her mind. “And she just made some really good points.”

“What did she say?” Raven asks she crosses her arms over her chest. “Do you need me to kick her ass?”

“Pretty sure you’d be the one to have their ass kicked,” Octavia quips.

Clarke sighs, a small smile appearing on her lips. “No, no ass kicking needed. We talked about things I already knew, I just, I guess I didn’t want to have to think about them yet.”

Octavia leans back slightly, “Like the fact that you’re the president’s daughter and she’s your agent?”

Clarke nods. “Can you guys honestly tell me that you see things between Lexa and I working?” She looks between Raven and Octavia and in their silence and facial expression she got the answer she was expecting. Her heart started to ache.

“Look Clarke, do I see things between you and Lexa working _easily_? Definitely not.” Octavia says with a straightforward expression. It wasn’t meant to be harsh, it was just the truth. “However that doesn’t mean I can’t see you guys together. If you both decide to pursue this, it’s going to be an uphill battle.”

Raven nods in agreement. “Whether you keep it a secret or come clean to your mum or whoever, you’re going to face obstacles at every turn. Some of those you can prepare for, but others, not so much.  Just look at what happened after the Finn incident and she was only _pretending_ to be your date then.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about though,” Clarke sighs. “This is Lexa’s job. If things between us get out, the media will be down her throat for it, her bosses, my _mum._ I can’t take that risk; I can’t be the reason something like that happens to her. I should just–”

“If you say that you should walk away, I’m going to push you into the lake,” Raven warns. “This isn’t high school, Clarke. You need to talk to Lexa about this, you can’t decide without giving her a chance to fight.” She pauses, letting out a deep breath. “Then if you both decide that walking away is what’s best then so be it.” 

Octavia continues, “You know we’ll always be on your side, right? But like Raven said, this is a conversation you need to have with Lexa. You know we can offer all the advice and support you want but at the end of the day this is a decision that you and her need to make.”

Raven leans forward to give Clarke a small squeeze of her shoulder. “I see the affect she has on you. And you Clarke Griffin, deserve it. If she makes you this happy, then fight for it.”

Clarke lets the words settle. She turns to Raven, “You deserve it too, you know… to be happy.”

“Wha–” Raven pauses. It takes a moment for her to realise what Clarke was referring to. “You’re talking about the surgery,” she sighs as she leans back on the railing.

“I am.”

“You really just going to change the topic like that?” Raven asks.

“Yes,” Clarke nods. “Because like you guys said, I need to talk to Lexa about this. So now we’re going to talk about you.” Raven looks like she’s about to stand up but Clarke simply glares at her. “If you leave I won’t hesitate to tackle you into this water, brace and all.”

Octavia places her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke–” she warns.

“No,” Clarke cuts in. She turns to Octavia, “Do you really think she shouldn’t have the surgery?”

“I think…” Octavia trails off, trying to gather her thoughts. “I think that this is her decision to make and that we need to support it no matter what.”

“But she has a chance! You should see the research the doctor did.”

“Even if I did see the research, it’s not going to make much sense to me. I’m not a doctor,” Octavia sighs. “We see this differently, Clarke. Your instincts tell you to fix things when there’s a chance.”

Clarke turns back to Raven, “Exactly, you have a chance.” She can feel the tears starting to form. “You have a chance to heal and you’re just not going to take it?”

“You have a chance to be with someone who makes you happy, are you just not going to take it?” Raven argues back.

The silence draws out, with each of them taking in what’s been said. Raven breaks the silence first, reaching forward to place a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “I’m not say never Clarke. Just… not yet.” She places one hand over her heart and sighs, “I need to go to Jordan. There isn’t a lot I’m certain of at the moment, but I’m certain about this.”

Clarke lets the tears fall freely. She still couldn’t understand Raven’s decision not to have the surgery but hopes that maybe in time, she would. Clarke reaches for Raven’s hand. She doesn’t say anything though, just simply nods.

Raven nods as well, giving Clarke’s hand a small squeeze.

“I think we need to hug this out,” Octavia says. Without waiting for a response she scoots a little closer to Clarke, pulling the woman into a hug. Raven does the same, wrapping her arms around her two best friends.

They don’t move from the hug, all eventually just leaning on each other’s shoulder. When Wells calls out that breakfast was ready, Clarke, Raven and Octavia start to make their way back to the house. As they’re within a couple of feet from the patio Clarke spots Lexa coming down with a rubbish bag.

“Morning,” Lexa smiles.

“Morning,” all three girls reply.

“Where are you going?” Clarke asks.

Lexa lifts up the bag, “Bins.”

Clarke turns to Raven and Octavia, but before she could even say anything Octavia nods. “Go, we’ll make sure no one comes outside.”

Clarke and Lexa walk towards the side of the house whilst Raven and Octavia walk inside.

After Lexa drops the bags into the bin she’s immediately pulled into a hug from Clarke. It takes her a moment to register what was happening, but when she does she relaxes and wraps her arm around the blonde. Tightening her grip around Clarke she kisses the side of the blonde’s head. 

Clarke doesn’t say anything, only pulling Lexa in closer and letting out a small sigh.

The sigh feels heavy to Lexa, so she breaks away from the hug so that green eyes meet blue. “Hey, are you okay?”

 _No._ Clarke nods. “Just… restless night, that’s all.”

Lexa studies the eyes before her and whilst Clarke did look genuinely tired she couldn’t help feel like there was something more. She notices a tear just about to drop. Lexa brings one hand to Clarke’s face, wiping it away with her thumb. “You can talk to me; you know that right?”

Clarke nods again. God how she wanted to talk, but she didn’t know where to start, she didn’t know how to start. So doesn’t, not yet.

_Not yet._

Her thoughts echo that of Raven’s. “ _I’m not saying never Clarke. Just, not yet.”_ Without realising it, her thoughts fall deeper as Raven’s decision becomes a little clearer. Though two different situations Clarke can’t help but feel like her decision not to talk mirrors that of Raven’s. Things for them were good at the moment, so why try to fix something that may not necessarily need fixing?

Lexa kisses the top of Clarke’s head, noticing the blonde deep in her thoughts. Slowly Lexa moves her lips down so that they were just over Clarke’s. She simply enjoys the closeness for a moment, letting their noses brush against each other. “I’m going to kiss you now,” Lexa says. When she can feel Clarke nodding she presses her lips against the women in front of her.

 

* * *

 

Once breakfast was over, everyone decided that to simply spend to day relaxing. Some of the guys talk about taking to row boats out to see if they could catch anything and others just wanted to relax in the sun with the possibility of swimming in the lake later.

Lexa sits on the steps of the patio, waiting for Anya who asked if she wanted to spar. Of course, Anya being Anya, had brought her sparring sticks with her. Lexa was nervous though because this sparring session wouldn’t just be a sparring session. She knew Anya was going to test her, especially since at their session she basically had her ass handed to her.

When she feels two sticks poking her shoulder, Lexa immediately turns to take them from Anya. They don’t say anything as they walk onto the grass. Standing at arm’s length, Lexa holds out her stick and waits for Anya. “Ready?” she asks.

Anya taps Lexa’s stick with her own. “I’m always ready,” she replies.

And with that they were off.

 

* * *

 

Clarke had just finished changing into her bikini when she heard the sound of wooden sticks being beaten against each other. Curious, she made her way to the window to see if she could spot the source of the sound. Almost immediately she spots Lexa and Anya sparring down below. Clarke’s eyes immediately fall on Lexa though. Her agent wore a black sport bras and a pair of black gym leggings and her hair was done up in a tight bun. She watches Lexa move, in awe. Lexa moves with grace and stealth as she spars and it has Clarke mesmerised.

“Who are you starring at?” Raven asks as she walks up behind Clarke.

Clarke immediately breaks out of her daydream. Walking back to the centre of the room, she smiles to herself. “No one.”

“Ah, your girlfriend is hot when she spars,” Raven smirks, looking out the window.

“Not my girlfriend,” Clarke deadpans.

“Not yet anyways,” Raven shrugs.

Octavia then enters the room. “What are we talking about?”

“Nothing,” Clarke replies.

“Clarke’s girlfriend,” Raven says at the same time.

“Did you see her sparring with Anya? God they’re hot.” Octavia laughs and sends a wink to Clarke.

“I don’t say this enough, but I hate the both of you,” Clarke huffs. She picks up her towel and beach bag and leaves without saying another word.

Raven and Octavia follow closely behind, laughing. They walk past Anya and Lexa sparring, Raven giving a soft whistle towards the two women.

Lexa gets momentarily distracted as Clarke walks past. The blonde was dressed in a simple black bikini and her golden locks fell across her shoulders. Anyone watching Lexa would have told her to pick her jaw off the ground. But instead, Anya takes advantage of a distracted Lexa. In a matter of seconds Anya manages to rid Lexa of both her sticks and has her pinned to the ground.

“Sorry,” Clarke mouths. Her heart was racing at the thought that Lexa was distracted because of her.

Lexa offers a reassuring smile. _Its fine._ She turns back to Anya who is offering her helping hand up. Accepting it, Lexa gets back in her feet and goes to grab her sticks. She can feel Anya smirking. “Shut up,” Lexa says. Holding out her stick towards Anya, she wipes away her sweat with her other hand. “Again!”

The three best friends settle down not too far away. Clarke doesn’t even try to hide it; she shamelessly watches Lexa spar with Anya. She doesn’t know much about sparring but can tell both women are fighting hard against each other. Lexa dodges Anya’s move swiftly, causing Clarke to audibly gasp at the sheer closeness of the hits. Both agents twirl their sticks in their hands, clearly showing off their skill. It definitely makes for good entertainment from Clarke’s perspective.

Over the next hour the three best friends simply enjoy each other's company. Nothing about what they talked about in the morning came up again. Lexa and Anya had finished sparring a while ago and were somewhere inside. Bellamy, Jasper and Wells were out in the middle of the lake, trying to fish. Zoe and Monty were working on lunch and everyone else was playing Mario Kart in the living room.

***

After lunch, Anya and Lexa find themselves relaxing on the patio with a book each. Bellamy, Jasper and Wells were determined to catch at least one fish so they went back out in the boat. Everyone else was now either sun baking or jumping off the board walk and into the lake.

Raven hasn’t jumped into the water yet, but instead walks along to edge of the lake. There’s a tree that grows over the lake and the area around it would be the perfect runway. She inspects the area a little further, seeing if it was possible to build a rope swing.

“Are you coming in Raven?!” Monty calls out from the water.

She holds up her finger towards Monty, but continues to look up and down the tree. She waves for Monty to come over, figuring that it would be good to get a second opinion on her plan. She explains to Monty the plan and he agrees that it would work, as long as the rope is securely tied to the right branch.

“I’m pretty sure there’s some rope inside. However, who’s going to climb up and tie it?” Monty asks.

Raven looks up the tree. There were plenty of low hanging branches that would work but then she looks to her group of friends in the water. It was not going to be an easy task. “Maybe Octavia?” Raven suggests.

Monty looks around the group and nods in agreement. “Probably your best shot or…”

“Or?”

Monty turns her head towards the patio. “Lexa or Anya?”

Raven follows Monty line of vision. “Huh, yeah, maybe.” 

“Why don’t you ask them and I’ll go find the rope.”

Raven approaches Lexa and Anya, who both immediately put their books down. She takes a seat in one of the empty chairs, “So do either of you know how to climb a tree?”

Fifteen minutes later and a lot of convincing, Lexa stands at the bottom of the tree trying to figure out the best way to get to branch they needed to get to. Monty, Raven and Octavia were working together to tie a small wooden board to the rope (that would allow them to stand a little more comfortably as they were in the air). Anya helps point out branches that would help Lexa and ones that won’t.

“Ready?” Raven asks as she bundles the rope neatly. Lexa nods. “Okay turn around, Octavia will tie the rope to your body so you don’t have to carry it up.”

Lexa does as she’s told and lets Octavia work around her body. Much of the rope was on her back where Octavia had then made makeshift straps to put around her shoulders to hold it in place.

When Octavia’s done she gives one more small tug before letting Lexa go. “Not too tight, right? Can you still move your arms freely?”

Lexa raises her arms above her head, moving them to see if the rope was affecting in her in any way. “No, it’s good.”

“Awesome,” Octavia smiles. “When you get up there just undo this knot,” she points to the one just below Lexa’s right arm, “And it should all unfold easily.”

“Got it,” Lexa nods. She then starts to climb the tree. Anya helps guide her from the ground, so it’s easier to get to the branch than expected. When she gets to the branch she was going to tie the rope to, everyone cheers from the ground. Lexa looks down to see that a few other people have come over to see what was going on, but her eyes only spot Clarke.

Clarke mouths, “Be careful.”

Lexa gives a subtle nod before undoing the knot to get the rope off her back. So she doesn’t drop the rope by accident she only unties half of it off her back. With that end she leans down slightly so she can loop it around the branch. She ties the knot, pulling with all her might to secure it. When that’s done she unties the remaining half of the rope of her back, grabbing a hold of the small wooden board.

“You can drop it now,” Raven tells Lexa.

Lexa waits until everyone takes a step back before dropping it.

The rope drops in front of them and it’s the perfect length. Monty takes the rope and tugs on it.

“Jump on Monty, it will help tighten it!” Lexa yells.

Monty jumps onto the board, tugging at the rope stronger than before. When they’re sure the rope is secured enough Lexa tells them that she’s coming down. But instead of climbing her way back down the tree she instead grabs the rope and slowly starts to lower herself down.

Clarke watches in awe as Lexa manages to hold herself up effortlessly as she comes down. She can see the muscles in Lexa’s arm working and wants nothing more than run her fingers along them.

“You dropped something,” Raven whispers.

Clarke doesn’t move, her eyes still watching Lexa. “What?”

“Your jaw.”

Clarke immediately turns to Raven, shoving her away. When she turns back, Lexa is walking towards them.

“Thanks Lexa,” Raven smiles.

“You’re welcome.”

Raven then walks over towards the rope swing, saying that she should have first go since it was her idea.

Clarke laughs and Lexa goes to stand next to the blonde. They both watch as everyone wants to take a turn.

“That was kind of hot,” Clarke whispers.

Lexa blushes and is grateful that Clarke wasn’t looking at her.

“I kind of want to kiss you right now.”

Lexa turns to Clarke, “That can be arranged,” she winks.

Clarke immediately chokes on nothing. She wasn’t expecting such a response and is caught off guard.

Lexa lets out a small laugh at the stunned blonde. “Cat got your tongue, Miss Griffin?” When Clarke doesn’t say anything again, Lexa laughs again. “Bathroom next to the laundry in 5 minutes, if you want.”

Something catches in Clarke’s throat, rendering her unable to speak still. So instead she just nods. Lexa grins and walks away, back towards the house. No one in the group takes much notice though, since it wasn’t uncommon for Lexa or Anya to do their own thing.

Clarke walks over towards her friends. The next five minutes were going to be the longest of her life. She goes to stand beside Octavia. “Your girlfriend can do it all, can’t she?” Octavia laughs.

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Again, not my girlfriend.”

“Not _yet_.”

Monty eventually takes the first go. He takes the rope and starts to run, halfway down the runway he jumps onto the board and once he’s over the water he lets go, splashing into the water.

Everyone cheers, “WOOO MONTY!” 

He comes up from the water, giving two thumbs up. “YEAHHHHH!” he yells.

Harper takes the next turn. As she runs Miller jumps onto the board aswell, causing her to yell. As they’re both splash into the water, Harper swims after Miller immediately.

Laughing, Clarke turns to Octavia, “Hey, I’m going to go inside for a bit.”

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Lexa’s also inside right now?” Octavia grins as Clarke’s eyes go wide. “Don’t worry Griffin, you know I won’t say anything.”

Clarke groans. She should have known better, nothing gets past Octavia or Raven. When Clarke leaves, Wells calls out for her. “Hey, where are you going?!”

“Going to give my mum a call!” Clarke calls out without hesitation.

“Say hi to her for me!” Wells yells back.

Clarke can’t help bite her bottom lip as she continues her way to the house.

Raven walks over to Octavia, she definitely knew something was up. “So what’s ‘calling my mum’ code for?” she asks.

“Lexa’s inside and everyone is outside. I think you can put two and two together.”

Raven immediately brings her fingers to her lips, letting out a loud enough whistle to cause Clarke to turn around. “SAY HI TO YOUR MUM FOR ME TOO!” Raven smirks.

Clarke wants to flip Raven off, but refrains herself from doing so.

 

* * *

 

Lexa waits nervously by the laundry room. It’s ridiculous though, she’s quite literally jumped out of moving cars and burning buildings and here she was, nervously waiting for Clarke. Pacing back and forth she, the pounding in her chest only beats faster as she thinks that maybe Clarke wasn’t going to show.

But all her worries are gone when she hears a quiet, “Lexa?” from the door.

Lexa grins immediately. Stepping forward she takes Clarke’s hand and pulls the blonde into the bathroom. Once there, Lexa pushes Clarke against the door and locks it. Immediately lips crash against each other in a moment of pure passion. Moans vibrate between the two women as tongues move against other.

Chest to chest, Lexa was still in sports bra and gym leggings and Clarke a bikini top and a pair of board shorts. Clarke slowly moves her hands to Lexa’s waist, exploring the new and exposed skin. They continue to kiss, with Clarke trying to pull Lexa closer.

Lexa guides Clarke off the door and pushes her towards the sink. Helping Clarke up, she trails kisses across the blonde’s jaw and to her pulse point.

Clarke moans as she wraps her legs around Lexa’s body, tilting her head to expose more of her skin. Her hands are tangle in her agent’s hair, encouraging Lexa to keep going.

Soon enough though, Lexa seeks out Clarke’s lips once again. She moves her hand up and down Clarke’s thigh which was still wrapped tightly around her body. The kisses only become more heated, more passionate.

“Lexa,” Clarke manages to moan. She wanted to feel more of Lexa, she _needed_ to. Slowly Clarke tugs at the waistband of Lexa’s pants, hoping she’d get the message.

Lexa got the message, she definitely wanted it too. She gives Clarke another desperate kiss, causing them to both moan again. “Not here… Not like this,” she whispers between their kisses.

Clarke pulls back to meet Lexa’s gaze.

Bringing both hands to cup either side of Clarke’s face, Lexa leans in closer, their lips only millimetres a part again. “Not in a bathroom. Not in a house where we have to hide and make sure we don’t get caught.” She pauses to give the lips in front of her another kiss. “I want to love your body the way it deserves; the way _you_ deserve. I want to kiss every scar, every curve, ever freckle, every place that makes you weak in the knees. So just… not here.” She leans in closer, “Okay?” she whispers.

Lexa’s breath is hot against Clarke’s lips. If she wasn’t sitting up on the sink Clarke is sure that she would have been reduced to a mess on the floor at Lexa's words. “Okay,” Clarke nods before closing the distance between them once again.

 

* * *

 

For dinner Miller, Wells, Zoe and Harper head out to a bar where a local band was playing. The remainder of the group decide to stay in.

After dinner and four jugs of sangrias (courtesy of Lexa, of course) the group decides to play Cards Against Humanity. With everyone, besides Lexa and Anya, on the verge of being drunk it was the safest activity they could do (as opposed to Octavia wanting to do some late-night swimming in the lake).

Surprisingly, Anya and Lexa join in on the game too. “This game makes even the nicest people laugh at horrible things, add some drunken fools into the mix and we’re bound to get some good laughs,” Anya explains.

Lexa simply laughs as she places another round of sangria on the table and takes a seat on the ground beside Anya. She starts refilling glasses when the others soon join her around the coffee table. She can’t help but smile when Clarke comes to sit next to her.

“I’ve got blankets!” Raven calls out as she comes down the stairs. She walks into the living room, dropping blankets between two people so they could share. When she gets to Clarke and Lexa she smirks and Clarke immediately realises what she’s going to do. Raven looks to Lexa, feigning innocence, “You don’t mind sharing do you, Agent Woods?”

Lexa turns to Clarke, whose giving her the ‘ _I’m so sorry my best friend is an idiot’_ smile. She looks back up to Raven and shakes her head, “It’s fine,” she says as calmly as she could. Taking the blanket, she then spreads it between Clarke and herself.

Once everyone settles around the coffee table, Jasper starts to hand out the white cards, being the first card czar. He then takes the first black card and clears his throat. In a deep voice he reads it out, “How did I lose my virginity?”

Octavia giggles as she places a card down. “How _did_ you lose your virginity, Jasper?”

“Who says he’s lost it,” Monty mutters.

“RUDE!” Jasper yells, punching Monty in the arm slightly. Once everyone’s has a card down he collects the cards and shuffles them. Reading through each of the answers he giggles as he picks his favourite. Clearing his throat again he goes to read he black card again, in a deep voice. He looks to Octavia, “You asked how I lost my virginity.” He turns over the white card and smiles, “ _The make a wish foundation_.”

Octavia raises both hands up in the air, “YES! That was my answer!” Jasper throws her the black card to indicate that she had won the point.

* * *

Monty is the next card czar. He brings his empty cup to his mouth, letting his voice echo through the cup as he read the black card. “This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelt and prepare for _blank.”_ When everyone’s submitted their answer he collects the white cards and goes through them. He brings his hand to cover his mouth, trying to hold back his laughter. “I’m a terrible person for laughing at this,” he whispers.

Raven laughs as she rubs his back. “Don’t worry, no one’s judging you.”

“I am,” Anya deadpans.

Monty brings the cup up to his mouth again and repeats the black card. “This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelt and prepare for… _civilian casualties.”_ Monty covers his eyes with one hand, whilst the other holds up the black card so whoever gave that answer can claim the point.

Anya takes the card.

* * * 

 _“Blank._ Hi-five bro!” Raven yells as she reads the black card.

After shuffling the white cards, she takes a look at the first one. Immediately she falls back, laughing like a hyena. “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!” It takes a moment for her calm down but when she does she can barely string a sentence together, her stomach still tense from laughing so hard. “Oh my god, this answer better be from either Octavia or Bellamy.” Raven doesn’t even both going through the rest of the answers. She reveals her pick, “ _Incest._ Hi-five bro!”

Immediately Octavia holds up hand towards Bellamy, laughing.

Bellamy groans, swatting his sister’s hand away. “That’s disturbing.”

“It’s fucking funny!”

Raven high-fives Octavia as she gives her the point.

***

Anya is the next card czar. She reads out her black card, "If god didn't want us to enjoy  _blank_ then he wouldn't have given us  _blank."_

Shifting through the white cards, it doesn't take long for her to find the one she liked best. She doesn't care that this would reveal a lot about her sense of humour, everyone was drunk and probably wouldn't care in the morning. She gives Lexa a knowing smirk and Lexa just laughs, knowing all too well that Anya's got a golden answer. 

Anya clears her throat, "If god didn't want us to enjoy  _the size of my penis_ then he wouldn't have given us  _the whole goddamn thing."_

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT," Raven yells holds out her hand for a high five. 

* * *

As they play, at any chance they could, Clarke and Lexa would hold hands under the blanket. Occasionally they would intertwine their fingers or one would mindlessly trace patterns on the other’s hand. They’re simple touches, but it has both of their hearts beating rapidly in excitement.

The game ends a couple of hours later with Octavia ahead on 10 points. By now everyone’s drunk and tired and they decide to call it a night. Lexa and Anya help everyone upstairs and into their respective beds. They both start to clean up the living room when Anya stops Lexa from helping. She motions her head towards the patio but doesn’t say anything.

Lexa turns to see Clarke out on the patio, alone. She turns back to Anya, “Are you sure? I can help clean–”

“Go,” Anya interrupts.

Lexa lingers for a moment. While it was only the cups that needed to be cleared she couldn’t help but feel bad for not helping.

“Go,” Anya repeats. “Before I change my mind.”

“Thank you,” Lexa smiles, placing the cup back down on the table. She walks towards the back door. “Hey,” she whispers as she slides open the door.

Clarke turns and smiles. “Hey.” She holds out her hand for Lexa to take it.

Lexa takes the hand immediately, threading her fingers through Clarke’s. Clarke guides them to the side of the house just so that they could have another semi-quiet moment to themselves.

When she sure that no one can see them, Clarke brings her arms to Lexa’s shoulders, interlocking her fingers behind the brunette’s head.

Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist in response.

“You’re really cute, you know that?” Clarke smiles.

Lexa laughs. “And you’re really drunk.”

“Yes… kind of,” Clarke nods rather dramatically. “Drunk me thinks you’re cute. But sober me thinks you’re cute too.” Lexa lets out a small laugh, which Clarke reciprocates. “Drunk and sober me also thinks you're very hot, especially when you were sparring earlier today. Very hot. With a very nice body,” Clarke nods with her eyes closed.

Lexa pulls Clarke in a little closer. “Drunk you is very cute,” she laughs. “So am I allowed to kiss drunk you?”

“God, yes.” Clarke surges forward to meet Lexa’s lips. A moan escapes her lips as Lexa’s mouth parts so that tongues can move together in an instant. She pushes her agent towards the wall, pressing her body firmly against Lexa’s. Both of Clarke’s hands cradle the side of Lexa’s face as she keeps aims to keep control of the kiss. But then Clarke reluctantly pulls herself away, worried that she might not be able to do so in this state. She straightens her shirt slightly before looking up to Lexa and smirking. “Good night Agent Woods,” she winks before leaving.

Lexa watches Clarke go, unable to stop the grin forming on her lips. “Good night Miss Griffin,” she whispers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MHQZW9f-Fc) the song that clarke sang to lexa :)
> 
> also i know with cards against humanity the card czar is meant to read out all the answers before picking but that didn't really work out when i was trying to write it


	13. chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last day at the lake house and back to DC we go

When Lexa woke up the following morning it was just before sunrise. Never being one to stay in bed unnecessarily, she made quick use of the bathroom and changed before heading into the kitchen. Putting on a pot of coffee she sat on one of the bar stools, her mind drifting to what’s happened in the past few days.  

_Clarke Griffin._

At the thought of the blonde, Lexa couldn’t help but smile. She closes her eyes, remembering how Clarke’s lips felt against her own, how the blonde held her when no one was looking, how their hands seem to fit perfectly together. Her smile, her laugh was engraved into Lexa’s memory.

Call her crazy but Lexa could feel herself falling for the blonde, even though they’ve only known each other for just over two and half weeks. She rarely let herself feel like this because of her job but she found herself willing to take the risk for Clarke. It’s not that she didn’t love her job, because she did. But the blonde has made such an impact on her, has made her feel as if _more_ was possible.

When the coffee pot beeps, Lexa moves through the kitchen to grab a mug. Making her way out to the patio, she stands in front of the railing and takes small sips of her coffee. The sun was just rising, the sky a mix of orange and blue. Lexa takes in this moment of quiet, the cool air waking her up, the birds chirping as they flew in and out of the trees. It’s moments like these that Lexa loved.

She’s so wrapped up in the moment she doesn’t hear the door slide open. Slowly arms wrap around her body and light kisses are being placed on her shoulder. She doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is.

“Morning,” Clarke mumbles, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa turns her head slightly. Clarke was undeniably the most beautiful woman she’s ever known. Her piercing blue eyes, the beautiful blonde hair and a smile that could light up any room. “Morning,” she smiles. Leaning in they share a quick kiss before Lexa turns back to watch the sunrise. “Why are you up so early?”

Clarke nuzzles herself into Lexa’s neck, placing a few more light kisses before simply resting on the brunette’s shoulder. “I had to use the bathroom when I heard someone in the kitchen. It couldn’t possibly be any of my friends so it was either you or Anya," she smiled. "I’m glad it was you.” Her arms tighten around her agent’s waist, pulling her in as close as she could.

Lexa lets herself relax completely in Clarke’s arms. It felt so normal, being here, in this moment. Putting her coffee down onto the railing she intertwines her fingers with Clarke’s. She brings one of Clarke’s hand up for a kiss. It’s such a simple gesture but Clarke’s heart surely skips a beat. They fall into a comfortable silence, watching the sunrise together.

It’s only when the sun rose completely Clarke released her hold on Lexa. She takes a few steps towards the stairs, “Do you want to go for a walk around the lake?” she asks.

Lexa looks out to the lake. There was a set path around the whole way, with some very secluded sections which would give them some sort of privacy. Turning back to Clarke she smiles, “I would love to.”

They walk down to the lake, occasionally bumping shoulders (both accidently and on purpose). Another comfortable silence falls between the two of them as they take their time in walking.

When they walk around a bend and the house is basically out of sight, Clarke immediately takes Lexa’s hand in her own. “Is this okay?” she asks nervously. God it felt like she was in high school again.

Lexa picks up on Clarke's nervous tone. She gives her a reassuring smile before giving the hand a small squeeze. “It’s perfect,” she smiles.

All of Clarke’s nerves wash away in an instance. It’s another minute of quiet walking before Clarke clears her throat. “So we kind of know each other, but at the same time we don’t…”

“I know a lot about you, actually. Your mum talks about you a lot.”

“Oh god,” Clarke groans. “Probably about how I made the wrong career move in choosing Doctors without Borders no doubt.”

Lexa shakes her head, smiling. “No, nothing like that. She talks about how proud she is of you. Whenever you were mentioned in an article or on the news, your mum always brought it up.” She pauses and let’s put a small chuckle. “I have to admit though, I never really took much notice of it. Had to remain focus on your mum’s safety.”

Clarke gasps to mock being offended but laughs, “Understandable. When you first started on my mum’s security detail she was basically raving about you. Said you were exactly she was looking for.”

Lexa blushes slightly.

Clarke stops them for a moment. Without warning she steps in Lexa’s space and kisses her. Her hands immediately move to cup Lexa’s face and Lexa pulls her in closer by the waist.

When Clarke breaks away from the kiss she just smiles.

“What was that for?” Lexa whispers, still reeling from the fact she knows what it’s like to kiss Clarke.

Clarke goes to hold Lexa’s hand again and pulls them so that they’re walking again. “For protecting my mum.”

“It’s my jo-”

“And yes I know it’s your job,” Clarke laughs. “Just let me thank you. It’s nice knowing she’s in safe hands.”

Lexa is silent for a moment. “You’re welcome,” she smiles.

“So…” Clarke trails off. “If you weren’t an agent, what would you be doing?”

“What?” Lexa replies, a little confused at the random question.

“I’m trying to get to know you?” Clarke offers with a smile.

“Oh,” Lexa laughs. “Sorry I just… I haven’t done _this_ ,” she lifts up their hands slightly, “In a while.”

“You’re cute so I can let it pass,” Clarke teases. Without warning Lexa pulls her in so that they’re chest to chest again. With their arms instantly wrapped around each other, Clarke’s heart was beating uncontrollably.

“I’m not cute,” Lexa tries to say in the most serious tone.

Clarke nods, leaning forward for another kiss. “You are,” _kiss,_ “Incredibly cute,” _kiss._ “Don’t worry though, it’ll be our little secret.”

Lexa huffs with amusement. They resume walking, hand-in-hand. “Owning my own bar was always the backup plan if being an agent didn’t work out,” she says. “I like the idea of creating a space that can hold a hundred different stories in any given night. People go to bars to unwind from work, to celebrate, to hang out, to forget… Plus there’s always that draw of being my own boss.”

“You’re also pretty good at mixing drinks,” Clarke laughs. “How did you get into that?”

“I worked in bars through college. It was just something I did when I was bored,” Lexa shrugs. “What about you? If you weren’t a doctor what would you be doing?”

Clarke thinks about it for a moment. “I think I’d be pursuing art. My mum would probably have a hard time accepting that though.”

Lexa laughs, “I’d love to see your art some time.”

Clarke’s heart skips another beat. “I’d love to show you,” she smiles.

They continue to walk, and they talk about everything from college stories to their favourite season. It felt all too normal, like they were just two people in a new relationship trying to get to know each other. In this moment the weight of being the president’s daughter and the weight of being an agent did not exist at all. The held hands, they laughed and smiled like they had all the time in the world.

The walk around the lake lasted about half an hour, both of them feeling a little sadden that it was over. This was there last day at the lake house and they still haven’t had the chance to talk yet. When they get closer to the house, Lexa puts a little extra distance between them, going to stand slightly behind Clarke.

Clarke turns around a smiles. She can hear a couple of her friends in the kitchen so isn’t able to give Lexa another kiss. “Thanks for the walk, Lexa.”

“It was my pleasure,” Lexa smiles. 

“So we head back to DC today… We should probably talk…”

Lexa’s breath hitches, but she does her best to hide it. She nods, “We should.”

“BREAKFAST IS READY!” Raven calls out from the kitchen window, catching both Clarke and Lexa’s attention.

Lexa starts to walk towards the house, with Clarke following close behind. “Let’s have breakfast first, and we’ll talk when we get a moment to ourselves.”

“Okay,” Clarke smiles.

Breakfast goes by smoothly with the group discussing how the rest of the day was going to go. Nothing was planned since everyone was leaving at different times.  

Lexa sits outside and away from the group of friends during breakfast. Unable to stomach anything at the moment, she pokes at her food.

Anya notices, “Are you going to eat that or?”

Lexa shakes her head and pushes her dish forward. Clarke saying that she wanted to talk felt as if the ball was slowly dropping. Though they’ve had a few good days they would soon be going back to DC and Lexa had no idea where she stood with Clarke at this point.

“I saw you and Clarke walking around the lake this morning,” Anya says.

Lexa hums in response.

“Is that why you’re so quiet this morning?”

Lexa looks up from her cup of coffee, “She wants to _talk.”_

“You can’t be surprised, you had to know that this was coming.”

Lexa nods, dropping her head into her hands. “Was this a mistake? Did we take it too far?” she whispers.

“Does it feel like a mistake?”

“No.”

“Then there’s your answer.” Anya takes a sip of coffee before continuing. “Stop assuming this and just wait till you talk to her okay?”

Lexa simply nods again.

 

* * *

 

Clarke watches Lexa and Anya having breakfast outside. Though Lexa’s back to her she could see her agent looking slightly. Usually Lexa sat up tall, straight and confident but today her shoulders were hunched and her head was buried in her hands. Clarke couldn’t help but feel that was her fault. They had a great morning together but the moment she said that they needed to talk the air between them changed.

After breakfast the group say goodbye to Zoe and Harper.

Just before noon Jasper and Wells are off too.

By 2pm the remaining friends had all their bags packed into their respective cars. They had spent the better part of the day making sure everything in the house was in its right place and that nothing was left behind.

Clarke tried to get a moment with Lexa, so that they could talk. But their conversation doesn't even start with Clarke being called away by her friends almost immediately.

“It’s fine,” Lexa reassures. “Who knows when you'll all be together again. Spend the rest of your time with them.”

Clarke sighs because she’s been working herself up for the conversation for hours. But Lexa was right, it would be a while bfore the whole group would be together again.“Are you sure?”

Lexa nods. “We’ll find some time, I promise.”

 * * * 

Leaving the lake house at about 3pm, they get back to the White House at around 7 given the horrible traffic into the city. Raven and Octavia immediately retreat to their room, having been more exhausted from the car ride itself.

After dropping off her bags in her room, Clarke made way her way to the Oval Office where she was told her mum would be. Lexa and Anya followed closely behind, also having been told that Abby wanted to see them too.

When they reach the office, Anya gives three knocks.

“ _Come in!”_

Anya opens the door, letting Clarke walk in first and following close behind with Anya. When Abby looks up from her desk she immediately gets up and greets her daughter with a hug. “Hey, how was your weekend?” she asked as she went back to behind her desk.

Clarke took a seat in front of the desk and smiled. “It was great.”

“No problems?” Abby asks, looking up to Anya and Lexa.

Clarke turns to her agents, giving Lexa a small smile.

“No, Madam President,” Anya replies.

Lexa meets Clarke’s gaze but her expression remains neutral. Abby was watching her closely and she knew better than to give the woman any indication that something had happened at the lake house. Lexa nods to Anya’s reply. “No surprises, ma’am. 

Clarke turned back in her chair. She knew Lexa had to remain professional, especially in this moment but couldn’t help but feel hurt. Hurt because this was their story. Lexa was an agent and she was the president’s daughter. This was Lexa’s job, her career, everything she had worked for (presumably) since college. She fell deeper into her thoughts as her mum asked her agents a few more questions.

Her heart started to beat rapidly, almost to the point where she started to feel sick. There was a sinking feeling in her gut which told her she knew what she had to do. She tried to reason with herself, to fight everything her mind was telling her but it was a losing battle.

Abby notices how Clarke had gone awfully quiet. “You okay, sweetie? You’re looking a little pale.”

Immediately Lexa takes a small step forward, but Anya reaches out and pulls her back before Abby could notice.

But Abby had already seen. Lexa’s automatic reaction started to raise suspicions in Abby’s mind. She had also noticed the lingering stares that Lexa had on Clarke over the course of the conversation. She returns her focus to her daughter though, “Have you had dinner already?”

Clarke nods. “Yeah, I think I’m going to rest. That car ride was a little long.”

“Okay,” Abby nods. She looks up to Anya and Lexa, “Make sure Clarke gets to her room okay.”

“Yes ma’am,” they both reply.

“Night, mum,” Clarke smiles as she stands up.

“Night, dear.” Abby looks to Anya, “Agent Carson, will you find Echo and send her to me?”

“Yes, Madam President.”

When they leave the Oval Office, Anya splits and makes her way to find Echo. Lexa walks with Clarke back towards the blonde’s bedroom. It’s just silence between the two of them, too afraid to talk within the walls of the White House. When they reach the room Lexa is just about to nod a quick goodbye before leaving, but Clarke tugs lightly at her jacket. It’s brief, but renders Lexa unable to move.

Clarke looks up and down the hall way to make sure no one was around. “Take me somewhere,” she whispers.

“Where?”

“Anywhere,” Clarke breathes. “Just anywhere so we can talk.”

Lexa just stares at Clarke for a moment and nods. “Take some time to freshen up and I’ll meet you in the garage in an hour?”

Clarke nods. “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon.”

 

* * *

 

“With all due respect Madam President–”

“Echo, this isn’t up for discussion,” Abby states. “Just do what I’ve asked.”

“Yes Madam President.”

 

* * *

 

About an hour Lexa waits for Clarke in the garage. She had told Anya were they were going to go, with her partner agreeing to cover her for the time being. To say the least, Lexa was nervous as hell. For the past hour she’s been trying her best not to become sick at the thought of the conversation she was going to have with Clarke.

_Clarke._

Clarke who meant so much more to Lexa than she could ever thought possible. It hadn’t even been three weeks yet and here Lexa was, ready to risk everything to have a shot with the president’s daughter. This time it felt _right._ That is not to say that her relationship with Costia didn’t feel right, but when they were together Lexa (and Costia) always found a way to work above each other. While they did love each other, it just wasn’t enough. They both deserved better.

Clarke shows up right on time. She approaches the SUV and Lexa can tell that something is wrong. Clarke wasn’t herself. Her steps were small, her feet dragging along the floor as if she was reluctant to go. Her shoulders were slouched and her eyes were slightly red and puffy, clear signs that she had been crying. “I told my mum that I was going out for a drive, to clear my mind,” she says with a weak smile.

“Thank you,” Lexa barely manages. Whilst glad she wouldn’t have to lie to Abby if it came down to it, the sight of such a defeated Clarke was the only thing on her mind right now. There’s a sinking feeling in her gut and she hates it.

The door to the back passenger seat was already opened but Clarke gave a small shake of her head. “Can I sit upfront?” she asks.

Lexa nods again, it wasn’t against any of the rules. She shuts the back door and moves to open the front one. Once Clarke is settled in she closes the door and makes her way to the driver’s seat.

They drive in silence, with Lexa clutching the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. Once again the tension was high between the two of them. Lexa’s could hear her heart beat in her chest and wouldn’t be surprise if Clarke could hear it as well. Coming to a traffic light Lexa loosens her grip on the steering wheel, letting one right hand fall onto her lap.

Clarke does what she’s been wanting to do since she’s gotten into the car. Reaching over she takes Lexa’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. She offers a small smile, “Is this okay?” she whispers.

And just like that the tension drops between the two of them. Lexa brings Clarke’s hand up to her lips, kissing it once before nodding. The light turns green and she continues to drive. Lexa’s taking Clarke to one of favourite places in the world, a lookout point about 45 minutes away from the White House. Though the views would have been better during the day, they weren’t going there for that.

Fortunately, there isn’t anyone at the lookout point when they get there. The occasional car drives by but it’s well into the night so Lexa isn’t too concerned with being seen. Once out of the car, Clarke walks right up to the edge and simply marvels at the sight before her. It was just past 9pm and the city below her was shone bright. “This is beautiful,” she whispers. Taking out her phone, she takes a few photos. She wants to prolong talking for as long as she can, the ache in her heart only growing.

Lexa leans against the front of SUV, her eyes still on Clarke. “It sure is.”

Clarke puts the phone back in her pocket and slowly turns back towards Lexa. She sighs. Walking towards the brunette, she leaves little room between them, leaning up ever so slightly so that their nose brush over each other. She wants to feel the Lexa’s lips on her own again, but with the burden of the conversation they need to have hanging over them, she doesn’t think it would be right.

Lexa brings both her hands to cup either side of Clarke’s face. She doesn’t say anything, but rather leans up to place a soft kiss of the blonde’s forehead. She lingers there for a moment as Clarke brings her own hands to cover Lexa’s. Moments later Lexa pulls Clarke into a hug, wrapping her arms around the blonde like it was the last time she was going to hug her.

Because it was.

Because she knew.

Lexa _knew_.

It was clear the moment she saw Clarke in the garage. The way she carried herself, the silence and the unwavering sadness in in the eyes before her, Lexa knew that Clarke had already made up her mind. But the sad part was that Lexa had decided too, she would have fought for their relationship. But the last thing Lexa wanted to do was make Clarke feel like she needed to fight just because she was. Maybe she was wrong in thinking that Clarke felt the same way.

Clarke buries herself in Lexa’s embrace, letting the quiet sobs fall from her mouth. She can feel the tears starting to form, her head hurts and her hearts aches. She wants to stay in this moment forever, in Lexa’s arm, where they could be just _be_ Clarke and Lexa. But they can’t. They can’t just be Clarke and Lexa, not now. Peeling herself away from her agent she takes a few steps back, wiping away a few tears. She’s about to say something but Lexa beats her to it.

“So you just decided, huh?”

“Lexa,” Clarke sighs.

“Tell me I’m wrong then.”

Clarke lets out a deep breath, but remains silent.

Lexa lets out a harsh breath. She shakes her head and turns to the side, away from Clarke.

“I can’t be the reason you lose your job. If people found out about us before we… before we were ready to tell people, it would have ruined your career.” Clarke pauses, hoping that Lexa would turn back but the brunette remains looking away. “We can’t risk that happening.”

“ _We_?” Lexa scoffs. She turns back to Clarke, “ _You_ decided that. Shouldn’t it be _my_ decision since it’s _my_ job?”

“We can’t do this, Lexa,” Clarke whispers unconvincingly.

“What was this then?” Lexa points between the two of them, “Just some fun while you were here?”

The words cut deep for Clarke, because Lexa couldn’t be more wrong. She takes a small step forward, “You know that isn’t true.” Clarke watches Lexa to see if the step forward caused her agent any discomfort, it doesn’t seem like it did so she takes a few more steps.

Lexa keeps her gaze on the ground, she can feel Clarke stepping closer and finds herself unable to move. She feels Clarke grab her hand, moving it so that it’s placed right over the blonde’s heart. Lexa instinctively closes her eyes, focusing on how fast the heart beat under her hand was.

Clarke keeps Lexa’s hand over her chest, closing her eyes as well. This relationship with Lexa was more than just fun. Clarke could feel herself falling for her agent, and fast. “Do you feel that? You are the reason I feel this. So no, this wasn’t just ‘some fun’ for me.” Slowly she takes Lexa’s hand off her chest and tries to thread their fingers together, but Lexa pulls her hand away and takes a step back. Clarke’s shoulders drop and the ache in her heart renders her unable to stop the tears from falling.

“This wasn’t just some fun,” Clarke repeats. “It still isn’t. Everything that happened in Mount Weather was real, what I feel for you is real.” She looks right into the green eyes before her, “Mount Weather only solidified by feelings for you. But to think that we could live like that would be living in a fantasy. And we… we can’t do that.”

“No one’s saying that we have to.”

“We’d be naïve to think that this would be easy.”

“Of course it won't be easy. But what? You just go running when things might get hard?”

“NO,” Clarke nearly yells. “But there’s too much at stake, if it all goes wrong–”

“What if it doesn’t go wrong?” Lexa cuts in.

“We don’t know that it won’t.”

“And we don’t know that it will,” Lexa argues back. “Where did this come from? Is this what’s been on your mind since yesterday?”

Clarke nodded. “I talked to Anya and she–”

“Oh so you can talk to Anya about us, but not me?” Lexa interrupted.

“It isn’t like that.”

“Then please explain to me what it’s like.”

Clarke sighs. She didn’t know how this conversation was going to go, but this was definitely not it. “I won’t be the reason your life turns to shambles.”

“I don’t understand why you see it like that.” Lexa pauses as she takes a few deep breaths. “The past few days have been… more than I could have ever wished for. I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself.” Clarke remains where she is so Lexa continues. She scoffs, “You know what the worst part is? I _let_ you in even when I knew that I shouldn’t have. I let you in because, call me crazy, but I thought you felt the same way about me as i do about you.”

“You’re not crazy,” Clarke whispers.

“Obviously I am.” Lexa rubs her face, sighing. Moving to the side of the car she opens the back passenger side door. “We should head back.”

“Lexa–”

“What else is there to talk about? Clearly you’ve made up your mind.”

Clarke walks towards the car as Lexa steps back to give her some space. Before she enters she turns to Lexa, “You’re saying that you would have fought for us?”

Lexa doesn’t reply, instead placing her hand on the car door prompting Clarke to get it in.

They drive back is the worse one yet. Even with the windows down, the air is thick and the silence is deafening. Lexa tries her best to ignore the quiet sobs from the back seat but it’s all that she can hear. When they stop at a light she reaches into the glove compartment and takes out a packet of tissues. Turning to Clarke she hands them over without saying a word.

Clarke takes the tissues, mumbling a quiet, “Thank you.”

When they pull up into the garage, all Clarke wants to do is go to her room. She doesn't trust herself to not fall a part right then and there. She’s just about to close the car door when she hears Lexa clear her throat. Her agent didn’t turn though, simply staring straight ahead still.

“I would have fought,” Lexa whispers. “I would have fought for us.”

If hearts could physically break, Clarke is sure that hers just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to yell at me if you need to but just know there are at least 10 chapters left in this story. we are only half-way i am no where near done telling this story :)
> 
> if you want something lighter to read in the meantime i posted a new story earlier in the week. it's a long lost best friend au which you can find [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6520735/chapters/14918503)
> 
> hope you're well (and if by any chance any of you guys are Cambodian, happy new years!)


	14. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all are well
> 
> happy reading!

Lexa returns to her apartment after dropping Clarke back at the White House. She’s exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally, which was not something she was used to. Usually she was able to keep her emotions in check – because her job needed her to have a level-head. But just for tonight she’ll let herself feel everything that she was currently feeling. Deep down there was sadness and heartache but upon the surface, she was angry.

Making her way through the kitchen she grabs a bottle of whiskey and a glass before taking a seat in the living room. She pours herself a drink and leans back, going over what Clarke had said at the lookout point. “ _I talked to Anya…”_ Lexa was on the verge of being furious. Anya was on the fence about the whole situation but whatever she had said to Clarke obviously had a major influence on the blonde.

The shower was running and Lexa finishes two drinks before Anya comes out. She watches her partner take a seat at the other end of the couch.

“How’d your talk with Clarke go?” Anya asks as she dried her hair with her towel.

Lexa laughs, rather sarcastically. Bringing the glass to her lips she finishes the drink in two swigs and almost slams the glass back on the table. She goes to pour another round but the bottle is barely tipped when Anya takes it away from her. Lexa chases after it but isn’t quick enough. “What the fuck are you doing? Give that back to me.”

“Talk.” Anya has known Lexa for years now and knows that something was very wrong with her partner. The first telling sign was the whiskey. Lexa hated the drink and only ever had it when she was either sad or angry (or both).  

“Give me my drink back and I’ll talk,” Lexa growls. When Anya doesn’t move she reaches forward, aiming for the bottle again but Anya is quick to push her back. “Fuck off Anya!”

Anya pours Lexa only half a drink before taking back the bottle. “Talk,” she repeats. “I assuming that it didn’t–”

“What did you say to Clarke?” Lexa cut in.

“She told you we talked."

Lexa took a sip of her drink and nods. “She mentioned it after _she_ decided to put an end to whatever we had. So what did you say to her?”

“Nothing you didn’t already know,” Anya said. “I was just looking out for you.”

“I don’t need you looking out for me!"

“Fuck Lexa, are you forgetting what we do for a living? You have my back like I have yours. It’s a natural reaction for us. We look out for each other work-wise and personally.” Anya pauses to watch Lexa finish the drink.

“You should have stayed out of it,” Lexa blurts out. “You had no right to go and talk to Clarke about my relationship with her.” 

Anya sighs. “If the situation were reversed you would have done the same thing. Hell, you did! You were there for me with Sam and I was there for you with Costia. I didn’t want you to go through that again, I saw how much it broke you.” Anya pauses to take a deep breath. “So I told Clarke to be careful, because this wasn’t your normal girl-meets-girl relationship. Your position and hers made it rather complicated and you were falling for her.”

“You don’t think I knew that?” Lexa argues. “The fact that she’s the president’s daughter has always been on my mind.”

“I know that.”

Lexa sighs, “But she was… is so much more that… so much more than just the president’s daughter.”

“I know that too,” Anya whispers. “You can yell at me all you want; I can take it. But I’m not the one you’re mad at, am I?”

There’s a moment of silence between the two of them. Lexa places her glass on the coffee table and drops her head into her hands. The alcohol has settled the fire within, and she was no longer feeling angry. She was just sad. There was an emptiness inside her, a void in her heart that renders her unable to speak properly, to cry, to think about anything else other than the reason why she was feeling like this.  “She just decided,” Lexa mumbles. “Said that we couldn’t do this, said that we couldn’t take the risk because I could lose my job.”

“Can you blame her though? She cares about you; she doesn’t want to be the reason you lose something you’ve worked hard for. You are the youngest secret service agent to be appointed to the president’s security detail,” Anya reminds her.

“You know that I don’t care about that title.” Lexa lifts her head up, lying back into the couch. “Clarke she just… She didn’t talk to me about it. We fell into a fantasy at Mount Weather and after days of saying ‘we should talk’, what does she do? She talks to _you_. And then when it came to me… Clarke… she just decided for the both of us.”

“But–” 

“No buts, Anya.” Lexa sighs. “It wasn’t her place to decide _for me._ It’s _my_ job, _my_ life. It should have been _my_ choice.” Lexa rubs her face, “It should have been my choice,” she repeats. “I let her in. Even when my head said not to. I let my heart go again, only to have it thrown in my face, again.”

“Why don’t you fight for her then?”

“I wanted to fight _with_ her, for _us_ … but she already made up her mind. And I wasn’t going to fight for someone who didn’t want to be fought for. I wasn’t going to put her in a position where she felt like she had to fight just because I was.” Lexa sighs, “I think… maybe whatever it was we had, it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Anya leans forward, grabbing the whiskey. “Another drink?” she offers.

Lexa shakes her head and stands up instead. “I’m going to shower.”

“You know I’m not sorry, right? For talking to her.”

“I know. You were just looking out for me,” Lexa sighs.

Anya nods. “Yes I was. But I am sorry that you’re hurting. I told her that if she hurt you–”

“Don’t,” Lexa warns. “Don’t do or say anything to her, please? Just leave it.”

“We still have three weeks with her, what are you going to do?”

“I have no clue.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke sits in her shower, with the water as hot as her body could take. Sitting right under it she was trying to numb the pain the night has caused. Her heart aches, her head was filled with so much noise, and her eyes were sore from crying since she got back to her room. Letting the water fall on and around her, she tried to make herself small.

About half an hour passes before she emerges and everything still hurts. After changing she sits on the edge of her bed, trying to settle the noise in her head. Even before she had the conversation with Lexa, she knew it was going to hurt. She just didn’t realise it was going to hurt _this_ much. Her and Lexa weren’t even officially together, but the heart ache of their ‘break up’ was worse than any of her previous relationships.

She made her way to her mum’s room and gave a few knocks, just loud enough to hear but not loud enough to wake her up if she was already sleeping. Fortunately, the door opens moments later and Clarke walks in and settles on the side of the bed her mum doesn’t sleep on. Abby doesn’t say anything but simply closes the door and returns to her side of the bed.

Clarke leans her head on her mother’s shoulder and closes her eyes. “I feel… lost.”

“Welcome to adulthood, sweetheart,” Abby whispers. She wasn’t trying to make a joke or to make light of whatever was going on with her daughter, she was just telling the truth. “What’s on your mind?”

“A lot,” Clarke breathes.

“Well let’s take it one thing at a time.”

“Jordan,” Clarke whispers.

“You still haven’t decided? Aren’t they going after the gala?” Clarke nods. “That’s in less than a week.”

Clarke sighs, “I know.”

Abby brings her hand around her daughter’s shoulder, moving to place a light kiss on Clarke’s temple. “Okay then, close your eyes.”

Clarke does she she’s told.

“Now without giving it too much thought, picture yourself two months from now… where are you? Who are you with?”

Instead of thinking about two months ahead Clarke thinks about two days before. She thinks about Lexa. Her heart aches further, not quite being able to remember how Lexa’s lips felt against her or how their bodies moved in sync when they were together. “I don’t see anything,” Clarke lies. “I don’t see… I don’t see anyone.”

“That’s okay,” Abby says in a soft voice. She could tell her daughter was holding back but knew better than to push. “Did you have a plan if you weren’t going to go abroad again?”

“I’ve applied to a few residency programs.”

“What?” Abby asks. “I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t want to say anything until I had made up my mind. I know it’s going to crush you if I go abroad again.”

“Oh sweetie,” Abby sighs. She brings her daughter closer for a hug. “If I could get you stay in the country I would. Of course I worry when you’re overseas, but you know that’s me just being a mother.” She pauses. “But don’t let that affect your decision. I am so, so, proud of you and everything you do. And I know your dad would be too.”

“You think?” Clarke whispers.

“I know,” Abby reconfirms. “All your dad wanted for you was to pursue something you love. To put your heart, passion and soul into something you believed in. And I see how happy you are working with Doctors without Borders. So if Jordan is where you need to go, if that’s where you need to be, then go. I will always support you.”

Clarke doesn’t really know what to say after that, so she manages an “Okay,” before going silent again.

“Jordan isn’t the only thing on your mind, is it?”

“No,” Clarke whispers.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke shakes her head. Instead she slowly sits up and moves to the edge of the bed. “Not tonight, I think I just need to sleep on it.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. You know where to find me if you do want to talk.”

Clarke nods. “Good night, mum.” She fixes the blanket slightly and offers a small smile.

“Night dear.”

 

* * *

 

The following morning Echo crosses the floor of the Oval Office and places a folder on Abby’s desk before taking a seat. “I’ve done what you asked.”

“And you got something?” Abby asks as she picks up the folder.

Echo nods. “They drove out to a lookout point about an hour after they left here.”

Abby nods along to the information Echo was giving. She opens the folder and lets out an exasperated sigh at the photos in front of her. She had her suspicions and she wanted to be wrong, but unfortunately she wasn’t. In front of her were six photos of her daughter and her agent. It showed them hugging, Lexa kissing Clarke’s forehead and one with Lexa’s hand over Clarke’s heart. It showed Abby that something definitely happened between the two of them. “What did you see?” she asks, looking back up to Echo.

“They talked for a bit. I wasn’t close enough to hear but their body language told me that it wasn’t a good conversation.”

Abby lifts up one of the photos, “These photos tell a different story.”

“Yes they shared a hug and a kiss but it turned quickly after that,” Echo recounts. “They both put some distance between each other, talked a bit more then got back in the car.”

“And they came back here?”

“Yes ma’am. Agent Woods dropped off your daughter and then headed home.”

“Okay,” Abby sighs. She puts the photos back in the folder and leaves it to the side. “I trust that these are the only photos?”

“Yes,” Echo nods. “Digital ones have been erased.”

“This stays between you and I. If this gets out for _any_ reason, you will be fired,” Abby warns.

Echo scoffs, “You’re going to fire _me_? What about Agent–”

“That’s enough,” Abby cuts in. “You will remember your place.”

“Yes Madam President.”

“I will deal with Agents Woods. You can leave.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke doesn’t wake up till noon the following day and only because Raven and Octavia had come in to check on her. It was a restless night for Clarke, her mind not letting her think about anything else other than Lexa. There was even a few times Clarke was about to call her agent, to apologise and to just hear her voice again. But she managed to stop herself from doing so.

The three best friends sat in the gardens whilst they had lunch. Well Raven and Octavia were eating, but Clarke knew she wouldn’t be able to stomach anything. Whilst her head didn’t hurt anymore and her eyes weren’t sore from crying, the sleep did nothing to help with the ache in her heart.

“Come on Clarke, you should and eat something,” Octavia suggest.

Clarke sighs, “I can’t.”

“Hey,” Raven whispers. She reaches to give Clarke’s hand a small squeeze. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke sits up a little straighter, looking around to make sure no one was close enough to hear their conversation. “Lexa and I are over,” she whispers.

“What?!” both Raven and Octavia yell.

“Shhhhh,” Clarke murmurs. 

“When did this happen?” Octavia asks.

Clarke leans back in her chair and sighs. “After you guys went to bed I asked her to take us somewhere so we could talk…” she trails off.

Octavia scoots her chair a little closer. “So you guys talked and decided to both walk away?”

“Not exactly…” Clarke pauses, knowing very well what her friend were going to say when she told them what actually happened. “I told her that we couldn’t do _us_ anymore. That there was too much at stake and we couldn’t take that risk.”

Raven raises an eyebrow. “Please tell me I heard you wrong, but you _told_ her? So you just made the decision to walk away? What happened to talking about it, Clarke?”

“Clarke!” Octavia yells as she slaps her best friend’s arm. “Tell me Raven’s wrong!”

Clarke buries her head in her hands for a moment. She looks to Octavia, “She’s not wrong. I made the decision to walk away. I can’t be the reason she loses her job.”

Raven shakes her head, “It wasn’t your place to decide that.” She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs, “God Clarke, you’re one of the smartest people I know but that was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Octavia lets out a small breath. “Raven’s right. You should have talked to her first. What you guys have went beyond a simple crush or a weekend fling,” she sighs. “You should have talked to her, Clarke. Lexa deserved at least that.”

“Fuck Clarke, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you screwed up.” Raven pauses as she notices Clarke starting to cry. “I know you’re hurt and we’re here for you, but you shouldn’t have done what you did.”

Octavia takes Clarke’s hand in her own. “We know how much you like her, and we can only guess that she felt the same about you, if not stronger. But you walking away without talking to her, how do you think that’s going to make her feel? Do you know how that looks from the outside?”

“It looks like you didn’t value the relationship you had with her,” Raven answers. “And we know that she meant a lot to you but Clarke, you just walked away. It’s like breaking up with someone over a text.”

Clarke buries her face in her hands again, in her best attempt to hold back the tears (but they were already falling).

Raven rubs Clarke’s back. “We’re obviously not saying this to make you feel worse, or to make you cry. But this isn’t high school or college… we’re not going to make Lexa out to be the bad guy or say that it was her loss. We are adults and whether you see it or not, you are in the wrong here.”

“Raven,” Octavia sighs.

Raven shakes her head at Octavia. “No, she needs to hear this.” She turns back to Clarke who still has her head in her hands. “You shouldn’t have made the decision without taking to her first.”

“Like you made the decision not to have the surgery without talking to us first?” Clarke snaps back as she sat up straight again. She regrets the words immediately. She wasn’t thinking straight, letting her anger, sadness and pain control her.

Raven is a little hurt by what Clarke says because she thought they were past that. But for the most part she knew that her best friend didn’t mean it. Clarke was hurt. “You know that it’s not the same. If we shared a leg, then obviously I would have talked about it with you. But we don’t, this is my leg, my choice and no one else’s. Like it’s Lexa’s job, it should have been her choice, not yours.”

“The relationship was you and Lexa,” Octavia continues. “If the relationship were to end then it should have at least ended with both sides getting to say what they wanted to say.”

It’s silent between them after that. Raven and Octavia return to their now cold food whilst Clarke tries to process everything that’s been said. Deep down inside she knew she was wrong, but she just couldn’t bear the thought of Lexa losing everything she worked for because of her.

Ten minutes later, Clarke turns to Raven. “Call Sinclair, tell him I’m in for Jordan.”

“What?”

“Clarke–”

“No,” Clarke interrupts both of her best friends. “I can’t stay here.” _I won’t be able to forget about **her** if I do._

Raven and Octavia pick up on Clarke’s silent message.

“Are you sure?” Raven asks. “Are you going to talk to your mum about this?”

“If you’re going to Jordan to run away, it won’t help anyone,” Octavia adds.

Clarke shakes her head, “Neither will staying.” She pauses and sighs, “I hurt her. It’ll be easier for her to forget me if I’m halfway around the world.”

“You should at least talk to her before you leave,” Octavia tries.

Clarke shakes her head. “It’ll only make it worse.” She turns to Raven, “I’m in.”

Raven nods. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll call Sinclair and get him to email you the paperwork.”

Clarke stands up, “I’m going to go see my mum. I told her I’d tell her as soon as I decided. I shouldn’t be too long.”

“Okay,” Octavia replies quietly. “Indra’s coming to DC today so I have to head out soon.”

“I’ll see you when you get back then.”

* * *

Clarke waits just outside the Oval Office. Maya had told her that her mum was just finishing up a meeting and would return any moment. True to her word her mum rounds the corner a couple minutes later.

“Hey sweetie, this is a nice surprise.” Abby smiles.

Clarke stands up, “Do you have a minute?”

Abby takes a quick look to Maya. “Kane’s meeting is a running longer than expected,” Maya says.

Abby turns back to her daughter, “Yes, come on in.”

They walk towards the middle of the room and take a seat on the couches. Clarke sits down first as Abby places the folders she was carrying on the table.

“Is there something wrong?” Abby asks as she takes a seat next to her daughter.

“No,” Clarke smiles. “I just wanted to tell you that I made my decision… I’m going.”

Abby sighs slightly but pulls her daughter in for a tight hug. “I guess we better make the most of the time we have left together.”

Clarke can only pull her mum in closer. As she breaks away from the hug she smiles. “We will. That’s all I wanted to tell you, you have a meeting with Kane now?”

“I do.”  


“I’ll leave you to it then.” Clarke stands up but momentarily loses her balance. Fortunately, the coffee table stops her from falling. But as both hands land on the table she accidently knocks over the folders her mum had brought it. “Oh my god, sorry, sorry,” Clarke mumbles as she regains her footing. Immediately she goes to pick up the folders.

Abby moves to pick up the folders immediately as well, remembering that the photos were in that pile. “Don’t worry, Clarke, I got this.” But it’s too late.

Clarke picks up the photo of her and Lexa, rummaging through the mess on the ground to find the others. When she thinks she has them all she stands up, looking down on her mum. “You had me followed?” She didn’t even care that her mum knew about her and Lexa at this point.

Abby cleans up the mess quickly, pacing the folders in an untidy pile on the table. She stood up and sat back on the couch, “You want to tell me what’s going in those photos?”

“I asked you first. Did you have someone follow me?”

Abby sighs. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Do you really need to ask _why_?” Abby points to the photos in Clarke’s hands. “I had my suspicions that something was going on, and god did I hope I was wrong. So now you answer my question, what is going on between you and Agent Woods?”

“Nothing,” Clarke replies.

“It doesn’t look like nothing in those photo, Clarke. Did she make a move on you? Did she–”

“No,” Clarke interrupts. “I made the first move. But it was over before it started. If your spy heard us last night, they would have told you that.”

“Do you know how serious this is? If someone found out, if someone had taken a photo–”

“But nothing happened. And now that it’s over, nothing will happen,” Clarke interrupts again. “I can’t believe you had me followed. I’m scared to ask, but have you had me followed before?”

“No,” Abby replies. “Just yesterday. There was something between you and Agent Woods that I couldn’t ignore.”

“Can’t you turn a blind eye to this? It wasn’t her fault, it was mine. I take full responsibility for it.”

“I can’t do that, Clarke.” Abby pauses to rub her eyes. “I assigned her to your security detail. She was meant to protect you and she crossed the line.”

“I crossed it first,” Clarke argues. “I made her cross the line. She did her job, I’m still here and I’ve always felt safe with her.”

“Yeah, okay, you crossed the line too,” Abby agrees. “But she should have known better.”

Clarke moves to sit by her mum, placing the photos onto the table. “Mum please, don’t fire her for this. Don’t fire her for my mistakes. I made the first move and the second and third. I pursued her.”

Abby looks into the blue eyes before her. “You fell for her,” she whispers.

Clarke pulls back slightly, “I’m falling for her,” she corrects (not that it would have helped and not that it mattered).

For a moment Abby forgets that Lexa is her agent. “Oh sweetie.”

“Don’t, mum.” Clarke lets out a small sigh, “It’s over.”

Abby sighs as well. “Clarke, you might say that it’s over now but I can’t pretend that it never happened.”

“No, mum, please. I am honestly begging you to–”

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

“Come in!” Abby calls out.

“Mum,” Clarke whispers harshly.

“This conversation is over, Clarke.” Abby hides the photos back into one of the photos just as the door opens.

“Hey Abby I’m – Oh Clarke, hi. Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Marcus smiles.

“It’s fine, Marcus, she was just leaving.” Abby turns to her daughter, “Have a good day, Clarke.”

Clarke leaves without saying anything more.

 

* * *

 

Lexa is glad she didn’t have to go into the White House today. After the night she had with Clarke and their not-talk-talk the last thing she wanted to do was spend the day with the blonde. She knew that this was going to be shorted lived though. Clarke and her friends still needed to buy dresses for the gala and then there was the gala itself along with the three weeks Clarke was scheduled to stay. But she’d take the one day away from the White House nonetheless.

Anya had decided to go spend the day with her parents and Aden.

Lexa on the other hand decides to go visit her family friend, Indra. Indra was opening one of her restaurants in DC and was in the city to oversee the current development. Lexa pulls up to the address that was given to her and makes her way towards the building. There wasn’t a lot of people around but the door was opened and she could hear voices echoing from the inside.

She spots Indra by a corner, talking to some of the builders. Lexa kept her distance, looking around the vast empty space. It looked nothing like a restaurant yet, it was just a large empty room with a few unidentifiable fixtures. But having been to an _Adina’s_ restaurant multiple times she could picture how it would look in the end.

She feels a slight tap on her shoulder. “Lexa.”

Lexa turns around and smiles. She offers her hand to Indra, “It’s good to see you again.” Indra was definitely not the type of person you hugged when greeting.

“You too,” Indra smiles. She motions her head towards the other side of the room, “Come, have some coffee with me.”

They reach a small makeshift table that had a large thermos and a few foam cups on it. Indra poured some coffee into two cups. “How are you? How’s work?” she asks as she offers Lexa the coffee.

“Thanks,” Lexa smiles as she takes the drink. “Work’s work. Can’t complain.” _Actually yeah I can, but I know better than to._

“You know you might be an agent, but you have never been good at lying to me. I won’t push though, I’m sure whatever it is you can work through it.”

Lexa sighs. She had no idea how Indra knew she was lying, but nods along anyways.

“And Anya? I heard her parents officially adopted Aden.”

“They did,” Lexa smiles. “I was there the day they asked him, it was a really good day.”

“That’s good.”

“You’re coming to the gala on Friday?” Lexa asks.

“Now Lexa, who turn ever turn down an invitation from the president herself?”

Lexa laughs. “That’s true. So how’s the restaurant coming along?”

Indra takes a sip of her coffee and nods. “So far so good. They’ll start putting in main fixtures this week.” She looks around the building and starts pointing at different areas. “Up there will be the bar which also leads to the kitchen… booths will run along this wall, tables here and the reception just over by the door.”

“And your head chef?”

Indra smiles. “I haven’t told her yet, so don’t say anything but it’s Octavia Blake. You know her right? She’s a friend of the president’s daughter.”

“I do. She’s a good chef.”

“She is,” Indra nods.

Just at that moment Indra gets called away by some builders. She excuses herself for the time being, but Lexa completely understands. She isn’t alone for more than a few moments before she hears a familiar voice.

“Lexa? What are you doing here?”

Lexa turns around to see Octavia. “I’m visiting Indra. What are you doing here?”

“To help.”

An awkward silence falls between the two of them, with Lexa knowing very well that Octavia knows about her and Clarke. Surprisingly she didn’t really mind that the younger woman knew though. Lexa couldn’t see herself talking to Octavia about it, but she trusted Octavia to not overstep.

Octavia breaks the silence first. “You should talk to Clarke.”

“We’re not doing this.” Lexa shakes her head, “You’re her best friend, you shouldn’t be talking to me.”

“Best friend yes, but what she did was wrong. She should have talked to you.”

Lexa lets out a harsh breath. “You don’t need to do this.”

“I know I don’t,” Octavia sighs. “But I saw you guys together, you made her really happy and I think she made you just as happy. Though wrong, we both know her reasons for walking away. What I want to know is why you’re not fighting for her?”

“Octavia don’t make this harder than it already is. I want to make the next three weeks as easy as–”

“You don’t have three weeks,” Octavia cuts in. “She leaves on Saturday for Jordan.”

“What?” Lexa blurts out almost instantly.

“Doctors without Borders put together a last minute team. Her and Raven leave on Saturday.”

“How long?” Lexa whispers.

“A year, minimum.”

Lexa tries to hide the fact that this piece of information is affecting her in any way, but fails. There was a tiny part of her that hoped that over the remaining three weeks, that she and Clarke would be able to come to some sort of neutral ground. She wanted to try and at least find some sort of closure because she didn’t want their story to end like _this._ Now instead of three weeks she had three days.

 

* * *

 

The following day Lexa and Anya wait for Clarke, Raven and Octavia at the garage at 11am. Today’s agenda was to take the three best friends out so they could find dresses for the gala.

“Are you going to be okay?” Anya asks from the driver’s seat.

Lexa nods as she spots the three women walk towards the SUV. “I have to be,” she whispers before opening the back passenger side door. Octavia gets in first as Raven moves to the other side of the car. Clarke slips right after without saying a word or making any eye contact.

The car ride is tense. The radio plays the top 20 hits but no one’s really listening. It was bad because all of them knew what had happened but it wasn’t like they could just say anything about it.When Anya parks the car Raven is almost immediately out the door, muttering a quiet “About time.”

“You can say that again,” Anya mutters as well, not caring that everyone in the car also heard.

All Clarke and Lexa can do is let out a small sigh and continue on.

The three best friends were about to head into a private fitting by none other than Becca Cerra – head designer of Polis Co. One of the employees greets them at the door, walking them through the store then into an elevator where they were taken up to a private room.

“Fan-cy,” Octavia gleams looking around the room. The room was spacious, three racks of dresses were lined up in the middle of the room, there were make shift change rooms, full length mirrors and a few couches.

“Hi,” Becca smiles. She walks to Clarke extending her hand, “It’s an honour to finally meet you, Miss Griffin.”

“Please, just call me _Clarke._ ” She accepts the handshake, “Thank you for having us. These are my friends, Raven and Octavia.”

Becca, Raven and Octavia all greet each other. They also meet Becca’s assistant – Rika, who will be helping the three women find the perfect dress for the gala. The get right to it, the women immediately going through the dress racks.

Anya and Lexa situate themselves by the elevator door.

It’s not long before they all find their first dress to try on. Octavia steps out of her change room first, in a strapless long red dress. She walks over to the full length mirror and pats down her dress as she decides if she likes it or not.

“That looks amazing, Octavia.” Becca smiles.

“I don’t know though… can’t decide if I want a long dress or a short one.”

“Just keep trying a range of them on. The dress will find you,” Becca replies rather seriously.

Raven steps out next, in a little black dress with lace sleeves that reach up to her elbow. Immediately she wolf-whistles at the sight of her best friends. “DAMN OCTAVIAAAAAA.” Octavia does a small spin, giving a 360 view for Raven. “God damn you look good!”

“Not too bad yourself,” Octavia winks.

Raven steps up to the mirror and shrugs slightly. “I don’t know about this dress… it just doesn’t feel right.”

“Don’t worry,” Becca reassures. “Like I said to Octavia, the perfect dress will find you.”

Raven nods, checking out the dress another time. “Hey Clarke! How’s your first dress going?” she calls out.

Clarke then steps out in a long white dress, with the top half made from a floral lace pattern.

“DAMNNNN CLARKE!” Raven yells again. “BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE NEED TO ALWAYS OUT DO US!”

Clarke approaches the mirror and laughs, “I don’t know... i'm not feeling the white?”

“Well still, you look amazing in it,” Octavia comments.

“The only downside about this dress is that it doesn’t show off your good earth cleavage,” Raven laughs.

Clarke all but rolls her eyes. She doesn’t say anything but returns to the racks of dresses to see if anything else catches her attention. Raven and Octavia do the same. The friends try on dress after dress for the next forty minutes or so. When one of them has a new dress on the other two would peak their head out of their change rooms to give their opinion. Slowly each of them started to build a “maybe” dress pile.

Lexa watches the three best friends run in and out of their change rooms. She tries to stop herself from staring, but whenever Clarke came out, she couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful the blonde was. Every dress seemed to fit perfectly in one way or another. Some dresses showed off the long toned legs, others showed up the beautiful curves of Clarke’s hips and certain colours made the beautiful blue eyes absolutely pop.

Whilst Clarke is using the bathroom, Becca tells Raven and Octavia that there are a few dresses downstairs that might interest them. Raven looks to Anya, “Will you tell Clarke that we’ll be right up?”

Anya nods but then looks to Lexa. “I’m going to go down with them, we shouldn’t be too long.”

“What? You don’t need to go,” Lexa argues.

Anya is about to step closer to Lexa so that she can whisper something but then Octavia stops her. As if they were all thinking the same thing Octavia offers a small smile. “Talk to her,” she whispers to Lexa. “You both need it.”

“I don’t–”

* _DING_ *

The elevator doors open and Raven immediately nudges everyone inside before Lexa could argue further. When the doors close Lexa simply glares at them. Raven mouths “Talk to her”, Octavia shoos her away and Anya gives a small nod.

Lexa groans and turns back to her position when the door closes. When she hears the toilet flush she straightens herself up, waiting for the Clarke to come back out. She just hoped that the others would come back sooner rather than later because the last thing she wanted to do right now was be alone with Clarke. When the blonde emerges from the bathroom, she’s obviously very confused as to where everyone had gone. “Becca went to show your friends some dresses downstairs. They’ll be back in a moment,” Lexa says.

Clarke nods. “Okay.” She lingers there for a moment, deciding whether or not she should try and talk to Lexa. This was probably the only moment they’d have alone, or at least the only moment Lexa would allow them to be alone. Clarke watches Lexa and there’s nothing from her agent. This causes an awful gut wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach. Lexa doesn’t look at her, and if your average silence wasn’t loud enough, this one between them seemed to be so much louder as it carries all the words Clarke wants to say, but can’t.

She returns to her change room and pulls the curtain shut. Clarke lets out a couple of deep breaths as she tries to compose herself. Her heart still aches and the tears are about to fall once again. She tries to stop them, she can’t break down, not here.

It takes everything in Lexa not to walk over to the change room to see if Clarke was okay. The quiet sobs echo through the room and Lexa hates that this is the situation they’re in. She can’t stand still, occasionally taking a few steps forward and a few steps back.

A few minutes later Clarke emerges from the change room in a new dress and Lexa just watches her as she approaches the mirror. It’s a dark blue dress that hugs around Clarke’s body just enough. It’s stops just above her knees and the front in cut into a V, exposing the smooth delicate skin beneath. She notices that the back isn’t zipped properly and just like that Lexa is walking towards Clarke. There is this undeniable draw that Clarke has over her, one that tells her to choose her heart over her head when she really shouldn’t.

Lexa stops a couple of feet away from Clarke, each of them catching each other’s gaze in the mirror in front of them. Clarke doesn’t turn around though; which Lexa is grateful for. Not breaking eye contact she points to the back of the dress, “Would you like some help?” Lexa whispers.

Clarke just nods, not trusting herself with her words yet.

Lexa takes a few more steps forward. She places her left hand on Clarke’s waist, ever so softly to hold the dress in place. And with her right hand she zips the dress up the rest of the way. She doesn’t move her hands yet, instead looking back up into the mirror to see Clarke looking back at her like as if they were back in Mount Weather. She takes a few steps back and starts to make her way back to her previous position before she falls into the fantasy again.

“My mum knows,” Clarke says.

This stops Lexa only for a moment before she continues to walk. She only makes it a couple of steps when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Lexa, please.”

Sighing, Lexa turns around to face Clarke.

“She knows about us and I don’t know what she’s going to do.”

“There’s no _us_ anymore,” Lexa corrects. “It’s fine.”

Clarke chooses to ignore the first part of Lexa’s reply. “It’s not fine! This is your job we’re talking about.”

“Exactly,” Lexa replies. “ _My_ job. So you don’t need to be concerned.”

“Lexa–”

“No,” Lexa cuts in. “There was always a chance of this happening. I know what I have to do.”

Clarke takes a small step forward, which only prompts Lexa to take a step back. “Let me help, Lexa. I can help.”

“I don’t want it,” Lexa replies sternly. “You walked away before, just walk away again.”

The words pierce right through Clarke. She sighs, “We didn’t have a choice.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?” Lexa laughs. “There is always a choice, you just happened to make it for the both of us.” Lexa turns back and walks over to her position by the elevator. The two of them stare at each other, as if they were waiting to see if the other would say anything else.

But then the elevators start to hum and Lexa can hear it coming back to their floor. Letting out a deep breath she sighs, “Good luck in Jordan, Miss Griffin.”

Before Clarke could ask how Lexa knew the elevators door open and Raven, Octavia, Becca and Anya step out.

“Fuck, you look great in that dress,” Raven cheers.

Octavia nods in agreement.

“Definitely a maybe,” Clarke smiles, trying to hide the fact that her heart was once again aching. “But I think I need a break from changing, so let’s see what you guys brought up.”

Raven and Octavia do exactly that. They try on and show off the dresses they brought up from downstairs to Clarke. There’s a lot “Oooo’s” and “Ahhhh’s” passed along in the next hour or so and eventually everyone finds the perfect dress for the gala. Clarke chooses the dark blue one (the one Lexa helped zipped up), Raven’s choice is an emerald green cocktail dress with an open back and Octavia is going to be wearing a low cut black dress with lace sleeves.

The ride back to the White House is just as worse this time round. No amount of music or small talk between Clarke, Raven and Octavia could diffuse the tension in the car. For everyone it felt like a ticking time bomb, like anyone of them was going to snap, to yell, to say anything to get it all out in the open. But things remain unsaid because for the most part, it wasn’t anyone’s place – other than Clarke or Lexa’s – to say anything.

Once they’re back at the White House, Anya opens the boot to hand the dresses to Octavia. “Thanks Agent Carson,” she smiles.

Anya just nods in response as she closes the boot.

“You too, Agent Woods,” Octavia adds, turning to the other agent.

Lexa nods in response as well.

Clarke, Raven and Octavia leave the garage and just as Anya was about to follow, Lexa calls out for her. “Agent Carson.” Anya turns around almost immediately, as does the three friends. Lexa addresses Clarke first, “This doesn’t concern you Miss Griffin, you can go.”

“Lexa–”

“If you need us, just call myself or Agent Carson. We’ll be around,” Lexa cuts in.

Octavia tugs at Clarke’s arm. “Come on, Clarke.”

When the three best friends are out of sight and definitely out of ear shot, Anya turns back to her partner. “What’s up?”

“Abby knows.”

“Oh Lexa…” Anya sighs. “What are you going to do?”

“There’s only one thing I can do. Will you come with me?”

Anya nods. “Of course.”

Anya and Lexa make their way through the White House in silence. They don’t talk about what could happen or what Lexa should say, because really, it was pretty clear how this was going to go. When they reach the Oval Office, Lexa steps up to Maya’s desk. “Is she busy at the moment?”

“One second,” Maya smiles. She presses a few buttons on her phone and speaks into it, “Madam President, I have Agent Woods here, she wants to speak to you.”

“ _Tell her to wait there, I’ll be free in ten minutes.”_

Lexa nods and takes a seat next to Anya. “I only see this going one way,” Lexa whispers.

“Don’t say that.”

Lexa brings her hands to rub her face. “Come on, you really think that I’m going to get away with this?”

Anya doesn’t reply straight away. But she doesn’t need to say anything for Lexa to get her answer. A silence falls between the two of them as the minutes seem to draw longer.

After a while Lexa turns to Anya, “Thanks for everything.”

“Don’t,” is all Anya replies. She didn’t want to think about the possibilities of Lexa not being her partner anymore.

Lexa lets a small smile creep on her lips. She thinks about the time she’s known Anya, from college right through to the academy. Anya’s been her mentor right from the beginning and honestly, Lexa wouldn’t have made it to where she was today without her.  “I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers.

_I’m sorry for disappointing you._

_I’m sorry, I should have done better. I should have known better._

_I’m sorry that I’ve put you in this position._

Anya gives Lexa a small reassuring nod, letting her know that it was alright. “You’re only human, Lexa.”

The door to the Oval Office then opens with Abby standing at the door. “Agent Woods.”

Lexa stands up and walks towards Abby.

Abby steps aside, letting Lexa walk in first. “Come in, we have a lot to talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for reading/kudos and commenting. i love hearing what you guys think of the chapter and what you guys think is going to happen next :) 
> 
> see you again next week


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around and reading. as always, i appreciate you all so much :')
> 
> happy reading!

Lexa crosses into the Oval Office with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Never in her career has she been more nervous than she was right now. She's be trained by some of the best agents in the world, came top of her class in the academy, but nothing could have prepared her for this moment. When Lexa hears the door close she turns around, “Madam President–”

“Take a seat, Agent Woods.” Abby moves to sit behind her desk.

Lexa follows, taking a seat across from the table. She sits up straight, her chest rising and falling dramatically as she becomes all too aware of her breathing. She watches Abby open a folder, taking out a few photos and placing them down on the desk so Lexa could see. Her breath hitches as she realises what photos are in front of her.

“I am disappointed, to say the least. I never expected this from you.”

“Ma’am–”

Abby lifts her hand up, stopping Lexa from saying anything. “You’ll remain on Clarke’s security detail till she leaves for Jordan on Saturday. Your suspension will start once the gala is over.”

Lexa’s eyes go wide. She was expecting to be fired on the spot, she was expecting Abby to be furious, to be screaming, mad and angry but she was anything but that. Instead Abby’s tone was calm – to the point where it was calmer than some of their normal day-to-day interactions.

Abby notices her agent’s very still expression and sighs. “I’m not suspending you right away because it’s all hands on deck for this gala. Despite what’s happened you are still one of the best agents we have, so I need you to be there. Getting someone new now will be more trouble than it’s worth.”

Lexa nods and dares to ask the next question. “Why am I only getting a suspension?”

“What did you think was going to happen?”

“Truthfully?” Lexa sighs, “I came in here ready to hear that I was going to be fired.” A silence fills the room and Lexa averts her gaze down to the ground. Her breaths were still heavy and the beating in her chest hasn’t slowed down at all. A suspension was too good to be true at this point.

“I thought about it,” Abby admits. She pauses, waiting for Lexa to look back up. “I don’t know what happened between you and my daughter but you crossed a line, Agent Woods.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I never–”

“With that being said,” Abby interrupts, “I know my daughter and I know you. I choose to believe that neither of you expected this to happen _._ ” Lexa gives a small nod, one that Abby catches so she continues. “And I know that my daughter wouldn't have pursued her feelings if they didn’t mean something.” She pauses again, just watching Lexa. The green eyes before her were filled with so much sadness. “And I hope I’m not wrong to believe that you wouldn't have done anything to Clarke that made her feel pressured or uncomfortable.”

Lexa shakes her head. “I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have acted on my feelings if they weren’t real either,” she says.

“I know.”

“I never meant to hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Abby reassures. “I don’t think she meant to hurt you either.”

Lexa simply nods.

“But a line was still crossed and I can’t turn a blind eye to this.”

Lexa nods again, “I understand.” 

“Clarke tells me that it’s over between the two of you?”

“Yes Madam President.”

Abby gathers the photos and puts them back in the folder. “Then that’s all for now. Return your badge and gun either after the gala or early Saturday morning.”

“How long am I suspended for?” Lexa asks.

“One month. You’ll hear back about your position on my security detail during that time.” Lexa nods. “Is there anything else you like you say?”

“Just that I’m sorry.”

Abby nods. “You’re free to go.”

 

* * *

 

“Suspended?”

Lexa nods. They had just arrived back at their apartment with Lexa taking up the entirety of the couch. “Yeah, after Clarke goes I’m suspended. It’s all hands on deck for this gala and despite what’s happened, Abby said that she still needs me there.”

Anya takes a seat on the floor by the coffee table. “What did you say? What did _she_ say?”

“Not a lot,” Lexa sighs. “I told her the truth.”

Anya raises an eyebrow, “That you fell for her daughter?”

“I didn’t fall for her,” Lexa replies lamely. “Not yet,” she whispers. Love was a strong word, too strong of a word for what Lexa felt. But there was a potential for love for sure. “I didn’t say a lot, Abby said that she was disappointed, that she expected better.”

“I have to say, this is a pretty tame reaction."

Lexa nods. “She said that she knows that neither of us would have crossed the line if the feelings weren't real.”

“Wait how did Abby even find out?”

“She had someone follow us when I took Clarke to the lookout point.”

“WHAT?!” Anya yells. She stands up, throwing her hands up in the air. “Who?”

Lexa sighs. “It doesn’t matter who. Whoever did it was just doing what Abby asked so just leave it.”

“Let me talk to her, maybe I can–”

“No,” Lexa interrupts. “You don’t need fall into this mess. She doesn’t know that you know, so let’s just keep it that way.”

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing!” Anya yells.

Lexa sits up on the couch, “You can and you will. Like you said we have each other’s backs.”

“Me sitting here, doing nothing, is not having your back.”

“It’s me having your back,” Lexa says. “You’ve worked too hard to throw all this away just because of my mistakes.”

“I don’t like this,” Anya sighs.

“I don’t either, but this is what it’s come to.”

The rest of the night is quiet and the topic of Clarke and the suspension is dropped for the time being. Instead, Anya and Lexa order in and spend half the night going over the security plans for the gala. There wasn’t much they needed to do, they just needed to make sure they were on the same page as all the other agents.

The other half on the night is spent reminiscing about their past. They share stories about college, their time in the academy and a few of the work details they’ve been on. It’s a bitter sweet moment because they’ve been through so much together and have always managed to come out fighting. But this time things were different. All the fighting in the world couldn’t have saved this situation without one or both sides getting hurt.

By the time Lexa is in bed, she’s just staring up at the ceiling. In the still of the night she curses herself again for letting it come down to this. It been three weeks and Clarke’s got her questioning everything. Three weeks, that’s all it took for Lexa’s walls to come down, to let her heart fall upon her sleeve once again.

It’s approaching midnight and Lexa doesn’t know if it’s a surprise or not when her phone vibrates with incoming messages from Clarke.

> **Clarke Griffin 11:48PM  
>  ** I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now and that you don’t owe me anything. But if I call you now will you pick up? You don’t have to say anything… I just have a few things I want to say. And again, you don’t owe me anything you don’t have to hear me out, but I leave in a few days so I have to at least try. 

Lexa reads and rereads the message, her heart and her head battling each other with what she should do. Despite Lexa wanting and needing a little more time, she didn’t have that luxury since Clarke was due to leave in a couple of days. So her heart wins. Maybe whatever Clarke had to say was going to help them find some sort of closure

She hits call.

The ringing tone only plays once before Clarke picks up.

“ _Lexa?”_

Lexa remains quiet at first. The temptation to hang up looming slightly stronger than the need to stay on the call. It’s the longest 30 seconds of her life but she manages to whisper, “I’m here.”

She hears Clarke let out a small sigh of relief, maybe even a hint of a smile too. The silence goes on for a little longer as Lexa’s heart beats faster and faster. She thinks that maybe Clarke isn’t going to say anything and just as she’s going to hang up the voice on the other end speaks up.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ There’s a pause as Clarke takes a deep breath. “ _I know my apology isn’t going to fix anything now, but I have to say it. I never, ever wanted to hurt you – to put_ us _in this position. I care about you, so much.”_ Clarke lets out another sigh, followed by a few muffled sobs. _“And I know that me walking away doesn’t reflect that. I know what I did was wrong. And I can only hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I know that’s going to be hard and probably not a likely outcome at this point in time, but I have to carry hope. It’s all I have left for us… Hope. Hope that maybe someday, you and I will meet again… Maybe someday you and I will get another chance. Because Lexa, you have been the best part of these past three weeks.”_ Clarke pauses and lets out another small sigh. “ _Do you remember the first day we met? I gave you one rule, I made you promise to not fall in love with me… And here I am, definitely on the way to breaking my own rule.”_

The call goes silent – the only sound between them were the faint breaths from either end.

“ _That’s… that’s all I have to say,”_ Clarke whispers.

With her free hand, Lexa wipes away the small tears that were just about to fall. She nods despite the fact that Clarke couldn’t see as she lets out a shaky breath. Now, it wasn’t the matter of what to say back, it was _if_ she should say anything at all. Nothing Clarke said had helped, it just made her heart ache that much more. Lexa moves the phone away from her ear to look at the screen. The duration of the call continues to tick forward but once it hits 4 minutes she hangs up.

 

* * *

 

Two day passes and Clarke sees Lexa a total of two times, very briefly and just in passing. Both times there is no reaction, no indication of any sort of relationship between the two of them. It was just like two strangers passing each other by throughout the normal course of the day.

Anya’s been by her side mostly, but offered no explanation to what was going on. Clarke knows that Lexa and her mum have talked – but has no idea the outcome of the conversation. She could only assume it didn’t go as bad as she thought it would since Lexa was still around. She would have asked her mum about it, but Clarke was still hurt over the fact that her mum had her followed. So she’s been keeping their interactions short and to a minimum.

Clarke misses Lexa like there’s no tomorrow. It actually physically hurts. The memories are there but she has trouble holding onto how Lexa felt in her arms, how delicate and soft her agent’s lips were against her own, the careful touches, the secret smiles and the way their fingers intertwined together. Clarke just really misses Lexa’s overall presence.

It’s the night before the gala and Clarke was in the middle of packing her things. Raven and Octavia were sprawled across her bed and she could tell they were just itching to say something. “Out with it guys,” Clarke says as she folds more of her clothes into her suitcase.

Raven and Octavia share a quick look between each other and sigh. Raven sits up and clears her throat. “You’re not going to like what we have to say.”

“If this is about Lexa you can stop right now.”

“It’s about you, Clarke,” Octavia replies. “We’re worried that this last minute decision to go will hurt you more than it will help you.”

Clarke looks up to her best friends and shakes her head. “I can’t stay here.”

Raven shakes her head as well, “No one is saying that you have to. But you should talk to Lexa before you go.”

“I did talk to her.”

“What?” Raven yells.

“When?” Octavia asks.

Clarke sighs. “The night after we got our dresses. I called her and told her she didn’t need to say anything, I just asked her to hear me out, and she did. I said everything I needed to say and now that’s that.”

“That’s that?” Raven asks.

“That’s that,” Clarke whispers. “It’s been two days since I called her and it’s like we’re complete strangers again.” Clarke brings her hands to rub her face, sighing along the way. “My mum found out.”

“WHAT?!” Raven and Octavia both yell.

Clarke inhales sharply. “Yeah, remember how we came back from Mount Weather and I asked Lexa to take us somewhere so we could talk?” Raven and Octavia nod. “She had one of her agents follow us… there were photos and yeah…”

Octavia moves off the bed to kneel besides Clarke. “Why didn’t you say something earlier? You know we’re here for you.”

Clarke stands up and walks towards her wardrobe to grab more of her clothes. She drops them by her suitcase and kneels back down. “I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I just… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now.”

“She had you followed?” Raven asks. “Are you really okay with that?”

“Of course not,” Clarke sighs. “But I leave soon and I don’t want to spend it fighting her. I can forgive her for this… eventually, I know I can. I’m more concerned with whether or not Lexa can.”

Octavia moves closer to her best friend, bringing in her for a hug. “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

Raven hops off the bed and joins them.

Clarke falls into the hug and manages to let out a small smile. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Octavia replies.

Their hug only breaks when someone knocks at the door. Octavia is up first, jogging over to answer it. “Oh hey Abby.”

“Hey Octavia, is Clarke there?”

“In here!” Clarke calls out.

Octavia steps aside and lets Abby in. Abby walks towards her daughter, “Clarke, can we talk please?”

Clarke nods. She turns to look between Raven and Octavia but they’re already halfway out the room. “Call us if you need us!” Raven says.

When the door closes, Abby takes a seat on the ground with Clarke. She picks up a shirt and folds it.

Clarke sighs, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Clarke, you’ve barely spoken to me in the past two days.”

“Because I don’t want to spend my last days here fighting with you,” Clarke replies blatantly.

“I was doing what I thought was right.”

“You should have just asked me.”

Picking up another shirt, Abby sighs. “Would you have told me?”

Clarke nods. “I started to fall for her, mum. My feelings for her are real… so real. I know it’s only been three weeks but I’ve never felt like this before.” Abby reaches to give her daughter’s hand a squeeze. “That’s why I have to go.”

“Running away isn’t going to help.” Despite what had happened, Abby was still a mother. She hated seeing her daughter like this.

“I’m not run–” Clarke stops to see her mum giving her a look she knows to well. “Okay I am running away but I’ve already said everything I needed to say to her. Now it’s just a matter of moving on.”

Abby sighs. “Is that what you want? To move on?”

Clarke shakes her head. “It’s what I have to do though.”

 

* * *

 

The night of the gala rolls around. Whilst Abby had a team of people helping her get ready, Clarke, Raven and Octavia deicide to get ready by themselves. It was their last night together for at least another year and they wanted to spend as much time together as they could.

Raven was doing Clarke’s hair first, since Octavia was out on a business meeting and due to come back any moment now. It’s not long before Octavia barges into Clarke’s room, grinning from ear to ear. “GUESS WHAT!”

Raven sets down the curling iron and Clarke turns in her chair, both of them giving a questioning look to Octavia.

“YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE NEW HEAD CHEF OF ADINA’S DC!”

“AHHHHHHH!” both Raven and Clarke yell. They ran over to their best friend, engulfing the younger woman into a hug.

“Congrats congrats congrats!” Clarke repeats. “We’re so proud of you!”

Raven only tightens the hug, “You deserve it!”

“Okay okay enough,” Octavia laughs as she pushes her best friends off of her. “It’s time to make us look HOT!”

So Raven returns to doing Clarke’s hair as Octavia goes back to her room to take a quick shower. The three best friends spend the next three hours getting ready. They sing and dance along to music as they help each other with their hair and makeup. As it approaches 6pm, Clarke steps out of her bathroom after putting on her dress.

“God, you’re hot,” Raven smiles.

Octavia nods. “I second that.”

“You guys are pretty hot yourselves.”

“Oh we know,” Raven laughs.

Clarke takes out her phone and as if on cue Raven and Octavia move to either side of their best friend. They take a few selfies and a few photos of each other. With the gala going all night and Raven and Clarke’s flight at 8am the following day, this was most likely their last moment together. So they stay together until they’re called out to go.

 

* * *

 

Lexa stood by the entrance of the gala hall. The guests were coming in at a steady rate, all dressed to the tee. It was to be expected though, this gala was all Abby could talk about for the last six months. It’s the 1st annual EMPOWER gala, which was created to celebrate women’s achievements in the past year. From doctors to lawyers to actors, musicians, chefs and artists, women across all fields were invited to share their stories and to celebrate each other. 

When a familiar face approaches, Lexa can’t help but smile. “Miss Winters, it’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise, Agent Woods.” Costia smiles. “I almost didn’t make it, but luck was on my side and I was able to move my schedule around.”

“Enjoy your night.”

“You too,” Costia replies. She gives a small nod before continuing on inside.

Just as Costia goes out of sight, Lexa turns back. That’s when she sees her. She sees Clarke. If Lexa thought Clarke looked beautiful in the dress during the fitting, Clarke looked absolutely stunning now. With her hair in loose curls falling across her shoulders and her makeup highlighting her eyes and lips especially, Lexa definitely feels her heart skip a beat or two.

She does her best to not meet Clarke’s stare, but it’s inevitable. It’s very subtle and very brief but still, it renders her speechless. So Lexa composes herself and takes her position next to Anya, who was following them close behind. Lincoln, Gustus, Echo and Luna were also there, surrounding the president.

Lexa is on high alert as they walk into the gala hall. Light music carries through the room, waiters dart around guests and tables and there are conversations happening left, right and centre. The centre of the room had about 50 circular tables, there were bars at either end of the room, an opened general space towards the back and a podium up front.

The agents keep a respectable distance between Abby and Clarke as they greet guest. There are a lot of handshakes and hugs exchanged, small talk and laughter and photos also occur at the beginning of the event. All the agents were used to this – this was their job so they’ve been to a number of galas. They’re constantly scanning the area, always two steps ahead of possible incidents.

Soon enough Clarke splits from her mother’s side to greet some other guests. Raven and Octavia had left the group earlier and were already at the bar with Monty and his mum. Lexa watches Clarke greet and talk to the guests as if she was born to do this. The blonde’s natural flare and overall presence had everyone at ease within the first few seconds of meeting the president’s daughter (Lexa had a first hand experience with this).

The night goes smoothly. The five course meal is well received by the guests as the speakers of the night take the stage. There is a mixed range of emotions as everyone laughs, cries and really takes in the stories that are shared. Callie Cartwig honours the women in the justice system who weren’t able to attend the gala. Indra Porter shares her experience with the continual expansion of her restaurants. Costia Winters proudly introduces a new art scholarship that she’ll be funding. Hannah Green reveals a new research program that’s going to be looking into developing a new treatment for ovarian cancer.

By 11pm the gala starts to wind down. All the guest speakers have spoken and no one is really sitting in their seats anymore. Everyone is spread around the gala hall, all in their own little groups, talking and listening to each other. Lexa and Anya were currently a few feet away from Clarke, who was currently talking to a couple of people who had recently set up a women’s shelter in DC.

Lexa’s has her eye on Clarke the entire night. As hard as it’s been given everything that’s happened between them, she was still in the dream that was Clarke Griffin. Her heart still races, her breath still hitches, her mind never straying too far away from the few great days they had in Mount Weather. Tonight was Clarke’s last night in DC and Lexa tried her best to not let it affect her, but the all-consuming sadness left her heart in a pretty fragile state.

“Hello.”

Lexa turns slightly to confirm the familiar voice. “Hi, Costia,” she whispers as she turns back to watch Clarke. “How’s your night going?”

“Good. It’s been a wonderful night.” Costia turns to Anya, “Hello Anya.”

Anya nods her hello. “It’s good to see you again. Congrats on the new scholarship program.”

“Thanks. I’m really excited about it.”

The three of them fall into a small conversation. It doesn’t bother Costia that either Lexa or Anya wouldn’t be completely in the conversation – she knew that they were working. She was going to leave DC the following morning and just wanted a quick catch up. It isn’t long till Anya takes a few steps away from Lexa and Costia as she starts a conversation with a few of the other agents.

Costia watches Lexa watch Clarke. She smiles. “How are things between you and Clarke?”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asks, acting as if she didn’t know what Costia was talking about (Oh but she knew).

“Don’t play dumb, I can see it in the way you look at her.” Lexa turns to Costia but doesn’t say anything. “We use to look at each other like that,” she replies, her voice soft and reassuring.

One of the things Lexa was most grateful for when it came down to her relationship with Costia was the fact that they were able to become friends again. They never looked or talked about their relationship like it was a mistake but both accepted the fact that while they loved each other, they weren’t _in love_ with each other. And that was okay. They knew that they’d have each other in each other’s lives no matter what.

Lexa sighs and shakes her head. “It didn’t work out,” she whispers. There was no point in lying to Costia and Lexa trusted her not to say anything to anyone. “It was just too… complicated.”

“I’m sorry,” Costia says.

“It’s okay.” Lexa pauses, “How long are you in DC for?” she asks, trying to change the topic of conversation.

Costia picks up on Lexa’s silent request and decides to just let it be. “I fly up to Vancouver in about...” she looks to her watch, “Eight hours.”

“So soon?”

Costia nods. “Guest speaking at the university.” She looks up to see Clarke free from her previous guests and smiles. “I’m going to go and say hello to Clarke.”

“Have a safe flight,” Lexa replies.

“Next time I’ll be in DC longer and we can have a proper catch up.”

Lexa smiles. “That would be nice.”

 

* * *

 

One of Clarke’s best quality was that she was an attentive listener. But as she talks to a few guests she can’t help but let her eyes wander over to her agent. Of course it was Lexa’s job to watch over her, but tonight it felt different. The way Lexa’s been watching her has caused a tugging pain in her chest. The days since their ‘break up’ has been the hardest. What once existed (though short lived) a happy, budding and blissful relationship was now filled with sadness, tension and silence. It was crazy, Clarke knew that. It was crazy that she was feeling this way already about someone who she’s known for only three weeks

Clarke watches Lexa talk with Costia. She finds herself feeling jealous, not of them, but of the fact that they were able to remain friends after their relationship had ended. With the way things have been between herself and Lexa, Clarke just couldn’t see the two of them ever just being “friends.” She hurt Lexa. She made the decision to walk away without talking about it first. That was something Clarke didn’t think was forgivable. But she had to hope that maybe one day it wouldn't be like this anymore. 

When she sees Costia walk over she smiles and meets the woman halfway. “It’s good to see you again, Costia.”

Costia leans in for a quick hug. “You too, Clarke. Your mum has thrown a fantastic gala.”

“That she has,” Clarke smiles. “So how long are you in DC for?”

“I’ve got an early flight tomorrow morning, actually. Vancouver.” Costia pauses. “How much longer have you got in DC?”

“I actually have an early flight tomorrow too,” Clarke replies.

“What?”

“I’m heading to Jordan with Doctors without Borders tomorrow.”

Costia wasn’t one to jump to conclusions but she thought Clarke would have sounded more excited about this trip. Whenever Clarke talked about Doctors without Borders, it was always with such excitement and passion but right now, her tone was laced with a kind of sadness. Costia extends her hands and offers a wide smile, “Good luck, Clarke. Hopefully our paths will cross again in the future.”

Clarke takes the handshake and returns the smile. “I’m sure it will.”

“Okay, I promised your mum that I’d say hi before I leave so I should go and find her.”

Clarke nods. “It was really good seeing you again. Have a safe flight tomorrow.”

“You too,” Costia smiles.

Clarke watches Costia turn on her heel and take a few steps. But not a few moments later that the woman turns back around and approaches Clarke once again. Clarke gives her a questioning look but doesn’t get a reply straight away. Instead she finds herself being pulled to the side a little more, where there’s less people around.

“This isn’t my place,” Costia starts, “So stop me whenever you want or just walk away.”

“What are you talking about?”

Costia lets out a long deep breath. “You and Lexa.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to say anything. Again, this isn’t my place but I just…” Costia trails off, trying to find her words. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you but even I can tell that it was important. Just don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Clarke finds herself whispering, “It’s too late,” before she can stop herself. And funnily enough, it didn’t even feel strange talking to Costia about this. There was something about the artist that was warming and welcoming, like that the words between them would stay between them. A safe place.

“It’s never too late,” Costia retorts. “If you’re feelings are true then it’s never too late to fight, to start over or just to find each other again.”

“Why are you telling _me_ this? You could run with this advice.”

Costia shakes her head. “Lexa and I had our time. She’ll always be important to me but we’ll only ever be friends.” All Clarke can do in response is nod. “Okay I’m going to stop over-stepping now,” she smiles. Costia offers her hand one last time, “Good bye Clarke.”

Clarke takes the hands and smiles. “Good bye, Costia.”

 

* * *

 

By midnight half the guests have already left with the other half slowly saying their goodbyes. Lexa and the other agents stand by Abby and Clarke as they say their farewells to the remaining guests.

When they get back to the White House, Abby, Clarke, Raven and Octavia all take a moment and head out onto the patio. As Abby takes a seat she looks up to Lexa, “Agent Woods, will you head into the kitchen and ask Ben to bring us some tea?”

“Of course Madam President.”

“Thank you. After that you can go.” Abby nods, silently telling Lexa that her suspension has now started.

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa replies. She and Anya then walk out of the patio after offering quick goodbyes to the three best friends.

After not being seated for a minute Clarke immediately stands up again. “I need to get out of this dress. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She starts to walk back inside when she’s stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Turning around she sees her mum. “What’s up?”

Without warning Abby pulls her daughter into a hug. “You know that I love you right?” she whispers.

“I do,” Clarke replies as she buries herself into the hug. “I know,” she whispers.

They stand their hugging for a few more moments before Abby speaks up again. “You should say goodbye to her.” Clarke pulls back from the hug immediately, looking into her mother’s eyes. “Say goodbye, you might regret it if you don’t.”

Clarke gives a small nod. “Okay,” she whispers.

Abby places a quick kiss on Clarke’s forehead. “Hurry back before the tea gets cold.” She returns to her seat and when Clarke’s out of sight she turns back to Raven and Octavia. “Did you girls have a good night?”

“God yes,” Octavia smiles. “There were so many amazing women there, Raven kept telling me to pick up my jaw off the ground.”

They all laugh. “That was true,” Raven adds. “I met a couple of the NASA scientists and I’m pretty sure I can die a happy woman now.”

Abby smiles. “I’m glad to hear you had a good time.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke makes her way back to her room, her mother’s words ringing through her mind. “ _You should say goodbye to her.”_ She lets out a sigh and just as she rounds the corner, of course, of course Lexa is there and walking in her general direction. Her agent walks alongside a man; one who Clarke knows to be one of the wait staff for the White House.

“Miss Griffin,” Lexa nods as they get closer.

Clarke offers a small smile. _It was now or never._ “Agent Woods, do you have a minute?”

Lexa exhales rather roughly, having been just backed into a corner. It wasn’t like she could have just said _no._ She turns to the man beside her, “Ben, take the tea to Madam President before it gets cold.”

“Yes, Agent Woods.”

Both Lexa and Clarke watch Ben walk away. When he’s out of sight Clarke turns back to Lexa, “Walk with me to my room?”

“I don’t think–”

“Please,” Clarke cuts in.

Green eyes look right into blue and Lexa finds her sighing before nodding. They walk side by side, but Lexa keeps her distance from the blonde beside her.

Clarke clears her throat, “So my flight is at 8am tomorrow, we should leave here by 5?”

“Yes.”

The pang in Clarke’s chest becomes a lot more apparent, causing the ache in her heart to feel heavier. It wasn’t surprising that the air between them was once again tense as they walk in complete silence. When they get to Clarke’s room the tension is still quite palpable. Clarke pushes her door open but lingers there for a moment, her eyes not daring to look up.

“Goodnight Miss Griffin,” Lexa whispers as she’s about to walk away.

“Lexa,” Clarke calls out. “Wait, please.”

Lexa stops and turns back around, green eyes meeting blue once again.

“Please come inside for a second.” Clarke takes a few steps into her room, her eyes never leaving Lexa’s, pleading. The longer the seconds draw out; the more convinced she is that Lexa is going to walk away. But Clarke lets out a sigh of relief when she sees Lexa take a few steps forward and closes the door behind her.

Lexa stands there, fidgeting from side to side. Being here, being alone with Clarke was starting to make her anxious.

“I just want to say goodbye… privately. I know we won’t get that chance tomorrow,” Clarke whispers. She takes a deep breath in, working up the courage to continue. “I’m sorry for how things turned out between us.

“I’m sorry too,” Lexa breathes.   

Clarke takes a risk and takes a small step forward. “I never meant to hurt you.” When Lexa shows no sign of discomfort Clarke takes another step forward. “I wish things between us could have been different.” She takes another step forward. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this.” Another step.

 _It didn’t,_ Lexa thinks. But she doesn’t say it, she doesn’t want to fight with Clarke anymore. She makes no attempt to move when the blonde comes closer. Lexa’s heart is beating out of her chest, something she’s become quite use to when Clarke is around.

The tears are falling now but Clarke doesn’t care. One more step and she’ll be chest to chest with Lexa, but she doesn’t know if she should take it, or if Lexa will even let her. A few moments pass before Clarke speaks up again. “I’m so sorry,” she cries as she takes that final step.

Slowly she looks up into the green eyes before her, green eyes that have become glassy as well with a single tear falling down Lexa’s cheek. Clarke brings her hand up to wipe it away, leaving her fingers to trace along her agent’s jaw. Their nose brush against each other, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she repeats as she slowly closes the distance between them. Clarke closes her eyes as a few more tears drop. Her lips ghost over Lexa’s, leaving Lexa to make the decision on what’s going to happen. But as the moments pass and there’s no reaction, no move, Clarke accepts defeat and starts to pull back.

Lexa doesn’t let her get very far though. Her hands move to the back of Clarke’s neck, pulling her back in so that their lips connect. The kiss is slow, passionate and carries everything both of them feel for each other. Their lips move in sync as tongues move against each other. The tears, they fall. Lexa feels Clarke’s hands on her hips, pushing her so that she’s backed into the door. The angle of the kiss changes so that they both can catch their breath for a moment. Both Clarke and Lexa have tears falling as they kiss with everything they’ve got, their bodies flushed together as they try to become impossibly closer.

Clarke reluctantly breaks away from the kiss, resting her forehead against Lexa’s. “Goodnight Lexa,” she whispers.

Lexa closes the distance between them. She takes Clarke’s bottom lip against her own, pouring everything she’s feeling into the kiss again. When it ends Lexa brings her hands up to cup either side of Clarke’s face. She leans up to place a soft kiss on Clarke’s forehead. She lingers there for a moment as she holds back a sob. “Goodbye, _Clarke.”_ And with that Lexa pulls herself away, opens the door and walks away without looking back.

Clarke stands there, unable to move. Her lips were still tingling from the kiss and her heart races as she recalls Lexa calling her by her first name. This wasn’t the first time, but this time it felt _real._ This time it almost made her weak in the knees. But as her mind occupies herself with this, what Clarke completely misses is that instead of saying _goodnight_ , Lexa said _goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you guys again soon


	16. chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy surprise chapter day!
> 
> this chapter (and the next) are relatively shorter than what i usually like to post. i wanted to end the last chapter the way i did and this chapter doesn't really fit with the next one. that's why i'll be updating twice this week :)
> 
> happy reading!

Clarke wakes up an hour before her alarm is set to go off. Actually, that’s a lie. She hasn’t really slept since she’s gotten into bed. After Lexa left her room she quickly changed into some more comfortable clothes and went back out to the patio, where her mum, Raven, Octavia and herself spent an hour or so with each other. It was just some quiet time before Raven and Clarke had to leave for Jordan. It was approaching 2am when they decided to call it a night. They don’t say their goodbyes yet, with Octavia and Abby both going to the airport with them in the morning.

Now Clarke was packing the final little things into her suitcase. She left her sketchbook book and found herself drawing to fill the time. It’s not a surprise the subject of her drawing is Lexa. Clarke takes her time in making sure she captures everything that causes her heart to race; the emerald eyes that were always conveying a silent message, the delicate the lips and tenderness in her overall expression when they were alone together.

By 4:30am Raven and Octavia are in Clarke’s room, just chilling before it was time to go. They’re all lying on the bed in silence, all still tired from the night before. But it doesn’t bother them. They’ve been friends long enough to be able to simply enjoy each other’s presence. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though. Reuniting and then having to leave each other again was always hard.

By 5am Clarke, Raven, Octavia and Abby are walking into the garage. Clarke spots Anya first, then Lincoln, Gustus and Echo. Her heart drops slightly when she realises that Lexa isn’t there. She rolls her suitcase towards the SUV, passing it along to Lincoln who puts it into the boot. She walks over to Anya, silently asking a question she knows her agent will pick up.

“Sick,” Anya whispers.

“I saw her a few hours ago. You don’t need to lie to me.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Clarke,” Anya replies. “She’s sick.”

Clarke drops the subject and gets into the SUV. She knows that there’s no point in trying to get Anya to talk since she was Lexa’s partner and they would be undoubtedly fiercely loyal to each other. Clarke rides with her mum (with Lincoln and Gustus) and Raven and Octavia rides in the other car (with Anya and Echo).

On the way to the airport Clarke tells her mum about their plans for Jordan. Abby meant it when she said that she’d support Clarke in her decision to go. So hearing her daughter talk about the program with such love and passion definitely helps. Knowing that Clarke is out there doing something she loves and is absolutely passionate about is all she ever wanted for her daughter.

When the conversation dies down, Clarke takes out her phone. She types out a message for Lexa but quickly decides against it and tries another message. This happens a couple more times before she locks her phone and just gives up. Instead she has another idea. Taking out her sketchbook from her bag, she scribbles a message on the last page and closes it again.

They pull up into the private section of the airport, which allows them the privacy of saying goodbye without the media frenzy. Lincoln and Anya unload the suitcases and drag them inside as Clarke, Abby, Raven, Octavia and the other agents follow. The suitcases are taken to the counter where they’re weighed and tagged while the others start to say their goodbyes.

Abby immediately pulls her daughter into a hug. “I love you, sweetie.”

Clarke tightens the hug, “I love you too.”

Octavia and Raven are also hugging. No words are exchanged though because they both know that they’d be reduced to tears if they start talking. But they both know that they are loved and they’ll be missed more than words can explain.

“Call me when you can,” Abby whispers. “Or text or email, just let me know that you’ve landed safely.”

“I will,” Clarke mumbles.

Abby pulls back from the hug, moving to rest her hands on her daughter’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” Clarke smiles as a few tears trickle down her cheek. “But I promise to call you when I can. We’ll keep our routine,” she smiles.

Abby lets out a small sigh and smiles. Stepping back, she lets Octavia say her goodbye as she goes to say goodbye to Raven.

As Clarke and Octavia hug again no words are exchanged between the two best friends. The _I love you_ and _I’ll miss you_ are carried through the hug as both women only tighten their hold around each other.

When it’s time to actually go, Clarke excuses herself from the group and walks over to Anya. She holds out her hand, “Thank you Agent Carson.”

Anya smiles and accepts the handshake. “It’s been my pleasure.”

Clarke nods. She reaches into her bag and takes out her sketchbook. “Will you…” She pauses to take a deep breath. “Can you give this to her, please?” Clarke holds out the sketchbook towards Anya.

Anya knows she should say no but she finds herself taking the sketchbook from Clarke. “I’ll get it to her.”

“Thank you.”

“Have a safe flight and good luck in Jordan.”

Clarke nods and returns back to the group to exchange another round of quick hugs and goodbyes. She and Raven then reluctantly start to make their way through check in and eventually past the point of no return.

“LOVE YOU MUM!” Clarke calls out as she waves.

Abby waves back. “Love you too!”

Clarke and Raven walk backwards until Abby and Octavia are completely out of sight. Part of Clarke keeps her eye out for Lexa, to see if that by any chance, she’s going to come running through the doors. But this wasn’t a movie, she wasn’t going to get the girl this time. When they can no longer see them and turn back and continue to walk properly. Raven slings an arm around Clarke and smiles, “Jordan, here we come."

"Jordan here we come," Clarke repeats. 

 

* * *

 

For the first time in a very long time, Lexa sleeps in (but it’s a sleep in by her standards, which only really means 8am). Her mind is heavy with thoughts of Clarke, the past three weeks and her suspension. She stays in bed, just starring up at the ceiling in an attempt to quiet her mind. It’s not like she had anywhere to be today, or for the next month for that matter. But it’s not even fifteen minutes later that she’s bored and decides to get out of bed.

She was now officially on her suspension. After she had left Clarke’s room the following night she went to return her gun and badge, not wanting to come into the White House the following day. She had no idea what she was going to do now, she’s never been in a situation like this. If you told Lexa that she was going to be suspended for falling for the president’s daughter just a month earlier, she would have laughed in your face. But here she was.

Fixing herself a cup of coffee, she contemplates what she’s going to do for the month. There was no way she was going to sit around and do nothing. Her mind, body and soul would not let that happen, she’s always been one to be always doing _something._ The thought of a holiday was definitely appealing but with no where she really wants to go, she disregards the idea for the time being.

She picks up her phone to check her messages.

 

> **Anya Carson 5:45AM  
>  ** Clarke gave me something to give to you. I'll bring it home tonight.
> 
> **Anya Carson 6:01AM  
>  ** Also don’t sit around on your ass all day, go out, do something. I don’t want to come home and find you in a mess in front of the TV.
> 
> **Anya Carson 6:19AM  
>  ** But you know, if you need me just give me a call.

Lexa chooses ignore the messages for the time being, Anya would totally understand. After a light breakfast Lexa finds herself toying with her car keys, deciding on how she was going to spend the day. With no real destination in mind, Lexa gets into her car and drives. It’s surprisingly a nice feeling, driving without a destination. In this moment Lexa is free, something she hasn’t been in a long time. No rules, no protocols, no responsibilities to anyone other than herself. Though liberating, it was definitely a big change for Lexa, which caused her stomach to turn.

Maybe it was a subconscious thing but Lexa finds herself driving to the lookout point. She parks in the same spot as she did the last time she was here, but doesn’t get out of her car straight away. It’s a solid twenty minutes before she opens the door and walks right up to the edge of the lookout point. With only a few other people there it’s nice and quiet. The perfect place to settle her thoughts.

Lexa takes a seat on the bench and leans back. She tries to focus on the rustling of the leaves, the motorway below her and even the chit chat of the other people at the lookout point but everything leads back to Clarke. She replays Clarke’s smile, her laugh, the low husky voice in her mind over and over. She remembers how Clarke's lips felt against her own, the hot breaths, the way Clarke held her when they were together.

The silence is soon filled with Anya’s ringtone. Lexa picks it up, but doesn’t say anything.

“ _You okay?”_ Anya asks.

“Yes.”

“ _Really?”_

Lexa stays silent at first. “I…”

“ _It’s okay if you’re not.”_

“I’ll be okay,” Lexa says. “Eventually.”

“ _I just wanted to check in. Do you need anything?”_

“No, no it's okay. Thanks Anya. I’ll see you back at home.”

“ _Just… take care of yourself, okay? Bye Lexa.”_

Lexa hangs up the call and returns back to trying to settle her mind. It’s nearing lunch time when she decides to leave the lookout point. With not much progress on clearing her mind, she takes a different route home. The driving definitely helps, but there was only so many hours she could do before it got tiresome. She finds herself driving by  _Grounders_ (the bar that they had taken Clarke to earlier in her visit) and takes a pit stop.

Walking into the bar there are already quite a few people there having lunch. Though a bar, _Grounders_ was also a hot spot for lunch - being famous for their steak sandwiches. 

“Lexa!” Nyko calls out from behind the bar.

Lexa smiles and walks up to the bar. She takes a seat, “Hey Nyko.”

“What brings you here? Treating the president’s daughter to the best steak sandwiches in DC?”

Lexa lets out a small laugh before shaking her head. She sighs, “No.”

“Are you here alone?” he asks.

Lexa nods.

“It’s a rare day to see you have a day off,” he laughs.

Lexa clears her throat. Nyko has always been someone who she’s been comfortable with. He’s been supportive since the day she’s met him ans she trusted him whole heartedly. She lets out a small sigh, “I’m suspended.”

Nyko inhales sharply at the news. He would have called Lexa out, saying that it wasn’t funny to joke about something like that but with the way Lexa was sitting and her general facial expression, he realises that it wasn't a joke. “Do you want some lunch?” he asks.

Lexa nods again, grateful that he doesn’t press further. “Thanks, Nyko.”

Over lunch, Lexa finds herself telling Nyko all about it. It helps, telling someone who has no ties to the situation. Nyko doesn’t judge, doesn’t waver on the decisions Lexa’s made, he just listens. He listens, he reassures her that she can get through this.

“Sounded like you really fell for her,” Nyko whispers.

Lexa has her elbows up on the bar and drops her head into her hands, “I did.”

“So she’s gone now?”

Lexa nods but doesn’t look up. “She left this morning. Now I’m on a month’s suspensions and I know I’m going to go crazy if I don’t find something to do in the meantime.”

“Well…” Nyko trails off.

Lexa looks up from her hands, curious to see what Nyko has to say.

“Why don’t you work here for the time being?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you guys again at the end of the week xx


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're well! happy reading xx

** \- EIGHT MONTHS LATER - **

Raven comes out of the bathroom and settles back in her seat, across from Clarke. “It’s decided, I’m never riding on a commercial plane ever again,” she declares. “Private jets are the way to go.”

Clarke laughs and returns back to writing in her notebook. They were on their way back to DC to surprise her mum for her birthday. Clarke has just under a week before she has to fly out again. But she’s missed her mother’s birthday for the past three years, so this was something she really wanted to do. Six hours into the flight and Clarke’s been working on a speech that she was going to give at the party. 

Coming to DC was a difficult decision. Despite her mum being there, it’s been eight months since everything happened. Eight months she’s left _her._ Eight months and still, Lexa occupies her mind.

“Are you going to be okay seeing her again?” Raven asks.

Clarke closes her notebook and sighs. “I honestly don’t know.”

They land just before 5am. Clarke’s been in close contact with Anya – asking the agent to help her get to DC without her mum finding out. Anya was reluctant at first because it meant lying to her boss. But decided to assist since she knew Clarke was going to come with or without her help. At least this way Anya was able to oversee and ensure Clarke’s safety on her travels.

Clarke’s been preparing herself the entire plane ride to seeing Lexa again. She’s all sorts of nervous and scared because she has no idea how it’s going to be between the two them. Whether her snap decision to go to Jordan was the right one, Clarke found herself in a place where she was able to heal. Not completely, since the feelings were definitely still there, but to the point where she was able to hold onto the few goods days they had. She only hoped that Lexa had also found such a place to do the same.

When they step out of the plane, Clarke spots the SUV immediately. She falters at the end of the steps, almost causing Raven to run into her.

“You okay there, Griffin?” Raven asks. When there’s no reply she follows Clarke’s line of sight, which leads her to the parked SUV. That’s when Raven realises what’s got her best friend seemingly stunned. “Come on, there’s no point delaying the inevitable.”

Clarke manages to continue walking, her eyes never leaving the car. Soon enough the doors are opening and she sees two people walking towards her. Anya and someone who isn’t Lexa (Luna – if Clarke remembers correctly.) Clarke should be relieved that Lexa isn’t here, but she isn’t. She swallows the ache in her chest for the time being and walks over to her agents. Clarke holds out her hand, “Agent Carson, it’s good to see you again.”

Anya smiles and accepts the handshake. “You too, Clarke.” She motions over to Luna, “If you recall, this is Agent Luna Lewis. She’ll be on your security detail for the week with me.”

Clarke manages to ignore the pang in her chest and extends her hand to Luna. “It’s good to see you again, Agent Lewis.”

“Likewise,” Luna replies. She turns to Raven, “Good Morning Miss Reyes. I hope you two had a good flight.”

“We did,” Raven grins. “Thank you.”

The four of them make small talk as they wait for the bags to be unloaded. Anya fills Clarke in about her mother’s birthday party (which was the following night).  Anya and Luna also ask Clarke and Raven about what they have planned for their stay, just so they can make the appropriate arrangements as soon as possible.

It honestly takes everything in Clarke to not ask Anya about Lexa. As far as she knows Lexa was still Anya’s partner when she left DC. But with Luna being here it must have meant something happened. The curiosity slowly eats away at her but she manages to keep it to herself, only hoping that she’d get some answers soon.

Once they’re in the car, Raven is immediately starts a Facetime call with Octavia. “She’s going to hate us for not telling her that we were coming,” Raven says.

“She won’t,” Clarke laughs as she focuses her attention to the screen. “I just hope she’ll have some free time, I read that the _Adina’s_ here is really kicking off–”

Clarke is cut off when Octavia’s face hits the screen. “ _Sup_? _”_ Octavia answers.

“Oh not much,” Raven replies. She flips the camera over so that Octavia could see that they were in the city.

“ _OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?”_ Octavia yells.

Raven quickly flips the camera back over to the front facing camera. “DC!”

“ _You’re in DC?! BOTH OF YOU?! And you’re only telling me this now?!”_

Clarke nods. “We are. Sorry O, it was a very last minute decision but I wanted to come and surprise my mum for her birthday.”

“ _Oh you perfect daughter,”_ Octavia smiles. “ _No, I’m really happy to hear that you guys are–”_ Octavia suddenly stops as her attention is pulled away to someone else. She looks back into the camera, “ _Sorry guys, hold on a second.”_

Raven and Clarke both nod but Octavia has already put down the phone. They wait patiently for her to come back, hearing parts of the conversation she was having with (presumably) one of her co-workers. “ _Yeah I’m just talking… I can… You sure?... Okay… Yeah just call me if you need me.”_

When Octavia comes back she offers a small smile. “ _Hey, sorry.”_

“It’s fine,” Clarke reassures. “Have we told you recently how proud we are of you?”

Octavia blushes at the compliment. “ _Not today,”_ she laughs. 

“So when are you going to have some free time?” Raven asks. “I miss your little face.”

_“I’m working all today and tonight but I have tomorrow completely off. Clarke, your mum invited me to her birthday party.”_

“She did?” Clarke asks, a little surprised.

“ _Yeah, we’re… friends?”_ Octavia laughs as if she’s a little unsure. “ _She comes to the restaurant every couple of weeks.”_

“So are we going to see you in action?” Raven asks.

“ _How long are you guys here for?”_

Clarke sighs a little, “Just under a week.”

_“That’s not very long,”_ Octavia whispers. There’s a pause between the three friends. “ _But we’ll make the most of it,”_ Octavia continues. “ _Like we always do.”_

Raven nods. “Like we also do.”

“ _Hey, so I have to get back to work. But I’ll call you guys tonight and we’ll plan something for tomorrow.”_

“Sounds perfect,” Clarke smiles. “Bye O.”

“ _Bye guys!”_

When they arrive at the White House, the first thing Clarke wants to do is go see her mum. Of course they’ve talked whilst she was overseas but that could never really compare to being with each other in real life. So Anya guides her towards the Oval Office whilst Luna escorts Raven to the bedroom. Not much has changed since the last time she was here so Clarke still has a good sense of where she was going.

When they reach their destination, Maya tells Abby that Anya is there to see her over the phone intercom. When they are given the all clear, Clarke thanks Maya quietly and walks over to the office door. She takes a deep breath in and opens it. When she walks in her mum hasn’t looked up from her laptop.

“Agent Carson, what can I do for you?”

Clarke can’t help but smile. “Mum.”

Abby immediately looks up and gasps. “CLARKE?!” She’s up out of her chair and jogging over to her daughter.

Clarke meets her half way and pulls her mum into a hug. Despite the obvious and actually seeing her mum again, one of Clarke’s favourite things about their reunions was their first hug. In this moment, the amount of love Clarke felt from her mum was one of her favourite feelings in the world. It was in this moment where she felt like she was _home._

“How… What are you doing here?” Abby asks without breaking the hug.

Clarke breaks the hug to look into her mother’s eyes. She could see that her mum was trying her best to hold back the tears. “Happy early birthday, mum,” she smiles. “I wasn’t going to miss this year.”

“Oh sweetie,” Abby sighs, bringing her daughter in for another hug. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too, mum. Me too.”

Abby manages to move her mornings meetings to later in the afternoon so she’s able to catch up with her daughter. The Griffin women stay in the Oval Office talking about everything and anything. They laugh, they cry, they the stories they haven’t shared yet from the past eight months. As usual, Clarke tells her mum about the people she’s met, the new experiences she’s had and the things she’s learnt. 

Raven joins them for lunch just before noon. The conversation turns to how long she and Clarke are in DC for. When Abby learns that they’re barely here for a week, there’s a small pang in her chest. A week was not enough time. But she understood and turned the small negative into appreciating the fact that they were here in the first place.

During lunch Clarke sees Anya, Lincoln, Gustus, Echo and Luna again, but still, no Lexa. It’s still eating away at her. But she has no idea who she can ask. Would Anya tell her? Would her mum tell her? Should she risk it and ask one of the other agents? Did they know what had happened eight months earlier? Of there was always the most obvious option; should she just call Lexa herself?

After lunch Abby has to return to work, but promises to be finish in time for dinner. Clarke isn’t bothered too much, especially since she was the one who had come back to DC unannounced. She and Raven spend the afternoon in the gardens, still feeling pretty tired from the plane ride (but definitely knew better than to try and sleep it off in the middle of the day).

Clarke continues to work on her speech, but is easily distracted by the clouds. She doesn’t get a lot written considering that the only thing on her mind is Lexa. Clarke really thinks about whether or not she should seek answers. She still cares, so much. Eight months doesn’t change the fact that she started to fall for her agent. Eight months only solidified her feelings. Eight months only made her realise that she wanted so much more with Lexa.

Raven’s working away on her laptop. “You’re thinking is so loud Clarke,” she says, not looking up from the screen.

“Sorry,” Clarke whispers.

“If you’re thinking about _her_ , I haven’t seen her around either.”

Clarke’s not surprised that Raven knows what she’s thinking. She sighs, “It’s just killing me not knowing.”

“The feelings never really left, huh?”

Clarke shakes her head.

Raven offers a smile, “Well we’re here for a week, you could always go see her.”

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“And what if she does?” Raven counters back.

Clarke slumps into her chair and just runs her fingers through her hair. Her mind preoccupies itself with memories of Mount Weather. For the past eight months she’s replayed the secret kisses, the hugs and the quiet moments they shared. It was these moments that helped her through the long days, through the nights she couldn’t sleep. It was her memories of Lexa that she turned to when things got tough overseas.

Raven breaks the silence, “Call her, Clarke. What do you have to lose?”

“ _Her,”_ Clarke whispers. “Again.”

“Then don’t make the same mistakes as last time.”

Clarke nods. She takes out her phone from her pocket and scrolls through her contacts till she reaches Lexa’s name. She just stares at the number, her breathing become a little more rapid. Her finger is mere millimetres over the call icon, but as the seconds drag on the further her finger retreats. _Not yet._

 

* * *

 

Before dinner, Raven decides to take a shower to wake herself up a little. During this time Clarke decides to take a walk through the White House. She knew that if she was to lie down then her body would betray her and would not let her get up for the rest of the day.

She says hello to the few staff who she remembers and also bumps into Marcus Kane who she talks to for a couple of minutes. Clarke was just passing the time, waiting for her mum to finish work so they could have dinner together. As she finishes her lap, Clarke starts to head back towards her room when she walks by Anya.

“Agent Carson.”

“Clarke, hello. Did you need something?”

_Yes._ “No,” Clarke smiles. “Just walking to keep myself up.”

A small awkward silence falls between the two of them. As Clarke is just about to excuse herself, Anya speaks up. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Ah…”

Anya points to the door just down the hall. “The agent’s lounge is just down there; I was just going to make myself a cup.”

“Sure.”

They walk down the hall, not saying anything. When they reach the door Anya opens it, gesturing for Clarke to walk in first. “Take a seat,” Anya says. “It won’t be long. Cream and sugar?”

“Black will be fine,” Clarke replies. She wanders over to one of the couches and takes a seat.

Anya hands over a mug a couple minutes later and takes a seat on the opposite couch. She brings the coffee to her lips and takes a tentative sip. “Are you still working in Jordan?”

Clarke shakes her head. “We were in Jordan for about four months then we were moved to the Philippines but we just finished up there as well. Now we’re setting up camp in Burma, that’s where Raven and I are heading after this week.”

“I don’t know if I told you this last time you were here but what you’re doing is admirable,” Anya comments.

“Thanks, Anya. How’s DC been?”

Anya shrugs a little. “The same… other than the obvious, really.”

“And what’s that?” Clarke asks, raising an eyebrow.

Anya takes another drink of coffee and just hums in response. When she places her mug back on the coffee table she gives Clarke a knowing look. “You know… if you want to ask about Lexa, just do it.”

“Are you really going to tell me anything though?”

“Only what you already know,” Anya replies.

Clarke shoots Anya a confused look. “And what do I already know?”

Anya sits back in the couch, watching Clarke. She couldn’t tell if the woman in front of her was just testing her or if she really didn’t know.

“Is it Lexa?” Clarke asks. “Is she… Where…” she stumbles on her words. “I… I thought I would have at least seen her once today.”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“What?”

Anya lets out a deep breath. She was honestly expecting for Clarke to already know. But for reason Anya tells her, “Lexa’s no longer on your mum’s security detail.”

Clarke sits up straighter. “WHAT?!” she yells. “Since when?” Anya remains silent, which gives Clarke the answer. _Since you left._ Her heart skips a beat and a sinking feeling in her gut forms as she tries to process the fact that Lexa wasn’t an agent anymore because of what happened between them. “What happened?”

“That I can’t tell you.”

“Anya–”

Anya shakes her head. “No, Clarke. It’s not my story to tell.”

Clarke stops. Anya was right, there was only one person she wanted to hear this story from. She only hopes that she isn’t too late. “Can you at least tell me if she’s still in DC?” Clarke asks.

Anya nods.

Clarke lets out a small sigh of relief because with that, her decision is made. She would find a way to get back into Lexa’s life, as long as the woman wanted to let her back in. Clarke doesn’t push for anymore answers from Anya, knowing very well that the relationship between Anya and Lexa would still be unbelievably strong. Instead she replies with a slight nod and a quiet “Thank you.”

The two of them finish their coffee with talk of Abby’s birthday party. It was the following night. The party wasn’t anything too lavish. It was just a couple hundred people, mostly family, friends and colleagues who would come together for dinner and an easy night. Clarke excuses herself for dinner about fifteen minutes later. She finds Raven in her room, half asleep on the bed.

“Sleeeeeeeeep,” Raven groans.

Clarke laughs and helps her best friend to her feet. “Soon, I promise. Dinner first, then you can crash.”

Raven huffs in response but manages to start walking. When they reach the dining room they don’t have to wait long for Abby to arrive as well. It’s just the three of them for dinner tonight, an easy conversation flowing through the women as they are served their food.

“So how long are you working in Burma for?” Abby asks.

“If all goes to plan about four months…” Raven trails off. “So up until February.”

Abby turns to her daughter, “So you won’t be here for Christmas or New Years?”

Clarke shakes her head apologetically. “Sorry mum.”

“That’s okay,” Abby reassures. “I just wanted to make sure. You don’t have to apologise, you’re out their helping so much people.” She turns to Raven as well, “You both are helping so much people and I am beyond proud of the both of you.”

“Thanks mum." 

“Thanks Abby.”

Abby offers another small and reassuring smile. She lifts her drink to her lips and asks, “Have you made any decisions on what you’re going to do after Burma?”

Clarke lets out a deep sigh, she knew that this question was going to come sooner or later. “Not yet. But like always, I’ll let you know when I know.”

Abby nods and turns to Raven.

“I’ll most likely keep going with Doctors without Borders,” Raven replies. “I can’t see myself doing anything but that for now.”

“What about the surgery?” Abby asks.

“Mum–” Clarke cuts in. The surgery was still a sensitive topic between the two best friends. It’s been brought up a couple of times in the past few months but the conversations always ended the same. 

“It’s okay, Clarke,” Raven says. She turns to Abby, “I have stayed in contact with the doc, but the surgery is still very risky. There hasn’t been much progress since the last time I saw her.”

Abby nods. “But is your leg okay to keep going? How’s the pain? Wasn’t it hurting last time?”

“It’s manageable,” Raven says.

“Raven–”

“Really Abby, it’s fine.” Raven lets out a small sigh, “I just, I’m not ready. The meds I’m on now help a lot and plus,” she smiles as she turns to Clarke, “I’ve got Clarke by my side almost 24/7 so if anything happens to me I know I’ll be in good hands.”

“Okay,” Abby smiles. “I just worry about you too, you’re like a second daughter to me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know and I appreciate it so much. But I’ll be fine.”

Abby lifts her glass towards the centre of the table, “To…” she stops, trying to decide what to toast to.

“ _Family,”_ Clarke finishes.

“Family,” both Raven and Abby repeat as they clink their glasses together.

For the next hour or so, Raven shares her stories from Jordan and the Philippines. She tells Abby about the kids she’s met, the weekly football games they had and the little mischievous things they got up to with the locals when they weren’t working. She tells her stories and Abby really sees why Raven is so passionate about the program. Soon enough the tiredness catches up to Raven though, and that’s when she excuses herself for the night.

The Griffin women move their conversation to Abby’s private porch. They have tea brought up with them as they settle side by side. Clarke leans her head on her mother’s shoulders, the tiredness creeping up on her as well. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?” Clarke yawns.

Abby hums in response. “I was thinking about visiting your father’s grave in the morning. Would you like to come?”

“Of course,” Clarke whispers.

“And then I have a brunch with Callie and a few other ladies. Would you like to come to that?”

“No, I don’t want to intrude,” Clarke replies. “You can have lunch with your friends, Raven and I can catch up with Octavia during that time. I don’t have anything planned for the rest of the week, so we can spend some time together whenever you’re free.”

“I’d love that,” Abby smiles as she goes to kiss her daughter’s temple. “What did you have in mind?”

Clarke smiles. “I have no idea, but I’ll think of something,” she laughs.

From here they simply fall into the moment of being together again. They talk about the little things, like how long Clarke’s hair has become, the few scars that have turned up on her body, the latest family gossip, Abby’s birthday party, who’s coming to the party and occasionally even pointing out a few of the constellations they spot in the night sky.

They talk about everything but the one thing Clarke is itching to ask about. It’s like they both know the other is thinking about it, but it was muddy waters in terms of how either of them would react to having it brought up again. Clarke wants Lexa back in her life and she’s ready to fight. She should have been ready to fight eight months ago but there was no point dwelling on the past. What mattered was now and what Clarke was going to do _now_.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Clarke works up the strength to ask. “Mum…” she breathes quietly, so much so that Abby almost didn’t hear it. Her was racing, her mouth suddenly going dry and the lump in her throat only growing.

“ _She_ doesn’t work for me anymore, Clarke,” Abby whispers.

Clarke lifts her head off her mother’s shoulder and turns her whole body towards her mother. “What happened?”

Abby looks into the pool of blue eyes before her. Eyes so blue, so clear that she could tell that the things between her daughter and Lexa never _really_ ended all those months before. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… You should talk to her.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow. “You’re really telling me to talk to her?”

“Yes,” Abby nods. “The issue was never with Lexa, Clarke. She’s a great person. The problem was with her position and the lines that you both crossed. She was a great agent, but now that she’s not working for me anymore I can’t stop you from talking to her. And I can see that you still care about her, you still carry what happened all those months ago with you.”

“She’s not an agent anymore because of me,” Clarke whispers. “I ruined her career.”

Abby shakes her head. “Don’t jump to any conclusions. You should find her, talk to her.”

“I want to; trust me I do.” Clarke pauses. “But I’m scared, what if she wants nothing to do with me?”

“And what if she still feels something for you?”

“What if she doesn’t even want to see me?”

“Oh sweetie,” Abby sighs. She grabs her daughter’s hands, holding them in between her own. “You need to stop always jumping to the negative. You will not know how’s she’s feeling until you talk to her. Talk to her, find out what she’s thinking then move from there.”

Clarke nods, processing her mother’s words. She was right, there was no way Clarke was going to make the same mistake as last time and just walk away. This time she’d actually talk to Lexa.

“She’ll be at the party tomorrow,” Abby whispers.

“What? You’re still in contact with her?”

“Yes and no… she’s…” Abby stumbles on her words and takes a second to figure out what she’s going to say. “Look Clarke, I can’t say anything without overstepping.”

“Mum…

“Just trust me, Clarke. Find her tomorrow, talk to her.”

Clarke just nods in response, turning back in her chair to star up at the night sky.

Before going to her own room, Clarke stops by Raven’s. A small smile creeps on her lips as she spots her best friend sound asleep. Clarke approaches the bed, fixes the blanket slightly before leaving the room quietly. Once ready for bed herself, Clarke finds herself starring at Lexa’s number once again.

Clarke hits call.

She didn’t want to ambush Lexa at the party. Clarke wanted to let Lexa know that she was back and ask if they could talk while she was here. She wanted Lexa to be fully prepared to see her again, no surprises. The dial tone continues to play and when it stops Clarke’s breathing stops momentarily, waiting to hear Lexa’s voice again. But it never comes.

“ _The number you have dialled has been disconnected.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts? feelings? where do you guys think lexa is?
> 
> i mean part of me feels like its obvious where lexa is but the other part of me is going to hold onto the hope that it's still at least a bit of a surprise when you guys find out?anyways, we'll see
> 
> see you again in a week :)


	18. chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy reading! :)

By 8am the following morning, Clarke and Abby are on their way to Jake’s grave. Lincoln and Gustus drive them from one SUV whilst Anya and Luna follow right behind in another. Raven was still fast asleep, so Clarke left her best friend a note explaining where she was going and when she’ll be back. When they arrive at the cemetery, Abby and Clarke buy an arrangement of flowers from the store before taking the short walk to Jake’s grave.

Clarke takes the flowers and places them just in front of the tombstone. She traces her dad’s name, one letter at a time with a small smile. “Hey dad.” She stands back up and takes a seat next to her mum on the bench. The two of them take in the site before them. The lake, the clear blue sky, the ducks waddling their way through the water.

Clarke reaches over and gives her mum’s hand a light squeeze. “Happy birthday, mum,” she smiles.

Abby smiles back and keeps her daughter’s hand within her own. They don’t talk about anything. They sit and they listen to the birds in the trees, the traffic coming from the main road and the ducks in the lake. For Clarke it’s been eight months since she’s visited her dad and for Abby it would have been just a little less than that. Whenever Clarke flew out for Doctors without Borders, Abby would come visit and ask Jake to look out for their daughter while she was gone.

When it’s time to go Abby is in one SUV to go have brunch with her friends whilst Clarke is in the other and back to the White House. Clarke gives Octavia a call to see where they were going out for brunch and lets her know when they should be ready. Once back at the White House Clarke goes go check on Raven – who luckily enough is already awake and almost ready to go out.

“How was it?” Raven asks.

“Good,” Clarke smiles. “Peaceful, quiet, nice. Whenever I’m there everything else just washes away for the time being.”

Raven steps forward and pulls her best friend into a hug. She only tightens the hug once she feels Clarke completely relax into the hug. They stay like this for a few more moments before Raven slowly breaks the contact. “Let’s go see Octavia.”

Anya drives them to a small low-key café Octavia has suggested. When they step inside, the smell of fresh bread lingers through the air, accompanied by the brew of fresh coffee. Light chatter fills the room that’s decorated in low hanging lights, flowers and a lot of wooden furniture. The natural light shines through the windows, giving the café and overall warm and homey feel to it.

Anya points out Octavia to Clarke and Raven. She and Luna then proceed to take their positions close by.

Clarke spots Octavia, over by the corner of the café which is a little more secluded. Her best friend’s back is to them so Clarke uses this opportunity to sneak up on Octavia. Placing her hands right over Octavia’s eyes, Clarke smiles. “Guess who!”

Octavia brings her own hands up to feel the one’s in front of her eyes. “Hmm, soft and delicate hands… Definitely not Raven,” she laughs.  

“Hey!” Raven yells.

Octavia laughs. Pushing Clarke’s hands away she stands up and pulls her two best friends into a hug. “God I can’t believe you guys didn’t fucking tell me you were coming!"

“It’s good to see you too,” Clarke laughs.

“Speak for yourself,” Raven smirks.

“Shut up,” Octavia smiles. “You love me.”

“Arguable,” Raven smirks.

The three women take a seat and go through the menu almost immediately. After ten or so minutes their waitress takes their order and they fall into easy conversation. Like usual they talk about what they’ve been up to since the last time they spoke to each other (which was only just over a week ago). Octavia lets them know when she’ll be free during the week so they can spend some time with each other.

“If it wasn’t already a given, Raven and I are coming to Adina’s one night before we go. We need to see you in action,” Clarke says as she picks at the remainder of her food.

Octavia settles her knife and fork on her empty plate. She places one hand over her heart and smiles. “I would be honoured to cook for the president’s daughter. What day do you leave?”

“Wednesday evening,” Raven replies softly.

“How about Monday night?”

Clarke brings her napkin to wipe her mouth and nods.

Octavia turns to Clarke slightly, “Hey there’s something I have to tell you–”

Placing the napkin on the table, Clarke smiles. “Can it hold on a second? I have to use the bathroom.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.”

Clarke heads to the bathroom. Once she’s done she makes her way back to her table and really takes in the surroundings of the café. Her heart warms at the sight of the baby laughing at absolutely nothing, she spots an elderly couple casually eating off each other’s dishes and a group of friends all on their phones. Clarke’s eyes wander to the café window, watching the people pass by.

That’s when she spots a familiar face. _Aden._

The younger boy instantly smiles and waves, so Clarke does the same. But her smile fades when she sees who he’s with. Clarke’s heart skips a beat when blue eyes meet with green for the first time in eight months. They hold each other’s stare as Clarke becomes frozen where she is. She sees Aden asking Lexa something which she just responds with a small nod. Aden then comes through the café door and towards Clarke.

“Hey buddy,” Clarke smiles.

“Clarke! I didn’t know you were in DC.”

“I just got back yesterday,” Clarke replies.

“Is my sister–”

“ _Aden_?” Clarke and Aden both turn to see Anya approaching. “What are you doing here I thought you were with…” Anya trails off.

“Aunt Lex and Costia are just outside. I saw Clarke and wanted to say hello,” Aden replies.

Clarke’s eyes inadvertently return to the window, where she did in fact see Lexa and Costia talking. There’s a deep pang in her chest. The first thing that runs through her mind is that Lexa still looked absolutely stunning. The second thing that crosses her mind was Lexa’s and Costia’s history. Despite what they’ve both told her about their relationship, Clarke soon finds herself feeling very anxious. What if things between the two of them had changed whilst she was gone?

Anya places one hand on Aden’s shoulder. “Hey buddy, why don’t you say goodbye to Clarke now? She’s got to get back to her friends and I’m sure Aunt Lex has something planned for you guys today.”

Aden frowns and little nods. He turns to Clarke and smiles, “Bye, I hope you have a good day.”

“See you, Aden. Have a good day too.”

And with that Aden is running back out of the café. Clarke watches him the entire way, until he reaches Lexa and Costia. But even then her eyes can’t seem to look away. When Costia looks through the window she sends a smile and small wave to Clarke. Clarke does the same, as her heart only pounds harder in her chest. For a second she thinks that maybe they’re going to come into the café but then they walk past the door and are completely out of sight.

Clarke lets out a small sigh and turns back to Anya.

Anya offers an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Clarke lies. “She… Lexa changed her number?”

Anya nods. “It’s part of protocol."

“No chance I’m going to get it from you, am I?”

“Not unless she says that it’s okay.” Anya pauses. “Would you like me to ask?”

“Please,” Clarke nods. “Or just… let her know that I’d really like to talk to her, if she’ll hear me out.”

Anya simply nods and Clarke returns to Raven and Octavia.

Octavia places her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “You okay?”

“You saw?”

“Clarke,” Octavia sighs. “I–”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Clarke smiles. She runs her fingers through her hair and takes a few more deep breaths. “I’m okay, I just, she’s going to be at the party tonight and hopefully I can get talk to her then. For now, I just want to enjoy that we’re all together again.”

Octavia lets out a small sigh but smiles. “Okay, we can do that.”

So Clarke, Raven and Octavia stay at the café for another half an hour before they are driven back to the White House. They make a quick pit stop at Octavia’s place, allowing her to grab her dress, shoes and everything else she needs to get ready for the birthday party.

When they get back to the White House the three best friends move into the rumpus room and start a game of pool. No alcohol this time though. Instead Octavia surprises both her friends and explains the proper rules to play billiards. After a couple of rounds both Clarke and Raven decide that they don’t like the proper rules and decide to stick to their own version.

By 4pm they make their way back to their bedrooms to start getting ready for the party. Just like before the gala, they help each other with hair and makeup and accessorising their outfit. Rihanna’s ANTI album plays on repeat in the background to keep the energy up.

Once they’re all ready, Clarke tells her friends that she’ll be back in a moment. She makes her way to her mum’s room with a small blue box in her hands. Giving three knocks at the door she waits to here for a response before going in. When Clarke enters the room she can see the hair and makeup team just packing away their things.

Abby steps out of her wardrobe, having just put on her dress. “Hey sweetie.”

“Hey mum,” Clarke smiles. “You look amazing.”

“You too, sweetie.”

Clarke walks towards her mum and holds up the box. “I wanted to give you your gift.”

“Aww, Clarke you didn’t have to get me anything.” Abby walks over to her daughter, “You being here is more than enough.”

Clarke doesn’t say anything, simply pushing the box more towards her mum.

“Thank you,” Abby smiles as she takes the box. She pulls at the ribbon slowly until she’s able to take the lid off the box. When Abby opens the box she’s immediately taken back at the necklace that sat inside. She brings it up a little, “Oh this is beautiful, Clarke,” she says as she traces the pendent with her index finger. The pendent consisted of three discs that were different sizes, but fit together nicely. And on each disc name a name on it; _Abby, Jake, Clarke._ Abby slowly pulls the necklace out of the box and looks up to her daughter, “Will you put it on for me?”

“Of course.” Clarke takes the necklace and moves around her mum. Pushing the hair to one side so she can clasp the necklace together she smiles.

Abby turns back around and pulls her daughter in for a hug. “I love it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Clarke whispers against her mother’s shoulders.

 

* * *

 

By the time they reach the function centre, the place is buzzing with excitement. Security is extremely tight even though it was a low key party (by presidential standards), the guests enter in at a steady rate, the band plays mellow tunes in an attempt to maintain the atmosphere and waiters are serving drinks and canapés.

The first thing that occurs are the official photos. Clarke gets photos taken with her mum, as does Raven and Octavia. But after that the three best friends head into the crowd and start to mingle, leaving Abby to take photos with the rest of her guests. Raven splits from her friends once she spots a couple of the NASA women she met at the gala eight months ago. Octavia takes off once she sees Indra by the bar. And Clarke finds herself talking to her mother’s best friend; Callie.

Clarke tries her best not to check for Lexa every time she sees a flash of brown hair (but fails). There is no denying that Clarke was super anxious for the party. Her mum had told her that Lexa was going to be here tonight and she had no idea how she was going to approach the woman. What worried Clarke the most was that she would freeze on the spot just like she did earlier in the day when she saw Lexa.

When Abby is done with the photos everyone is called to their seats. Marcus Kane was the party’s host, starting the night with a short and sweet speech to honour Abby. When he’s done he holds up his champagne glass in the air, waiting for everyone else to follow. “To Abby, happy birthday!” he cheers.

“TO ABBY!” the crowd cheers back.

During the four course meal stories are shared, videos are played and there are performances from an array of people. But as the time passes Clarke grows a little more restless, still having not seen Lexa all night. She was counting on the woman coming tonight, because if she didn’t Clarke wouldn’t have any other way to get in contact with her. And the chances of her running into Lexa out and about again were slim to none.

As dessert is being served, that’s when Clarke sees her. Across the room Lexa strides past the other guest with ease. She occasionally stops to say hello to a few people but continues on, clearly with a destination in mind. Dressed in a sleeveless, flowy navy blue dress, Clarke’s jaw almost hits the table. Clarke’s only ever seen Lexa in suits and a few casual outfits, so tonight’s look quite literally takes her breath away.

Lexa continues to make her way through the crowd. But then Clarke sees her come to a stop to a group of people who she doesn’t recognise. Well, that is until Lexa taps one of them on the shoulder and Costia turns around. Clarke watches Costia seemingly introduce Lexa to the group, all smiling and laughing. Her heart sinks a little. She was really starting to think that she was too late.

Octavia notices Clarke’s glum expression and leans over. “Is everything okay?”

Clarke closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. She motions her head towards where Lexa was.

“Oh,” Octavia whispers as she spots Lexa and Costia.

“Yeah,” Clarke sighs.

“What are you going to do?”

Clarke shrugs. “I need to talk to her, but what if…” she trails off. Clarke thinks back to the night of the gala and conversation she had with Costia. Costia had said that she and Lexa could only ever be just friends, but who knows what could have happened in the eight months she was gone. Things can change, people can change, _feelings_ can change.

“What if…” Octavia repeats.

“What if she and Costia are back together?”

“They’re not,” Octavia replies without missing a beat.

“How could you possibly know that?"

“Uhh…” Octavia pauses as she squeezes the bridge of her nose. She looks back up to Clarke, “Look Clarke, there’s something I have to tell you…”

Clarke raises an eyebrow, “What is it?”

“There’s–” Octavia pauses again. She takes a deep breath in, there was no easy way to do this. She tried to bring it up earlier in the day but then with everything that happened she didn’t think it was the best time. But Octavia quickly realised that the best time probably passed long ago. She sighs, “Lexa works with me.”

Clarke tilts her head slightly. “Lexa works with you? At _Adina’s_?”

Octavia nods. “She’s our head bartender.”

“How long?”

“Clarke–”

“How long, Octavia?”

“Since we’ve opened,” Octavia whispers. “So about six months now.”

Clarke lets out a harsh breath, “And you’re only telling me this now?”

“She asked me not to tell you,” Octavia replies.

“So…” Clarke trails off. “You chose her over me?”

“I–” Octavia stops and shakes her head, “I know that’s what it looks like.”

“No, O, it’s exactly what it is,” Clarke says. “By you not telling me you chose to do what Lexa asked. I thought you were on my side.”

“I am. God Clarke, I’m always on your side.”

“Could have fooled me,” Clarke scoffs. She’s stands up and starts to walk away but feels Octavia chase after her. 

Octavia catches up to Clarke and moves to stand right in front of her best friend. This wasn’t a situation she ever wanted to be in, but the situation itself wasn’t just black and white. For the last six months Octavia has found herself it a difficult position, constantly struggling with the choice she made. “Don’t walk away, Clarke. Let me explain.”

Clarke sighs. She looks to Octavia and she wants to be mad. But deep down, she knows that her best friend would have had a good reason to why she didn’t say anything. It was just hard to see it right now. And to be honest she really didn’t want to see it at the moment.

“Don’t walk away, please. You’re only here for a couple more days and I don’t want to spend it fighting with you. If it was any other time I would give you the space you need, but we don’t have that luxury. Not this time. So please, let me explain.”

“Okay,” Clarke whispers. Octavia was right, she was leaving in a few days and the last thing she wanted was to have this hanging over them.

Octavia pulls them to the side, to a quiet area. Once there’s enough space between them and the guests she turns back to Clarke, “Would it have helped? You knowing that Lexa wasn’t an agent anymore?”

Clarke remains silent as she ponders the question.

“If you had known she wasn’t an agent anymore you would have blamed yourself and Lexa didn’t want that.”

“So Lexa just made that decision?” Clarke winces once words leave her mouth. This is what she did to Lexa eight months ago and it causes a gut wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach. “She did to me what I did to her,” Clarke whispers.

“You could say that, but this time you weren’t together. You were in Jordan. You had just told me that whenever you thought of her it didn’t hurt anymore. You were healing.” Octavia reaches forward and gives her best friend’s hand a small squeeze. “You needed to move forward and this news would have only moved you back. So yes I did what Lexa asked, but it wasn’t for her.”

Clarke thinks for a moment and gives a small nod. Being in Jordan did help with the ache that happened in DC. Though she could never forget, she managed to move forward the best she can. She focused on work, her team, the people who needed her help. She found herself in a good place. “I needed to be in Jordan,” she whispers.

“You needed to be in Jordan,” Octavia repeats. “I would have told you, eventually... I tried to tell you earlier before you saw her at the café.”

“I remember now,” Clarke murmurs.

“Yeah…”

Clarke sighs. Part of her wanted to stay mad but the other part of her knew that Octavia was right. If she had known Lexa wasn’t an agent any more than she would have definitely carried that guilt with her. It would have affected her work and that was not something she could have handled while working. At least being told now she would have a chance to talk to Lexa, face-to-face. “Do you know what happened after I left?”

Octavia shakes her head. “One day Indra told me that she found a head bartender and there I was, meeting Lexa again. I mean we’ve been working together for five months now so we’re… friends but we don’t really talk about _you._ It’s kind of like an unspoken rule?”

“Okay,” Clarke nods as she takes a step towards the bar. “I need a drink.”

Octavia tugs at Clarke’s hand, stopping her from walking away just yet. “Hey,” she whispers as Clarke turns back around. “Are we good?”

“We are,” Clarke smiles. She gives her best friend’s hand a small squeeze, “I’ll be back in a moment. Do you want anything?”

“No, it’s okay.”

Clarke makes her way to the bar and orders a vodka sunrise. The bartender makes quick work of the drink, passing it along in a manner of seconds. When Clarke turns back, Lexa and Costia and standing right in front her.

“Clarke,” Costia smiles.

“Hi, Costia.” Clarke turns to Lexa, her heart thumping and beating away at her chest more so than normal. It feels like someone’s grabbed her heart and was squeezing away. “L-Lexa,” she stutters.

“Hey Clarke, do you mind waiting just one second?” Costia points to the bar, “I just want to grab Lexa and I a drink but I’d really like to catch up.”

“Of course,” Clarke croaks. She clears her throat as Costia walks towards the bar. A tension filled silence falls between Clarke and Lexa as they’re left alone together. Despite the people around them, in this moment everything else seems to fade away. The chit chat of the other guests and the music coming from the band becomes background noise. “You look really nice, Lexa,” Clarke smiles. She’s surprised that she managed a coherent sentence given how nervous she was currently feeling.

Lexa swallows the lump in her throat. “As do you,” she replies.

“Lexa…” Clarke whispers as she takes a small step forward. “Do you think we can talk?”

“You want to talk now?” Lexa bit back without really thinking. She watches Clarke’s shoulder and overall expression drop and instantly feels her heart drop as well. “I’m sorry, I–” Lexa gets cut off as Costia returns with drinks.

“Here Lexa,” Costia says as she passes along the drink. She turns back to Clarke, “It’s a nice surprise that you’re here. I didn’t know you were coming.”

Clarke smiles and takes a small step back. “It was very last minute but I wanted to surprise my mum.”

Costia takes a sip of her drink and nods. “How long are you here for?”

“Barely a week. I leave on…” Clarke trails off as she meets Lexa’s stare, “Wednesday.”

“Aw, so soon.”

“Yeah, we were lucky to manage even a week away.”

Costia nods. “Where did you just come from?”

“The Philippines,” Clarke answers. “And before that we were in Jordan and after this week the team heading to Burma.”

“Oh that’s exciting!” Costia exclaims. “I admire what you and the team are doing.”

“We couldn’t do it without the generosity from people like you,” Clarke praises, recalling the generous donation Costia had made earlier in the year. “Seriously, that money helped so many people.”

Costia smiles. They fall into somewhat easy conversation about Costia’s art and where her next pop up galleries are. All three women avoid bringing up that they saw each other earlier in the day and ignore the slight tension that was building.  

Lexa stands idly by, trying her best to hide how uncomfortable she was in this situation. She does an okay job, occasionally adding to the conversation but never more than she really needs to. Being so close to Clarke again had her feeling a range of emotions. Clarke asking her if they could talk wasn’t a surprise but still, it had thrown her completely off.

The conversation ends with Clarke being called away by Abby, who wanted to introduce her to some of the other guests. Clarke is thankful for the save. She was in a weird state of mind at the moment. Her emotions were everywhere, her heart telling her a hundred different things, feeling a hundred different things. Torn between trying to find courage and feeling sick in the stomach, she doesn’t know how she’s going to do this.

Clarke manages to find a quiet moment to herself not long after meeting the guests her mum had introduced her to. She steps out onto the balcony, which was actually restricted, but with Anya standing close by her agent gives her go ahead. Clarke leans forward on the railing and just takes a couple of deep breaths. There are so many things running through her mind, so many feelings she’s trying to understand. It’s overwhelming. She finds herself carefully wiping away small tears, being sure to be mindful of her makeup.  

“Hey.”

Clarke wipes away the final tears and turns around. She sees Costia standing by the entrance. “Hey,” she smiles.

“Mind if I join you?” Costia asks.

“Not at all.”

Costia steps up the railing and looks out to the scene before her. The two alternate between watching the moonlight reflect over the lake and the stars shining in the night sky. The party inside is still going strong and Clarke knows she soon has to go up and give her speech.

“I’m going to overstep again,” Costia whispers. “Lexa and I… we’re not together if that was causing any doubt in your mind.”

Clarke lets out a small sigh. “That thought definitely came up when I saw you guys at the café and actually for most of the party tonight.”

“Just friends,” Costia reassures. “Like I told you last time. Plus, I’m pretty sure her heart belongs to someone else.”

Clarke looks over Costia, who remains staring ahead. “Why are you telling me this?” she asks.

“You and Lexa have something… I don’t know what it is, but it’s something important. And in all the years I’ve known Lexa, no one has affected her the way that you seem to,” Costia reveals.

“I don’t think that’s actually a good thing.” Clarke lets out a small sigh. “Were you not there like half an hour ago? It’s like she couldn’t even stand being in the same room as me.”

“That’s what you see, but it’s definitely not how she feels.”

Turning back to look straight ahead, Clarke shakes her head. “I messed up last time.”

“I don’t know what happened, so yeah, maybe you did. But there’s isn’t anything you can do to change that now. All you can do is make sure you don’t make the same mistakes.” Costia pauses. “She’s been... _off_ since she found out that you were back in DC.”

Clarke takes a deep breath in. It’s a few moments of silence before someone is clearing their throat from behind them. They both turn around to see Anya.

“Clarke, it’s almost speech time.”

Clarke nods. “Okay.” She turns to Costia and offers a small smile. “I have to go.”

“That’s okay,” Costia smiles. “Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

Costia places her hand on Clarke’s right shoulder. “If what you feel is real, don’t give up on her.”

It takes a few seconds but Clarke manages to nod. “I won’t.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke stands up at the podium, giving everyone a chance to settle back in their seats. She looks over to her table where her mum, Raven and Octavia were all giving her a small wave. Clarke gives a subtle two thumbs up before scanning the rest of the crowd. Inevitably her eyes find their way to Lexa, whose just about to take her seat. She lets out a small sigh and doesn’t advert her gaze when the green eyes look right back at her.

A few beats pass before Clarke clears her throat. The noise in the room settles, so she starts her speech. “Firstly, I just wanted to thank everyone here for coming tonight. It has been a wonderful time catching up with a lot of you and meeting some new faces.” Clarke smiles. “Thank you for coming to celebrate a very special day with us. You all know her as Abby Griffin, President of the United States, but to me she is first and foremost, my _mum._ You know, one of my most favourite memories growing up will always be the nights she taught me how to find and read the constellations. You see... my mum is a huge space nerd.”

A small laugh carries through the crowd.

“It’s okay, I’m allowed to say that because I’m her daughter,” Clarke laughs. “So yeah, we’d lie down on our trampoline and she’d point out the stars to me. She’d tell me the names and stories behind them. And then my dad would make up another story for the constellations, ones that were definitely wrong, but were a lot funnier for me as a kid.”

Clarke turns back to her mum and smiles before looking around the crowd again. “I cherish these memories because they are what get me through the days that I feel alone. Wherever I am in the world, no matter what’s going on, the one thing I can count on is that the stars are always going to be there. They carry the stories and memories that I hold close my heart. They carry the feeling of _home_ even when I’m not physically there.”

She pauses for a moment, turning her attention to her mum. “All I have to do is look up and I remember. I remember and I feel. I feel the love and the care that you have for me.” Clarke pauses and takes a few deep breaths. At this time Clarke was just talking to her mum, everyone else in the room became white noise. “I know that we don’t always agree on things. We have fought, we have argued, we have gone for weeks without talking. But I hope you know that I have always been proud to call you my mother.”

“I love you,” Abby mouths to Clarke.

Clarke nods. “I love you too,” she replies.

Clarke looks back around to the crowd and lets out a content sigh. “My mum is always talking about how proud of me she is, but it’s my turn to say how proud I am of her. It’s been a rough couple of years, especially after losing my dad. But mum – she never let it get her down. She kept going. She kept fighting. She fought for the presidency and she fought for me.”

Clarke pauses to clear her throat. “I was so broken after losing my dad. It felt like,” she clutches at her chest slightly, “A whole part of me was violently ripped away. He was my rock,” Clarke looks back to her mum, “ _Our_ rock,” and turns back to the rest of the crowd.

“But my mum, she was always there for me. Despite how much I yelled at her, how much I fought with her, she never let me go to bed without telling me how much she loved me and that we were going to get through this. And we did. I couldn’t have done it without her. She’s taught me a lot, helped shaped me into he woman I’ve become today and I couldn’t be more proud to call Abby Griffin, president of the United States, my mum.”

Clarke turns back to look at her mum. “I love you, so much,” she smiles. “Happy birthday!”

As the crowd cheers, Abby stands up from her chair and immediately runs up to her daughter. She’s clearly crying at this point but she doesn’t care. She instantly wraps her arms around Clarke and the crowd cheers louder.

“Happy birthday,” Clarke whispers.

Abby only tightens the hug. “Clarke Griffin, I can’t believe you’ve made me cry in front of all these people,” she jokes. After what felt like forever Abby finally breaks the hug and takes the podium, with Clarke right by her side. She gives a quick, short speech, thanking everyone for coming and celebrating the night with her. As Abby wraps up her speech, her birthday cake is rolled out and the crowd is singing to her.

After the cake and more photos Clarke finds herself talking with Marcus and a few of his colleagues. He compliments the speech and reveals that it even had him tearing up a little. They all ask her about Doctors without Borders and what she’s been doing and where she’s been since she left DC eight months ago.

Clarke tells them all about. She loves having this talk, she loves telling people about the program and what they can do to help. But as she is talking she notices that the guests are slowly starting to leave. She does her best to remain fully in the conversation but her eyes are constantly on the lookout for Lexa.  

A couple of minutes pass and Clarke spots Lexa across the room. They hold each other’s stare for a moment before Lexa excuses herself from the group and makes her way towards the door.

Clarke watches Lexa walk out of the function hall and excuses herself from the group. Once she’s outside she scans her surroundings, her breathing become a little unsteady as she isn’t able to find Lexa in the crowd. Fortunately, under the moonlight Clarke spots Lexa walking towards the gazebo in the gardens. She takes small, soft steps towards and can’t help marvel at how beautiful the woman in front of her is. The navy blue dress flows with every step Lexa takes and brown curls cascade over her bare back.

She watches Lexa walk the steps into the gazebo and to the edge, not yet realising that she wasn’t alone. Clarke wants to say something, anything, but finds herself unable to. She wants to take a step forward but her body doesn't let her. She’s been wishing for this moment for the last eight months and now here she was and she doesn’t know what to do.

After a few more moments and trying to settle her breathing Clarke clears her throat. “Lexa…” she whispers.

Lexa’s shoulders slump slightly at the sound of the familiar voice. She doesn’t turn around though. She closes her eyes and hopes and wishes that she was just hearing things. That Clarke wasn’t standing just behind her. Even after all this time Clarke still had this pull over her – and she didn’t know if she was ready to be pulled back in.  

With shaky knees, Clarke walks up the steps but keeps her distance. “Lexa… please. Please turn around.” It’s a few moments of silence, a few more moments of anxiety filled seconds before Clarke lets out a sigh of relief as Lexa turns around. Her heart skips a beat and she can’t help let the small smile creep on her lips.

“Miss Griffin-”

“Don’t,” Clarke interrupts. “Don't Miss Griffin me.” Being called _Miss Griffin_ felt as if they were back to just being the president’s daughter and an agent. It felt like nothing had happened between the two of them, when in fact it was actually quite the opposite. 

Lexa sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. “Why do you insist on making this harder than it has to be? Why can’t you just do you and let me do me?” She watches Clarke look right back at her and is just consumed by so much sadness. The blue eyes in front of her are just pleading for something, anything. “You can’t do this, you can't just come back here after eight months and… and pull me back in like this,” she whispers. “You can’t, it’s not fair.”

Clarke takes a small step forward, “Lexa-”

Lexa takes a step back, “No,” she shakes her head. “No, you left. You walked away. Can we just pretend that it never happened and move on?”

“I don’t want to pretend,” Clarke corrects.

Lexa goes silent.

“I don't ever want to pretend that we never happened. What we had was real and too good for me to just forget about. I tried at first, I tried to move on but I couldn’t.” Clarke pauses. “ _I can’t_. And I don’t want to.”

Lexa stares to the ground, scrapping her heels into the wooden deck. “It’s too late,” she whispers.

“If you can look me in the eyes and say that, then I will leave.”

Lexa looks up and it’s as if her throat just closes. She couldn’t do it; it was a lie.

Clarke takes a small step forward. “You can’t do it, can you?”

“You can’t just say these things. You can't waltz back into my life only to leave again within the weak.” She pauses and the air between them intensifies. Lexa runs her fingers through her hair again and paces across the gazebo. She comes to a stop at the railing and turns back, “You broke my heart, Clarke. And I know that sounds very high school, but it’s the only way I can explain it. You walked away when I was ready to risk it all. I tried to hate you for doing what you did, but I couldn’t because I understood why. But you made that decision for us, you didn’t talk to me about it, you didn’t give me a chance to fight.”

Clarke wipes away a tear that’s about to fall. “I know what I did was wrong and I’ll spend the rest of my days apologising if that what it takes.”

“I don’t need you to do that.”

“I know,” Clarke sighs. “But I’m here now, asking for another chance. One where I promise to not make the same mistakes.” She takes a small step forward, “I should have never walked away eight months ago. There's nothing I can do to change the past but I’m here now, ready to fight for you... With you… I just… I want you.”

“Clarke…” Lexa whispers.

“I mean it, Lexa.” Clarke takes a few more steps forward just so that she’s an arm length away. “I lost you once when I walked away last time, but I have to hope that it isn’t too late. That there’s a part of you that still feels the same about me as I do about you.”

Lexa takes a deep breath in, “There is,” she confirms quietly.

Clarke can’t help but smile, she has butterflies in her stomach. But that feeling doesn’t last long.

“But it’s not as simple as that,” Lexa sighs. She stops, taking a few deep breaths. Her eyes become glassy and Lexa turns to the side to try and compose herself. “You have the ability to really hurt me again and that’s not a comforting feeling.”

Clarke reacts straight away, moving to stand in front of Lexa.  Hearing those last words were heart wrenching. She brings her right hand to cup the side of Lexa’s face, tracing her thumb over the tear that’s fallen down the cheek. They stay like this for a few moments, taking a minute to settle their breathing. There was no denying the connection that still existed between the two of them. “I know,” she whispers. “And I’m sorry. My words might not have any value right now but I can promise that I will never intentionally hurt you. What I did eight months ago still haunts me and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for hurting you like that.”

Clarke takes a cautious step forward and leans in, moving to rest her forehead against Lexa’s. Her other hand is brought up so that she’s cradling either side of Lexa’s face. “I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers. She leans in just slightly so that their nose touch and their breaths are hot against each other’s skin. “I’m so sorry for walking away.”

In this moment everything around them just disappears. In this moment they are just Clarke and Lexa. Two women caught in a battle of head vs heart, two women deeply, madly, in love with each other (even if they didn’t realise it yet), two women who have been hurt too much. They both have their eyes closed and with the simplest of touches everything they once felt for each other comes rushing back to the surface.

For Clarke it’s reassuring.

But for Lexa it’s a little different. It’s nerve wracking and just as scary. Was she really ready and willing to give her heart to someone who had broken it before?

Lexa slowly brings her hands up to Clarke’s, moving them away from her face but doesn’t let them go. She brings them down, giving them a small squeeze. When green eyes move to meet blue she lets out a small sigh. “I… I need some time.”

Clarke nods, “Of course.” Though time was the last thing they had at the moment she could wait.

“Okay,” Lexa whispers. She lets go of Clarke’s hands but lingers there for a moment. Taking a step forward, she places the softest kiss on Clarke’s cheek. She doesn’t say anything more but simply walks down the steps of the gazebo and back towards the party.

Clarke turns around and watches Lexa walk away. She can only hope that it wasn't too late for them and that soon, Lexa would be walking back to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter we'll see things from lexa's POV. and let me tell you, it has probably been one of my most favourite chapters to write so im really excited (and nervous) for you guys to read it
> 
> as always thanks for sticking around and reading. see you again in a week xx


	19. chapter 19

** SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS AGO **

_It’s been two weeks since everything happened;_ _Clarke leaving, th_ _e start of Lexa’s suspension, th_ _e start of Lexa’s temporary job at_ Grounders _as a bartender._

_Lexa never thought she would have ended up in this position; suspended because she couldn’t stop her heart from falling for the president’s daughter. It’s been a long two weeks. Usually she would tell herself to suck it up, to push forward through the pain and the sadness and to focus on what’s coming next. But not this time. This time she let the sadness in, she gave herself time to miss Clarke, to cry in the shower and to imagine what it could have been like if Clarke hadn’t walked away. Lexa let herself do all these things, on the condition that once her suspension was over she would move on._

_It was just past 2am and the bar was just closing up. Nyko is sweeping the floors as Lexa wipes down the counter top. They work in silence, enjoying the quiet time after a rather rowdy Friday night. The door to the bar swings open and Lexa instantly looks up. “The bars closed, sorry,” she says before she realises who it is._

_“Hello, Lexa.”_

_“Oh, Indra, hi.”_

_Indra turns to Nyko, “Nyko, it’s good to see you again.”_

_“You too,” he smiles._

_“Is it okay that I’m here? I just want to talk to Lexa for a minute.”_

_“Stay for as long as you need. If you want a drink just Lexa know – it’s on the house.”_

_“Thank you, Nyko.” Indra moves across the bar and takes a seat on one of the bar stools. “Lexa.”_

_Lexa keeps cleaning the counter top, quite nervous to what Indra had to say. Since her parents died Indra has always been somewhat of a mother figure to her, and she could only assume that this was about her suspension (which she didn’t tell Indra about, but Indra knows everything). Lexa looks up quite nervously, and whispers, “Drink?”_

_“No.”_

_Lexa sighs and drops the cloth. Right to the point then. “I know I screwed up, okay?”_

_“You did.” And then it’s just silence._

_“Is that all you’re going to say?” Lexa asks. “You’re not going to tell me that you’re disappointed? Or that you expected better?”_

_“Disappointed? Yes. Did I expect better? Yes,” Indra sighs. “But I know you, I know how you work and I’m sure that you weren’t trying to get suspended.”_

_“I…” Lexa trails off._

_“You don’t have to explain what happened to me, Lexa. What I want to know is why I had to find out from Anya? Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_Lexa sighs. “I didn’t want to worry you.”_

_“Well considered me worried,” Indra states. “But I’m glad to see that you’re keeping yourself busy.”_

_Lexa nods. “Just until I hear back from the White House. I couldn’t sit at home and do nothing for a month.”_

_Indra picks up one of the coasters, inspecting it. “And how’s it been? Working here?”_

_“Great,” Lexa smiles. “You know that I’ve always wanted to open my own bar.”_

_“I do know that.” Indra puts the coaster back down, “Do you enjoy being an agent Lexa?”_

_“Of course,” Lexa replies rather defensively. “What type of question is that?”_

_Indra raises an eyebrow, “More than working here?”_

_“Of–” Lexa finds herself stopping short and it surprises her. Of course she loved being an agent, it’s all she’s known for the longest of times. But the past two weeks have been so… different. It’s been eye-opening. Lexa’s enjoyed to freedom that being a bartender had compared to an agent. She enjoyed the set hours, being in this type of space, she enjoyed that she didn’t always have to be on high alert the whole time. It was freeing._

_Indra watches Lexa fall into a deep train of thought. “I have an offer for you.”_

_“An offer?” Lexa asks, coming back to reality._

_Indra nods. “You don’t have to give me an answer now, but I will need one by the end of the month.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“This all depends on the outcome of your suspension… But my restaurant needs a head bartender, and I want_ you _.”_

 

* * *

 

Lexa returns back to her apartment after Abby’s birthday party just before 1am, and she is emotionally drained. Seeing Clarke again, talking to her, hearing that Clarke wanted another chance had her mind racing and her heart aching. Well she’s been like this for a couple of days, ever since she overheard Octavia on a call with Clarke the first day she was back. But after tonight, everything has been elevated beyond her control.

Whether it was a good ache or a bad one Lexa can’t decide. Because on one hand her heart still belonged to Clarke despite everything that happened between them. But on the other hand, was she really going to risk giving her heart back to the person who had broken it before?

As always when it comes to Clarke Griffin, Lexa finds herself in a battle of head over heart. Since the academy she’s been trained, _head over heart, head over heart._ It’s the mantra that allowed her to focus, allowed her to become to agent she use to be. It was her way to keep a level head and her emotions in check. Being an agent was not a job to be taken lightly, especially being assigned to the president’s security detail. But now she wasn’t an agent. She was head bartender at Adina’s.

It’s suddenly very overwhelming and Lexa finds the dress she’s wearing become a little too tight. She fidgets on her couch, trying to find a way to calm herself. She paces back and forth her living room, she opens a window to let some cool air in. But nothing seems to work. Everything around her becomes too much, too loud, _too sudden_. Lexa makes her way to her bathroom, stripping her dress off along the way. She stands under the shower and just closes her eyes. With the water as hot as her body could take, she settles her thoughts, she settles the ache in her heart, she settles everything around her.

Lexa has no idea how long she’s been in the shower for, and frankly she doesn’t care. The day has finally caught up to her and all she wants to do is sleep. She needs time to clear her mind. Once she’s changed she heads into the kitchen and almost gets the shock of her life when she unexpectedly sees Anya there. “I gave you a key for emergencies!” Lexa yells. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check up on you…” Anya taps her fingers on the kitchen bench, watching the kettle boil. “If you were still my roommate I wouldn’t have to drive out of my way to do so by the way.”

Lexa laughs. “No one’s saying you have to.” Once Lexa got the job at Adina’s she made the very tough decision to find a place closer to the restaurant. She loved being Anya’s roommate and the apartment they shared, but with everything that happened she needed a fresh start.

Anya waits for the kettle to beep before making two cups of tea. She hands one of them over to Lexa and makes her way to the living room. Lexa follows silently, joining her on the other end of the couch. “So,” Anya whispers, blowing over her tea. “Are you… okay?”

Lexa places her cup on the coffee table and shrugs her shoulders slightly.

“But you talked to her, right? I saw you out on the gazebo.”

Lexa nods, “She wants to give us another chance.”

Anya doesn’t react to the news, she had a good feeling that this what Clarke was going to do. But what confuses her is Lexa’s reaction. She seriously thought her ex-partner would have been happier about it all.

Lexa rubs her eyes. “I’ve been dreaming about this moment since she left, but faced with the reality of it, I’m… I’m so scared.” Anya reaches over and gives Lexa’s shoulder a small squeeze. “She still has this pull over me and I know – I just know that I’m going to fall harder this time around if I let her in again.”

“But…”

“But she walked away last time. She just walked away. I don’t know if I can pick myself up again if she does it again.”

Anya sets her tea on the table as well. “You know, the happiest I’ve ever seen you was when we were in Mount Weather. When you were _with_ Clarke.”

“Anya…” Lexa sighs.

“I’m being serious. I know I wasn’t your biggest supporter eight months ago but it’s different now.” Anya pauses. “And it sucks that it’s different. It sucks that you’re no longer an agent, it sucks that we’re no longer partners. But if you have the chance to be as happy as you were back then, why aren’t you taking it?”

“Do you really think I can trust her again though?”

Anya shakes her head. “I can’t answer that for you. We know that her feelings haven’t changed, have yours?”

“No,” Lexa whispers.

Anya brings her cup back into her hands. “Then I don’t know why you’re still thinking about this. I know she broke your heart and that she’s going to have to regain your trust back. But she leaves again in a couple of days and for her to put her heart out on the line like this should show you how serious she is.”

Lexa leans back into the couch and stares up onto the ceiling. “Does she want to do long distance?”

“This is what you need to talk to her about.” Anya pauses and watches Lexa squeeze the bridge of her nose. “It’s not like long distance is anything new to you though.”

“But Costia and I weren’t half way around the world from each other. And the longest we were ever separated was a month.” Lexa pauses. “Clarke… she’s still got four months left with Doctors without Borders.” Lexa stops and sights straight back up, looking right to Anya. “And what if she extends her trip?”

“You know talking to me is only wasting time right?” Anya takes a sip of her tea and sighs. “All these _what if’s_ are only going to be answered if you talk to Clarke.”

“I just,” Lexa pauses, “I just need more time.”

Anya shakes her head again. “But time is just the one thing you don’t have right now.”

“I know.”

“Don’t let her get away this time, Lexa.”

 

* * *

 

When Lexa wakes up the following day, there are a couple of seconds where she completely forgets what had happened the previous night. A couple of seconds of pure peace, a couple seconds where everything seems just right. But as the memories catch up to her, so does the ache in her heart. She wishes she could just say no, she wishes that she was able to get over Clarke but in the past eight months she’s done the complete opposite. She’s been on two dates since then, but with her mind and heart never straying too far from Clarke, they never developed into anything more.

She sits up in her bed and leans over to her bedside table. She pulls open the draw and takes out Clarke’s sketchbook. Anya had given it to her the same day Clarke left for Jordan, but it took Lexa two months to open it. There were a few times where she just wanted to throw it away, but she knew she would end up regretting it. It almost haunted her every day that it was left unopened. It wasn’t till one of the two dates she’s had did she open the book. It was late and it was one of those nights that Lexa couldn’t think about anyone else but Clarke.

Lexa places the sketchbook on her lap and takes a few deep breaths. She slowly flicks through the pages, admiring the sketches like she’s done so at least a hundred times since she’s opened the book. Lexa found it calming, looking through the drawings. There were a lot of drawings of animals and landscapes, there were a few cartoon comic strips that made her laugh and some portraits of her family and her best friends. What always surprises her is that Clarke also drew Lexa, multiple times.

Lexa didn’t know a lot about art, but Clarke’s drawing always evoked something in her. The amount of care and detail that went into the drawings was evident. She could see the love and passion Clarke had for the arts. Through the lines strokes, the colours, she could feel when Clarke was happy when she wasn’t. What made her heart positively ache was that in the drawings of herself, Clarke always seemed to be happy when drawing them. Lexa ended up on the last page, and as always she read the message that was left there for her.

 

> _Lexa,_
> 
> _At Mount Weather you said you’d love to see my art, so here’s my sketchbook. These aren’t my best work but with everything that’s happened I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to show you anything else. Just so that you don’t get surprised – there are a few drawings of you in here. You’ve been the best part of these three weeks. You are an amazing woman Lexa Woods, and I am sorry for hurting you._
> 
> _May we meet again._
> 
> _Clarke_

She runs her finger over the message and reads and rereads it over again. Every time she read it her mind went back to that blissful morning in Mount Weather. With Clarke’s arms wrapped around her as the sun rose, Lexa was sure she couldn’t have been happier. Just for that moment it was like the world around them didn’t exist. They didn’t carry any of the burdens that they were soon faced with when they got back to DC.

Lexa spends the day running errands and some time at the gym before she was due in for work. Surprisingly her mind occupies itself with a little more than just Clarke throughout the day. But it’s in the quiet moments; waiting at the traffic light, waiting in line at the grocery store, by the elevators of her gym, that her mind inevitably wanders back to Clarke. She knows that she doesn’t have long to tell Clarke how she felt. But Lexa just wanted to be 100% sure she was ready to put her heart out on the line again.

By 4pm Lexa is at _Adina’s_ and prepping for the night. She’s just finished handling that latest delivery of liquor and was now ensuring that the cabinet behind the bar was fully stocked, making a mental note of which bottles she needed to bring up from storage. But she’s interrupted when someone approaches the bar and taps at the counter.

Lexa turns around. “Octavia,” she greets as she turns back to the cabinet. “How’s prep going?”

“I’ve only yelled at the juniors once, so it’s going well,” Octavia smiles as she takes a take seat.

“ _So far,”_ Lexa adds.

Octavia laughs. “Yeah, _so far.”_

Lexa finishes taking note of what the cabinet needed and walks towards Octavia. She grabs two tall glasses and fills them with orange juice, pushing one of them towards the younger woman. It was a little ritual they had established in the time they’ve been working together.

Octavia takes the glass and takes a sip. “Can I ask you something?”

Lexa would bet her job that she knew what was going to come next. “Can it wait till after work so I can add a shot of vodka to my drink?”

“Lexa.”

“Octavia.”

Octavia sighs. “She’s leaving on Wednesday.”

“I know.” Lexa brings her glass to her lips and takes a long drink.

“What happened?”

“What? She didn’t tell you last night?” Lexa asks as she put down her glass.

“No, not about last night.” Octavia pauses. Of course Clarke had told her what happened at Abby’s birthday party. “What happened after she left? One day you were an agent and the next you’re being assigned head bartender here.”

Lexa doesn’t answer right away. She and Octavia have definitely become friends since they both started working at Adina’s but they had a silent agreement that they wouldn’t talk about Clarke. But over the months Lexa found herself trusting Octavia more than she expected to. “I was suspended just after the gala,” Lexa reveals.

“What? Clarke never told me that.”

“I didn’t tell her. She didn’t need to know.”

“And after?” Octavia asks. There’s a long pause as she watches Lexa let out a deep sigh. “Come on Lexa, we’ve been working together for five months now. And I dare say it, we’re friends and Clarke’s my friend. And I need my friends so sort their shit out because they’re quite literally letting something that would be _so great_ slip right through their fingers.”

“I went to work at a bar during my suspension, I couldn’t just sit down and do nothing for the month.” Lexa pauses. “One night as we’re closing, Indra comes in and we talk and she offered me the job, pending the outcome of my suspension.”

Octavia swallows the lump in her throat. “Were you fired because of what happened with you and Clarke?”

Lexa shakes her head.

“What?”

“I didn’t get fired,” Lexa breathes. “Abby offered me my job back but I resigned. I chose to stop being an agent and if you’re going to ask any more questions I’m definitely going to add a shot to my drink.”

Octavia nods. She knew that was her cue to stop pushing. “Just one more thing.”

“Octavia," Lexa warns.

“She’ll be here tomorrow night, with Raven. And she knows that you work here…”

“Oh.”

Octavia raises an eyebrow, “Oh? Is that all? You’re not mad that I told her?”

Lexa shakes her head. “She was bound to find out eventually. So no, I’m not mad. Thank you for not telling her when I asked you not to though. I do appreciate that.”

“Yeah no problem… I just wanted to let you know so that you’re not surprised tomorrow.”

Lexa nods. “Thank you, Octavia.”

Octavia lifts her glass towards Lexa. Lexa responds by doing the same and they finish their drink before heading off to finish their jobs.

 

* * *

 

Monday night came too soon for Lexa. She’s been on edge the entire day knowing very well that she was going to see Clarke in a manner of hours. It was just past 4pm and just like the previous day she was ensuring that the alcohol cabinet was fully stocked for the night ahead.

She’s extra jumpy today, fidgeting more so than usual, arranging and rearranging the glasses. She doesn't know why Clarke coming tonight was affecting her so much. Clarke was the one person who ever made her this nervous and she hated it.

When she spots Octavia coming out of the kitchen, Lexa grabs two glasses and pours juice in one and water in the other. Octavia takes her glass and smiles. “Your nervousness is showing, Commander.”

Lexa starts to wipe down the counter, “Don’t call me that.” She pauses as she watches Octavia take a seat. “And I’m not nervous.

Octavia laughs. “Yeah and I'm not head chef at Adina’s.”

Lexa hated that she was being so obvious. “Don’t you have prep work to do?

“You’ve got some bite today, haven’t you?” Octavia takes another sip of her drink. “Why didn't you just get someone to cover for you for tonight?”

Lexa sighs. “I thought about it.”

“But…” Octavia urges.

“But this is my job. I’m not going to take a night off just because Clarke is going to be here.”

“Are you going to talk to her tonight?”

Lexa shrugs, because she really didn’t know. She knew that time wasn’t on her side but she was waiting for some sort of sign, any type of push to letting her heart be put on the line again.

“But–”

“We’re not talking about this anymore,” Lexa interrupts.

“Okay, okay.” Octavia raises both hands in surrender. She picks up her glass and waits for Lexa to do the same. “To you and Clarke finally sorting out your shit,” Octavia smirks.

Lexa glares at Octavia and puts her glass down before the younger woman had a chance to clink them together. She leaves the bar without saying a word.

“Aw come on, don’t be like that!” Octavia yells

“Get back to work, Octavia!”

 

* * *

 

By 7:30pm the restaurant is buzzing. Lexa manages to push her nervousness aside for the time being as she busies herself with the drink orders that start to roll in. She’s in her element here, moving about the bar, pouring and mixing drinks like she’s been doing it her life. It just all came naturally to her.

Tonight there are two other bartenders with her; Kina and Adam. She and Kina handle the drink orders that come through from the guest having dinner whilst Adam watches over the guest who are here just for the bar. Every time Lexa would see a flash of blonde hair her heart would skip a beat as she involuntarily looked up to see if it was Clarke. Most of the time it wasn’t, until about 8pm.

Lexa spots Clarke, Raven, Anya and Luna enter the restaurant casually. The hostess shows the two best friends to their table whilst Anya and Luna take their positions nearby. At this point only Anya’s seen Lexa, giving her a slight nod as she made her way through the restaurant.

When Clarke got to her table she took off her coat and it takes everything in Lexa to stop starring. Clarke wore a simple low cut black dress. She had her hair in a loose, yet composed bun and wore are dark shade of red lipstick that causes Lexa’s breath to hitch.

“Holy shit, that’s Clarke Griffin,” Kina whispers.

Lexa snaps out of her day dream and simply hums in response.

Kina continues to work on the drinks she’s mixing but her eyes stay trained on Clarke. “You were on the president’s security detail; you must have met her right?”

“Kind of,” Lexa half lies (she really didn’t want to go into the whole story with her colleague). But then green eyes dance with blue across the room. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment before Clarke sends Lexa a small, hopeful smile. “Hi,” she mouths.  

Lexa sends a subtle nod back to Clarke and gets back to work, trying to ignore the pang in her chest. She finishes the drinks that she was working on and places them onto the tray for the waitress to take out. She turns back to Kina as she wipes her hands on a cloth. “I’m going to go to storage and get some more Double Black, are you going to be okay by yourself for the moment?”

Kina looks to the cabinet and then back to Lexa, “But there’s still a full bottle here…”

“Are you going to be okay by yourself?” Lexa asks again.

Kina nods in response, knowing very well that she was suddenly floating on very fine ice. “Yes.”

Lexa leaves the bar and heads out to storage. She didn’t actually need anything but a moment to compose herself. Closing the door to the room she moves to the back and leans against one of the bare walls. Lexa just hates that Clarke is just _in_ her, all the time. Every thought, every feeling is consumed by the woman that’s completely changed her life. Some would think that it’s a good thing, some would think that it’s a bad thing and Lexa; well she thinks it’s a little bit of both.

When the door to the storage room opens, Lexa looks up immediately. “Employees only,” she says.

Anya laughs. “Yeah, I’d like to see you try and kick me out.” She pauses and takes a step into the room. “You okay?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa replies.

“Are you going to talk to her?”

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “People need to stop asking me that.”

“Lexa–”

“I don’t know, okay!” Lexa yells, throwing her hands up into the air. “I don’t know. Everything with Clarke is an ‘I don’t know’ at this point.”

“She’s leaving in two days.”

“I know that,” Lexa sighs.

“So you need to go and talk to her. You still like her and she still likes you, so talk to her, you guys can work out where to go from here.”

“I just–”

“No more excuses,” Anya cuts in. “I get it, you’re in a difficult position because she broke your heart before. But I fear what it’ll do to you if you lose her again, when you clearly don’t have to.” She pauses and lets out a small sigh. “Last time you were ready to risk it all, you put your heart out on the line. But things didn’t work out and Clarke walked away. But she’s back and she’s putting her heart out on the line this time.”

“Did Clarke ask you to say this?”

“No.” Anya raises an eyebrow, “Why?”

“It’s just I never thought I’d see the day you start helping Clarke with her love life.”

“I’m helping _you,”_ Anya clarifies. “She annoys me and she’s stubborn as hell but she makes you happy. That’s what is important to me.”

Instead of replying Lexa moves about the storage room grabbing a bottle of the Double Black to take back to the bar. She makes her way out of the room, pushing out Anya along the way. They walk back in silence, knowing everything that needed to said has already been said.

Before they split Anya whispers to Lexa one last time. “Talk to her.”

Throughout the night Lexa finds herself looking over to Clarke’s table every so often. Clarke and Raven were generally engaged in some sort of conversation, laughing, smiling and looking as if they were having a really just good time. On a handful of occasion, she’d catch both Raven and Clarke staring back at her, giving her the definite feeling that she was the topic of conversation at that point. And on more than one occasion she has this feeling that Clarke’s going to approach the bar and if they happened Lexa had no idea what she was going to say or do. Fortunately, that is something she’s hasn’t had to face yet.

By 10:30pm there are only a handful of diners left in the restaurant, most of them simply finishing up their desserts. Lexa remains at the bar, just in case any last minute orders come through while Kina and Adam start the closing processes. Lexa does a wipe down of the counter when the one thing she doesn’t want to happen, happens. Clarke is up at the bar.

“Hi Lexa,” Clarke smiles.

Lexa stops cleaning and puts the cloth aside. “Clarke, would you like a drink?”

“No, I just… I was wondering if we could talk…” Clarke trails off, her nerves getting the better of her.

“Clarke, I’m working.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll… I’ll go.”

Lexa watches as Clarke’s shoulders drop as does her overall expression. The tension between them is thick and Lexa knows that it’s not fair to the either of them the longer she avoids having the conversation. So just as Clarke is about walk away Lexa clears her throat. “Can I call you after though?”

Clarke turns around, definitely a little surprised at the question but smiles. “Yes, of course.”

Lexa takes out her phone from her back pocket and unlocks it, passing it to Clarke. “I lost my contacts when I changed my number…”

“Oh yeah,” Clarke replies lamely. She takes the phone and puts in her number, triple checking it to make sure it was right before handing it back. “I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Soon,” Lexa repeats with a small nod. She watches Clarke return back to her seat and lets out the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding. It may have been a little step, but it was a step nonetheless and she suddenly felt the weight on her shoulders lighten a little.

 

* * *

 

By 11:30pm, Clarke and Raven are the only diners left in the restaurant as they wait for Octavia to finish her shift. By 11:45 they’re saying their goodbyes and leaving for the night.

Lexa makes sure she isn’t anywhere near them when they leave, hiding herself away in one of the backrooms. It was lame, she knew that but she doesn’t care. She stays back and helps close the restaurant for the night. It’s not till about an hour later that she’s finally on her way home. It’s a short drive, less than ten minutes given that there was barely any traffic at this time of the night.

Just as she’s pulling into her garage of her building she spots an all too familiar SUV parked on the street. She was about 99% sure that Anya was here with Clarke. The thought about just driving off definitely crossed her mind but she knew that would be wrong. She said she’d call Clarke – but she honestly would rather talk face-to-face. Lexa’s suspicions are confirmed when she steps out of the elevator and onto her floor, seeing Anya and Luna standing outside her apartment door.

Lexa stops about 10 feet away. “I want my key back,” she says to Anya.

“Not happening.”

Lexa sighs. “You let her into my apartment?”

Anya shrugs, “She can be very persuasive.” She pauses. “She just wants to talk.”

Lexa turns to Luna whose quick to throw her hands up in surrender. “Hey, I’m just here doing my job,” Luna replies.

Lexa lets out a rough sigh before going through her bag to find her keys.

“It’s not locked,” Anya says.

“Of course it’s not.” Lexa sighs. She places her hand on knob and tries to settle everything within in. Her mind, her heart, her emotions. Clarke was just on the other side of this door. Slowly Lexa opens the door and spots Clarke on her couch. Clarke’s sitting there looking right at her, her knee bouncing up and down whilst she fiddles with a tissue.

“L-Lexa,” Clarke croaks as she stands up from the couch.

“Hi Clarke,” Lexa replies. “You don’t need to get up. Would you like something to drink?”

Clarke shakes her head. “No it’s okay. Thank you.” She sits back down as she watches Lexa walk into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before making her way to the living room. “You don’t look surprised that I’m in your apartment.”

Lexa takes a seat on the same couch as Clarke, but keeps her distance. “I am,” she sighs.

“I know you said you’d call but I rather have this conversation face-to-face.” Clarke pauses and swallows the lump in her throat. “I can go if you like, we can talk tomorrow or when–”

Lexa shakes her head. “No, stay. You’re right, we should have this conversation face to face.”

“Yeah…” Clarke whispers.

It’s silent at first, so silent that you could probably hear the hearts pounding away in each of their chests. They look at each other with unreadable expressions. It was mixed between a little bit of sadness, happiness, joy and fear. Both of them feeling everything at once.

And for Clarke it’s a little more heighten because she really doesn’t know where Lexa stands in all of this. This was it, the make or break point of their relationship.

Lexa turns her whole body so that she’s facing Clarke and takes a deep breath in, “It’s not too late for us.”

“It’s not?” Clarke whispers, afraid that if she spoke any louder Lexa would take it back.

Lexa shakes her head. “I tried to forget about you, I tried to move on but I couldn’t. Even after everything that happened and eight months going by, my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

“Really?” Clarke asks, her lips tugging up into a small smile.

“Yeah,” Lexa nods. “But you have to understand that it’s not the same as last time. Before it ended, our… relationship was new and exciting. But now Clarke, I’m…” she trails, taking a few deep breaths. “I am scared. And it is _so_ hard for me to admit that to you.” Lexa doesn’t look up but toys with the plastic label of her water bottle. If they were going to do this right she needed to open herself fully to Clarke – vulnerabilities and all.

Clarke watches Lexa and her heart sinks. She could hear the vulnerability and the hurt in Lexa’s voice and it was giving her goose bumps. This moment was nothing like they’ve had before. If they were going to do this right, it was time to put everything out on the table. No more hiding, no more keeping quiet, no more silence.   

Lexa sighs. “All throughout the academy I was taught _head over heart_ and that _love was weakness_. And I followed it, I believed it. It’s what made me a good agent.”  She looks up to meet Clarke’s gaze, “And then I met you. You came into my life and I found myself questioning those things that were engraved into my mind. I found myself choosing my heart and thinking that maybe… that maybe love wasn’t weakness.”

“It’s not,” Clarke breathes.

“Depends on who you ask.”

“You were the last thing I expected when I came back to DC. I came back after a year with Doctors without Borders to see my mum again and to figure out what was going to do with my life.” Clarke takes a deep breath. “It should have been easy. Either continue with Doctors without Borders or get into a residency program. But then _we_ happened. And in a manner of three weeks you became one of the most important people in my life.”

“But you walked away,” Lexa whispers.

“I did,” Clarke nods. “I walked away and I am always going to be sorry for hurting you like that. I know what I did was wrong.”

“But…”

Clarke shakes her head. “No ‘ _buts.’_ It’s not an apology if I say ‘ _Oh sorry I walked away BUT…’_ I just want you to know that I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have walked away. I should have fought for us.”

Lexa takes a deep breath in as she wipes her eyes. “Why did you walk away?”

“We couldn’t risk–”

“No,” Lexa interrupts. “Besides what you’ve already told me about not wanting to risk me losing my job. Why did you walk away?”

It takes a moment but Clarke manages to answer. “I was scared,” she reveals. “I was scared of how fast I was falling for you.”

“And you don’t think I was too?” Lexa wipes away another tear. “I was scared as well… and if you would have just talked to me first, none of this,” she gestures between the two of them and mindlessly around the room, “Had to happened. We could have…” Lexa trails off, unsure of whether or not to continue.

“We could have what?” Clarke asks.

“We could have been happy.”

There’s another pang in Clarke’s chest. She moves a little closer, “Lexa…” But Lexa immediately moves herself back so Clarke doesn’t move any closer. It honestly takes everything in her to not take Lexa’s hand in her own, to offer a hug, or to offer any type of support. Clarke has put herself out there and whilst Lexa did say that she still felt the same, the ball was in her court. After a few moment Clarke works up the courage to quietly ask, “Did you get fired because of me?”

“No,” Lexa replies immediately.

“Then what happened after I left? Because it sure as hell seems like it.”

Lexa places the bottle she’s been fiddling with on her coffee table. She turns to give her full attention to Clarke. “When your mum found about us, she put me on a suspension. But because the gala was coming up it wasn’t going to start till after the gala.”

“After I left…”

“Yes,” Lexa nods. “Your mum wanted me on the gala event since I knew everything already. It would have been more trouble than it was worth to get my replacement in straight away.”

“That’s why you weren’t at the airport the morning I left?”

Lexa nods again. “My suspension started once the gala was over. It was set for a month and I would hear back about my position sometime during then.” She pauses to grab the water bottle and takes a quick drink before continuing. “I wasn’t going to sit around and do nothing for a month, so Nyko offered me a job at _Grounders.”_

“Grounders?” Clarke asks. She didn’t know this part of the story. “How did you end up at _Adina’s?”_

“So two weeks after you left, I was closing up the bar when Indra came by. I didn’t tell her about my suspension and she found out through Anya.” Lexa pauses to take a few deep breaths. “We talked for a bit and she asked me if I enjoyed being an agent more than I enjoyed being a bartender. The conversation ended with her offering the head bartender position for her restaurant, depending on the outcome of my suspension of course.”

“What happened?” Clarke gulps. “With your suspension?”

Lexa props her elbow up on the top of the couch, and rests her head against the palm of her head. “A couple of days after Indra offered me the job, I got a call saying that your mum wanted to meet with me…”

 

* * *

 

_“Thursday? Yes, I can do that. Okay, Bye.” Lexa hangs up the call and zones out completely. She had just gotten off the phone with Maya, who had told her that Abby wanted her to come into the White House. It was a good thing that she’d hadn’t had breakfast yet because she definitely would have been physically sick if there was anything in her stomach._

_“What’s on Thursday?” Anya asks as she walks into the kitchen, having overhead only the last part of the conversation Lexa had._

_Lexa slowly turns to Anya, “I’m meeting with Abby on Thursday.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“With Abby?” Anya asks. “I would have thought it would have just gone to the agency.”_

_“I thought so to.”_

_A silence falls between the two of them. There really wasn’t anything that could be said at this point. Since the start of Lexa’s suspension it’s been a waiting game, it still was, but now there was an end date. Lexa hadn’t told Anya about Indra’s offer – because at first she thought that it was out of the question. Bartending at Grounders was just a temporary thing, something to keep her busy whilst she was suspended. But as the days passed since the offer Lexa found herself thinking that maybe a career change wasn’t that crazy after all._

_Anya makes her way to the fridge, opening to see what they had, “Do you want some breakfast?”_

_“Indra offered me a job as head bartender.”_

_Immediately Anya closes the fridge door and turns back to Lexa. “What?”_

_“Indra – she came to the bar the other night after she found out I was suspended and offered me a job.”_

_“At Adina’s? Once it’s up and running?”_

_Lexa nods._

_“And you’re considering it?”_

_“I… I don’t know,” Lexa answers. “At first I thought it was crazy but now… not so much. Bartending these past few weeks has been… great.” She pauses. “I’m not thinking about Clarke every other second, I’ve got a set work schedule, I don’t always have to be on my feet. It’s been freeing.”_

_“Is it something you want?”_

_Lexa shrugs. “I don’t know what I want at the moment. If you were me what would you do?”_

_Anya moves back to the fridge, taking out the bacon and a couple of eggs. “I don’t know. I don’t bartend and the whole thing with you and Clarke, I can’t possibly understand exactly what happened between the two of you.” Anya grabs a pan and puts it over the stove top. “But i’m here if you want to talk about it but ultimately this is your decision and yours only.”_

_“Will you be okay if I stop being an agent?”_

_“It doesn’t matter what I think, Lexa.” Anya pauses to crack the eggs into the pan. “But yes, I’ll support you in whatever decision you make.”_

* * * 

_Of course Thursday comes too fast for Lexa’s liking. She sits outside the Oval Office with Anya by her side. Her entire future hangs on what’s going to happen once she enters that office. And still, she doesn’t know what she wants._

_“Can I get you some water, tea or coffee or anything Agent Woods?” Maya asks._

_Lexa shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. Thank you.”_

_“Madam President should be back any moment – you know how Thursday meetings can be.”_

_Lexa manages to let out a small laugh. “Yeah.”_

_Abby is back about ten minutes later. She drops off some files for Maya before turning to Lexa and Anya, who both had stood up from their seats. “Agent Woods – come on in.”_

_Lexa nods. She picks up her bag and follows Abby into the office, closing the door behind her._

_“Take a seat,” Abby instructs as she takes her own seat behind her desk. “How have you been?”_

_“Well,” Lexa replies, taking her seat._

_“That’s good.”_

_“Madam President?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Why am I meeting with you about this? No offence, but surely you have better things to do than to tell me if I’m fired or not.”_

_Abby lets out a small sigh. “Given the nature of your suspension I thought the news best come from me.”_

_Lexa braces herself to hear that she’s being fired. She knew it was coming, she’d fallen for the president’s daughter, she crossed so many lines and broken so many rules. Only a miracle would have saved her at this point._

_“You’ll be re-instated to my security detail,” Abby says._

_Well, there was Lexa’s miracle. She should be over the moon at this point, she should be grateful that she was being fired. But instead she’s even more conflicted at this point because now she had to make a very real decision. Does she continue on with being an agent? Or does she take Indra up on the head bartender offer? At least if she was fired there would only be one choice for her._

_Lexa looks down to her bag. There was a letter of resignation in there, one that she prepared the day before_ just in case. _It took her the whole day to write it, as she constantly walked away from her laptop in frustration. But she managed to finish it, she wanted to be fully prepared for whatever was going to happen._

_Abby notices Lexa’s somewhat still expression. “Agent Woods?”_

_Lexa looks up as she decides on what she wants. “I…” she stops. Lexa reaches into her bag and takes out her letter. She holds onto it for a second before sliding it across the table towards Abby._

_Abby brings the paper closer to her, “What’s this?” she asks. But when her eyes scan the first line she’s got her answer._

_“I’m not coming back,” Lexa whispers._

_“Lexa,” Abby sighs. She wasn’t talking to her agent at this point. “I am not saying that what happened between you and Clarke wasn’t wrong. But you are only human. Sometimes you can’t help who you develop feelings for. But that doesn’t make you a bad agent, in fact you are one of the best agents I’ve had the pleasure of working with.”_

_“This isn’t about Clarke,” Lexa says. “This is about me and what I want for my future. The past couple of weeks has been… eye-opening. Being an agent is all I’ve known for the longest of times but I think that my time has come.” She pauses and gives a small smile. “It has been an honour to serve for you.”_

_Abby lifts up the resignation letter. “Are you sure this isn’t about Clarke?”_

_“I am,” Lexa replies (and she actually is). “What happened between Clarke and I was definitely catalyst for it all, but this decision was mine, and mine only.”_

_“Okay then.” Abby could tell that there wasn’t much she could say or do to convince Lexa to stay on. She stands and offers her hand. “Then I guess that’s all.”_

_Lexa stands up as well and accepts the handshake. “Thank you, Madam President.”_

_“Thank you, Agent Woods. I’m sure that you’ll excel in whatever you’re going to pursue now.”_

_Lexa nods. “I hope so.”_

 

* * *

 

When Lexa finishes telling the story, she notices that Clarke is very still, as if she was holding her breath the whole time. “Are you okay?”

Clarke nods. “Yeah, sorry. It’s–” she stops, bringing her hands to rub her face.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?”

Clarke looks across to Lexa and takes a deep breath. “Are you happy?”

“I am,” Lexa smiles. “After resigning I called Indra and accepted the offer. Then from there Nyko let me stay on until _Adina’s_ was up and running. He taught me a lot during that time.”

Clarke smiles as well. “That’s good.”

“What about you?” Lexa asks.

“Hm?”

“Are you happy?”

Clarke thinks about it for a moment. “I’m… I’m not sad, which is good.” She pauses for moment before going on to explain. “For the first two weeks of Jordan that’s all I was… sad. I managed to put on a brave face for work but once the day was over it just slowly creeped back up.” She starts to draw mindless patterns into the couch. “But I took it one day at a time. I focused on work and on the people who I could help. And slowly I was able to focus on the fact that we did get a few good days. I got to kiss you, I got to know you, I got to hold, I got _to be with you._ ”

A small smile tugs at Lexa’s lips. “Yeah…”

The room goes silent. The only thing that can be heard is the ticking of the wall clock. _Tick, tick, tick._ For the first time in forever, the air between them isn’t think or laced with any type of tension. Instead it was open, calm, _hopeful._ This was it, the time to move forward.

“You’re leaving in two days…” Lexa whispers.

Clarke swallows the lump in her throat. “I am.” She watches Lexa drop her head into her hands, rubbing her eyes quite harshly. “I have to go… People are depending on me.”

Lexa looks back up to Clarke. “I know,” she replies.

“But I want this to work.” Clarke moves her hand forward, placing it on the empty couch between them. “I want this, Lexa. I want you.”

Lexa looks down in the space between them find finds herself smiling. She places her hand on top of Clarke’s and gives it a small squeeze. “I want this to work too.”

Clarke moves closer and lifts Lexa’s hand from the couch. She doesn’t let go, but instead mindlessly threads her fingers through Lexa’s. “I’ll be back in four months,” she whispers. Clarke doesn’t want to ask the all inevitable question, because honestly she think she’s allowed to or even if she deserves too. She keeps her eyes down at their hands, “Lexa, I don’t know how–” Clarke stops when she feels Lexa’s fingers on her chin, lifting her head so that their eyes meet.

“I will wait for you,” Lexa says, keeping her hand where it was.

Clarke adverts her gaze. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

Lexa lifts Clarke’s up chin again, just slightly so that blue eyes meet green again. “You’re not asking, I’m telling you. I don’t want to lose you again, so as long as you’re coming back… _to me_ , I can wait. I _will_ wait.” She moves her hand to the back of Clarke’s neck, bringing her in to rest their foreheads against each other. “I want you and only you,” she breathes.

Both women close their eyes and take a moment. This was the only option for them. There was no way Clarke was going back on her commitment to Doctors without Borders and there was no way Lexa would let her. After everything they’ve been through, they could do this. It was just four months.

“I’ll come back to you,” Clarke whispers. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast but she didn’t care because she could feel Lexa giving just the slightest nod. They made it. They made it through the heartache, the tears, the tension, the eight months in which they thought that this moment couldn’t possibly ever happen. Clarke leans in closer, taking a few deep breaths. Her lips barely grazing Lexa’s. The ball was still in Lexa’s court.

Lexa moves her hands to cradle each side of Clarke’s face, and closes the distance between them. At first contact the first thing she notices is how much she’s missed this. How much she’s missed the feeling of kissing Clarke. The softness, the care, the love and absolute tenderness of the moment has her heart fluttering. Their lips continue to move in sync, slow, delicate and with purpose.

Clarke runs her tongue along Lexa’s bottom lip and lets out a soft moan when she feels their tongue slide against each other. She’s missed this more than anyone could imagine. Her whole body is tingling, her heart racing, and if she could only have one wish it would be able to live in this moment forever.

Reluctantly, the kiss slows down and eventually they break a part.

“Do you have to work tomorrow?” Clarke asks, barely a whisper

Lexa has to think about it for a moment, her mind still hazy from their kiss. “No,” she smiles.

“Can we spend the day together?”

Lexa brings one of Clarke’s hands up to her lips and places a soft kiss on it. “I’d love to. What would you like to do?”

Clarke smiles. She moves to rest her head against Lexa’s shoulder, basking in the moment. “I don’t mind; I just want to spend the day with you.” She takes Lexa’s hand and intertwines their fingers together. “Plus, you probably have a better grasp on we can do here.”

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to come up with an idea. “I know the perfect place.”

“Really? Where?” Clarke asks, lifting her head up of Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa smiles and leans in. “It’s a surprise,” she whispers against Clarke’s lips before kissing her again.

Clarke doesn’t try to stop the moan that escapes her lips. She moves her hand to behind Lexa’s neck, pulling her in closer while simultaneously trying to deepen the kiss. Tongues seek each other at the same time, eliciting a jolt of electricity between the two of them.

Breaking away, Lexa leans up and kisses Clarke’s forehead. “I’ll let Anya know.”

“Okay.” Clarke nettles herself closer to Lexa, feeling the most content she’s ever been. “Thank you for giving me another chance,” she whispers.  Clarke still couldn’t believe she was given a second chance. For eight months she’s only hoped and dreamed for this moment – never really thinking that Lexa would let her back in.

But here they were, ready to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always if you need someone to talk to after that finale, i'm here. tumblr, twitter or simply drop a comment below.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big chapter. it was going to be two chapters but the split wasn't even so i just left it as one. sorry that my chapter lengths are so inconsistent. 
> 
> happy reading! xx

Lexa wakes up with a smile on her face as the memories of the previous night play out. After their talk she and Clarke spent their time exchanging lazy kisses and simply being with each other again. They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms, with Clarke resting on Lexa’s chest as Lexa mindlessly stroked Clarke’s hair. It was them reconnecting. Before Clarke (reluctantly) left, Lexa had a quick chat with Anya and Luna about where she wanted to go the following day. They come up with a quick plan before saying their goodbyes.

Now it was just before 7am and Lexa couldn’t hide how simultaneously excited and nervous for today as well. It was the first time they could be together without having to hide their relationship. Whilst Lexa wasn’t an agent anymore, Clarke was still the president’s daughter and that was not something that could be changed. Today would probably be as close as they were ever going to get to being just _them,_ so Lexa can fight through the nerves.

Today’s agenda was the City of Light Fall Festival. It was located in a beautiful small town about an hour’s drive away. It was part festival, part carnival; where there were food stalls set up to showcase local produce, game stands, rides and live music. Lexa’s been there once, a couple of years ago with Anya and Aden. It was definitely one of her fondest memories.  

The only thing that could have made this day better was if she was able to just spend it with _just_ Clarke. But knowing very well what dangers being the president’s daughter can carry, she’s grateful that it’s Anya and Luna, two people who she’s quite comfortable with.

After a light breakfast Lexa starts to raid her closet for an outfit. She was never one to really care about what she was wearing; as long as it was comfortable, that’s all that mattered to her. But today she finds herself wanting to put a little more effort. She was definitely grateful that it was the middle of Autumn, the colder seasons were definitely her favourite in terms of fashion choices.

She mixes and matches different jeans, sweaters, jackets and shirts on her bed, growing a little more frustrated with every outcome. Lexa didn’t have fancy clothes – never really needing them for the jobs she’s had. But eventually she finds her outfit. Across her bed she lays out her ripped dark blue jeans, a loose fitting white blouse, her black leather jacket and a red scarf.

As she’s deciding on what shoes to wear, she hears her phone buzz. Lexa leaves her closest for the time being to check the notification, smiling when she sees it’s a message from Clarke.

 **Clarke Griffin 8:18AM**  
Good morning :) I hope you had  
a good sleep. I’m really excited to  
spend the day with you. Can you  
let me know where we’re going so  
I know what to wear?

 **Lexa Woods 8:19AM**  
Good morning, Clarke  
Where we're going is still a surprise  
but we’re going to be outside for most  
of the day so definitely something  
warm and comfortable shoes!

Lexa is about to put her phone back down when it starts to ring.

_Clarke Griffin calling._

Lexa lets out a small laugh before picking up the call. “Hello,” she smiles, walking back to her closest.

“ _Hi.”_ There’s a small pause. “ _Sorry for calling, Raven hit call before I could stop it.”_

Lexa laughs a little, hearing Raven yell something in the background of the call. “It’s okay. Why did Raven hit call in the first place?”

“ _Because she’s an ass who – OW Raven don’t hit me!”_

Lexa can’t help but laugh again, hearing the best friends banter on the other end of the call. She can tell that they’re fighting over the phone, so she waits till one of them has it.

“ _Lexa.”_

“Hello, Raven.”

“ _What are your intentions with – OH FUCK GRIFFIN STOP!”_

Lexa stops again, smiling as she continues to look for a pair of shoes to go with her outfit.

“ _Lexa, you still there?”_

Lexa picks up her pair of low cut black boots and places them on the floor besides the bed, “Yes Clarke, I’m here.”

“ _Sorry about that. Raven’s just being Raven.”_

“Really Clarke, it’s fine.”

_“Raven hit call because I have literally no idea what to wear and she said she was sick of me complaining.”_

“It’s a surprise, Clarke,” Lexa laughs. “Do you not like surprises?”

_“Not particularly.”_

“If you really want to know I will tell you.”

“ _No,”_ Clarke interrupts rather quickly. “ _I might not like them, but I want this day to be perfect so if you want to keep it a surprise, I want to be surprised.”_

“It’ll be perfect either way,” Lexa whispers. There’s a small silence between the two of them, the smile on each of their faces evident in their voices.

It’s only interrupted when Lexa hears Octavia in the background of the call, “ _OHHhhh Clarke’s blushing!”_

Lexa’s a little surprised. “Octavia’s with you too?”

“ _Yeah, they’re trying to help me decide on an outfit.”_

“Clarke, just make sure you’re warm and comfortable. There’s no need to overthink this.”

“ _That’s easy for you to say, you look hot in everything.”_

Lexa finds herself blushing at the compliment. “I’m sure you’re going to look amazing in whatever you wear.”

“ _Hey Lexa…”_

Lexa raises an eyebrow to herself hearing how soft Clarke's voice was now. “Why are you whispering?”

“ _I moved into the bathroom for a minute, I want to ask you something.”_

Lexa’s heart skips a beat. “Yeah, of course.”

“ _Would it be okay if I told my mum that I was spending the day with you? I don’t want to have to hide this from her.”_

“Of course,” Lexa reassures.

“ _Are you sure?”_

“Yes, I am sure. I don’t want to hide this too.”

_“Okay, umm, I should go try and find an outfit now… I’ll message you when we’re leaving here.”_

_“_ See you soon, Clarke.”

“ _Bye_.”

Once Lexa hangs up the call she opens her conversation with Octavia. It had only dawned on her that she was going to be taking up Clarke’s last day in DC, which she kind of felt bad for. She knows how close they all are and that maintaining a long distance friendship couldn’t have been the easiest thing.

 **Lexa Woods 8:27AM**  
Hey Octavia, sorry for taking Clarke  
away from you on her last day in DC

 **Octavia Blake 8:28AM**  
Don’t be. You should see how happy  
she is right now. Thank you for giving  
her another chance. Just make sure  
you talk everything out before she  
leaves. Don’t let this slip through your fingers

 **Lexa Woods 8:28AM**  
I won’t

 **Octavia Blake 8:28AM**  
Hey this is Raven, make sure you have Clarke  
home by her flight at 5pm tomorrow ;)

Lexa laughs and chooses to end the conversation there. She throws her phone onto the bed, grabs a towel and heads into the shower.

 

* * *

 

As Clarke continues to go through her clothes, she can hear her best friends whispering and laughing behind her. She turns around to see Octavia and Raven both smirking at the phone. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Octavia quips. She locks her phone and puts it aside, “Bellamy tagged me in a photo and I was just showing Raven.”

Raven shrugs. “It was stupid… Now let’s get back to you. Decided what you’re going to wear yet?”

Clarke pouts a little and shakes her head.

“Okay, okay, I’ll make you look hot.” Octavia moves towards the closest, pushing Clarke aside so she can see what she has to work with. “How’s the weather today?”

“Cold,” Clarke answers as she moves to sit on her bed. “Lexa said to keep warm and wear comfy shoes.”

Octavia hums in response. “Shorts and stockings okay? Or do you want jeans?”

“Whatever is fine,” Clarke replies. In a manner of minutes, Octavia has essentially thrown her an outfit. In her lap she has her high waisted denim shorts, a pair of stockings, a plain black shirt and her cream-coloured woollen cardigan. “Shoes?”

“Your Docs or your brown knee high boots,” Raven answers.

Clarke nods. “Okay.”

“Hold on!” Octavia yells. “One more thing.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow as Octavia heads back into her closest. She had an outfit on her lap already, what else could Octavia add? Clarke isn’t surprised when Octavia walks over to her with a pair of her matching navy blue lingerie. “Really?”

“Really,” Octavia winks.

Clarke shakes her head with a small laugh but takes it anyways. She takes the rest of her clothing and heads into the bathroom so she can change. Once she’s got her outfit on she brushes her hair and decides to leave it down for now (but has got two elastics on her wrist just in case she wants to tie it up later in the day).

She steps out of the bathroom, where Raven and Octavia have the widest grins on. “How do I look?”

Raven wolf whistles. “Cute but also hot.”

“You going to be warm enough?” Octavia asks.

“Yeah,” Clarke nods. “Hey I’m sorry I’m bailing out on our day together…”

Octavia immediately shakes her head and makes her way to her best friend. She pulls Clarke into a hug, “You don’t need to apologise. I just want you to be happy.”

Clarke tightens her hug around Octavia. “Thank you, O,” she whispers.

“Don’t mess this up,” Octavia jokes as she pulls away from the hug.

Clarke lets out a small laugh. “Trust me, I won’t.”

Raven and Octavia part ways after that. They were headed off to the National Museum of Natural History for the day and wanted to get there early. Once she sees her friends off, Clarke makes her way to find her mum. Eventually she ends up in one of the gardens.

“Hey mum,” Clarke greets as she takes a seat across table.

Abby smiles and closes her laptop for the time being. “Hey sweet heart, you look nice. I thought you were spending the day with Raven and Octavia?”

“Change of plans actually…” Clarke trails off. “I’m spending the day with Lexa.”

“Really?”

Clarke nods. “I just, I don’t want to hide it from you.”

Abby reaches across the table and gives her daughter’s hand a small squeeze. “Does she make you happy?”

“She does,” Clarke smiles.

“And she treats you right?” Clarke nods. “Clarke, you know that’s all I want for you, right? Someone who makes you happy and treats with you with the love and respect you deserve.”

“Lexa’s all those things, and so much more.”

Abby nods. She can’t help but smile when she sees the sparkle in her daughter’s eyes as she talked about Lexa. “Have you talked to her about what’s going to happen when you go tomorrow?”

“Not quite, but I’m sure Lexa and I will talk more today.”

“I just don’t you to see you get hurt again.”

Clarke offers a small smile. “I know, but I can’t lose her again.”

The Griffin women fall into an easy conversation about what they had planned for the day. Abby laughs when she hears that Clarke doesn’t know where they’re going, knowing very well how much her daughter hated surprises. And when she makes a (half) joke about Clarke not coming home tonight, her daughter is up from the chair and leaving.

“Aww Clarke,” Abby laughs. “Come on.”

Clarke turns back and sits back down. “Not funny.”

“Kind of funny,” Abby teases back. “But in all seriousness, if you do decide to spend the night with Lexa–”

“Muuuum,” Clarke groans.

“Clarke, listen. If you do want to spend the night with her, tell your agents that it’s fine that they leave you with Lexa. If they want to call and confirm with me, tell them to do exactly that.” Abby pauses and lets out a small laugh when she notices her daughter’s cheeks have gone a slight shade of red. “I’ll stop now. I’ll be at the airport with you before you leave.”

Clarke nods and gives a small smile. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

By 11am there’s a knock at Lexa’s door that causes her to jump slightly. When she opens it, Clarke is standing there with a bouquet of flowers and a wide grin on her face. Lexa’s heart skips a beat and her jaw drops slightly when she sees Clarke. Dressed in high waisted denim shorts, stockings, a black shirt and a woollen cardigan, Lexa isn’t sure how someone can look so hot and cute at the same time.

“Hi,” Clarke smiles. She hands over the flowers, “These are for you.”

The moment Clarke speaks; Lexa feels weak in the knees. All her nervousness washes away and a warm and comforting feeling washes through her. Lexa takes the flowers and smells them. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” She pulls Clarke into her apartment, “Come in for a moment. I’ll put these in some water and we can go.”

Clarke closes the door behind her and follows Lexa through to the kitchen. The moment the flowers are dropped into a vase of water, Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist and brings her in for a searing kiss. Immediately her tongue slips into Lexa’s mouth as a low moan vibrate between the two of them. Clarke nudges Lexa backwards, pushing her up so that she’s sitting up on one of the kitchen benches.

Immediately Lexa wraps her legs around Clarke, keeping her as close as she could. Lexa then takes Clarke’s bottom lip her in her own, biting it ever so gently before letting it go. “You look beautiful,” she grins before leaning in to continue kissing.

“Mmmm,” Clarke moans. When the kiss ends again, she starts to trail light kisses across Lexa’s jaw and towards her pulse point. “So are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”

Lexa laughs as Clarke’s breath tickles her neck. “Nope.”

“Come on, I can make it worth your while,” Clarke smirks. She moves so that their noses brush against each other.

“Nope,” Lexa repeats with a grin. She moves her head back and moves her hands to interlock behind Clarke’s neck. “I have a question though.”

Clarke moves her hand down to rest on Lexa’s waist. “Hmm?”

“We’re going to be out in public today… I probably should have you asked you last night but are you okay with that?”

“I am,” Clarke smiles.

“And… what about _us_ being _out_ in public?”

Clarke raises an eyebrow, “What do you mean?” 

Lexa lets out a small breath. “I mean… is there anything you’re not comfortable with when we're in public? There are going to be a bunch of people where we’re going so I don’t know if you want other people knowing–” She’s cut off when Clarke’s lips are on hers again. It takes a second for Lexa to react, eventually closing her eyes and falling into the kiss as well.

Clarke ends the kiss with a smile. “I don’t want to hide,” she whispers. “So as long as you’re okay with it, I’d love to be able to hold your hand,” she leans in closer, “And kiss you today,” she whispers against Lexa’s lips.

“Hmmm, okay,” Lexa whispers back with a smirk. She places another soft, quick kiss on the lips in front of her before jumping off the countertop. Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in her own and pulls them towards the door, “Let’s go.”

When they’re out the door, Lexa greets Anya and Luna and within minutes they’re in the SUV and on their way to the festival. The drive is peaceful, a light chatter filled the car as the four of them talk about mindless things. Clarke and Lexa occasionally steal glances at each other, the widest grin appearing on each other’s face when they do.

They arrive at the festival within the hour and the place as a certain excitement to it. One of the main streets has been closed off for the festival and at the end of the street there is a park where the festivities continues. There’s the perfect amount of people here, kids run up and down the street, occasionally balloons fly up into the sky and the smell of food starts to make their mouths water.

At the entrance of the festival, Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and interlocks their fingers together. “Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect,” Lexa nods.

They walk through the festival with Anya and Luna close behind. The first thing they decide to do is buy lunch; given that they were both quite hungry. Occasionally Clarke is stopped when someone recognises her and a few photos are taken. When Clarke and Lexa have bought a few things, they find an empty picnic table to enjoy their food.

Lexa immediately opens up all their dishes and the two of them start to share the food. They sit side by side, an easy conversation falling between the two of them about the food they’re eating. Clarke digs her fork into the apple fennel salad and holds it up for Lexa. “You have to try this.”

Lexa lets herself be fed and hums in approval.

“You have a little something…” Clarke touches the side of her lip to indicate that Lexa had a little sauce on her own lip.

“Oh,” Lexa smiles. “Can you pass me a tissue?”

Clarke smirks. “I have a better idea.” She brings her fingers to the bottom of Lexa’s chin and slowly leans in. She licks at the sauce before running her tongue along Lexa’s bottom lip. “All gone.”

Lexa laughs against Clarke’s lips and chases them for another kiss. When they break a part they continue on with their lunch. For the both of them it was freeing, not having to hide anymore.

Clarke puts down her fork and turns slightly to Lexa. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Earlier when we were buying lunch…” Clarke stops for a moment. “Does it bother you when people come up to me? And when they ask for photos?”

Lexa puts down her fork and turns to Clarke. She offers a small smile as she brings one of her hands to the side of Clarke’s face. “No,” she replies. “You are a public figure and people love you, it’s only natural that they want to meet you. So as long as these people who come up to you aren’t making you feel uncomfortable, it doesn’t bother me.”

Clarke gives a small unconvincing, nod, "Okay."

Lexa moves her hand to rest on Clarke’s shoulder. “I mean it; it doesn’t bother me. I know that this is a part of your life and I admire how you meet everyone with such love and respect.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Lexa smiles and instead of answering she leans in for another quick kiss. After that she starts to gather their rubbish, “Come on, let’s go explore the rest of the festival.”

So Clarke and Lexa continue to walk through the festival. The atmosphere in the air is electric and it just adds to the excitement the both of them have in this moment. They pass all the food stalls and were now in the section of the festival with the games and activities. Both of them take turns playing the various games that are set up. It’s all the classics; hoops, darts, ring toss, laughing clowns and the high striker. They win a few games, but always offered their prizes to any kids who were close by.

About an hour later they find themselves sitting under the shade, listening to the live music that was playing up on the main stage. Lexa was leaning against the tree as Clarke nestled herself between her legs, slightly leaning back and simply relaxing to the sound of the music. They were both a bit away from the main crowd with Anya and Luna out of ear-shot from them.

Lexa pulls Clarke in a little closer, keeping their fingers interlocked. They stay like this for a few songs, simply enjoying being in each other’s arms. Lexa lets out a content sigh. The day so far has been everything she had hoped for. The spark and the chemistry between the two of them was definitely still there, if not even stronger than it was eight months ago. All her nerves from earlier in the day are completely gone, however there was still the elephant in the room. Clarke was leaving the following day.

“Clarke…” Lexa whispers.

“Yes?”

Lexa lets out a small sigh. She places a soft kiss on the crook of Clarke’s neck and rests there, “How is this going to work?”

“I’m coming back to you, Lexa.”

“I know,” Lexa reassures. “But reality is that we’ve been separated longer that we’ve known each other. And we’ve barely been together a day.”

Clarke turns around completely so that they’re facing each other. “I know, but we can make this work. I can’t promise that we’ll talk every day because our camp sites don’t always have the best signals but I will do everything it takes to make sure we don’t lose _this.”_   She brings her hand up to cup Lexa’s cheek, “I can’t lose you, again.”

“You won’t,” Lexa replies immediately. She brings Clarke in closer, resting their foreheads together. “I am yours. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Clarke nods. “We’ll skype, text, email, call and even write letters if we have to,” she smiles.

They pull back and Lexa smiles as well. “So we’re… together...” she trails off, leaving it as a half question and half statement.

“Yes,” Clarke nods with a wide grin.

“Are we… dating?”

“Dating kind of implies that we’re still unsure of whether or not we want to be in a relationship.” Clarke pauses. “But I know, Lexa. I want to be with you, and only you.”

Lexa swallows the lump in her throat. She fiddles with her fingers. And It takes a few moments before she clears her throat. “So we’re… _girlfriends?”_

“You’re nervous…” Clarke states.

Lexa sighs. “What gave it away?”

Clarke places both her hands at either side of Lexa’s shoulders. “I know we have a complicated history and that we haven’t even been together _officially_ a day. So it’s okay if you’re not comfortable or ready with putting a label on us yet.” She smiles. “I know that we’ll get there in the future. The only thing that matters right now is that both feel the same way about each other.”

“We do,” Lexa reassures. She leans forward to capture Clarke’s lips once again. Kissing Clarke was her new favourite thing to do and she was going to make the most of the time they had left together.

About an hour later they find themselves lining up for the Ferris wheel. Fortunately it's not a long wait. They sit side by side as the ride takes them right up to the top. It does a complete spin before it stops, giving the two women a view of the entire festival. Clarke has one arm across Lexa’s shoulder and with her free hand she gestures out to the sight before them. “One day, all this will be ours," she jokes.

“You are so cute.” Lexa tugs at Clarke’s cardigan, slowly bringing their lips together. It’s a soft, delicate kiss. Their mouths move slowly with each other, each of them savouring every last second, memorising every last move, every feeling. She pulls back slightly, looking right to Clarke who’s still got her eyes closed. “Clarke…”

Clarke opens her eyes and the way that Lexa was looking at her makes her heart absolutely flutter. “Yes?” she whispers.

Lexa moves some loose strands of hair to behind Clarke’s ear. “Stay with me tonight?”

Clarke grins, seeing a slight shade of red on Lexa’s face appear.

“We don’t have to– I’m not–” Lexa pauses for a second, composing herself before continuing. “I just want us to be together for as long as we can before you leave.” Her nerves are completely dropped when she sees Clarke respond with a soft, warm smile that makes her heart positively ache.

“I would love to,” Clarke replies, as the beating in her chest starts to pick up. One night, that’s all they had. One night to say their goodbyes. She brings Lexa in for a hug, nuzzling herself into the crook of Lexa’s shoulder.

“I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye to you tomorrow,” Lexa whispers.

“We still have 24 hours before I have to go. Just focus on that for now.”

Lexa nods against the hug and the two of them remain impossibly close for the rest of the ride. Before they have to get off the Ferris wheel they manage to take a handful of photos together and of each other. And the rest of the day remains light and fun, with Clarke and Lexa going on a few more rides, playing a few more games and sharing a stick of fairy floss together.

By about 3:30pm they decide they’ve enjoyed the festival enough. But in reality the two women just wanted to get back to Lexa’s apartment where they can just _be._ As they walk back to the car Clarke and Luna walk ahead, making light conversation about the day they’ve had whilst Lexa and Anya walk slightly behind them.

“I asked Clarke to stay the night,” Lexa whispers.

“I know,” Anya replies. “She told me when you were in the bathroom.”

“Would you have to tell Abby?”

Anya shakes her head and gives a slight smirk. “Apparently Abby already told Clarke that it was okay for her to spend the night with you this morning.”

Lexa’s eyes widen and she can feel the heat rush to her cheeks. “You’re lying…”

“Nope,” Anya laughs. “I called her already and she said that as long as Clarke's with you, she will be okay with us leaving Clarke at your place.”

“Oh my god,” Lexa groans. “This couldn’t get any more embarrassing.”

Anya places her hand of Lexa’s shoulder and gives it a slight squeeze. “Hey, but what’s a little embarrassment when you get to spend the night with Clarke before she leaves?”

Lexa lets out a deep breath and sighs. That was true. She’d suffer through a lot of embarrassment if she had to, to be able to have Clarke for the night. She watches Clarke in front of her and she’s torn between her feelings again. Their date so far has been everything and so much more, it had re-sparked the connection between the two of them despite all the heart ache they’ve been through. But tomorrow they would have to say their goodbyes, and how were they going to do that just after finding each other again?

During the drive back, the four of them discuss a plan that would be the most effective in terms of Clarke staying at Lexa’s. Clarke wanted to spend as much time with Lexa as she could before she had to leave, so the first thing she does is call her mum to double check that she was going to be at the airport with them following day. When Abby confirms that she is going to the airport, the plan is set. Lexa would be dropped off at home first whilst Clarke is taken back to the White House so that she can pack her bags. Once that’s done Anya will drive her back to Lexa’s. And for the following day, Clarke will be picked up at 2pm to go to the airport.

 

* * *

 

As Clarke packs her bags, she’s on the phone with Raven and Octavia who were still out and having an early dinner. Her best friends drill her about the day she’s had, asking about every little thing, which is no surprise to any of them. And Clarke tells them most of it, what they did, the games they played and the rides they rode. But she keeps their intimate moments on the down low, these memories were hers and Lexa’s only. Moments just for them.

She would have liked to see her mum before leaving for Lexa’s, but she finds out through Maya that she had to step out earlier in the day. It was okay though Clarke would definitely see her tomorrow at the airport.

By 7pm Clarke is knocking on Lexa’s door.  When it’s being opened, the first thing she notices is that Lexa’s already changed into more casual clothing and had her hair up in a messy bun.

“Hey,” Lexa smiles. “Come in.”

“Hi,” she replies. Clarke wheels her suitcase in and leaves it to the side, turning back to Lexa and Anya.  

“We’ll be here tomorrow at 2,” Anya reminds them.

Lexa nods. “See you then.”

“Night, lovebirds.”

The teasing hint in Anya’s tone is palpable, which only causes Lexa to groan before shutting the door without warning. She locks the door, “Sorry about that, Anya’s she’s–” Lexa is cut off when she turns around and Clarke immediately pushes her up against the door and into a fiery kiss. Lexa’s hands immediately tangle through Clarke’s hair, pulling her in closer.

Clarke’s fingers toy with the hem of Lexa’s shirt, slightly grazing the soft skin underneath. She hums into the kiss when Lexa runs her tongue along her bottom lip. The kiss is all passion, with silent messages that both of them are too afraid to say out loud passing through with the touch of their lips. “Hi,” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s lips.

Still in a daze all Lexa can do is smile in return.

Clarke pulls back slightly, “Are you making something? It smells great.”

“I am,” Lexa answers. She motions towards the kitchen, “I know we had a lot at the festival but I found myself a little hungry so I started making us a chicken and avocado salad.” She moves over to the pan where the chicken was frying off, “I’m just cooking the chicken, it should be done in a couple of minutes.”

Clarke walks around the kitchen, taking it in for the first time. The other night she was here she only sat on the couch, too nervous about the conversation she was going have to take in her surroundings. “Do you need any help?” she asks.

“No,” Lexa smiles. “Everything is all cut up already. Help yourself to a drink if you want one.”

Clarke makes her way to the fridge and opens it. “Would you like one too?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

There are a couple of beers, water, soft drink and some juice. She takes out the juice and opens a few cupboards until she finds the glasses. She pours the juice and takes a sip of her own before taking Lexa’s to her. Clarke moves to stand behind Lexa, letting her head on the brunette’s shoulder as she passes along the drink. She wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist and places a soft kiss on Lexa's cheek. 

“Thank you,” Lexa smiles. She takes a sip before putting it down and flipping the chicken. They stand like this for the rest of the time the food is cooking, Clarke with her arms wrapped around Lexa, enjoying the quiet and the closeness of the moment.

Once the chicken is done, chopped and thrown into the salad they move to the living room and open the TV for some background noise. They sit facing each other as they ate and talked. It’s like a game of twenty questions, each of them learning the little things about each other. They share stories all types of stories, dreams and passions. They laugh, cry and embarrass themselves in front of each other for the next hour or so. When Clarke starts to gather the dishes, she feels Lexa’s hand stop her.

“It’s okay, Clarke. I can clean up.”

Clarke shakes her head and picks up the dishes anyway. “It’s the least I can do. Stay here, it’ll only take a minute.” Carefully she carries the dishes in one hand and places the two glasses on top of each other. She makes her way into the kitchen and places them into the sink, grabbing the sponge and soup to start cleaning.

Lexa doesn’t argue. She relaxes back into the couch and turns her attention back to the TV. But not really, while she was watching her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was on the woman in her kitchen, the woman who made her heart race ten times faster, the woman who rendered her speechless more than a couple of times, the woman who had her heart. In the eight months they were separated Lexa could have only dreamed of them finding their way back to each other. But now, now it was a reality and she’s sure this is the happiest she’s ever been.

When she hears the water turning off, Lexa turns to the kitchen and watches Clarke make her way back. They’ve both got the widest grin on each other’s faces, both of them still reeling in from the fact that they were both here, in this moment. When Clarke is in reach, Lexa pulls Clarke on top of her to straddle her lap.

Clarke hums in approval. Both of her hands rest on Lexa’s shoulders, “Lexa…” she whispers as she leans in closer.

“Clarke…” Lexa breathes.

Clarke brushes her nose over Lexa’s, leaning in closer so that their lips just barely touch. Slowly and softly, she places a path of light kisses across Lexa’s jaw and down till the little dip in her collar. Clarke then nips at the skin, sucking ever so softly at the pulse point. She smiles against the delicate skin when she feels Lexa’s hands slip under her shirt, tracing mindless patterns on the small of her back.

Eventually Lexa guides Clarke’s face back up and kisses her. Their lips move slowly against each other as they enjoy the feeling of connecting and reconnecting. There is a push and pull from both women as they fight to control the kiss.

Without breaking the kiss, Clarke brings her hand up to cup Lexa’s face. She deepens the kiss, pushing Lexa back further into the couch. The room slowly fills with the soft panting that only quickens.

Lexa’s hands start to roam more of the pale skin, up and down the curve of Clarke’s waist and her ribcage. She takes her time in caressing the woman on top of her, wanting to engrave every single moment into her mind. Time has never been on their side, but she’ll make time for this. She’ll take the time to learn Clarke’s body, to kiss every scar, every freckle, every little dip and curve that makes her who she physically is. One night is all they had for now. But one night was all she needed to love and to cherish Clarke the way she deserved.  

They don’t stop kissing. Tongues moving against each other, across lips and in and out of each other’s mouths. Neither of them try to contain the moans they echo through the room. With their bodies completely flushed against each other, Clarke slowly starts to grind her hips down.

Lexa’s hands move down to squeeze at Clarke’s ass with every thrust. She keeps the rhythm steady, wanting to enjoy every second of this. There was no denying that she was completely turned on at this point as she could feel herself becoming wetter with every hip roll. She pushes Clarke forward slightly and moving her hands to toy with the hem of her shirt. “Can I?” she asks, pushing it up ever so slightly.

Clarke bites her bottom lip and nods. She lets Lexa drag her shirt up and over her head to take the garment off. Once the shirt was thrown to the side, Lexa’s hands are immediately on her bare hips. Lexa was just starring at her body, which usually would make sure feel a little insecure, but not this time. Lexa’s pupils have darkened and she looks at Clarke like she puts the stars in the night sky. There was so much love, passion and adoration in the green eyes before her and it makes her heart flutter. Clarke surges forward, crashing their lips together again.

Lexa’s hand runs along the newly exposed skin. Up and down the curve of Clarke’s waist, her almost bare back and up to Clarke’s breast, giving it a light squeeze over the bra. “This bra looks amazing on you.” The kissing only grows more heated, more hot, more desperate. Lexa moves her kisses down Clarke’s collar till she hits to the top of breasts. She silently asks for permission to take off the bra by tugging at the back of it. When Clarke nods, Lexa unclasps the bra and her breath hitches as see Clarke’s breast for the first time. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers. Lexa leans in and flicks her tongue over the harden nipple, relishing in the sound that escapes from Clarke’s mouth.

“Hmmm, Lexa, _yes_ ,” Clarke moans. She brings her hands to tangle in Lexa’s hair, pulling her in closer, encouraging her to keep going. She starts to grind down again, in an attempt to gain even the slightest of friction where she wanted it the most. Lexa’s tongue licks, flicks and swirls, giving an equal amount of attention to each of her breasts. “Oh god,” Clarke whimpers.

After a few more moments Lexa seeks out Clarke’s lips again. In between their kisses she manages to whisper, “Let me take you to bed.” Clarke nods and Lexa guides her to stand up. Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers and guides them to the bedroom.

Clarke falls onto the bed with a soft thud. She pulls Lexa in by the waist, “You’re wearing too much clothes.” She pulls at the top of Lexa’s pants and looks up to the green eyes above her. When she sees Lexa nod, Clarke slowly pulls them down and Lexa steps out of them.

Without saying anything Lexa then takes off her shirt and moves to straddle Clarke. They move themselves across the bed so that they’re comfortably in the middle. Lexa kisses along Clarke’s jaw and down her neck. She sucks at the pulse point as Clarke’s hand toy with the back of her bra. “Take it off,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s skin. When she feels the hooks being undone she lifts herself up slightly, just so that she’s able to take her bra and throw it to the floor.

Lexa trails kisses between the valley of Clarke’s breast. Moving to suck at each nipple again, eliciting the sweetest moan of desire from the woman below her. She continues down, placing lazy kisses on the pale flash, down Clarke’s stomach, just above her naval, and just above the denim shorts. Slowly she unbuttons the pants, giving Clarke more than enough time to stop her if she wanted.

Clarke lifts her hips off the bed slightly, letting Lexa pull down her shorts, stockings and eventually underwear. Her heart races and her breath hitches as she sees Lexa lower herself down between her legs. It takes everything in her not to pull at Lexa’s hair, to push her down where she wanted it the most. Instead she grips onto the bedsheets. She could feel how wet she was and the anticipation was slowly killing her.

“ _So_ beautiful,” Lexa mumbles as she kisses the inside of Clarke’s thighs.

“Lexa, please,” Clarke begs. She gives in, she brings one hand to Lexa’s hair, guiding her ever so slightly. “Please, I need – Ohhhhh.” Clarke is cut off when she feels Lexa give a slow swipe between her folds. Lexa works her tongue up, down and around her clit with purpose and the amount of pleasure that runs up Clarke’s body in indescribable. “Oh Lexa, yessss,” she moans. “Yes, fuck, _fuck_.”

With the taste of Clarke on her lips, Lexa doesn’t want this moment to end. She eventually dips two fingers into Clarke’s entrance, pumping in and out easily with Clarke's arousal coating her fingers. Her tongue continues to trace mindless patterns over her lover's clit. She can feel two hands in her hair now, keeping for where she was (not that it was needed, she wouldn’t dream about moving away until she was done).

“Faster Lex– faster– please,” Clarke pants. She doesn’t even try to stop her hips from bucking into Lexa’s face. Her thighs soon come up, slightly squeezing Lexa’s head. As the fingers continue to pump in and out of her and Lexa’s tongue continuing of flick, suck and trace over her clit, a familiar tightness forms from within as she teeters over the edge. “I’m so close, oh _god.”_

Clarke's orgasm builds slowly and strongly. Every move Lexa makes is felt throughout her entire body. When the wave of pleasure courses throughout her body she almost screams, "Oh Lexa i'm- fuuuck." Her toes curl, thighs clamp a the either side of Lexa’s hand with one hand in the brunette’s hair and the other gripping the bedsheets. “Oh, Oh, Lexa, fuuuuck–” she repeats.

Lexa doesn’t stop, drawing out Clarke’s orgasm for as long as she can. It’s only when Clarke stops bucking up does she slow down. Lexa continues with the long and lazy strokes, gathering as much of Clarke’s arousal on her tongue as she could. It was _addicting._ “You taste amazing,” she whispers.

Once Clarke comes down from her high, she guides Lexa back up – aching to have the woman’s lips on hers again. But Lexa takes her time in coming, placing a series of small, light kisses on various parts of her body. It makes Clarke’s heart swell with so much love because she felt like she was being cherished. No one she’s ever been with has made her felt like this before. Eventually Lexa makes her way back up to her and she finds so much comfort in being chest to chest with the woman. They exchange lazy kisses and Clarke can taste herself on Lexa’s lips. “That was,” Clarke sighs with content as Lexa moves her kisses down to her neck. She’s still euphoric and doesn’t manage to finish what she was going to say. Instead she just moans, “Lexaaa.”

Lexa hums in response, sucking and nipping at the skin. By now her own arousal was seeping onto her underwear, but it didn’t matter. Her only focus right now was to make Clarke feel good. She wanted to make sure Clarke felt loved and appreciated the way she deserved to be. This wasn’t just sex. This was; _You’re the only one I want. I care about you. I–_

Clarke runs her hands down Lexa’s back, drawing random patterns along the smooth skin. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to make Lexa feel as good as she did, but that could wait a minute. She wanted to remember everything about this moment, every touch, every kiss, every little feeling that sparked between the two them.

Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels Clarke’s hands slip between their bodies and into her underwear. “Clarke,” she whimpers. She seeks Clarke’s lips again, instantly deepening the kiss. But when Clarke’s fingers move over clit and teases her entrance she pulls back just slightly, panting in the little space between them. Clarke’s fingers skilfully move up, down and across her clit and occasionally dips just slightly into her, only to spread the wetness around.

Clarke removes her hand from Lexa’s underwear and smirks when she hears the woman above her nearly whine. She brings her fingers up to her lips, slipping them into her mouth and sucking them, never breaking eye contact with Lexa. “Hmmm,” Clarke hums. “You taste so good.”

“Not as good as you,” Lexa whispers back against Clarke’s lips.

Clarke lets out a small laugh before leaning up to capture Lexa’s lip again. She flips them over so that she was now on top. Breaking away from the kiss, she sits up and tugs at Lexa’s underwear. She receives the green light as Lexa lifts her hips off the bed, letting Clarke pull them completely off and throwing them to the side. Clarke falls atop Lexa, her mouth taking in the harden nipple. She alternates between each breasts with long broad swipes, nipping and sucking, relishing the sounds escaping Lexa’s lips.

“Clarke, please,” Lexa whines.

Clarke kisses her way back up, “Tell me what you want,” she whispers as she starts a slow thrust their centres together.

“Ohhh,” Lexa whimpers. “ _You,_ I want you, oh–” Her words are cut off by a strangled moan as Clarke continues to move against her.

Clarke buries herself into the crook of Lexa’s neck as she rolls her hips. The panting and moaning only becomes louder and more frequent. Clarke moves to capture Lexa’s lips again, moving her hand down between their bodies once again. Her fingers linger above Lexa’s centre for the time being.

“ _Please,”_ Lexa begs.

“You’re so beautiful.” Clarke moves her fingers through Lexa’s folds, her lips tugging into a smile when she feels how wet the woman beneath her is again. She enters Lexa with two fingers slowly. When she starts to pump in and out she moves her lips just above Lexa’s, but not for a kiss. Their lips are barely touching, their mouths slightly open as their panting becomes more rapid between them.

Lexa’s hands are in Clarke’s hair, looking for any type of anchor to the indescribable pleasure that she was currently experiencing. The fingers pump in and out of her relentlessly as Clarke’s thumb occasionally flicks over her clit. “Oh god, Clarke,” Lexa cries. She starts to clench around Clarke’s fingers when she can feel herself becoming close. “Please, Clarke. I’m so close, please.”

Clarke moves to nibble on Lexa’s earlobe slightly. “Let go,” she whispers, as she continues to pump her fingers in and out. Lexa is clenching around her fingers, which only causes Clarke to moan.

Moments later Lexa is arching her back, her orgasm causing her to scream out Clarke’s name in the upmost pleasure. Her breathing becomes unsteady.

“Breathe,” Clarke soothes. “I’ve got you.” She coaxes Lexa down from the high by with soft and delicate kisses. When she feels Lexa relax completely she moves her arms so that they rest at either side of Lexa’s head. Clarke leans down and the two of them fall into a series of slow and tender kisses.

Lexa rests her hands on Clarke’s back, trying to pull her in impossibly closer. They stay chest to chest for a while, sharing lazy, soft and delicate kisses. In this moment everything around them comes to a stop. The only thing that mattered was being together and just cherishing each other with everything they’ve got.

 

* * *

Morning comes too soon for Lexa. She’s woken up before Clarke, but makes no attempt at getting up. They were cuddling, with Lexa as the big spoon. This was the one time she wouldn’t mind staying in bed for as long as she could. In her arms, Clarke sleeps so peacefully, her chest rising and falling ever so slightly with every breath that she takes. Lexa’s arms drape across Clarke’s waist, pulling her in closer.

She places a soft kiss on the back of Clarke’s shoulder before resting her head against the pillow once again. In a matter of hours, she would have to say goodbye to Clarke and her heart was heavy. She doesn’t know how she’s going to do it, especially after the day they had yesterday. Yesterday was the happiest she’s been in a long time and it only makes her wonder again, how happy they could have been if Clarke hadn’t walked away eight months ago. It’s not a thought that she likes because the past was the past, but she can’t help it.

Some time passes before Lexa feels Clarke stir in her arms. Lexa simply pulls in her closer, “Morning, beautiful,” she mumbles into Clarke’s ear.

“Mmmm,” is at that Clarke replies. A few moments pass before she turns around to face Lexa, her eyes still half closed. “Morning,” she smiles.

Lexa leans in to capture Clarke’s lips in her own. Her hands travel down the side of Clarke’s body, pulling their bodies together. Running her tongue along Clarke’s bottom lip she’s moans as she’s granted access almost instantly. The kiss is sloppy and lazy but it’s perfect for them.

They break away from the kiss and lay on the sides, just facing each other. Clarke’s eyes are still half closed, but the smile on her lips remain ever so evident. She reaches for Lexa’s hand, bringing it up to her chest and placing it right over her heart. “You’ve made the happiest person in the world.”

Lexa can feel Clarke’s heartbeat and it mirrored that of hers. Even though she had just woken up, Clarke’s heartbeat was just as fast. There was no doubt in Lexa’s mind that the feelings between the two of them was mutual but to actually _feel_ it was the most comforting feeling. It was reassuring. It gave her hope that they could make it through this. Lexa took Clarke’s hand and did the same, placing the blonde’s hand over her heart. She doesn’t need to say anything for Clarke to get the message.

Clarke’s breathing quickens when she feels that Lexa’s heartbeat is just as fast as hers. She feels Lexa’s hand leave her chest, moving up to snake around her neck. Whether she’s being pulled in or she’s leaning in herself, Clarke finds herself taking Lexa’s top lip in between her own. After the kiss she finds herself resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder and arms haphazardly placed over Lexa’s stomach.

Lexa brings an arm around Clarke’s back, keeping her close. She kisses the top of Clarke’s head. “Is there anything you wanted to do before…” she trails off and swallows the lump in her throat.

“No,” Clarke whispers. “I just want to stay here, _with you,_ for as long as I can _.”_

“Okay.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s forehead once again and the two drift back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

About forty minutes later Lexa wakes up again, but this time she’s alone. She looks around her room for her clothes, but gives up and instead just a new pair of underwear, shorts and shirt from her cupboard. She wanders into her kitchen where she can hear music and cupboards being opened and closed. Leaning at the entrance of the kitchen she can’t help but smile at the sight in front of her. Clarke in just her underwear and a shirt, moving about her kitchen trying to find something. “What are you looking for?” Lexa asks.

Clarke turns to Lexa, “Fry pan?”

Lexa points to the cupboard by the fridge.

“Ah-ha!” Clarke yells when she follows Lexa’s direction. “I hope you don’t mind that I raided your fridge.”

“Not at all,” Lexa smiles. “What are you making?”

Clarke moves about the kitchen, placing the fry pan above the stove top. “Omelette with some bacon, cheese and mushrooms. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect. Need any help?”

Clarke shakes her head. “I’ve made the coffee as well so you can just relax; I’ve got this covered.”

Lexa moves around her kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee and one for Clarke as well. As Clarke cooks breakfast Lexa works on setting the table and toasting some bread as well. They make small talk during this time, but it’s heavy. They could both feel it, the bitter sweetness of the moment. The fact that they got a night together, to sleep in each other’s arm and to wake up together has been something that they could have only dreamed of. But the reality was, this is all they were going to get for now. In a couple of hours, they would be going to the airport where they’d have to say goodbye for four months.

Lexa leans against the kitchen counter with her mug in her hands. She watches Clarke continue to cook and finds herself taking a few deep breaths. There’s an agonising tugging in her chest as she can only imagine what could or could not happen in the next four months. She doesn’t know what’s come over her, but she feels tears start to swell and her hands start to tremble. She places her mug on the counter, rather abruptly so some coffee spills over the side and paces out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom.

Clarke turns around the moment she hears the mug hit the counter top. But before she can ask what was wrong, Lexa is walking out of the kitchen and disappears down the hallway. Immediately Clarke turns off the stove top and chases after Lexa, coming to stop in front of the bathroom door. Clarke leans her head against it, her palm flat against the surface. Everything in her was telling her that something was wrong. She gives three light knocks, “Lexa? Is everything okay?”

A few barely-there sobs echo through the door. “ _I’ll be out in a minute,”_ Lexa replies.

“Lexa… please let me in,” Clarke pleas. She waits a few moments and takes a step back when she hears the door unlock. The door opens and Clarke can tell that the green eyes before her are doing everything they can to hold back the tears. She takes a step forward and pulls Lexa into a hug, “Oh babe… come here.”

Lexa buries herself in Clarke’s embrace and her tears fall. Her breathing is erratic, “I’m sorry– I don’t– I–”

“Shhh,” Clarke whispers. “Breathe, Lexa. Just breathe…” They stay like for a few minutes, in the comfort of each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa mumbles against Clarke’s shoulder. She pulls back slowly, moving to rest her forehead against Clarke’s.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clarke asks.

Lexa inhales sharply. She moves her head back a bit, bringing her hand to cup the side of Clarke’s face. “I just got you back,” she whispers, swiping her thumb over Clarke’s cheek. “And now I have to say goodbye again… A lot can happen in four months.”

“Hey, hey,” Clarke cuts in. She moves her hands to cup either side of Lexa’s face. “I’m coming back to you and my feelings for you are not going to change.”

“How can you be sure?” Lexa asks, her eyes looking anywhere but into the blue eyes before her.

“Because,” Clarke pauses as Lexa looks up. The three little words dance at the tip of her tongue, but was it too early to say it? They had a history and Clarke had no doubt about her feelings, but they _just_ found their way back together. Was it too early to say it? The last thing she wanted to do was rush this or scare Lexa off. Clarke clears her throat and smiles, “Because I know how I feel about you, and there is no chance that it’s going to change.” She leans in her lips hovering over Lexa’s, “We can get through this. I know we can.”

Lexa closes her eyes and moves her hands to either side of Clarke’s neck. She takes a few deep breaths, simply taking Clarke in, her words, her presence, her everything. Lexa takes it all in, every little thing about this moment.

“Lexa…” Clarke whispers.

Lexa closes the distance between them and pours everything she’s feeling into the kiss. Their lips move together slowly and both of them are crying now. The tears slip into the kiss but neither of them care, each more focused on giving everything they’ve got to each other.

When they break away from the kiss, Clarke brings Lexa back into another hug. “We’re going to make it.”

Lexa nods against Clarke’s shoulder.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa replies.

After a few more moments Clarke guides them back out towards the kitchen. The food has gone slightly cold but it’s still good. They set up the table and sit down to have breakfast together. Clarke talks about how she keeps in contact with her mum and Octavia while she’s with Doctors without Borders, trying to give Lexa any sort of comfort in going forward with their long distance relationship.

 

* * *

 

“Fuck, Clarke, fuck, _fuck,”_ Lexa pants. Her back was against the wall of the shower and Clarke was on her knees in front of her. Her hands tangle in Clarke’s hair as the skilful tongue dips in and out of her. Lexa can’t stop herself bucking against Clarke’s mouth. Her head thrown back against the wall of her shower, she was so close. “Oh my god, please, please.”

When Clarke feels the hand in her hair tightening, she moves her tongue faster. She licks up to Lexa’s clit, sucking and flicking her tongue over the harden nub, eliciting the sweetest moans from the woman above her. It was like music to her ears. But the best thing about this was Lexa’s wetness coaxing her tongue, the taste alone was turning her on even more ever second.

With another swipe over her clit, Lexa is coming, hard. Both her hands grip at Clarke’s hair as she screams in pleasure, her hips bucking relentlessly as she tries to draw out her orgasm. “Oh god,” she whimpers. “Fuck, Clarke.”

Clarke hums against Lexa’s centre, slowing down her tongue once she feels Lexa relax above her. She kisses her way back up Lexa’s body until they’re kissing again. She wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck, essentially bringing them into a hug without breaking their contact. Tongues slide against each other as their wet bodies move in sync.

Lexa breaks away from the kiss, panting as she tries to recover her breathing. Her hands move down the expanse of Clarke’s back as Clarke moves to kiss and suck lightly at her neck. “Clarke,” she breathes.

“Hm?” Clarke hums, kissing her way back up to Lexa’s lips.

“We’ll make it through this, right?”

“Yes,” Clarke smiles as she continues to kiss along Lexa’s jaw. Eventually she moves her hands to interlock behind Lexa’s head, blue eyes looking right into blue. “We’ll make it through this.”

The two women finish showering, taking turns in washing each other’s hairs and using the loofah to clean each other’s bodies. They take their time, massaging heads and shoulders with soft and delicate touches. They’ll make time for this too. To savour each touch, every feeling, every little bit of love and care they have for each other.

Lexa steps out of the shower first, drying herself off before grabbing a new towel for Clarke. Once their bodies were dried, Lexa finds her herself straddling Clarke on the edge of the bed. Their bodies moulding into one, chest to chest they continue to find comfort in each other. The continue to share passionate kisses which continue to carry the unspoken words between them.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s back, so that she can move them into the middle of the bed. They remain sitting up, but move their legs to wrap around each other so that their centres were pressed together. Together they start to rock into each other, clits absolutely throbbing at the contact. Clarke brings Lexa in for a searing kiss, as she continues to thrust.

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa pants, once again trying to catch her breath.

Clarke rests her forehead against Lexa’s, panting just as much as her lover. “ _Oh god,_ you feel so good babe.”

One of Lexa’s hands supports her whilst the other goes to cup Clarke’s breast, squeezing them and pinching the nipple just slightly as she rolls her hips. The continuous moans and panting from Clarke brought her closer and closer to the edge. With every thrust, every roll of their hips they could hear just how wet they were, their arousals mixing together in the best way possible.

Clarke leans in, moving to nibble at Lexa’s earlobe. “Come for me, Lexa,” she whispers. “Let go.” With a few more purposeful thrusts she feels Lexa come undone. Lexa pants, moans and screams her name as her orgasm takes over her body. It’s the most beautiful thing Clarke has ever seen. With the sight in front of her and the continual thrusting of hips, Clarke follows Lexa moments later. Both of them fall into orgasmic state as everything inside them goes off.

Slowly everything around them settles. They remain flushed against each other as they share lazy kisses to coax each other down from their high. Lexa pulls back from the kiss first, moving her hands to cup the either side of Clarke’s face. She watches Clarke slowly open her eyes and again she is overwhelmed by her feelings for the woman in front of her.

Clarke’s hands gently hold onto Lexa’s forearm, staring right into the green eyes before her. She wants this moment to be still in her heart forever. Clarke smiles and just as she’s about to say something she sees a tear fall from Lexa’s face. “Hey,” she whispers, wiping away the tear. “Are you okay?”

Lexa swallows the lump in her throat and nods quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry.”

“It’s okay,” Clarke reassures. She leans up and forward just slightly so that she can place a kiss on Lexa’s forehead. “It’ okay, we’re going to be okay.”

“We are,” Lexa chokes. “I’m just… I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Me too, Lexa. Me too.”

 

* * *

 

By 11am Clarke’s suitcase is packed and by the door with her passport and essential documents all in her carry on. They wanted to get that all done and out of the way so they could spend the remaining time just being together. They had three hours left before they were going to be picked up to go to the airport.

Lexa laid across her couch, flicking through the channels as Clarke talked on the phone with her mum. The phone conversation only lasted about ten minutes with Lexa also settling on the music channel for background noise. “Everything okay?” she asks, seeing Clarke walk back into the living room.

Clarke nods and places her phone of the coffee table. “She was just checking in, making sure I don’t miss the flight.” She settles on the couch with Lexa, snuggling right up next to her.

Lexa kisses the Clarke’s temple and smiles. “If you did that would mean we’d get a little more time together.”

“Tempting,” Clarke laughs.

Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke. “Tell me about Doctors without Borders, Clarke.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Lexa answers honestly. “What do you do when you land in the country?”

Clarke threads her fingers through Lexa’s and gives it a small squeeze. “Well it’s a little different every time but for where I’m going now…”

“Burma,” Lexa whispers.

“Yeah,” Clarke nods. “Burma… our team is moving into an already built clinic so we’ll be able to get to work straight away. HIV, AIDS and TB is a big issue over there so that’s our primary focus.”

“So you’re going to work in the clinic for the four months?”

“There’s an orphanage near the clinic so we’ll be between those two places.”

Lexa pulls Clarke in her closer, her lips pressed against Clarke’s temple again. “You are an amazing woman, Clarke Griffin.”

They spend their remaining time like this, in each other’s arms and never breaking the contact. Lexa runs her fingers through Clarke’s hair as they talk about anything and everything. They just talk and enjoy each other’s company and again, they take it all in. In between this time Lexa feels Clarke falling asleep against her shoulder and simply hugs the woman tighter as they lay together.

There are knocks at Lexa’s door the moment 2pm rolls around. Clarke lifts her head off Lexa’s shoulder and sighs. “It’s time,” she whispers.

Lexa nods. She leans up and captures Clarke’s top lip against her own and suddenly feels herself being pushed back into the couch. It doesn’t last long though, with the knocking on the door interrupting them again. “I should open the door before Anya kicks in down,” Lexa says.

“Yeah, we don’t want that happening now.” Clarke lifts herself off of Lexa, watching the woman get up to answer the door.

Lexa opens the door, “Hey Anya, Luna.”

“Ready?” Anya asks.

Lexa gives a small nod. She turns around the Clarke, “Ready?”

“No,” Clarke answers truthfully.

Lexa steps towards the suitcases, dragging it along to Anya. “Take this down, we’ll be down in just a minute.”

“Okay,” Anya nods. She takes the suitcase and heads back downstairs with Luna.

Lexa closes the door and turns back to Clarke whose got tears in her eyes now. “Come here,” she whispers, pulling Clarke into a tight hug. “You and I, we’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” She breaks away from the hug, placing a soft kiss on the lips before her. “We’ll be back together before you know it.”

Clarke nods, bringing her hands to wipe away her tears.

Lexa takes Clarke’s free hand, “Come on, got to make sure you have enough time to say goodbye to your mum and Octavia as well.” As they walk out of the apartment Lexa picks up her bag as well as Clarke’s carry on. They make their way down stairs where Anya was just closing the boot to the SUV.

A bittersweet silence fills the drive to the airport. Lexa sits right behind the driver’s seat, with Clarke’s head resting on her shoulder. After the day they had yesterday and their morning together, there isn’t much more that needed to be said between the two of them. They’ve both given to their hearts to each other, trusting, hoping and believing that this time, things were going to be different.

They walk through the private section of the airport, Lexa wheeling the suitcase with one hand and holding Clarke’s hand with the other. When they spot Abby, Raven and Octavia she immediately let’s go, letting Clarke go off to say her goodbyes. Lexa continues on, passing along Clarke’s suitcase to check in before returning to stand next to Anya.

Clarke hugs her mum first.

“It looks like things between you and Lexa are okay?” Abby asks, tightening her hold around her daughter.

Clarke nods against the hug. “They are. She makes me so happy, mum.”

Abby smiles. “That’s good. That’s all I ever want for you.”

They pull back from the hug. “I’m going to miss you,” Clarke breathes.

“Oh sweetie, me too.” Abby cups the side of her daughters face, “Go save some lives.”

Clarke lets out a small laugh before nodding. She turns to Octavia and lets out a small sigh before opening her arms for a hug. The two best friends fall into the embrace. Like usual, they don’t need to say anything with their goodbye. They stay like this for a few moments before breaking the hug and giving each other a reassuring smile.

“Be careful over there,” Octavia says.

Clarke nods, “Always.”

“Ready?” Raven asks.

Clarke looks over to Lexa and then back to Raven. “I just need another minute.”

Raven nods. “Of course, take your time.”

Clarke walks over to Lexa, threading their fingers together and pulling them away from the group. When they’re just far enough Clarke immediately pulls Lexa into a hug. Her arms wrap over Lexa’s shoulders and Lexa pulls her in closer by the waist. Both of them are getting teary-eyed again, faint sobs being muffled against each other’s shoulders.

Lexa is the first to pull back, just slightly so that her nose runs along Clarke’s cheek. Her mouth hovers just over Clarke’s lips, taking a few deep breaths to take in their last moment together. Very aware that there were probably a handful of people watching them, Lexa leans in slowly and kisses Clarke. Their mouths move slowly, trying to draw it out for as long as they could. Lexa brushes for nose over Clarke’s giving them just a second to catch a breath before she closes the distance again.  

Clarke draws back slightly and sobs a little. “God, I’m going to miss kissing you.”

“Is that all you’re going to miss?” Lexa chuckles.

Clarke nods and the two of them share another small laugh. “No, of course not. I’m going to miss you the most. Yesterday and this morning was perfect. Thank you.”

Lexa pulls them in for another hug. “Stay safe over there, okay?”

“I will.”

“And let me know that you’ve landed safely, yeah?”

Clarke nods against the hug, letting the tears fall freely. She moves to cup either side of Lexa’s face, leaning in to have one final kiss. It’s a quick, chaste kiss but it still makes both their hearts flutter (as have all their other kisses). Eventually they re-join the group. Clarke and Raven give one final goodbye to the group before making their way past the check in counter.

Lexa stands by Octavia and Abby, doing her best to hold back the tears. The three of them wave to Clarke and Raven until they’re out of sight.

Octavia turns to Lexa, whose eyes are slightly red. “Hey, you okay?”

Lexa rubs her eyes slightly, but doesn’t reply. Right now she was just… sad. But she didn’t want to admit to Octavia, especially not with Abby standing right there as well.

“Well I’m glad you two finally sorted things out,” Octavia smiles. “I haven’t seen Clarke this happy in a long time.”

“I have to agree,” Abby interjects. She offers a small and reassuring smile, stepping around so that she could give Lexa’s shoulder a small squeeze. “You and Clarke will be fine, she’ll be back before we know it.”

Lexa looks up to Abby and feels a wave of relief wash through her. She was worried to how Abby would react to them reconnecting, given everything that’s happened in the past. “Thank you, Madam President,” she replies.

Abby laughs, "I think we can drop the formalities now, Lexa.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways,,,,, this was my first attempt at writing smut? i don't know if im entirely happy with it but constructive criticism is welcomed/encouraged :) :)
> 
> also if you didn't notice we have an end chapter! i am both excited and sad about this. this story has been so fun to write and you guys have been absolutely amazing. thank you all for supporting my first major/multi-chapter fic :')


	21. chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy reading!

**October 14th 2016**

**Clarke Griffin**  
Just landed in Burma, it’s like 1AM  
for you so I’m not going to call just  
yet. Flight was pretty standard, didn’t  
get much sleep though. Layover was  
terribly long and getting to the clinic  
proved a little more difficult than expected.  
It’s nearly noon here and I need a  
shower and a nap. I miss you already.

 **Lexa Woods**  
Glad to hear you landed safely. Just  
remember to take care of yourself over  
there. I miss you too, but we’ll be  
okay. We’ll call, text, skype and email  
till we see each other again in four  
months. Can I call you?

 

_Clarke Griffin calling._

* * *

  **October 16th 2016**

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS

_Hey Clarke, you know that I think that the day we spent together was perfect. But I have one regret… That I didn’t get a video of you. I should have taken a video of you singing or something because god, do I miss your voice. That’s the reason for the call, I really just wanted to hear your voice. I know it’s the early hours for the morning for you, so your voicemail was all I had for now. Umm, I hope you and your team are settling in okay. You made it to the news here again, there was a brief article in the paper about the few of the camps Doctors without Borders are currently running. I’m so proud of you. I should get back to work, and oh – Octavia says hi! Hopefully we’ll talk to each other soon. Miss you._

* * *

  **October 20th 2016 **

To: lexawoods@gmail.com  
From: cgriffin@gmail.com  
Subject: for your viewing and hearing pleasures ;)

[VIDEO ATTACHMENT]

Lexa,

Sorry it’s taken a few days to reply! Unfortunately, this might be a common thing. We’re in a pretty rural area and service out here isn’t so great. Some days it’s good, some days it’s like the early 2000’s and dial up internet. We quickly realised that our global sims were pretty much useless as well so some of the locals were kind enough to get us a local sim. My new number is (+95-193-383-391), but my WhatsApp will be the same. It’s been a smooth transition into the camp, probably the smoothest in the years I’ve been with the program. But that’s probably just because I’ve been with team for a couple of rotations now.

Remember how I mentioned that the clinic was set up next to an orphanage? We visited them for the first time yesterday and god, it never gets any easier. It’s hard not to cry myself to sleep because while we’re doing everything we can here, sometimes it feels like it’s never going to be enough. Sorry to bring down the mood so suddenly, but just by typing this email out to you, I feel slightly better.

So I managed to record a video for you. Mind you it’s a one-shot and I stuff up more times than I can remember but I had fun doing it. Raven also makes an appearance and well she… hm actually I won’t spoil it for you ;) Just watch and let me know what you think, I’ll pass on whatever you have to say to Raven as well.

Miss you.

xx

* * *

  **October 21st 2016**

**Lexa Woods**  
I can’t believe Raven did… that  
I have no other comment on that  
The video was super sweet  
Thank you :)

 **Clarke Griffin**  
“IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME OKAY?”  
– Raven  
Don’t worry, I have no comment on  
it either. Glad you liked the video!

* * *

** October 25th 2016 **

It was just past noon and Lexa and Octavia were sitting down together at Adina’s, going over a food and drink menu for a party that was going to be held in the restaurant in a couple weeks. They were just about to take a break when Lexa’s phone started to buzz.

_Facetime – Clarke Griffin calling._

Lexa picks up the call, and gestures for Octavia to come over as well. “Hey, Clarke.”

“ _Lexa! Yes! It’s finally– I’ve been trying– for an hour now.”_

Lexa sighs, the connection between them was terrible, causing Clarke’s video and sound to jump more often than not. “Clarke, you’re cutting out.”

“ _Sorry, babe. I know– service– terrible–”_

Lexa moves half out the screen, letting Octavia in as well. “Hey Griffin!” Octavia greets.

“ _O! Hey! Raven’s here–”_

The video call freezes for about 15 seconds before it’s back, this time with Clarke and Raven in the screen. It continues to freeze and cut out before the call disconnects completely.

Lexa sighs a little, locking her phone and putting it aside.

“It happens,” Octavia whispers. “Clarke will message you any minute now.”

Lexa hums in response. Given the big time difference between them and their conflicting schedules, it was hard to find the time to actually talk to each other.

Octavia notices Lexa looking a little defeated. She places her hand on Lexa’s back and rubs it slightly. “Is she worth it?”

Lexa looks over to Octavia, curiously.

“Clarke,” Octavia clarifies. “Is she worth it?”

“Without a doubt,” Lexa replies.

Octavia nods. “Then you both will make it through this. I know Clarke, she’s going to be missing you as much as you miss her. But she’ll be back soon.”

“Thank you, Octavia.”

Just as Octavia said, Lexa’s phone buzzes with incoming messages from Clarke.

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Sorry the call got disconnected :(  
I got to see your face for a couple  
of seconds so it wasn’t a complete loss.

 **Lexa Woods  
** It’s okay, Clarke

 **Clarke Griffin  
** It’s not though

 **Lexa Woods**  
This isn’t your fault. When I told you  
we could do this, I meant it. It’s going  
to be hard at first, but you are worth it.  
We’re worth it.

 **Clarke Griffin  
** What did I do to deserve you?

Lexa types out a reply but pauses before sending it. She reads it over and over again, it’s only three words but they carry a lot of weight with them. It was definitely something she wanted to say to Clarke face-to-face and she regrets not saying it before Clarke had left. But now she just wanted to say it, and be able to say it whenever she wanted, as much as she wanted. She clicks send.

 **Lexa Woods**  
I love you, Clarke

Unknowingly she holds her breath, waiting for her text to go through. But then the following message comes up instead:

_[This message failed to send. Click to retry.]_

**Clarke Griffin**  
I’m going to head to bed.  
We’ve got an early start tomorrow.  
Enjoy the rest of your day love

 **Lexa Woods  
** Good night, Clarke 

* * *

  **October 28th 2016 **

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Hey so after our all yesterday I called Octavia, and she said she was going to tell you some stories about me. I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t believe anything she tells you. Or just take it with a grain of salt because there’s no doubt she’s going to tell you the embarrassing/exaggerated version. I promise to tell you the real stories one day… Maybe… Okay got to go, before Raven confiscates my phone again… Talk to you later. Bye._

* * *

  **October 29th 2016 **

**Lexa Woods 8:10PM**  
Octavia just told me a story about you,  
a baseball bat, three large pizzas and  
two fighting fish. It’s so ridiculous to the  
point where I can actually see it happening

 **Lexa Woods 8:56PM**  
So I’m out with Octavia and she’s just  
about to tell me another story. One more  
drink and I think I’ve got it

 **Lexa Woods 9:15PM**  
I can’t believe you rocked up to your exam  
only to realise halfway that you were in the  
wrong exam room

 **Lexa Woods 10:58PM**  
I can’t believe you managed to pick up  
a girl by showing her you could eat 10  
hot dogs

 **Clarke Griffin**  
TELL OCTAVIA TO STOP. HOW AM  
I SUPPOSE TO DEFEND MYSELF WHEN  
IM HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD

 **Lexa Woods 11:48PM**  
Can’t believe you told Octavia to stop  
I was having so much fun  
She stopped halfway through the  
purple unicorn story though

 **Clarke Griffin  
** SHE DIDN’T

 **Lexa Woods 11:50PM**  
Oh but she did, would you like me  
to sing the song to you to prove it?

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Im going to kill her

 **Lexa Woods** 12:20PM  
I would love to stay and chat but I  
can barely keep my eyes opened. So  
I’m going to hop into bed.  
I miss you, clarke

 **Clarke Griffin**  
I miss you too babe  
Good night, sleep well

* * *

  **November 4th 2016 **

It was nearing midnight when Clarke sat outside the clinic, looking up to the night sky. She was on the night shift with a few of the doctors and it was her break. She’s been on the phone with Lexa for about 20 minutes now, the two of them catching up on what they’ve been up to the past few days. “Hey Lexa?”

“ _Yes?”_

Clarke leans back in her chair, staring up at the stars. “Do you think you can do me a favour?”

“ _Of course, what do you need?”_

“It’s the anniversary of my dad’s passing in a couple of days, on the 8th, will you…” Clarke pauses, closing her eyes as she tries to hold back the tears.

“ _Hey, hey, I’m here... I’m here.”_

A few moments pass and Clarke takes a few deep breaths.

“ _What do you need me to do, Clarke?”_

“Do you think you can buy some flowers and take it to him?”

“ _Of course. Is there any particular I should get?”_

Clarke wipes away small tears. “No, he was a fan of all of them.” She hears Lexa let out a small laugh from the other end of the call and smiles. “I wish you got to know him more, he would have loved you.”

_“I’m sure I would have loved him too… Are you okay?”_

“Yeah,” Clarke breathes. “It’s always a little hard around this time of year. I’m going to give my mum a call tomorrow.”

“ _I’m sure she’ll love that.”_

Clarke smiles. “Thank you, Lexa.”

_“Anytime, Clarke. I’m always here for you. Do you need anything else?”_

“Will you… can you just stay on the line till I have to go back and do rounds?”

_“Of course.”_

* * *

  **November 8th 2016 **

To: cgriffin@gmail.com  
From: lexawoods@gmail.com  
Subject: (No subject)

[IMAGE ATTACHMENT]

Hey Clarke,

I wanted to call you or at least leave a voicemail but I dropped my phone in water, now it’s sitting in a bowl of rice. I’m really hoping it can be saved because everything’s on it and I honestly don’t know if ever finished setting up iCloud and I’m actually too scared to check it online (don’t judge me).

But to the point of this email, I visited your dad’s grave today. I’ve attached a photo of the flowers I brought for him, I hope you like them. Your mum said Jake would have loved them. So yeah, your mum came by about the same time I was there. She was a little surprised at first but we ended up talking for about an hour. I thought it was going to be weird at first (don’t tell her I said that) but it wasn’t. It was really nice. We talked a little about you and she asked how my position at Adina’s was going.

She told me a few stories about you and your dad from when you were a kid. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the people in your life love to embarrass you with your stories. And I for one am grateful for it. I’ve never known one single person who could have so much embarrassing moments. I’m not going to tell you which stories your mum told me, but know that they’re probably some of my favourites now.

Hope you’re well. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too.

Lexa

* * *

  **November 9th 2016 **

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Hey babe, my phone is on 3% so I probably have like a minute to say what I want to say. Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my dad and the flowers were beautiful. They look expensive though, please don’t tell you spent a ridiculous amount of money on the bouquet, you really didn’t have to go all out. And it warms my heart to hear that you and my had a good chat, even if she ended up telling you embarrassing stories of me. Maybe when I’m back I can get some embarrassing stories of you. Do you think Anya will tell me any? Anyways I have to go, miss you lots. I’ll talk to you soon._

* * *

  **November 12th 2016 **

**Clarke Griffin**  
I can’t believe I’m with someone  
who likes pineapple on pizza

 **Lexa Woods**  
I don’t know what sparked this  
but Clarke, I will defend pineapple  
on pizza to my last dying breath

* * *

  **November 16th 2016**

2 missed calls – Clarke Griffin

One new voice mail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Hey, so you’re probably working right now but I just need to talk to someone… no that’s a lie. I just want to talk to you… We lost our first patient today and while this is very much a part of the job it never gets any easier. His name was Khin, he was about 80 and the sweetest man. Always wore a smile despite everything that he’s been through. The whole team is a little… down right now, though some of us are better at putting on a strong face. There are still so many people we can help, but… it’s still very hard. We all have our little ways to deal with someone passing, mine was always to just look up to the stars. But this time, my first thought was to call you. Knowing that you’ll hear this eventually helps. So thank you... I miss you. I miss kissing you, I miss hugging you, I miss being with you… Sorry I’m rambling… okay, I’m going to go and check on Raven. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye._

* * *

** November 17th 2016 **

Lexa laid in bed, having just woke up to Clarke’s voicemail. It broke her heart not being able to be there _physically_ for her. After listening to the voicemail she immediately hit call, hoping that the service on Clarke’s end would hold up for their conversation. And fortunately it did, they’ve been on the phone for about fifteen minutes now. “I’m sorry about your patient, Clarke.”

“ _Me too.”_

Lexa pauses for a moment. “Also, you don’t need to apologise for rambling in your voicemail. Whatever you need, I am here for you. You need to send 50 messages? Go for it. A five-part voicemail? I’ll listen to it. Anything you need, I am here for you.”

_“I ask myself every day, but what did I do to deserve you?”_

Lexa shook her head. “You deserve the world, Clarke. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“ _It’s a little hard when I can’t even do the one thing I’m meant to be good at.”_

“Clarke, no,” Lexa whispers. “You are an amazing doctor and you have saved countless lives. But like you said, unfortunately death is part of your line of work. It’s not something you can change. But you are the reason why _so_ many people are able to wake up and see the sun rise the next day. You give them a chance to live. You give them hope. You save so many people, Clarke.” She stops and closes her eyes. Lexa can hear Clarke’s unsteady breath over the phone and a few quiet sobs echoing through the call.

“ _Lexa? Do you have to go soon?”_

“No,” Lexa smiles as she sits up, her back resting against her headboard. “I’m all yours.”

“ _Thank you… for everything.”_

“Tell me more about Khin,” Lexa smiles when she hears Clarke lightly chuckle.

“ _Let me tell you about the first day I met him… he and Raven gave everyone on the team a good scare…”_

* * *

** November 19th 2016 **

**Lexa Woods**  
It’s Anya’s birthday today and  
she asked me to make a drink  
I swore never to make again 

 **Lexa Woods**  
She got Octavia involved  
But I will stay strong 

 **Lexa Woods**  
Im sorry, Clarke Octavia said  
she’d finish telling me the  
purple unicorn story and I caved  

 **Lexa Woods**  
On the bright side… I now know  
About your trip to London ;) 

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Im going to kill Octavia

* * *

  **November 24th 2016 **

**Clarke Griffin**  
So Octavia is talking to a @LWOODS  
on twitter. I can’t see anything  
because it’s private but IS THAT YOU?

 **Lexa Woods  
** Yes! She convinced me to get one

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Just followed you on my private twitter  
Which is @claaaarke

 **Lexa Woods  
** Got it

 **Clarke Griffin**  
I can’t believe you’ve had this for two  
days now and didn’t tell me. Kind of  
offended you followed Octavia before  
you followed me

                                                                                             **Lexa Woods**  
I’ll unfollow the both of you and  
refollow you first if that’ll make  
you happy

 **Clarke Griffin  
** :) 

 

 

> **@OctaviaBlake:** @LWOODS why did you unfollow me  
>    
>  **@LWOODS:** @OctaviaBlake @claaaarke was offended I followed you first so I unfollowed you both and refollowed her first  
>    
>  **@OctaviaBlake:** @LWOODS @claaaarke omg

* * *

  **November 28 th 2016 **

 One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS 

_Good morning Clarke, just calling to say hi. I’m currently at one of Aden’s soccer matches... just waiting for the game to start. I told him about us… I hope that was okay. Should have seen his face, he was thrilled about it but I swear I thought I saw just a hint of sadness. He had a crush on you, if you didn’t know. Remember the time we went to his school? He was so flustered before you joined our conversation. But I get it, who wouldn’t have a crush on you? I don’t really know where I was going with this so I guess I’ll leave it here. Hope you have a wonderful day. Bye._

* * *

  **December 1st 2016 **

 

> **@claaaarke:** IT’S CHRISTMAS 1st!!
> 
> **@LWOODS:** @claaaarke oh no you’re a festive type of person aren’t you
> 
> **@RavenReyes:** @claaaarke @LWOODS get used to it she’s going to be wishing you happy Christmas 2nd tomorrow
> 
> **@OctaviaBlake:** @claaaarke @LWOODS @RavenReyes lexa wanna hear an xmas story that involved beer pong and a dragon fly
> 
> **@claaaarke:** @OctaviaBlake @LWOODS @RavenReyes OCTAVIA NO
> 
> **@OctaviaBlake:** @claaaarke @LWOODS @RavenReyes OCTAVA YES
> 
> **@LWOODS:** @OctaviaBlake @claaaarke @RavenReyes I’ll see you at work, octavia

* * *

  **December 4th 2016 **

Clarke sat on one of the empty lunch tables, one hand holding the phone to her hear whilst the other picked aimlessly at her food. “I kind of want a tattoo,” she mumbles through the phone to Lexa.

“ _Oh that’s cool, what did you have in mind?”_

Clarke laughs softly. “I don’t actually know. I just… that’s as far as I got… deciding that I wanted a tattoo. I don’t really know what it would mean though.”

“ _You don’t have to get a tattoo that means anything, you can just get one because it looks nice. And with your talent I’m sure you’ll be able to design an amazing one. When you’re back I can give Rami – my tattoo artist a call if you like.”_

“Yeah?”

“ _Of course.”_

Clarke put down her fork as she was finish with her food. “How did you choose your tattoo artist?”

“ _Through Anya – they've been friends since high school. Talk to me about tattoo designs, maybe we can spark an idea or design.”_

 _“_ First thought was maybe something for my dad…”

* * *

  **December 7th 2016 **

**Clarke Griffin  
** I miss you 

 **Lexa Woods  
** Miss you too 

* * *

  **December 12th 2016 **

Lexa moves about her kitchen, bottles and bottles of alcohol upon her kitchen bench. She was in the process of establishing a new cocktail menu for Adina’s. Her laptop was opened to the side as she was in a middle of a call with Clarke. It was one of those lucky days where their connection was stable enough for them to have a proper skype call.

Clarke practically ogles, watching Lexa pour and mix drinks. _“You’re a hot bartender. I wish I could have watched you work at_ Grounders. _I bet you had all the girls swooning over you.”_

Anya walks through the kitchen, taking the drink Lexa had just made. “They were,” she smirks.

“Anya!” Lexa yells, whacking her in the arm.

“ _I_ _t’s fine,”_ Clarke laughs. “ _How’s the drink, Anya?”_

Anya takes a sip, swirling her tongue around the inside of her mouth. “Too sweet for my liking.”

“I’ll take that one then!” Octavia calls out as she walks into the kitchen. She takes the drink and moves in front of the laptop. “So it’s 7 here so over there it’s like 6 in the morning?”

“ _5:30,”_ Clarke corrects.

Octavia takes another sip of her drink. “Why are you up so early?”

 _“Can’t sleep,”_ Clarke yawns.

Lexa finishes making another drink, taking a sip and making a face before handing it to Anya. “Are you okay, Clarke?”

“ _Yeah, it’s just been a long couple of days.”_

Lexa wipes her hand on a towel and walk over to the laptop, picking it up. She turns to Anya and Octavia, “I’m just going to–”

“Go,” Octavia smiles. “Bye Clarke!”

_“Bye O, bye Anya.”_

“Bye,” Anya replies.

Lexa walks towards her bedroom and lays herself on her bed with her laptop. When she’s settled she gives Clarke a small, concerned smile.

_“Lexa, I’m fine, really. It’s just been–”_

“A long couple of days,” Lexa finishes. “You know you can call me whenever, right?”

“ _I know,”_ Clarke sighs. “ _But by the time I finish work I’m just so, so tired.”_

“What time do you have to be up by?”

“ _7,”_ Clarke replies.

“Get some sleep, Clarke.” Lexa gets off her bed and moves to her cupboard, bringing out her guitar. She settles back on the bed and Clarke’s looking at her like she’s seen a ghost.

“ _You play the guitar?!”_

“I do,” Lexa smiles. “Now lie down, I’ll play you something if you try and get some sleep.”

Clarke yawns and does as she’s told.

Lexa starts to play a soft tune, watching her screen as Clarke’s eyes flutter shut. She starts to hum the song before actually singing the lyrics. “ _People fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just a touch of hands…”_

 _“I can’t I’m just finding out you can sing,”_ Clarke murmurs, her eyes still closed as she feels her body giving in.  

Lexa smiles and continues to play the guitar. “ _Take it into your loving arms, kiss me under the light of a thousand stars...”_

* * *

  **December 15th 2016 **

**Lexa Woods**  
Your mum came into Adina’s today  
I got a story from her

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Oh my god

* * *

  **December 17th 2016**

Raven Reyes created a new group chat.

Octavia Blake was added into the conversation.

Clarke Griffin was added into the conversation.

Lexa Woods was added into the conversation.

 **Raven Reyes  
** Lexa, want to hear about 11th June 2009?

 **Octavia Blake  
** OH YES! I haven’t told her this one yet

 **Lexa Woods  
** Of course

 **Clarke Griffin  
** I hate the all of you 

Clarke Griffin has left this conversation.

* * *

  **December 20th 2016**

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Raven tells me that you, her and Octavia are still talking in the group chat from a couple of days ago. What are you guys talking about? Raven’s not saying anything and neither is Octavia. Please add me back into the conversation, Lexa. Pleeeeease._

* * *

  **December 22nd 2016 **

Lexa returns home after a long and tiring night shift at Adina’s. She grabs her mail from her box and grudgingly makes her way up to her apartment. The restaurant’s been fully booked for the holiday season and unfortunately customers have been on the grumpier side these past few days. Tonight was the worst service yet, with a fight between two diners breaking out, causing a major disruption in the middle of the restaurant. It happened right in front of the bar so naturally Lexa jumped in to try and stop it. She was successful in doing so but was hit in the eye in the process.

Once inside her apartment, she throws the mail onto her dining room table and heads into the bathroom. She takes a long, hot shower to relax her body. She comes out half an hour later with the towel wrapped around her body. Lexa wipes down the foggy mirror and gasps a little when she sees the state of her eye. She’s had her fair share of bruises and just knows that it’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

After changing into her PJs Lexa makes her way back to the kitchen. She notices that some of her mail had fallen to the ground, so she goes to pick it up.  The first are just bills and catalogues but then there’s one envelope that catches her attention. The address is hand-written and when Lexa flips it over, she breaks out into a smile when she sees that it’s from Clarke. Taking a seat at the table, she opens it carefully and takes out the letter.

_1 st November 2016_

_Lexa,_

_I don’t remember the last time I put pen to paper but I found myself wanting to write you a letter. There’s something very special about letters, the way they can carry a message in a way that emails/text messages can’t. Letters feel a lot more personal, in a way? I don’t know if I’m making sense so don’t mind me rambling. (And plus, my handwriting is pretty neat isn’t it?)_

_But this letter is for you. I want to thank you again for giving me another chance. I never thought in a million years that you’d let me back in your life. But you have. You’ve given your heart back to me and I promise to cherish it for as long as you’ll let me. I won’t make the same mistakes. Losing you once was something I hope I never have to go through again._

_I am writing you this letter for the days I can’t be there for you. This letter is a reminder that whatever troubles you may face; you will get through it. It’s a reminder that you are a strong, kind, beautiful, loving and smart woman. It’s a reminder that you are allowed to want things for yourself. You, Lexa Woods, deserve peace, love, happiness. You deserve everything the world has to offer._

_This long distance is hard, I know, but I also know that we can make it through this. I am coming back to you. I am coming **home** to you. We’re going to have a lot more days like our first date. A lot more. You’re the only person I want. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. _

_Love always,  
_ _Clarke_

Lexa drops the letter, bringing both her hands to wipe her eyes. For the moment she forgets that one of them is bruised and is quickly reminded as she winces at the pain. She folds the letter and places it back into the envelope. Making her way back to her room, Lexa places the letter on her bedside table and reaches for her phone.

5 missed calls – CLARKE GRIFFIN 

Just as she’s about the unlock her phone, Clarke’s calling again. Lexa takes a few deep breaths and answers the call. “Hey–”

“ _About time Lexa! I’ve been calling you for ages, Octavia told me what happened! Are you okay?”  
_

Lexa lies down in bed, bringing the blanket over her body. “I’m fine,” she whispers.

“ _Fine?! You stepped into a fight!”_

“Natural instincts, Clarke.”

“ _You have a natural instinct to get punched in the face?”_

“Clarke…” Lexa sighs. She doesn’t want to fight, she was exhausted. The call goes silent for a while.

“ _I’m sorry,”_ Clarke sighs. “ _I’m just worried, Octavia said you were hit.”_

“I know. But I couldn’t just stand there when I knew I could stop it. There were so many people close by – any of them could have been hurt.”

_“Where were you hit?”_

“Right eye,” Lexa answers. “It’s a little sore and definitely going to bruise. The paramedic gave me cream for it though.”

“ _Are you okay?”_

Lexa hums in response. “I will be. I just need some rest.” She pauses, “But guess what.”

“ _What?”_

“I got your letter,” Lexa smiles. “Thank you, Clarke. I definitely needed to read that today.”

“ _It wasn’t too cheesy?”_

Lexa laughs a little. “No, it was perfect.”

“ _Well I’m glad. Okay Lexa, you’re going to get some rest now, doctor’s orders.”_

“And which doctor would this be?” Lexa teases.

“ _Me. Now close your eyes, it’s my turn to sing you something while you try to sleep.”_

“Mmmm, I’d like that.” Lexa turns to her side, keeping the phone close to her ears as her eyes slowly shut. “Goodnight, Clarke,” she whispers.

“ _Good night, Lexa. Now… sleep.”_ Clarke starts to hum a familiar tune. “… _If I lay here, If I just lay here, would you just lie with me and just forget about the world… I don’t quite know, how to say, how I feel…”_

* * *

** December 24th 2016 **

**Lexa Woods  
** Merry Christmas Eve!

 **Clarke Griffin**  
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!  
What are your plans?

 **Lexa Woods**  
Anya’s parents invited me over to  
their place tomorrow. But tonight  
the White House is having a party  
so im going to that. I’m taking Aden  
with me and he so excited

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Aw that’s cute. I expect a lot of photos

 

> **@OctaviaBlake** : And the best dressed of the night goes to @LWOODS and her handsome date, Aden http://pic.twitter.com/idslu98e9
> 
> **@claaaarke** : @OctaviaBlake @LWOODS I approve of this 100%

* * *

  **December 25th 2016 **

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS 

_Hey Clarke, I hope I’ve calculated the time correctly, but HAPPY CHRISTMAS! I know you’re probably busy working still but I hope you, your team and the people you’re with have a chance to celebrate. And I can’t believe you got me a gift, Clarke! Octavia caved and told me you asked her to get me the bracelet… you really didn’t have to do that but thank you so much. I love it, it’s so beautiful. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything but you can be rest assured that I’m showering you in gifts when you’re back. Okay I have to go now, Anya’s calling for me. Merry Christmas, Clarke. I miss you. Bye._

* * *

  **December 27th 2016 **

Lexa wakes up to Clarke’s ringtone – it was the only number (along with Anya’s) that was allowed to bypass her ‘do not disturb’ setting. She happily answers the call, her eyes still closed. “Hey beautiful,” she mumbles.

“ _Oh no, I woke you up, didn’t I?”_

Lexa lets out a small laugh, “I don’t mind.”

“ _Lexa, babe, just should have just let it go to voicemail.”_

“It’s fine, really,” Lexa reassures. “Waking up to your voice is not a bad way to wake up.”

“ _You’re such a smooth-talker, you know that?”_

Lexa lets out another small chuckle. “How was Christmas?”

“ _It was good. We worked mostly, but we got to spend some time with the kids in the orphanage and managed to get everyone a little gift. You should have seen their faces, Lex. It was the most beautiful thing and one of the best feelings in the world.”_

“I can imagine,” Lexa smiles. “I’m so proud of you.”

“ _How was your Christmas?”_

“Hmm, good. Anya’s parents always throw good parties. I’m pretty sure I ate my weight in food though, so I got to start eating better again… after New Year’s.”

“ _After New Year’s definitely. Any plans?”_

Lexa sits up in her bed and shakes her head. “I volunteered to work that night. Adina’s been booked out.”

“ _Is O working as well?”_

“Yeah. She should be back tomorrow; she went down to Florida with her brother for Christmas.” The call goes quiet for a while, each of them just listening to the breathing over the phone call.

“ _I miss you.”_

“Me too, Clarke. Me too.” Another silence falls between the two of them. “Do you know when you’ll be back?”

_“Right now the plan says that we should be done around February 20 th. It’s usually right… give or take a few days.”_

Lexa takes in a deep breath. “That’s just under two months. We’re going to be okay.”

“ _My feelings for you haven’t changed… I just want you to know that.”_

“Neither have mine, Clarke.” Lexa smiles, “In fact… they’ve only gotten stronger.”

“ _Mine too.”_

* * *

** December 30th 2016 **

**Clarke Griffin  
** Hey Lexa, do you have a spare tomato?

 **Lexa Woods**  
HOW DID YOU GET ANYA TO  
TELL YOU THAT STORY? 

 **Lexa Woods**  
Also it’s the 31 st over there right?  
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!  
I have to run some errands now  
So I’ll give you a call a little later :) 

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Looking forward to it.  
Don’t forget the tomatoes ;)

 **Lexa Woods  
** I hate Anya

* * *

  **December 31st 2016**

“ _How long to go, Clarke?”_

“A minute and a half,” Clarke smiles. It was the very last minute of 2016 and Clarke, her team and a few of the locals were out in the field about to ring in the New Year with some fireworks the locals had gotten their hands on. Of course, Raven offered her assistance in setting it up, having a knack with anything explosive in nature. “What time is it over there?”

“ _Nearly 1:30 in the afternoon.”_

Clarke nods. “I wish you were here. Or that I was there with you.”

“ _I wish were together too… Next year.”_

Clarke can’t help but blush at Lexa’s words. _Next year._ “Next year,” she repeats. A comfortable silence falls between the two of them as Clarke sees Raven approaching.

“Lexa?” Raven asks to which Clarke nods in response. “Tell her I say _Hi_.”

“Raven says hi,” Clarke tells Lexa.

“ _Tell her I say hi back and happy new year’s.”_

Clarke looks to Raven and smiles. “Lexa says happy new year.”

Raven smirks. She leans in slightly to Clarke and yells into the phone, “Don’t worry Lexa, I’ll make sure no one is kissing Clarke when the clock strikes midnight!”

Clarke whacks Raven across the arm and returns to the phone call. “Sorry about that.”

“ _Don’t be.”_

“I’m not kissing anyone just to clarify. There’s only one person I want to kiss but unfortunately she’s a little too far away right now.”

“ _Really? Same! What a coincidence.”_

Clarke lets out a whole hearted laugh. “God, you’re such a dork.”

“ _I am no such thing.”_

 _“_ Ten seconds guys!” Raven calls out.

“Ten seconds,” Clarke repeats to Lexa. They count down together. _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one – “HAPPY NEW YEARS!”_ they all scream. Everyone out in the field cheers and hugs, watching the display of fireworks go off in the night sky. Clarke looks up and smiles.

“ _Happy New Years, Clarke.”_

 _“_ Happy New Years, babe.”

* * *

1 missed called – CLARKE GRIFFIN

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN 

_Alright I figure you’re working and don’t have your phone on you right now. But it’s a minute till 2017 in DC and im going to count down with you anyway. I hope that work isn’t too tiring and that the diners are a good group of people to bring in the New Year with. Next year, we’ll be with each other. Hmm… 40 seconds. Um, well after the fireworks here was ended up singing and dancing with the locals for a couple of hours. Don’t think we got home till about 4 in the morning. I called Octavia earlier, before you guys had to work and also gave my mum a call... 20 seconds now. Lexa, you have definitely been one of the biggest highlights of 2016. Our relationship is still… new I guess you could say but i’ve honestly never met someone like you before. 10 seconds. So here’s to 2017 and to us! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… HAPPY NEW YEARS LEXA! Sending you all the hugs and kisses. I hope you’re enjoying your night. I’ll talk to you soon, bye._

* * *

  **January 3rd 2017 **

**Lexa Woods**  
A couple of your friends came  
into Adina’s today. Monty, Harper,  
Wells and Bellamy. It was kind of  
awkward because they saw me but  
I think I may have scared them because  
they didn’t ask any questions

* * *

  **January 6th 2017**

Raven Reyes add _Clarke Griffin_ into the conversation 

 **Raven Reyes  
** Happy Griffin?

 **Clarke Griffin**  
DELIGHTED  
Now what were you guys talking about?

 **Lexa Woods  
** Trains

 **Octavia Blake  
** Macy’s

 **Raven Reyes  
** Llamas

 **Clarke Griffin  
** I actually hate you all

* * *

  **January 8th 2017**

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Why did I have to find out through  
Octavia that your birthday is soon!?

 **Lexa Woods**  
I don’t think we’ve ever discussed it?  
It’s fine. I don’t even remember the last  
time I celebrated my birthday was

 **Clarke Griffin  
** I’m sorry im missing it :(

 **Lexa Woods**  
Really, it’s fine  
But I guess you can make it up  
to me when you get back ;)

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Oh I plan to

* * *

  **January 11th 2017 **

Lexa woke up to a dozen messages wishing her a happy birthday. But obviously the one that makes her heart skip a few beats are the ones from Clarke.

 **Clarke Griffin**  
HAPPPY BIRHDAY LOVE!  
This is a very special day as it  
marks another whole year of your  
beautiful life. I’m the luckiest girl  
in the world to be a part of it.  
I hope you have a wonderful day!  
Im going to do my best to give  
you a call later. Miss you.

She read and re-read the message a couple of times. Already, this was the best birthday she’s had in a while. She leaves her phone to freshen up and use the bathroom first. After that Lexa starts on breakfast, when she hears a couple of knocks at the door. She goes to answer it.

“Lexa Woods?” the man behind the door asks.

Lexa nods. “Yeah that’s me.” The man then passes the biggest bouquet of flowers she’s ever seen towards her.

“Happy birthday,” he smiles before leaving.

“Oh my god,” Lexa whispers to herself. She actually has to use two hands to carry the whole thing. Closing the door to her apartment she places the flowers onto the dining room table and basically gawks at the arrangement. In amongst the flowers Lexa spots a card and pulls it out.

 

> Happy birthday Lexa!  
>  xx Clarke

Lexa runs back into her bedroom to retrieve her phone. She tries to give Clarke a call but there’s no answer. She tries again, but still gets no answer. Instead, Lexa takes of photo of the bouquet and opens up her twitter page.

 

> **@LWOODS:** @claaaarke might be the best person I know. Thank you for the flowers!  http://pic.twitter.com/sidu93ur

* * *

  **January 12th 2017**

 **Clarke Griffin  
** A little more than a month to go!

 **Lexa Woods  
** Can’t wait to have you in my arms again

* * *

  **January 16th 2017**

This was Lexa’s first night off in 5 days. It was just past 7pm. She’s already had dinner, showered and the only thing that she had planned for the night was to reply to a few emails and catch up on a few of her TV shows. She’s working away at her laptop when she notices that Clarke has signed into Skype. Immediately Lexa feels as if something was wrong, it was the very early hours of the morning in Burma.

Clarke beats her to the call button.

“Clarke?” Lexa whispers. “Why are you up so early?” As the image on her screen adjusts and clears she can see that Clarke is sitting outside somewhere and that her eyes are so red. “Clarke, what’s wrong?”

Clarke immediately drops her head into her right hand, sobbing.

“Clarke…” Lexa whispers. “I’m here… it’s okay… I’m here…” Lexa doesn’t take her eyes off Clarke. Clarke still has her head in her hands and was crying more now. Her sobs became slightly louder, more frequent and her breathing was incredibly unsteady. Lexa continues to provide soft, reassuring comments in an attempt to provide any type of comfort for the woman on the other end of the call.

About ten minutes passes before Clarke lifts up her head again. Though it was still dark Lexa could see the absolute exhaustion in Clarke’s face; her eyes were bloodshot from the crying, the bags under her eyes ever evident that she’s had no sleep, and her lips chapped, drooped and weak.

In pains Lexa to not be able to wrap her arms around Clarke. It pains her that they’re halfway around the world from each other and she can’t even provide the simplest of things. She doesn’t know what’s wrong and there’s only so much she can do via a Skype call. So she does the only thing she can do; she sits and waits and just makes sure that she’s there for whatever Clarke.

“ _We lost three kids today,”_ Clarke barely whispers as she starts crying again.

“Oh Clarke… I’m so sorry,” Lexa breathes. Her heart sinks. “I am so sorry.”

“ _They were just kids. So young– and if they had only been brought in sooner they wouldn’t have– we could have–”_ Clarke’s breathing hitches as she struggles to get the words out.

“Hey, hey, Clarke, look at me.” Lexa waits till blue eyes look up into the camera. “Close your eyes…”

Clarke nods and does as she’s told.

“Now take a deep breath in…” Lexa instructs. She waits still she sees Clarke’s chest rise before continuing, “Now out…” And Clarke lets out her breath. “Again.”

Lexa guides Clarke to take a few more deep breaths. And once she’s sure that Clarke’s breathing has settled she stops. “What do you need? I’m here for you.”

“ _You,”_ Clarke whispers.

“I’m right here… Just listen to my voice. I’m right here.”

“ _Kids, Lexa. It’s just not fair.”_

“I know.”

They fall silent again, with Clarke dropping her head into her hands again.

“Clarke, have you slept at all?”

“ _No, I can’t. I’m still at the clinic, I’m not losing any one else tonight.”  
_

“You need to take care of yourself too. It’s not–”

Clarke brings her hands down, “ _Lexa, please_ ,” she cuts in softly. “ _I need to be here. I can’t leave. We can’t lose anyone else today, we can’t.”_

Lexa nods. “I’m just worried about you. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“ _I haven’t,”_ Clarke reveals.

“Clarke…”

“ _I can’t, not when so much people need me.”_

“But working when you’re exhausted can’t be good for you or your patients.”

“ _I’m fine.”_

“You don’t look fine.”

Clarke takes a deep breath in, “ _You don’t know what it’s like here, Lexa! The people we see– the deaths– the constant agonising feeling that the ball is going to drop any moment. There are nights where the patients just cry, they cry all night because of the pain they’re in and we can’t do anything to help them besides hold their hand. We can’t do anything besides make sure that they’re not alone in their final moments.”_ Once Clarke finishes it’s as if the whole world has dropped on her shoulders. “ _Lexa,”_ she sighs. “ _I’m sorry, I didn’t–”_

“No, you’re right. I don’t know what it’s like over there.”

“ _Lexa I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone off like that.”_

Lexa shakes her head. “You lost three patients today, you’re allowed to be mad, upset and whatever else you may be feeling.”

“ _Still, I shouldn’t have done.”_

Another silence falls down on them. They both just need a moment to quiet their thoughts. This was always the hardest conversation they’ve had. The conversation where Clarke would tell Lexa that she’s lost people and the only thing they wanted to do was be wrapped in each other’s arms.

“ _I have to go check up on my patients.”_

Lexa lets out a small sigh and nods. “I’ll be here all night if you need me, okay?”

“ _I’ll talk to you later?”_

“Yes, of course. I miss you.”

_“I miss you too.”_

* * *

** January 17th 2017 **

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Lexa, again I am sorry about last night. You’ve always been so patient with me and I just snap at you. I hate using my work as an excuse but some days are just terrible. Thank you for just sitting with me. Watching me cry can’t be fun, I’m probably a really uglier crier. I hope you know how much it helps to have you just on the other side of a call. I hope you know how much you help me get through those terrible days. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I miss you and I lo– I’ll talk to you soon. Bye._

* * *

** January 21st 2017 **

**Lexa Woods**  
Going through the photos from our date  
And I can’t wait to have many more days   
like those

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Me too babe  
Just one more month!

* * *

  **January 23rd 2017**

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS

_Okay I have something to tell you, but I don’t want to freak you out. Your mother invited me to play tennis with her on Wednesday and I have no idea why. I mean I can’t decline can I? You don’t just decline an invitation from the president, right? But why does she want to play tennis with **me**? She still knows about us right? What do I– OW ANYA STOP! … Sorry Anya’s here trying to be the voice of reason but I just don’t get why all of a sudden your mum wants to play tennis. I haven’t played tennis in years! Clarke! Help! _

* * *

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Hey... So I may talk about you a lot with my mum… and she just wants to get to know you? Like you Lexa Woods, not the agent Lexa Woods. You have nothing to worry about, she really likes you and she knows how happy you make me. Just a tip… I know you said you haven’t played tennis is years but I have this feeling you’re probably good at everything. Just don’t hold back. My mum hates it when people let her win just because she’s the president. On the plus side, you’ll probably get another story from her and whilst I’m dreading that, I’m sure you’re going to love it._

* * *

  **January 25th 2017 **

_“So how was your date with my mum?”_

Lexa winces at Clarke’s choice of words. She moves to lie in her bed, pulling her blanket over her body and bringing her phone to her ear. “Please rephrase the question,” she laughs.

“ _Yeah, sorry, I regretted it the moment I said it… How was your day?”_

“It was good,” Lexa smiles. “I’ve known your mum for years but only ever on a professional level and even when she comes to Adina’s she usually just says _hi._ It was nice getting to know her outside of that.”

“ _How were your tennis skills?”_

 _“_ Better than yours during high school,” Lexa jokes.

“ _She told you about that!?”_

Lexa laughs. “Yeah, you know you should write a book with all these stories. I can see it now, ‘ _CLARKE GRIFFIN: NUMBER ONE BEST SELLING AUTHOR!’_ You could do a book tour and everything.”

“ _I hate you, you know that?”_

 _“_ No you don’t,” Lexa replies back confidently.

“ _Yeah, you’re right. I don’t.”_

Lexa’s heart beats speeds up dramatically. Something between them shifts and she finds herself feeling butterflies in her stomach. “Clarke…"

“ _I love you, Lexa. I wish I could have said it to you face to face but I honestly can’t go another day without telling you. And I don’t want you to feel pressured to say it ba–”_

“I love you too,” Lexa cuts in, grinning from ear to ear.

“ _You do?”_

“I do. I’ve been wanting to say it for a while too but I just wanted to be able to kiss you right after.”

“ _You’re such a sap.”_

“If you tell anyone I’m going to deny it.”

“ _Say it again.”_

Lexa raises and eyebrow, “What?”

“ _That you love me.”_

Lexa chuckles and can basically hear the smirk coming from Clarke. “Oh god, have I made a mistake in saying it back?” she jokes.

“ _No take backs.”_

Lexa shakes her head and laughs again. “I love you, Clarke Griffin."

* * *

  **January 29th 2017 **

**Octavia Blake**  
Lexa’s staring at her phone and smiling  
like an idiot. $10 says she’s texting clarke

 **Raven Reyes**  
Clarke’s doing the same  
Disgusting

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Um I’m not texting Lexa?

 **Lexa Woods  
** I’m not texting clarke

 **Raven Reyes  
** AND THE PLOT THICKENS 

 **Lexa Woods  
** I was looking at photos from our date

 **Clarke Griffin  
** I was doing the same!

 **Raven Reyes  
** GROSS

* * *

  **February 2nd 2017**

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_I love you! That’s all I wanted to say. It’s just such a great feeling that I can say that to you. Love you, love you. Bye!_

* * *

  **February 4th 2017 **

**Clarke Griffin  
** I’m coming home soon

 **Lexa Woods  
** SOON!

* * *

  **February 5th 2017**  

 

> **@RavenReyes:** @LWOODS you should ask @claaaarke about the time she tried to sneak into the cinemas  
>    
>  **@claaaarke:** @RavenReyes @LWOODS you should not  
>    
>  **@LWOODS** : @RavenReyes @claaaarke clarke, tell me about the time you tried to sneak into the cinemas

* * *

  **February 8th 2017 **

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS 

_Hey Clarke, there was a small article in the news today about you and Doctors Without Borders again. I tell you this time and time again but I am so proud of you. I’m currently at the park with Anya and Aden who are trying to teach Tom Tom, Aden's dog, how to catch a Frisbee. It’s not working out so well, but it’s pretty entertaining. Hope you’re having a good day. Bye, I love you._

* * *

  **February 11th 2017 **

Lexa holds the phone to one ear as she picks her fork into her food. “How was your day?”

_“Good. We’ve been teaching the local doctors some of our techniques and they’re picking up on it quite fast.”_

“That’s good,” Lexa smiles. “So everything’s going to plan?”

“ _It is. I mean as long as nothing comes up we should be back in DC on the 20 th.”_

Lexa almost gasps. “That’s like nine days from now.”

“ _It is!”_

“Nine days…”

“ _Nine days!”_

* * *

  **February 14th 2017 **

**Clarke Griffin**  
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!  
Would it be too much to ask  
for some really good pizza on  
the first day im back?   
I’ve been deprived

 **Lexa Woods  
** I’m going to put pineapple on it

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Actually I change my mind

 **Lexa Woods  
** Happy Valentine’s Day, Clarke

* * *

  **February 16 th 2017 **

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Lexa… We need to talk… So when you get this and when you have some free time, can you give me a call? Don’t worry, we’re all okay here. I’m not hurt or anything like that. But something came… And oh god I don’t even know… Actually I’m going to tell you what’s going on now so you’re not blindsided when we talk. I want to say that you have time to think about it, but you don’t and I’m apologising in advance for that. So what’s going on is that there’s been an unexpected and rapid breakout in Bangladesh and people need our help. My team is the closest team at the moment and they want us to go in and get things set up as soon as possible. We have a choice; we don’t have to go. Head office is forming a team as we speak but they won’t be in for at least another week. My team can get there in 2 days. We need to talk about this, Lexa. I’m going to say the most selfish thing right now, but I honestly don’t want to be a part from you anymore. If I stay it would be at least for another 3 months… But we’ve lost so much time already and I just want to be with you already. But if I don’t go, my team will be short a doctor and it’s going to make a difference. People are getting sick and dying and all I can think about is coming home to you. So please… please… I need…. I need you to call me back when you can. I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys............ guess who's meeting eliza in just over a week at oz comic con...... guys... .. . . idk if im going to survive next weekend


	22. chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're well! happy reading xx

" _W_ _e have a choice, we don’t have to go.”_

_“I don’t want to be a part from you anymore.”_

_“At least another 3 months…”_

_“I love you.”_

Lexa listens to the voicemail over and over again. Every single word, every little pause, engraves itself into her mind. Clarke’s voice is broken, cracked and laced with defeat and it leaves Lexa feeling empty. She thinks she should feel something, but everything in her just becomes still. Her heartbeat slows down, as does her breathing, and her mind goes completely blank. This was a lose-lose situation.

Lexa laid in bed and just stares up to the ceiling. They’ve been separated for four months already and got through it knowing that they would see each other by the end of it. But now with the possibility of Clarke extending her time overseas, Lexa finds her heart aching almost as much as it did when Clarke walked away from her last time. This time it was different of course, they were together and they loved each other, but the thought of not seeing Clarke for another three months was daunting.

Lexa grabs her phone again and it’s just about the time she should be heading into work. But she decides to call in sick, just for tonight. She just knows that she won’t be able to focus and would rather spend the time thinking about what she’s going to say to Clarke when they talk. After she calls the restaurant’s manager to let them know that she wouldn’t be coming in, Lexa decides to run the hottest bath she can for herself.

It was still the early hours in Burma – too early to give Clarke a call so Lexa still had some time to think about everything. Once in the water Lexa completely let’s go of everything. The hot water soothes her muscles, letting her body completely relax as her heart and mind comes back from the void state they were previously in. Her emotions catch up to her soon enough, feeling the swell of tears in her eyes pool and fall eventually fall across her cheeks. She makes no attempt to hold them back, but makes up an excuse for herself; that it was just the soap causing these tears.

Lexa gets out once the water becomes lukewarm. She puts on her softest pyjama pants and one of her oversized jumpers before moving into her kitchen. She checks her phone along the way having seen a couple of missed calls from Anya – but chooses to ignore them for now. Reheating some old leftovers and making herself a cup of tea, she settles in her living room.

Once again she’s left feeling empty. She puts her food down and drops her head into her hands. Clarke was the type of person who always stepped forward to help others before herself. She was the most selfless person Lexa knew. Clarke had the biggest and kindest of hearts and that was what Lexa loved about the woman. Of course she wanted Clarke to come back to her, to come home, where they can finally _be_ together. But what Lexa fears is that if she asked Clarke to come back – she would. But there was no way Clarke would not feel guilty about leaving her team, leaving the people who she could help and Lexa found her heart breaking even more at the thought.

Lexa grabs her food again but quickly puts it back down, there was a turning in the pit of her stomach and she knew she wouldn’t be able to stomach anything for the moment. So she moves to lie across her couch, her phone in her hands as she looks through her gallery. She’s looking at the photos from their first date again and as always she feels the love she has for Clarke run through her. Eventually she finds the video that Clarke had recorded just after she had left and sets it to replay. Slowly Lexa lets herself gets lost in Clarke’s voice, her eyes slowly closing as she nods off to sleep.

She’s woken up some time later when she hears the door to her apartment being opened. She doesn’t even have time to react to who it could be when she hears an all too familiar voice.

“Lexa?” Anya calls out.

Lexa lets out a small groan. “I seriously regret giving you a key,” she mumbles.

“Octavia texted me and said you called in sick,” Anya says as she shuts the door. “But I know for a fact that you don’t get sick. I don’t think you’ve taken a sick day ever.”

Lexa covers her eyes with her hand, “I’m fine.”

“Clearly not,” Anya huffs. She puts her bag on the dining room table and moves to sit on the couch next to Lexa. “Are you okay?"

“No,” Lexa replies honestly.

Anya nods and that’s when she notices the untouched food and tea already on the table. She grabs them both and heads into the kitchen, “I’m going to warm this up for you again and then we talk.”

Lexa sits up from the couch, it was just 9pm here while in Burma it would be about 7:30 in the morning. She drops her head in her hands as her thoughts become heavy. She listens to Anya moving about her kitchen and tries to focus on anything other than the headache that was only growing. There was no doubt she would give Clarke a call later tonight, she just wanted a little more time. _Time._ The one thing that’s never been on her side when it came down to Clarke.

Anya emerges from the kitchen a couple of minutes later, handing Lexa her reheated food and placing the tea on the table. She quickly goes back into the kitchen to retrieve her own drink before coming back and settling on a different couch to Lexa. “So what’s wrong?” she asks, blowing the steam over her tea.

Lexa picks up the food and pokes at it. “It’s Clarke…” she whispers.

“Is she okay?” Lexa nods. “Okay isn’t she coming back in a couple of days? Why are you looking so glum?”

“She might not be coming back.”

“What?!”

“Please don’t scream, I’ve got a raging headache.” Lexa pauses and takes a bite out of her food, “She left me a voicemail saying that there’s been a breakout in Bangladesh and her team has been asked to go and help.”

“Oh Lexa…”

“I haven’t called her yet… I’ve been waiting for it to be a better time for her.”

Anya takes a sip of her drink. “Do you know what you’re going to say?”

“No,” Lexa sighs.

Anya takes a long look at Lexa. She feels the pang in her own heart for her friend. The whole situation has definitely been hard, as long-distance relationships generally are but Anya’s never seen Lexa like this with anyone else. “Do you love her?”

Lexa nods. “I do.”

“Then isn’t that enough?”

Lexa doesn’t answer the question. “I just, I was really looking forward to finally _being_ with her. To finally start our lives together…” she whispers.

“I know,” Anya agrees.

“She’s just so passionate about this program and about helping people, and I can’t talk that away from her. She can’t put her dreams on hold for of me.” Lexa pauses. “But when it comes down to Doctors without Borders, there is _always_ going to be a new place, new emergencies, more people to help.”

Anya nods. “Did she say how long it might be?”

“Maybe three months,” Lexa breathes.

“At least it’s not another four?” Anya offers, trying to lighten the mood.

“That doesn’t help.”

“Sorry,” Anya sighs. “Look, if what I see between the two of you is any indication about how crazy you both are for each other, I have no doubt that you can make it through this.”

Lexa leans back into the couch and brings her right hand to rub her eyes. The love she has for Clarke was not something she’s ever felt before. She loves Clarke, there’s no doubt about it. But she can’t help but think about her last relationship – where being in love with each other just wasn’t enough. She lets out a deep breath, “I should call her.”

Anya nods and takes that as her cue to leave. She grabs her bag, “You guys will be fine.”

“Thanks for coming by, Anya.”

Anya steps towards Lexa and places her hand on Lexa’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Call me if you need me.” Lexa nods in response and Anya makes her way out of the apartment.

Once she’s alone, Lexa toys with her phone for a good ten minutes before she gives Clarke a call. As the ringing tone plays out she moves to lie across her couch, one hand covering her eyes as they fight back the tears. It rings a couple more times before the call picks up.

“ _Hey…”_

When Clarke’s voice echoes through the phone, for a second it seems like everything is okay. It seems like just another one of their conversations. But obviously that feeling doesn’t last very long.

“ _Lexa, please say something.”_

Lexa sighs softly. “We’re going to be okay.”

“ _What?”_

“They need you in Bangladesh, so it’s okay to go, Clarke.” Lexa pauses for a moment, listening to Clarke’s breathing over the phone. “Believe me when I say that I want you to come back, I do. But what I want more is for you to keep following your passion. I can’t take you away from something that you’ve poured your heart and soul into.”

_“This isn’t fair on you, Lexa… On us… You’ve been waiting for me to come back for four months… I’ve been waiting to come back to you for four months.”_

“I know,” Lexa whispers. “I know,” she repeats. “But people need your help, people are relying on you and I understand that you have to go.”

“ _I don’t though, I don’t have to go.”_

“You do, Clarke.” Lexa sighs a little, “You’re driven to help as much people as you can and it’s one of the things I love most about you. So you can’t tell me that if you came back to DC, you wouldn’t feel the burden of leaving your team behind.” The call goes silent as Lexa lets Clarke take in her words. And it’s in the silence that Lexa knows she’s right. “That’s why I’m tell you that it’s okay to go, because I know you need to hear it. If this is something you need to do, you can go and we are going to be okay.”

“ _I don’t deserve you.”_

Lexa’s heart breaks at Clarke’s words. “Don’t say that, Clarke. Being in a relationship means that we support each other through thick and thin. This is the reason you became a doctor, right? To help as much people as you can?”

“ _It’s been my dream since I was seven.”_

“That’s why you have to go, your heart is in Doctors without Borders and you can’t put your dreams on hold for me.”

“ _Yes, I have given my heart and soul to this program, but I have also given it to you, Lexa.”_

Lexa places her hand over her heart, immediately feeling her heart skip a few beats. She sighs, “And I don’t doubt that. Clarke, I love you and when I told you that I’d wait, I meant it. You are worth waiting for.” Lexa pauses. “You can’t come back _just_ for me, Clarke. You have to make this decision on what your heart is telling you, on what you think you need to do.”

_“I feel like you’ve given me so much and all I do is take from you. I’ve taken up so much of your time and I’m…”_

Lexa waits for Clarke to continue but the conversation goes silent again. “You’re what?”

“ _I’m scared you’re going to resent me for it.”_

“I could never resent you, Clarke,” Lexa replies immediately. “I love you more than you could possibly know. You are the one for me.” The conversation goes silent for a moment as Lexa listens to the quiet sobs coming from the other side of the call. “Clarke…” she whispers, “If the situation were reversed, would you tell me to go?”

“ _Of course.”_

 _“_ So believe me when I say that we’re going to be okay.”

“ _It’s just been so hard being away from you.”_

Lexa returns to a seating position on the couch. _“_ I miss you too, Clarke. Usually things get easier with time, but not this. Every message, every call, makes me miss you more. But it’s okay, because I know you’re going to come back.”

“ _Just three more months.”_

“Don’t say that,” Lexa replies back harsher than expected. There’s pause and the tension slowly builds. “Just… I need you to not say that.” Another pause. “We kept counting down the days these past four months and listening to your last voicemail was… it was hard. I didn’t even go to work tonight.”

_“I’m sorry…”_

“No, don’t apologise,” Lexa sighs. “But I just need this one thing I need, Clarke. Just don’t count down because we don’t know what’s going to happen next. There’s always a chance that you’ll be asked to extend again.”

_“I won’t.”_

Lexa rubs her eyes, “You can’t know that.”

 _“Actually I do."_  There's a pause. _"I was talking to Sinclair, our coordinator, last night and told him that if I go to Bangladesh that it would be my last rotation. He tried to convince me to reconsider but I said no.”_

“Clarke…” Lexa breathes.

_“I wanted to surprise you when I got back but I got accepted into a residency program in DC. For a long time Doctors without Borders has been my priority, but it’s now time that I choose me. It’s time for me to settle down, and I really hope that I get to do that with you.”_

“But you’re extending your stay, will they keep that position for you?” Lexa asks.

“ _Yeah, I called them last night and explained to them the situation. I didn't make the decision yet, i just couldn't sleep so i gave them a call. I guess the being the president’s daughter has it perks. They said that they’d hold me a position until we finish in Bangladesh.”_

Lexa lets herself feel hopeful after this. She knows she shouldn’t because still, anything could happen in between now and three months. But it’s something that she can hold onto.

“ _Do you trust me?”_

“Yes,” Lexa replies honestly.

_“Then please believe me that when we’re done in Bangladesh, I’m coming back.”_

“When do you leave?”

“ _Tonight.”_

“Stay safe," Lexa replies.

“ _I love you, Lexa.”_

“I love you too, Clarke.”

They stay on the phone for a while after that. Clarke tells Lexa about what’s happening in Bangladesh and the severity of the situation over there. Because it was so unexpected they haven’t formulated a concrete plan yet. Their main goal was to get in as fast as they can to try and contain the outbreak.

The conversation between them isn’t heavy. It is a little quieter, a little softer than usual – but that’s to be expected given what they’ve had to just talk about. Sometime during the conversation Lexa moves into bed, listening to Clarke at how she was going to tell her mum and Octavia about her extended stay.

The conversation ends as Lexa starts to lose to the ability to stay up. The last thing she remembers is Clarke’s voice singing her to sleep.

“ _Because all of me, loves all of you…”_

_“Because I give you all of me, and you give me all of you….”_

* * *

  

**February 18 th 2017**

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Arrived safely in Bangladesh.  
It’s worse than we expected.  
Hospitals are overfilled and  
crowded. I’ll call you when I  
can. I love you.

 **Lexa Woods**  
Stay safe. Don’t forget to  
take care of yourself

 

* * *

 

 **February 21 st 2017**

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS

_Hey Clarke, do you know it’s been just over a year since we’ve met each other? I just came back from the 2 nd annual EMPOWER gala your mum held and it was great going as a guest this time. A year… can you believe it? A year ago you came into my life and everything changed. We started falling for each other and we were on a path that neither of us was expecting. Despite what we’ve been through, I’m just happy that we found each other again. I love you, Clarke. Talk to you soon._

 

* * *

 

**February 23 rd 2017**

2 missed calls from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

 **Clarke Griffin  
** I miss you

 

* * *

**February 25 th 2017 **

“Hey babe.”

_“Claaaarke!”_

Clarke chuckles at Lexa’s greeting. It was Octavia’s birthday back in DC and her best friend had convinced Lexa to go out with her. Now it was just past 1am in DC and Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she heard Lexa trying to change clothes in her slightly drunken state.

“ _Everything won’t stop spinning, Clarke.”_

Clarke smiles, “How did you get home?”

“ _Uber. Mr Alex was a very nice driver. 5 stars.”_

“Manage to change yet?”

“ _Mmm, nope. I gave up. I’ll just change in the morning. How are you? I miss you.”_

Clarke settles in her seat. “I miss you too. I have a couple of hours off this morning before I go back to work.”

“ _You’re taking care of yourself?”_

“I am,” Clarke smiles. “I promise. How was your night?”

“ _Good. Fantastic, actually. Ask me why.”_

Clarke laughs. “Why is that?”

“ _Because Wells was with us and he told me ALL about your senior year prank.”_

“No,” Clarke whispers. That prank was definitely top 3 most embarrassing stories; her mum still gives her a hard glare whenever someone brings it up. She can’t believe Wells, a friend she’s known for most of her life, would betray her like this.

“ _Yep but I don’t think it was fair that you were given only a week’s detention. You should have gotten AT LEAST two weeks for that.”_

 _“_ Hey!” Clarke laughs. “I was young and stupid.”

“ _Mmm, it’s okay. I was young and stupid once too.”_ There’s a long pause. _“Did you ever love him?”_

 _“_ Who? Wells?” Clarke heard Lexa hum in response and spoke up again, “Not in that way, Lex. He did for a while...  but it was only platonic on my end. Why?”

“ _The way he talked about you, I just could feel like there was a history there.”_

 _“_ That’s all it is, Lexa,” Clarke reassures, “Just history.”

_“I know… Do you love me?”  
_

Clarke smiles and her heart flutters. “I do, so much.”

“ _Will you sing me a song?”_

“Of course, close your eyes and get some rest. I love you.”

“ _I love you too, Clarke.”_

Clarke clears her throat slightly and starts to hum a familiar tune.

 

* * *

 

 **February 28 th 2017** 

Octavia Blake changed the subject to “lexa’s first day at college”

 **Lexa Woods  
** OCTAVIA NO

 **Octavia Blake**  
OH BOY CLARKE, ANYA JUST  
TOLD ME THE BEST LEXA STORY

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Oh really now?  
Please do share with the class

 **Lexa Woods**  
You don’t want to hear this Clarke  
I promise you

 **Raven Reyes**  
I’m intrigued. What happened  
on lexa’s first day at college? 

 **Lexa Woods  
** NOTHING

 **Octavia Blake  
** That’s one way to put it ;)

Lexa Woods has left the conversation

 **Raven Reyes**  
I didn’t think anyone could scare  
lexa off. Must be one hell of a story.

 **Octavia Blake**  
Lexa here. I’ve taken Octavia’s phone.  
You guys aren’t getting this story.

 

* * *

  

**March 3 rd 2017**

Lexa settles her laptop and tea mug on the coffee table and takes a seat on the couch. She answers Clarke incoming Skype call happily, “Hey.” It takes a few moments for the video to adjust but soon enough Clarke appears on the screen.

“ _Hey, just– second– better connection– there.”_

It takes another minute till the video and audio feed run smoothly. It was just past 11pm for Lexa which meant that Clarke was just about to start her day, if she hasn’t done so already.

“ _Sorry, there are certain areas of the room where the reception is better.”_ Clarke offers a small smile, “ _Quiet Friday night?”_

Lexa nods. “Some friends from New York were in town so we caught up over dinner but they have an early flight in the morning so now I’m back home.” She grabs her glass and blows over the steam rising from her tea, “Not working yet?”

“ _No, I actually just finished a night shift.”_

Lexa takes a sip of her tea, watching as Clarke rubs her eyes and then runs her fingers through her hair. Even through the screen the exhaustion is evident. But she knew that Clarke wasn’t just tired. It was the type of exhaustion where Lexa can only assume that they’ve recently loss a patient. Lexa lets out a small breath, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke shakes her head. “ _Not yet. Maybe later though?”_

“Of course,” Lexa whispers back. Just as she’s about to ask Clarke about what she had planned for the rest of the day someone else enters the video. Lexa can’t see who it is since the unknown person is standing up so she waits as Clarke’s attention is drawn to the person besides her.

“ _Who are you talking to, Clarke?”_

_“My girlfriend.”_

Lexa’s breath hitches at the term and heart beat picks up. They haven’t talked about it since the last time they were together – but that’s what they were, right? _Girlfriends?_ Lexa had no doubt in her mind that Clarke was the one for her. When she looked at her future, Clarke was the one she wanted by her side throughout it all.

“ _Oh sorry, I’ll leave you to it then. Raven just sent me over to give you this.”_ The unknown person shows their face on the screen and smiles, “ _Hi Clarke’s girlfriend! Bye Clarke’s girlfriend!”_

“Bye!” Lexa waves back. When the person is gone she looks at Clarke, who looks a little lost and… scared. “Clarke? What’s wrong?”

“ _I’m sorry, I didn’t, it just slipped–”_

“Are you apologising about calling me your girlfriend?”

Clarke nods. “ _I know we haven’t talked about it but–”_

Lexa places her hand over her heart, “I’m a little offended,” she jokes. Once she sees Clarke relax a little she lets out another small chuckle. “I think we’re long past the ‘are we girlfriends’ talk.”

“ _Really?”_

 _“_ Yeah?” Lexa bites her bottom lip a little, “I feel like we’ve been girlfriends for a while now… we just haven’t really established it guess?”

“ _Yeah,”_ Clarke agrees. “ _I feel like that too… You don’t know how happy it makes me that I can officially call you my girlfriend.”_

Lexa grins. “I do actually, because I feel the same way.”

“ _I love you.”_

 

* * *

**March 7 th 2017**

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS 

_So um… I got a dog today. Aden’s volunteering at the rescue shelter and I went to visit him on his first day. I got there and I met Maxwell and fell in love. He’s so cute, Clarke. I just, I couldn’t say no? So I adopted him and now I have a dog. He’s asleep on my lap and I’m too afraid to move because I don’t want to wake him up. I’ll send you a picture of him after I leave this voicemail, I think you’re going to love him. Love you, bye._

* * *

 

**March 9 th 2017**

@ **OctaviaBlake** : Maxwell is hands down, the cutest dog I’ve ever met

@ **claaaarke** : @OctaviaBlake more photos please

@ **LWOODS** : @claaaarke @OctaviaBlake he can’t wait to meet you!

 

* * *

 

**March 12 th 2017**

**Clarke Griffin**  
So I just had an interesting  
conversation with my mum.  
You guys had lunch?

 **Lexa Woods**  
Yeah I was just going to tell you  
Can I call you? 

_Clarke Griffin calling._

* * *

 

**March 15 th 2017**

**Anya Carson  
** Call your girlfriend 

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Why? Is she okay?

 **Anya Carson**  
She’s being stubborn and won’t  
go see a doctor. She’s been sick  
for over a week and I don’t know  
if you know this but Lexa Woods  
does not get sick, like ever.

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Everyone gets sick

 **Anya Carson  
** Not Lexa 

Clarke finishes her final rounds for the day just after 8pm. Once she meets with the night shift doctor, she finds a quiet spot outside and calculates the time in DC. Generally, the trick was to add two hours to her time and just switch AM to PM or vice versa. So it was just past 10am in DC and Clarke figures that Lexa must be awake at this time. She calls her girlfriend. The first time Clarke gets Lexa’s voicemail. Usually she would just leave a message but she thinks about Anya’s previous messages saying that Lexa was sick, so she tries again. The ringing tone plays out and Clarke is sure she’s going to get Lexa’s voicemail when she’s being greeted by a very tired, and soft voice on the other end.

“ _Hey.”_

Part of Clarke aches to hear the way Lexa’s voice carries throughout the call. She’s a doctor, she knows when someone is sick and when someone is _sick._ And currently Lexa is definitely the latter. “You sound horrible; you know that right?”

“ _Anya told–”_ Lexa lets out a few harsh coughs, “ _She told you I was sick, didn’t she?”_

“Yes,” Clarke nods. “She said that you don’t get sick so obviously it must be something if it hasn’t passed in a week.”

“ _That’s ridiculous, everyone gets sick.”_

Clarke lets out a small laugh, “That’s what I said.”

“ _I just need to sleep it off, I’ll be fine.”_

“Lexa, please go see a doctor.” Clarke pauses as Lexa lets out a few hoarse coughs. “You ask me to take care of myself while I’m here, and I’m just asking you to do the same.”

“ _Okay.”_

Clarke is happy with the quick response, but also a little surprised. She was kind of expecting Lexa to put up more of a fight. “You really will go?”

There are a few more coughs and a few deep breaths before Lexa speaks up again. “ _Yeah, I promise. I’ll go today. Just got to find the energy to pull myself out of bed.”_

 _"_ You’re still in bed?”

Lexa hums in response. “ _I didn’t sleep till like 4am.”_

“All the more reason to go see your doctor.”

“ _Okay, okay, I’m getting up. I need to take a shower, so I’ll call you later?”_

“Yeah, call me once you’re done at the doctors. No matter what time it is for me, okay?”

Lexa coughs again, “ _Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”_

“Love you too.”

 

* * *

 

**March 16 th 2017**

**Clarke Griffin  
** Feeling any better?

 **Lexa Woods**  
I am, I slept like 16 hours  
after I called you

 **Clarke Griffin**  
That’s not surprising. Can’t  
believe you put off going to  
rhe doctors for a week when  
you had a chest infection.

 **Lexa Woods  
** At least it’s not pneumonia?

 **Clarke Griffin  
** That doesn’t help

 **Lexa Woods**  
I know, sorry. But don’t worry  
Octavia was over just before to  
make sure I took my medication.  
You didn’t have to send her  
over, you know that right?

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Just wanted to check in on your since.  
You did end up sleeping for 16 hours.

**Lexa Woods**

I’ll be fine.  
I have the week off of work to recover.

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Okay that makes me feel slightly better.  
Phone battery is going to die, I’ll talk  
to you soon. Get some rest. Drink lots  
of fluids.

 **Lexa Woods  
** Will do

 

* * *

 

**March 19 th 2017**

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN

_Hey babe, just saw the video of Maxwell you posted a couple of hours on twitter and I just want to say I can’t wait to meet him. Octavia was right, he is the most adorable puppy I’ve ever seen. It also helps that he’s got a really adorable owner as well, double the adorableness. Anyways I hope you’re feeling better. If not please, please, go see the doctor again. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you._

* * *

 

**March 22 nd  2017**

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS

_Hey, I don’t have long I’m walking into Adina’s for work as we speak. But I just wanted to let you know that I am officially feeling better. I actually felt completely better yesterday but took an extra day off just in case. But yeah, I feel great now and just in time because we’re short staffed at the restaurant. Hope you’re having a good day._

* * *

 

**March 25 th 2017**

“ _SO I SAID TO THE PRESIDENT, I’M A CRAB!”_

Lexa laughs. She laughs at Clarke, not with her. Her girlfriend had told her a joke that went on for about five minutes and when it got to the punchline all Lexa could do was shake her head. She switches the phone over to her right ear, “That was a pathetic joke, Clarke.”

“ _What?! No it wasn’t. It’s my best joke.”_

“That’s not a very high bar,” Lexa teases.

“ _Hey! That’s mean.”_

Lexa laughs again, “Do people seriously find that joke funny? Has your mum heard the joke?”

“ _She has. She hates it.”_

“My point taken. It’s a pathetic joke.” Lexa pauses for a moment as she hears a knocking at her door.

“ _Someone there?”_

Lexa gets off the couch and hums in response. “Hold on a second.” She looks through her peephole and when she sees that it’s Anya she lets her in. “It’s Anya.”

“ _Tell her I say hi.”_

Lexa lets Anya in and closes the door. “Clarke says hi.” Anya makes a vague gesture in response before disappearing down the hallway and into the bathroom. She returns her attention back to the call, “Anya says hi back.”

“ _Did she really?”_

“I don’t know,” Lexa confesses. “She just made some weird gesture before going into the bathroom. Probably just hungry I told her I’d cook.”

“ _Alright, I’ll leave you guys to it then.”_

Lexa smiles softly to herself. “I miss you.”

“ _I miss you too.”_

* * *

 

**March 28 th 2017**

**Raven Reyes**  
LEXA I CANT BELIEVE YOU DON’T  
LIKE THE CRAB JOKE I THOUGHT  
I COULD TRUST YOU

 **Octavia Blake  
** That joke is a MESS

 **Raven Reyes**  
Oh shit Lexa was never added back into  
This convo after the last time she left

Lexa Woods has been added into the conversation.

 **Raven Reyes**  
LEXA I CANT BELIEVE YOU DON’T  
LIKE THE CRAB JOKE

 **Clarke Griffin  
** See Lexa? Raven likes the joke

 **Lexa Woods**  
Raven laughs at string cheese.  
Standards aren’t that high

 **Raven Reyes  
** WHO TOLD YOU

Octavia Blake has left the conversation 

 **Raven Reyes  
** OCTAVIA YOU BITCH

 

* * *

 

**March 31 st 2017**

One new voicemail from – CLARKE GRIFFIN 

_So I just got off the phone with my mum who said that she ran into you at my dad’s cemetery. You didn’t have to go for his birthday Lexa, but thank you. I didn’t want to ask you because I know you’ve been pretty busy and tired from work lately. I don’t even know what to say or how I can say that it means so much that you went to see him. I love you so much, Lexa Woods and I hope you never forget that. No one has ever loved me the way you do and I thank the heavens every day for bringing you into my life. We’ve been through a lot and I hope you know how much I appreciate you and everything you do for me, for us. I cannot wait for the day I’m back in your arms. I love you._

* * *

 

**April 3 rd 2017**

**Lexa Woods**  
Octavia’s taking me  
to a concert tonight

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Is there something you're  
not telling me, Lexa? 

 **Lexa Woods**  
Yeah actually, im dumping you  
and dating tour best friend now

 **Clarke Griffin**  
Oh ha-ha  
…  
I know you're joking but I  
just need you to confirm that for me

 **Lexa Woods  
** ;)

 **Clarke Griffin**  
God I can feel you smirking from here!  
It’s the Vance Joy once right?  
What happened to her date?

 **Lexa Woods**  
Your mum had to go out of state  
last minute. So Lincoln had to go  
as well

 **Clarke Griffin**  
I’m sure she understands  
They make a cute couple, don’t they?

 **Lexa Woods  
** They do

 **Clarke Griffin  
** Not as cute as us though

 

* * *

**April 7 th 2017 **

One new voicemail from – LEXA WOODS 

_So I took Maxwell to a dog park today with Aden and oh boy is my dog awkward. I think the poor thing got overwhelmed with how much dogs were there and just stayed by my side the whole time. He’s used to seeing maybe one of two other dogs when I walk him but today there were like twenty others. But Tom Tom, Aden’s dog, had an absolute blast. Never seen him more energised hyped. Anyways, I miss you. Talk to you later, I hope you’re having a good day._

* * *

 

**April 9 th 2017**

“ _SO I SAID TO THE PRESIDENT, I’M A CRAB!”_

Anya burst out into laughter once Clarke finishes telling her the joke. Lexa and Octavia simply stare in disbelief; they were both convinced that Anya would not find the joke funny. But here they were, watching as Anya wipes away a few small tears in front of the laptop.

“That’s a good one,” Anya praises. She turns to Lexa and Octavia, “You guys, that’s fucking hilarious!”

“No it’s not,” Lexa argues.

“ _It is!”_ Clarke yells from the Skype call. “ _Anya has a good sense of humour!”_

Lexa moves to sit next to Anya so that Clarke could see her too. “It’s a horrible joke, Clarke.”

“ _Obviously not if I’ve got Anya laughing at it.”_

 _“_ What’s wrong with the joke?” Anya asks.

Octavia falls back into the couch and sighs. “Literally everything.”

Clarke laughs. “ _Stop being dramatic Octavia.”_

“I’m not being dramatic; I’m simply stating the truth.” Octavia stands back up and moves around Lexa’s apartment to gather her things. Once she has all her things she spins the laptop so that Clarke could see her. “I’m heading off now, I’m sick of your shit, Griffin.”

“ _Love you too, O,”_ Clarke laughs.

“Yeah, yeah,” Octavia smiles. “Tell Raven I say and that I expect a call soon.”

“ _Gotcha!”_

 _“_ Bye!” Octavia spins the laptop back around the Anya and Lexa. “Buy guys.”

“Bye,” Anya replies.

Lexa waves, “See you tomorrow.”

Clarke, Anya and Lexa banter back and forth about the joke for another twenty minutes before they call a truce. They weren’t really getting anywhere, not that there was anywhere to get to. It was either you liked the joke or you didn’t. Anya says her goodbye just before 11pm, but not before letting Clarke know (again) that the joke was the best thing she’s heard in a while.

Once Anya leaves, Lexa moves herself to bed with her laptop. The two talk about mindless things, with Lexa ready for bed and Clarke just waiting on her ride to get to work. Lexa hates that this is the normal for them. She hates that she hasn’t been able to hold, to kiss, to simply _be with_ Clarke in nearly six months. That’s half a year. And on top of that there’s the eight months they lost when Clarke had walked away.

But then she thinks about the alternative, of not having Clarke in her life at all. And that hurts her more than she can even imagine. So for now she’s okay with the distance. She doesn’t like it, but it is better than the alternative.

“ _Lex?”_

Lexa gives her eyes a slight rub and looks back to Clarke. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“ _You kind of spaced out there, are you okay? What’s on your mind?”_

 _“_ Nothing,” Lexa smiles. “I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

“ _You’re a smooth talker, you know that?”_

“Really, I was,” Lexa replies.

“ _I lov–”_

[Call has been disconnected] 

Lexa frowns when the call cuts out. It wasn’t uncommon for their calls to drop out so she tries to give Clarke a call back. Immediately she hears a message that the call cannot be connected and just assumes that the service was down on the other end. She takes out her phone and sends a quick message to Clarke.

 **Lexa Woods**  
Call cut out :( Tried calling again but. I  
guess the service is bad over there at  
the moment. It’s alright I should probably  
get to sleep. I have to be up early tomorrow.  
Have a good day. I love you.

 

* * *

 

The following morning Lexa wakes up to no reply from Clarke. It was a little odd but she doesn’t give it much thought, there were probably a number of reasons why Clarke hasn’t replied back yet. She goes about her morning routine. Today was a long day for her, she needed to visit and meet with a few new potential alcohol suppliers, then she had to take Maxwell to get a check-up, she also had a meeting with a party-planner who wanted her to bartend a party she was organising and then on top of all that she still had to work in the evening.

Negotiations with new suppliers go well, swaying the contract more so in her favour.

There’s a little wait at the vet but fortunately Maxwell is as healthy as a dog could be.

And the interview with the party planner is… interesting to say the least. Lexa never really thought about bartending outside of _Adina’s_. But when Lucy, the party planner, approached her one night after a shift Lexa found herself saying yes to an interview. It’s not like she had anything to lose. So that’s how she found herself being hired to bartend a bachelorette party where she was also asked to create a drinks menu for the night.

When she walks into Adina’s it’s just before 4pm. She goes about her usual routine at the bar; stocking the cabinet, cleaning glasses, organising the other little things for the night. And as usual during this time, Octavia stops by for a quick drink before service.

“Can I get some cranberry juice today?” Octavia asks as she takes a seat on a bar stool.

Lexa nods and pours two glasses. She pushes one of them to Octavia whilst she takes a sip of the other.

“Does Anya still think the crab joke is funny?”

Lexa sighs. “Yeah, after you left we kept talking about it for like 20 minutes. It was ridiculous.”

Octavia lifts up her glass towards Lexa, “To the joke that’s probably going to ruin all our relationships.”

“Here, here,” Lexa laughs, as she clinks her glass with Octavia’s.

Octavia finishes her drink and places the cup back onto the bar. “Have you heard from Clarke today?”

Lexa shakes her head. “Not since last night. Our Skype call got cut out so I figured it’s just the reception over there. Why?”

“No reason,” Octavia replies. “I tried to call Raven and I wasn’t getting through.”

“They’re probably just busy.”

Octavia nods. “Yeah.”

“ _CHEF!”_ Octavia and Lexa both turn towards the kitchen doors where one of the apprentices was calling out from. “ _You’re going to want to come in here!”_

“Duty calls,” Octavia sighs before leaving the bar.

Lexa lets out a small laugh as she watches Octavia return to the kitchen. After that she clears the two glasses and makes her way down towards the storage to grab what she needed. The rest of the night is fairly easy. A steady rate of orders rolls through the bar, the diners tonight are more on the quieter side and the people at the bar are a good crowd. Lexa hears about seven different stories throughout the night; ranging from finished projects to shitty break ups and even someone’s recent trip to France.

Once the restaurant closes Lexa feels content with the night she’s had. She’s exhausted from the day and all she wanted to do was go home and sleep. But when Anya comes storming through the restaurant she knows that her day isn’t over. For years she’s known Anya and look on her face when they see each other, Lexa knows that something is wrong. Anya takes slow, cautious steps towards her and all Lexa can do is wait.

“Where’s Octavia?” Anya asks.

Lexa motions her head towards the kitchen. “She should be out any second. Why what’s wrong?”

Anya just gestures for her to stay put, “Don’t go anywhere,” she says. Anya walks towards the kitchen and comes out with Octavia minutes later. She pulls out two chairs at one of the nearby tables, “Sit,” she instructs.

Lexa and Octavia take a seat, feeling very confused at what was going on. They watch as Anya remains standing, rubbing her face before running her fingers through her hair. It doesn’t take long for Lexa to figure out what this was about. There’s only a few times she’s seen Anya like this and it was never for anything good. And the fact that Octavia was also a part of this conversation could only mean that Anya had some news about someone they both loved.

_Clarke._

“Spit it out, Anya,” Lexa says.

Octavia turns to Lexa, then back to Anya, then back to Lexa. “What’s going on?”

Anya takes a deep breath and looks to Lexa, “It’s about Clarke.” She then turns to Octavia, “And Raven.”

A gut wrenching feeling grows in the pit of Lexa’s stomach. _It’s about Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Clarke._ Lexa’s mind goes back to the night before just before their call had cut out, she thinks about how she didn’t wake up to a message from Clarke and how Octavia mentioned about calling Raven and getting no response. Her stomach just twists and turns and she’s having trouble staying still in her seat.

“What about them?” Octavia asks with caution.

Anya takes a seat. “We just got word that their camp was raided by a local gang.”

Octavia gasps, “WHAT?!”

“A few extra doctors flew out yesterday but when they got to the camp it was…” Anya trails off and just shakes her head. “Abby’s on seven different calls right now trying to find out what happened. From what we’ve been told a few people were injured and the patients are being cared for by anyone who wasn’t hurt during the raid.”

“Clarke and Raven?” Octavia whispers.

Anya gives her a small shake of her head. “They’re nowhere to be found.” She lifts up her hand to stop Octavia interrupting, “BUT, two camp jeeps are missing and a couple of kids as well. According to the roster, Clarke was working with the kids when the raid happened. They think that Clarke and Raven must have taken the kids and just drove off.”

Lexa speaks up for the first time. “How do you know all this?”

“Abby let me in on initial briefing so that I could pass along what I’ve told you.”

“And what are they doing about Clarke? Raven? And the kids?” Lexa asks again.

“They’ve organised a search party – but it’s not big at the moment because the team are focusing on the patients right now.”

“WHAT?” Octavia yells. “THEY SHOULD BE OUT THERE FINDING–”

Lexa places her hand on Octavia’s to calm the younger woman down a bit, “Octavia, you know I agree with you. But the patients are the ones they can help right now. If what Anya said was right, and that Clarke and Raven drove away with the kids, they’re going to be fine.” She doesn’t know if she believes it herself but she needs something to hold onto, they all do.

Octavia throws her hands up in the air, “How are you so calm about this?!”

“I’m a former agent. I know how to internalise how I’m feeling,” Lexa replies rather convincingly. “I am… I feel… god, I feel a lot of things right now but lashing out won’t help anyone right now.” Lexa drops her head into her hands.

Anya shuffles her chair a little closer, rubbing Lexa’s back softly. “A team is flying out as we speak to aid with the search party. They’ll be there in a day and will have a direct line to Abby to keep her updated.”

Lexa nods against her hands. “I need a minute.” She stands up but doesn’t get far, with Anya tugging at her arm. “Please, Anya. Just a minute.” When she feels herself being set free she makes her way towards the back and towards the storage room. Her steps are hurried, almost a jog and once she’s in the confines of the four walls, she breaks. Lexa places her hand over her chest as she’s gasping for air, the tears are hot as they roll down her face.

The only thing that she can see is Clarke.

The only thing she can hear is Clarke.

Her breathing is erratic and everything she’s learnt from being an agent is thrown out the window. She definitely wasn’t internalising her feelings right now. She can put on a brave face when she needs to, and she did for a moment. But this was Clarke. The woman she loves. The woman she was ready to spend the rest of her life with. The woman who was currently missing.

She ends up with her back against the wall, sitting down with her knees up at her chest. The ache in her heart grows and she doesn’t remember the last time she’s cried this much. The back of her head hits the wall, and her hands interlock above her eyes as she continues to gasp for air. It’s another minute before she lets out another whimper, dropping her head down towards her knees.

With her head still down, she reaches for her phone. Lexa lifts her head slightly just so that she can unlock it and speed dials #2. It rings and it rings and she holds her breath, waiting to hear the voice on the other end.

“ _Hey this is Clarke; I can’t come to the phone right now so just leave a message after the beep.”_

She ends the call and redials it again.

“ _Hey this is Clarke; I can’t come to the phone right now so just leave a message after the beep.”_

And again.

“ _Hey this is Clarke; I can’t come to the phone right now so just leave a message after the beep.”_

She plays it one more time before sliding the phone back in her pocket. Her eyes are sore and they burn, she knows that if she goes outside know anyone who walks past will see that she’s been crying. A few quiet knocks on the storage room brings her back to reality. She wipes her eyes the best she can before mutter a quiet, “One minute,” to the person on the other side of the door.

But she’s not surprised when the door opens anyways and Anya steps inside before closing it again. Without saying Anya simply steps towards Lexa and sits next to her. Anya doesn’t say anything but simply takes Lexa’s hand within her own, giving it a small squeeze. There wasn’t anything she could say at this point that would help, so she just remains there for now.

Lexa finds herself leaning her head on Anya’s shoulder and lets the tears fall again.

“She’s going to be okay, Lexa. They both are,” Anya whispers. “She’s going to be okay. They’ll find her.”

 

* * *

 

One day without any updates turns into two and then into three. Lexa knows she should go see Abby at the White House herself, but she just can’t. She can’t bear the thought of breaking down in front of Abby – because she knows that’s exactly what will happen. So she asks Anya to keep her updated on anything related to Clarke or Raven. The search team arrived in Bangladesh and started to track where they could have gone in the jeep (if it was them in the jeep in the first place), but have not yet found anything.

The news breaks out all over the country and the world. As always the media likes to put multiple spins on the actual story but Lexa pays no attention to it. The only people she can trust with updates is Anya and Abby. There are a handful of times where Lexa thinks about buying a plane ticket herself and going to help, but she knows that’s not a smart choice. She knew very little about the area, the raid and just the overall situation itself.

She cries herself to sleep every night. She buries herself into her bed, her sheets tucked around her as she tries to shield herself away from the absolute stillness she’s consumed with. She re-reads texts, emails and looks through their photos. She plays and replays the video and she cries. She afraid she’s forgetting what Clarke looks like or what she sounds like. And she prays, for the first time, to anyone who is listening to bring them back.

Octavia has slept on her couch since the night Anya told them Clarke and Raven were missing. They haven’t really talked much but that’s okay for them. The silence helps them get through the day, to give them time to think but also lets them know that they weren’t alone during this. On the fourth day Octavia tries to convince Lexa to come to the White House with her, but Lexa declines the offer.

On the fifth day without any news Lexa drives to the cemetery. She buys a small arrangement for flowers and walks over to Jake’s grave. Without saying a word, she places the flowers in front of the tombstone and takes a seat on the bench close by. It’s a dull day – quite quitting for the mood she was in. The sky is dark and the wind blows as an oncoming storm was due to roll in during the late afternoon.

A lot of things go through her mind at this point. Anya had called her in the morning to let her know that the search team thinks they’re closing in on Clarke and Raven (again, if it was them who took the jeep). But that’s what they’ve been telling her for the past few days. Her mind can’t stop drifting to the worst possible outcome and she breaks again. She drops her head into her hands and sobs. “Jake,” she mumbles. “Please look out for her, please bring her back. Bring her and Raven back, please.”

Some time passes and exhaustion washes over Lexa. She’s hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep all week, but no matter how hard she tries she just can’t settle everything within her. With her head still in her hands she jumps when she feels someone sit next to her. Immediately she looks up to see who it is. “Madam Pr–” she stops, “Abby.”

Abby responds with a slight nod.

Lexa notices that the older Griffin looked as exhausted as she was. She hasn’t been sleeping either and her eyes are strained and red, weak and just so… sad. Lexa clears her throat slightly, “I can go if you…” she trails off as she feels Abby shakes her head.

“Stay,” Abby whispers.

Lexa nods and turns to look behind them where she sees Anya, Luna, Lincoln and Gustus all standing by. She offers a small nod before turning back.

They fall silent for a while, and it’s a little weird at first. Lexa wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what she can say to help. And she’s sure that the only thing that either of them want to hear at this point is “Clarke and Raven have been found. They’re okay and they’re coming home.”

“Anya’s been keeping you updated, right?” Abby asks.

Lexa nods. There’s another small silence. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Anya shakes her head. “They’ll find her. I know my daughter and I know Raven.”

“Do you really think it was them who took the jeep?”

“Without a doubt,” Abby replies. “More people have come out and said that they saw Clarke and Raven grabbing the kids and putting them into the car in the midst of the chaos.”

“But wouldn’t the team have found them by now?”

Abby sighs a little. “Come on Lexa, I’m sure you can understand how hard it can be to find someone. Clarke and Raven had no time to think about anything other than getting the kids and themselves to safety.”

Lexa rubs her eyes again.

“You care about her a lot, don’t you?”

Lexa nods and turns to face Abby. “I love you daughter,” she whispers. “And if she’s– if she doesn’t– god–” Lexa cries, dropping her head into her hands again. She starts to cry again. It’s only a few seconds later that she feels Abby scooting closer and bringing her into a hug. Lexa lets herself break down in Abby’s arms.

Abby pats down Lexa’s hair and she whispers, “It’s okay, it okay, she’s going to be okay. Clarke’s going to be back, she’ll be back.”

 

* * *

 

Six days have past and still, no news. It’s a Sunday night and Lexa was doing her usual prep work before service. And as always Octavia comes up to the bar for a quick drink before heading back into the kitchen. But for the past week it’s been different and understandably so. Lexa adds a shot of Vodka to their juice, a little extra kick to get them through the night because god only knows that they’re going to need it.

The night goes by like any other night. Her shift ends and she’s waits for Octavia to come out from the kitchen. Anya’s left her a couple of messages, but brings no news of Clarke or Raven. When she sees Octavia approach, she offers a small smile, “Ready?”

“I think I’m just going to head home tonight,” Octavia breathes. “Thanks for letting me crash on your couch but I miss my bed.”

Lexa nods, “Okay, do you need a ride home?”

“No, I’ve already called for a taxi.” Octavia steps forward and pulls Lexa into an unexpected hug. It’s the first hug they’ve shared since becoming friends, so it’s a little awkward at first but eventually Lexa brings her arms to wrap around Octavia. When they break away from the hug they both give reassuring smiles. “Are you working tomorrow?” Octavia asks.

Lexa shakes her head. “I’ve got the next two nights off actually.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when I see you then.”

Lexa nods and they both make their way out of the restaurant. She waits with Octavia until her cab pulls up before heading home herself. She goes about her usual routine, but her in the silence her mind inevitably wanders back to Clarke. It’s been nearly a week since they’ve gone missing and the longer they go without news they worse the outcome will most likely be. Lexa doesn’t want to think like that, she tries not to, but she’s been trained to see things in the most logical and practical way.

She’s in bed by midnight, calling Anya to check in.

Nothing.

She goes to bed crying just like every day this past week.

 

* * *

 

The following day isn’t any better.

She runs a few errands.

Takes Maxwell to the dog park.

Has dinner with a friend from out of town.

She does her best to not let the thought of Clarke over take her every waking thought, but she can’t. She sees Clarke in the flash of blonde hair that passes by. She sees Clarke in the art that hangs off the walls of buildings. She sees Clarke in the colour of the sky, blue, blue, blue.

She gets no updates today, which isn’t a surprise anymore. She doesn’t think she can hear any more variations of “we think we’re close to finding them.” It’s been the same message over and over. Over and over and all Lexa can do is sit and wait. Flying out there to aid in the search has crossed her mind many times – she wants to do something to help but Anya talks her down from it. Being the sense of reason during a time she’s not thinking very clearly.

That night she goes to bed and does the same thing she’s done all week.

She cries.

She re-reads a couple of Clarke’s messages.

She looks through their photos.

She (tries to) sleep.

 

* * *

 

2:43AM

Lexa’s been up for 20 minutes, and before that 15, and before that another 20. It’s another restless night, short sleeps before she’s up for some time, tossing and turning. Without the blanket, it’s too cold but with it, it’s too hot. It’s the same with the moon light that shines through her window. Curtains closed, it’s too dark, too silent. Curtains opened, she sees too much, remembers too much.

She turns in her bed and faces Maxwell, who sleeps peacefully by her side. Lexa strokes the top of his head softly, watching the steady rhythm of his tiny body rise and fall. But then her phone lights up the room and for a split second she loses her breath because it could only be one of two people.

 _Anya Carson calling._

It’s not a surprise that it’s not Clarke, but her heartbeat picks up anyways because Anya never calls this late unless it was important. She reaches over to her bedside table, carefully avoiding Maxwell and answering the call. “Hey.”

“ _Open your door. I’m coming up.”_

Lexa sits up in bed, “What?”

_“I don’t have my key. Let me in.”_

“Okay,” Lexa whispers. The call ends and unfortunately Maxwell wakes up as she gets out of bed. Lexa pats him back to sleep and makes her way out of her room. She flicks open a few lights as she hears Anya giving soft knocks at the door. The knocking continues, “Coming, coming,” Lexa calls out.

Lexa opens the door, “What’s u–” Her words catch in her throat as she sees who’s at the door. Anya’s there, but she’s not alone.

“ _Clarke?!”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not going to lie, im really nervous about this chapter. ive been a head of writing for a couple of weeks now and i think i spent like 2 weeks writing this particular one? so yell at me if you need to, let me know what you think.
> 
> on a lighter note though...... i'm seeing eliza in like 12 hours.......... come watch me make a fool of myself on twitter @solinasolina


	23. chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very sorry that there wasn't an update last week. i wont bore you with the details because im sure you guys just want to get on with the story. so, happy reading! :)

“ _Clarke?!”_

Lexa takes a step back but her eyes remain at the door. She takes another step back.

“Lexa…” Clarke whispers.

“You’re…” Lexa covers her mouth with one hand whilst the other shakes in front of her. “Clarke… You’re…”

Clarke takes a small step forward, “I’m here, Lexa.” Another small step, “I’m right here.”

“Oh my god,” Lexa cries. She drops to her knees and covers her face with her hands. In an instant, she’s crying and sobbing uncontrollably. She rocks back and forth, not believing that Clarke was actually right in front of her. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and her breathing, unsteady. Over her sobs she can just hear Clarke and Anya talking.

_“Get some rest… both of you.”_

_“I’ll give you a call in the morning.”_

Lexa hears her door shut but she doesn’t look up. Everything feels… unreal, like she’s dreaming. Her hands continue to shake as they cover her face. But then Lexa feels _her_ presence and the shaking stops. Her hands are being pulled away from her face and slowly, she looks up. There are no words. The moment green eyes look into blue she falls forward and Clarke catches her into a tight hug.

“You’re here, you’re actually here,” Lexa cries. “I thought– we didn’t hear–”

Clarke simply pulls Lexa in closer. She couldn’t even to describe what she was feeling at the moment. All she could do was cry and hold Lexa. That’s all she could do, but that’s all she’s needed to do right now. “It’s okay,” she breathes. “I’m right here. I’m here. I’m back.”

Lexa lifts herself off Clarke’s chest and really takes in the sight before her. Clarke’s hair is a mess, she’s got a few scars and bruises and it looks like she hasn’t slept in days. She trails her fingers across either side of Clarke’s face, ever so softly, scared that she’d wake up and it’d be all a dream.

“I’m real,” Clarke breathes.

“You’re real,” Lexa repeats. She leans in and rests her forehead against Clarke’s, moving her hands to rest on Clarke’s shoulder. Lexa takes a few deep breaths to absolutely take in the moment. Her lips tremble and the tears streak down her cheeks again.

Clarke leans in until she can feel the slight tremble of Lexa’s lip against her own. She’s doing her best she can to keep herself composed but god it was hard. The week she’s had has been unimaginable and indescribable, but she was home now. She was safe and back with Lexa, where she’s been wanting to be since she left the last time.

“I’m going to…” Clarke whispers, “I’m going to kiss you, okay?”

Lexa answers by leaning forward and kissing Clarke with everything she’s got. Immediately Clarke kisses her back and the two fall back into a longing sense of familiarity. Their lips move against each other in a slow, and delicate pace. The kiss turns slightly salty as the tears fall between their lips, but it doesn’t matter. Lexa moves her hands to the base of Clarke’s neck, pulling her in closer.

The angle of the kiss changes and it ends slowly. They stay close and Clarke caresses either side of Lexa’s face. “Come on, we should get some rest,” she whispers. “We can talk in the morning.” Clarke helps Lexa back up to her feet and guides them into the bedroom. When she walks into the room she smiles seeing the dog on the bed, “Is that Maxwell?”

Lexa gives Clarke’s hand a small squeeze. “Yeah,” she whispers. Reluctantly, Lexa lets go of Clarke’s hand and steps towards the bed. Carefully she lifts Maxwell up and moves him to his own cushion bed on the floor. She doesn’t turn around though, bringing her hands back up to rub her face again.

She lets out a small sigh when she feels Clarke’s arms wrap around her body. Lexa clears her throat slightly, “I’m so scared that this is a dream. I’m going to wake up and you’re going to be gone,” she murmurs.

Clarke rests her chin on Lexa’s shoulders. She takes Lexa’s hands in her own, intertwining their fingers together. “I’m right here, Lexa.” She places a soft kiss on Lexa’s shoulder. “Come on.” Clarke pulls Lexa back towards the bed, guiding her to sit down. “Can I borrow some clothes to change into?”

Lexa nods quietly and gestures towards her wardrobe.

“I’ll be back in just a moment,” Clarke smiles. She takes a step back but feels Lexa tug at her hand. Turning around, she notices the look on Lexa’s face. It was like she still didn’t believe that this moment was real, and Clarke got it. She could barely believe that she was finally back as well. “One minute,” Clarke breathes. She leans down and kisses Lexa softly. “I promise. Just a minute.”

Lexa nods quietly again and let’s go of Clarke’s hand. She watches Clarke grab some clothes from her cupboard and jogs off into the bathroom. The only thing that was telling her that this wasn’t a dream was the sound of the toilet flushing and tap running from her bathroom. She pinches herself a couple of times just to make sure as well.

A few minutes later Clarke comes back and hops into the empty side of the bed. They fall under the sheets together, lying on their sides as they let the moment consume them. Lexa lets a few more tears fall, which Clarke immediately responds by wiping them away.

Lexa places her hand over Clarke’s, keeping them just over her cheek. “I love you, Clarke.”

Clarke slides her hand to the base of Lexa’s neck and moves herself closer. She leans in just so that their lips are millimetres apart and whispers, “I love you too, Lexa.” Clarke kisses her tenderly, being sure to make no sudden movements. They break away from the kiss and they move themselves so that they’re spooning, with Clarke as the big spoon. She wraps her arms protectively around Lexa, they don’t fall asleep though, they can’t. But they were finally back together and that’s all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

When Lexa wakes up the first things she notices is that she’s alone.

She’s alone.

Instantly she brings her hands to cover her eyes, going over what must have been a dream. But how could it have been? It all felt so real. She remembers falling to her knees, she remembers the tears, the kisses, she remembers _Clarke._ She sits up and rubs her eyes, inhaling sharply as everything in her seems to pick up. But everything settles the moment she sees Clarke walk through the door. Lexa sighs with relief, “Clarke…” she whispers, wiping her eyes again.

Clarke crosses the room and moves to the empty side of the bed. “Hey, sorry, I’m right here,” she says as she moves to sit beside Lexa. “I was just calling my mum.”

Lexa nods. Slowly she brings her fingers to caress Clarke’s cheeks, the tears forming in her eyes once again. “You’re real…” she breathes. “You’re back.”

“I’m right here,” Clarke whispers back. She takes Lexa’s hands and guides them right over her heart, “I’m real,” she reassures.

Lexa closes her eyes and the tears fall from her face. She focuses on the heartbeat beneath her hands and nods again. For the past six months she’s always had something to say to Clarke. But now that she was finally back Lexa didn’t know what to say. She was… speechless. Clarke was back but she was still so scared she was living in a very vivid dream.

Clarke lets out a soft, small sigh. “Please open your eyes Lexa. Please.”

Lexa shakes her head, “I’m still scared that this is a dream.”

“It’s not,” Clarke breathes. She moves her hands to rest of Lexa’s shoulders, running them up and down Lexa’s neck. “Do you feel this?” she asks.

Lexa doesn’t open her eyes but simply nods.

Clarke carefully straddles Lexa’s lap. She cups either side of Lexa’s face and leans in so that their noses brush over each other. “And this?” she whispers, “Do you feel this?”

Lexa lets out a shaky breath and nods again. But her eyes are still closed.

Clarke places a soft kiss on Lexa’s left cheek, then on the right, then rests their foreheads together. “How about that?”

“Yes,” Lexa whispers.

Clarke moves back just slightly. She looks at Lexa and her heart aches. It has just been one thing after another for them.  They have been through so much together and so much a part and it was now just time for _them._ Clarke wipes away a few fallen tears from Lexa’s face and her own. She picks up both of Lexa’s hands and places them on her waist, just under her shirt. “Do you feel _me_?”

Lexa moves her fingers slightly feeling Clarke’s skin under her touch. “Yes,” she whispers again.

“I’m right here,” Clarke says, leaning up to kiss Lexa’s forehead. “I’m real. I’m back.”

“Your home,” Lexa adds. She runs her hands up and down the curve of Clarke’s waist, feeling the warm and delicate skin beneath her fingertips properly.

Clarke nods but Lexa’s eyes are still closed. She moves her hands to cup Lexa’s face again. It’s a few moments of quiet before Lexa is finally opening her eyes again. Clarke smiles and her heart skips a few beats more. “I’m home,” she repeats.

Lexa looks into the deep blue eyes before her and she lets out a small sigh of relief. This was real. Clarke was real. Still she doesn’t know what to say, so she leans forward and presses their lips together. In an instance she feels herself being pushed back onto the bed and Clarke remains on top of her as they don’t break their contact. 

They kiss with every fibre in their body. Six months’ worth of love, passion and desire. Everything, from the good to the bad is shared again in this moment. Every ‘I miss you’, every moment they just wanted to be with each other, every story, every ‘I love you’ replays in their minds. They are both so overwhelmed at this point, but it still wasn’t enough.

The kiss deepens as their tongues meet. Lips were surely bruised at this point, but it didn’t matter. Moans continue to fill the room as they take their time to reconnect. It doesn’t go further than this though, not yet. Because for the first time since they’ve known each other, they have time. They really have time.

Eventually the kiss ends and they find themselves wrapped in each other’s arms. Lexa rests her head just on the front of Clarke’s shoulder as her arm drapes over Clarke’s body. Lexa lifts her head up suddenly, looking over to Clarke. “Raven?”

“She’s okay,” Clarke smiles. As she feels Lexa rests her head back down, she pulls Lexa in closer. “She went to Octavia’s after we got in last night.”

“That’s good,” Lexa nods.

“Lexa…” Clarke sighs. “I’m sorry I–” She stops as her words catch in her throat. She really didn’t know what to say at this point. Anya and her mum had briefly talked about Lexa and what they saw her go through in this past week and it broke Clarke. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for Lexa. At least for Clarke she knew that she was okay. 

“You don’t have to say anything, Clarke,” Lexa whispers. “Not till you’re ready.”

“I want to tell you what happened. I just… I think…”

Lexa lifts herself off Clarke’s shoulder again and turns to face her. “That’s okay,” Lexa reassures. She tucks some loose hairs behind Clarke’s ear, “You can talk to me whenever you’re ready. We have time.”

Clarke cups the right side of Lexa’s face, tracing her thumb over Lexa’s cheek and lets out a small sigh. “Work today?” she whispers.

Lexa nods her head. “But I’ll call in sick.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am,” Lexa smiles.

“Will you come with me to the White House later?”

“Of course,” Lexa nods. “When did you want to go?”

Clarke pulls Lexa back down to rest on her chest. She wraps her around the woman, keeping her close as she could. “ _Later._ I just want to be with you for now. I’ve missed you.”

Lexa makes herself comfortable as she buries herself in Clarke’s embrace. She was definitely feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that she was feeling, but it was okay. It was the good type of overwhelming.

Clarke was back.

Clarke was safe.

Clarke was _home._

“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers.

 

* * *

 

They ended up sleeping for another hour. Wrapped in each other’s arms, legs tangled and bodies flushed together, there is no rush to do anything else. It’s not till both their stomachs start to grumble that Lexa pulls them out of bed.

As they make their way to the kitchen, Clarke meets Maxwell properly. She picks him up and almost squeals, “You’re so cute,” she says. “So cute.” Clarke places a soft kiss on the top of Maxwell’s head before putting him back down. Walking into the kitchen she sees Lexa already pulling out a few things from the fridge. “What are you making?”

“Bacon, eggs and some mushrooms?”

Clarke nods, “Need help?”

“You want to cut the mushrooms while I start with the eggs?”

“Sure,” Clarke replies. She moves to where Lexa has taken out the chopping board and gets to work. The two of them work in silence as they make their breakfast. The work around each other with ease, offering a hand whenever they were done with their own task.

Clarke stands over the stove top, cooking the mushrooms as Lexa sets the table. “Octavia would be so proud of my right now,” she smiles.

Lexa lets out a small laugh, “You’re just cooking mushrooms. It’s not that hard.”

“Octavia would argue otherwise on my behalf.”

Lexa walks back into the kitchen, moving to stand behind Clarke as she wraps her arms around the woman. “Is this another story I need to hear?” she asks, pressing her lips into the back of Clarke’s shoulder.

“Nope,” Clarke replies rather quickly.

“I’ll just have to ask Octavia then.”

“Nooo,” Clarke coos. She scoops the mushrooms into a bowl and turns to face Lexa. “You’re not allowed to hear any more stories from anyone.”

“Hey, I don’t ask for them,” Lexa laughs.

“I have messages that prove otherwise.”

Lexa lets out a small sigh, “You’re no fun.”

“You love me anyways,” Clarke smirks.

“That I do,” Lexa breathes. She steps forward and brings her hand to caress the side of Clarke’s face as their lips connect in a soft and delicate kiss.  Her heart flutters as she pulls back slightly, “I love you,” she whispers.

“I love you, too,” Clarke whispers back.

 

* * *

 

Clarke finishes her breakfast first. It was quiet between them, occasionally stealing glances at each other as they enjoyed the quiet. She takes a final sip of her coffee before reaching over and taking Lexa’s free hand in her own. “Do you remember that last conversation we had?” Clarke asks.

Lexa nods as she puts her fork down. “We were talking about that crab joke.”

“That very good crab joke,” Clarke clarifies.

“Arguable.”

Clarke laughs and lets out a long breath. “Our call got cut out...”

“It did.”

“I didn’t think much of it, the connection in the area just dropped…” Clarke trails off and swallows the lump in her throat. She drops her head down slightly, giving her eyes a good rub.

Lexa turns her body completely to Clarke. “Hey, if you’re not ready to talk about it, it’s okay.” She scoots to the edge of her seat and cups either side of Clarke’s face, guiding the blue eyes to look back at her. “It’s okay.”

“I feel like I owe you,” Clarke sobs. “Mum and Anya told me a little about this week for you and I’m– I’m so sorry.” She drops her head into her hands, crying.

“Hey, hey,” Lexa whispers. She pulls her chair right up to Clarke’s, bringing the woman into a hug the best she could. They stay like this for a while, with Lexa wiping her own tears as they fall. It’s Clarke that breaks the hug, but she doesn’t say anything. So Lexa speaks up first. “I’m not going to lie, this past week has been terrible. The worst week of my life. But,” Lexa moves some loose strands behind Clarke’s ear, “Knowing and seeing that you’re safe, having you _right_ here with me, is all that matters.”

Clarke nods, trying to hold back her sobs. “I want to tell you to what happened,” she whispers. “I do.”

Lexa stands up from her chair, and offers her hand. “Let’s go sit on the couch.”

They settle side by side, with Clarke resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder and their fingers intertwined together. Maxwell comes up and settles on Clarke’s lap as well. It’s fairly quiet for the moment; cars honk in the background and the pitter-patter of the neighbours can be heard from just outside the apartment.

Clarke gives a slight squeeze of Lexa’s hand. “Our call got cut and I tried calling you back but it seemed like the service in the area had just done a complete 180.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “So I just went on with my day. It was a pretty normal day, I mean I worked in the clinic in the morning doing some check-ups and vaccinations. Then after lunch I was with the kids…”

“Are they all okay?” Lexa asks.

Clarke nods. “They are.”

“And Raven?”

“She’s okay.” Clarke nods again. “We dropped her off at Octavia before coming here.”

“Wait… sorry I’m causing you to jump ahead…”

“It’s okay,” Clarke reassures. She takes a deep breath before turning to face Lexa completely, with her legs swinging over Lexa’s lap. They huddle a little closer and Clarke lets out a content sigh when she feels Lexa trace mindless patterns on her thigh. “Like I said, it was a fairly normal day,” Clarke continues. “I was doing my afternoon rounds on the kids when it all happened. There was just a lot of…” She pauses. “A lot of screaming and a few shots went off.”

Lexa pulls Clarke in a little closer, but doesn’t say anything. She lets Clarke know that she’s right here through a simple squeeze of her thigh and a small smile.

“Raven came in moments later and the look on her face just told me that it wasn’t good.” Clarke brings her hand to rub her eyes again, “By some miracle she had just finished working on one of the camp’s jeeps so we gathered the kids and made a run for it.” She closes her eyes a takes a few deep breaths.

Lexa does her thing again and just offers Clarke silent reassurances.

“Everything is kind of a blur after that,” Clarke whispers. “It was chaos, a lot of screaming and people just… everywhere. But all I could think about was getting the kids to safety. So we hopped into the jeep and just drove off.” Clarke stops and drops her head into her hands as she starts to cry again.

“You’re okay,” Lexa reassures as she pulls Clarke in closer. Lexa wraps her arms around her girlfriend protectively and kisses her temple. Quiet little whispers escape her lips as she tries to what she can for Clarke. She can’t help the tears herself because having the feeling of Clarke back in her arms just still very surreal. Of course it broke Lexa to see Clarke like this, of course she would rather that Clarke didn’t have to go through what she went through. But there wasn’t anything they could do to change that now.

“I just left them,” Clarke sobs into her hands. “My team– the other patients– we just left them.”

“To save the kids,” Lexa replies without missing a beat. But Clarke doesn’t respond, she doesn’t look up and Lexa’s heart aches all over again. It’s a few more moments, and it’s not until Lexa can tell that Clarke’s breathing has evened out till she speaks up again. “Look at me, Clarke,” Lexa whispers.

Slowly but surely, Clarke lifts her head from her hands.

“You and Raven saved those kids. In the midst of the chaos you did what you thought was right. No one is going to blame you or Raven for leaving, for trusting your instincts and getting into that jeep.” Lexa pauses to tuck a few loose blonde hairs behind Clarke’s ear. “You saved those kids. And your team, while some of them were injured, they’re okay from what I’ve heard.”

“Yeah,” Clarke croaks, just barely. She knew that they had made the right choice, but there was always that little part of her that told her to feel guilty for leaving her team behind. It was just in her nature to do so. But she knew that if the situation were reversed, and other members of her team had the opportunity to save the kids, she would tell them to take it without question.

It’s a few more moments before Clarke goes on to explain what happened after that. Everything happened so quickly and certain memories are just a blur to her. It all kind of merges together and sometimes she has trouble figuring out if what her mind is telling her was actually the truth, or some distorted version of reality.

Clarke tells Lexa that once they were in the jeep they just drove off. Having been in the camp for nearly two months they thought they had a pretty good idea of the area. But all sense of logical thinking was thrown out the window the moment they realised they were being chased by another vehicle. So they just drove, and drove and lost track of the turns they took and any landmarks that might help them find their way back. They were quite literally in the middle of nowhere so it wasn’t like they could just turn into a quiet street and hope they wouldn’t be seen.

“It felt like they were chasing us for hours,” Clarke recounts. “But it probably wasn’t any more than half an hour. But it was more than enough to have us lost and completely stranded.” She went on to talk about how they drove for a little while more, but nothing. The sun was setting faster than they would have liked, so they made the decision to stay put for the night. They had no food, no water, no way of contacting anyone for help. They settled the kids to sleep the best they could. That first night was the hardest of them all.

Once the sun rose the next day, they kept going. They were in an unknown area, completely unaware of how far (or close) they were to anything. With no idea when they would find help or just even food or water, all they could do was keep going. They had to be extra careful because here they were, two non-locals with a handful of sick kids. It just didn’t really give a good first impression.

But by the end of the first day they came across a couple of houses where they are given some food and water – but because of the language barrier, that’s all they really get. They were still in the middle of nowhere so the houses didn’t have any way of contacting the outside world. The kids were able to translate a few things here and there, but not enough to help them out of their predicament. But they had water and food – which meant that they could rest (somewhat) easily for the night to keep going the next day.

And that’s what they did, they kept going. It wasn’t all easy going – the jeep broke down a few times and Raven had to make do with the tools she had, gas was another big problem, food and water was the biggest big concern for them as they tried to find proper help. They could only travel so much in a day as Clarke had to constantly monitor the kids with nothing but a first aid kit.

Eventually they found someone who guided them in the direction of a local town and that’s where they headed. “But of course this is when the jeep completely breaks down,” Clarke chuckles lightly. “It staggered for a good fifteen minutes before Raven completely gave up on it. We had to make the rest of the way on foot.”

“How long was that?” Lexa asks.

“About four hours,” Clarke replies.  “We took what we needed for the walk and went on. It was long and tiring and the kids, they were just so exhausted. We all were.”

“I bet.”

“But we made it eventually.” They found a clinic and got the kids some proper medical help. The doctors recognised Clarke immediately and help her and Raven get in touch with their team. In a matter of hours, they were being picked up by Sinclair and they were off to the airport. Sinclair explained that the rest of the team were already sent back home with the relief team taking care of everything from here on out. He went on to talk about what happened after the raid, reassuring both Clarke and Raven that everyone was okay.

It was hard for Clarke and Raven to really process that they were finally safe _._ They just listened to Sinclair whilst trying to settle their minds. They’ve both been on high alert for the past few days and it was hard to let themselves switch off from that. But next thing they know they were at the airport. Abby had sent a private plane to remain on standby for the sole purpose of flying Clarke and Raven back home once they were found.

The flight was ready to go the minute they got to the airport. Clarke and Raven made the last minute and rushed decision to not call anyone before the got on. They just wanted to get back to DC as quickly and quietly as possible – lowering the chance of a media frenzy once they landed. The flight would take at least 21 hours and that was a long time for word to get out about their arrival. They managed to convince Sinclair to follow their plan. He of course was very reluctant to defy clear instructions from the President – but understood where Clarke and Raven were coming from. So he agreed, on the one condition that he could call Abby an hour before they were due to land back in DC.

Clarke takes Lexa’s hands in her own. “The next 21 hours were the longest of my life. I don’t think Raven or I got more than an hour’s sleep.” It was during this time that it really dawned on them that they were headed home. Clarke and Raven barely exchange ten words to each other during the flight – but they knew that weren’t alone. They eat a little, wash up the best they could in the airplane bathroom and Clarke tended to a few of their scars.

Clarke mindlessly plays with Lexa’s hand, threading their fingers together. “I kept going back and forth on whether or not I made the right decision by not calling before boarding the flight.”

“You should have called us,” Lexa whispers.

Clarke brings her free hand to wipe away her tears.

“That was 21 hours, Clarke. A day. You could have saved us a day of feeling…” Lexa trails off, unsure of how to put into words the remainder of that sentence. She takes a deep breath and fights back a sob, “Of feeling hopeless… of feeling sick in the stomach… of feeling like we had no chance of seeing you again.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Lexa quickly wipes her tears and shakes her head slightly. “I’m not trying to pick a fight or make you feel guilty. I’m just…” She brings her hand up to cup the right side of Clarke’s face, “I thought I lost you,” she whispers.

Clarke places her hand over Lexa’s, keeping it pressed against her cheek. She closes her eyes but doesn’t say anything, instead she takes a few deep breaths. Her heart beat picks up again as she takes in this moment with Lexa. Just the closeness and the simple touches made her feel right at home. She was home and she was going to make sure that it stayed home.

“I’m guessing your mum met you at the airport?” Lexa asks.

Clarke nods and opens her eyes again. Their hands fall from her face but remain connected. “Sinclair kept his word and called her an hour before we were due to land. She met us at the airport and she knew that I would have wanted to come right to you.”

“We should go see her, Clarke. She’s going to want to see you.”  


“Soon,” Clarke whispers. “I called her this morning to let her know I was okay. I promised we’d be there around lunch so Anya will be around at noon to come pick us up.” They both look up to the wall clock, seeing that it was just past 10am. Clarke turns back to Lexa and offers a small smile, “I just want to be here with you for now.”

Lexa moves Clarke’s hair away from her face, “You’re back,” she says.

“I’m _home,_ ” Clarke smiles. She leans in and her heart flutters when Lexa meets her half way for the kiss. Their lips connect and move slowly with each other. Without breaking their contact, Clarke moves them so that she’s pushing Lexa back to lie down on the couch as she settles on top of the woman. “I’ve missed you,” Clarke whispers in between their kisses.

Lexa hums in response and pushes Clarke just up slightly so that green eyes can dance with blue. “I love you,” she whispers.

Clarke grins and leans down again, brushing her nose over Lexa’s. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

By 12, Lexa is answering the door for Anya. Immediately she is brought into an unexpected hug, but Lexa reciprocates it immediately. “This is a first,” Lexa smiles into the hug.

“And a last,” Anya jokes. She wraps her arm around Lexa a little tighter, and for a little longer. “You okay?”

Lexa nods and breaks away from the hug. “I am.”

“Ready to go then? Where’s Clarke?”

“She just finished showering. She should be out in a moment.”

A couple of minutes later, Clarke is walking out of the bathroom and ready to go. But when she sees Anya, she immediately walks over to the agent and hugs the woman.

Anya tenses up for a moment, before eventually awkwardly patting Clarke’s back in response. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Sorry,” Clarke laughs. She breaks away from the hug, “I didn’t get to do that last night.”

Anya nods. “It’s really good to see you and Raven back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

“Ready to go?”

Clarke nods. “Let’s go.”

It’s a quiet car ride. Clarke and Lexa sit in the back seat, holding hands as they stare out the window. Clarke takes in the sight before her, a major contrast to what she’s seen over the past week. It’s the middle of the day and the streets are full or people, full of cars, just so… full. It becomes a little overwhelming but with a gentle squeeze of her hand from Lexa, her mind eases just enough to remind her that she’s okay and that she’s safe.

Once they reach the White House, Anya guides them to one of the common rooms where Abby, Raven and Octavia were already together. Clarke crosses the floor immediately and towards her mum. And Lexa, moves towards Raven and greets the woman with a welcome hug.

“Hey,” Lexa whispers to Raven.

Raven tightens the hug slightly, “Hey.”

“It’s really good to see you, Raven.” Lexa pulls back from the hug and offers a reassuring smile.

“Well someone’s got to knock some sense into you and convince you that the crab joke is funny,” Raven teases.

“Enough with that joke!” Abby laughs from across the room.

Everyone lets out a small laughter and they settle on the couches. It’s not a surprise that Abby has a doctor on standby to give Clarke and Raven a check-up first thing. The doctor takes them into the adjacent room (one at a time) to draw blood, check scars and bruises and just double check that everything is okay. Fortunately, it doesn’t take too long. The doctor is packing her things and leaving within the hour, promising to deliver the results of the blood work as soon as they were ready.  

A statement was released earlier in the day, letting the public know that Raven and Clarke had been found and were already back in DC. It was short, brief and didn’t go into detail about what had happened but it was enough for now. There was a major emphasis on asking for privacy at this point, but that only goes so far when it’s the president’s daughter and her best friend.

For the next hour or so, Clarke and Raven retell the story of what happened to them in the past week. Abby, Octavia and Lexa cautiously ask questions, making sure that they don’t push too much or too fast. But fortunately it doesn’t seem like they do, with Clarke and Raven feeling comfortable and safe enough to talk about it with them.

Their conversation is moved into one of the dining rooms as they have a late lunch. It was really just some time for them to reconnect and catch up and simply enjoy before the inevitable media blizzard that would hit them in the coming days. Once they got through their meal, Clarke finds herself being excused from the table as her Abby asks for some alone.

Leaving Lexa, Raven and Octavia for the time being, Clarke and Abby wander out to the gardens. Of course on the way, they are stopped a number of times by people who are glad that Clarke and Raven have made it back safely. Mother and daughter soon settle around a small table that overlooks the rose garden. With a pitcher of lemonade brought out for them, the first few minutes are quiet.

It’s a good type of quiet. A silence that allows them to take a moment to realise that this wasn’t a dream. For Abby it’s about not having to worry anymore. No more sleepless nights, no more questioning if she would ever see her daughter again, no more going through the day thinking that she’s lost her family. And for Clarke it’s the feeling of home settling within her. Not DC particularly (though it was looking more and more likely) but home with her mum, with Raven and Octavia, with Lexa _._

Clarke looks over to her mum, who’s wiping away a few tears again. “Hey,” she whispers as she pulls her chair in closer. She immediately wraps her arms around her mum and continues to whisper mindless and reassuring little remarks. Clarke herself can’t help but let the tears fall as well.

Abby is the first to break the hug. She brings her hands to cup either side of her daughter’s face, “Sweetie,” she sighs.

“I’m so sor–”

“Don’t,” Abby cuts in. “If you’re going to apologise, don’t. You have nothing to apologise for.”

“But–”

Abby shakes her head. “No, Clarke. What matters is that everyone is okay and that you and Raven are back.”

They both settle back in their own chairs, but remain holding hands on the table. A few moments pass before Clarke speaks up. “I thought about dad a lot,” she whispers, not really knowing where she was going with it or what she wanted to say.

It’s another few moments of quiet as Abby waits to see if her daughter was going to say anything else. But when the silence draws out she gives Clarke’s hand a small squeeze. “You know he’s always looking out for you,” Abby smiles. “I went to visit your dad a couple of days ago. I bumped into Lexa there.”

“You did?”

Abby nods. “That woman really loves you, Clarke.”

Clarke lets out a small, happy sigh. “I really love her too, mum.”

Abby gives her daughter’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Clarke,” she whispers, “I know you have poured your heart into the program but…” Abby trails off and tries to gather her thoughts. She knew her daughter, whilst Clarke would hear her out, if her daughter had her mind set on something there was little chance on changing it. “Am I allowed to say that I don’t want you going back?” She pauses. “Not for forever,” she clarifies, “Just for now.”

Clarke nods with a small smile. “I’m staying.”

Abby’s eyes widen, “In DC?”

“Yeah, I was going to surprise you but I got into the residency program at the hospital.”

“You’re really staying?” Abby asks.

“I am,” Clarke smiles. “Doctors without Borders has given me more than I could have ever asked for. I’ve been able to help those who aren’t so fortunate and I’ve met a lot of amazing people.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I can say goodbye to the program completely – but at least for now, I can. It’s time for me to settle down.”

“With Lexa?” Abby asks, raising an eyebrow.

Clarke smiles. “Definitely.”

“What about Raven?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Clarke answers. “She’s tough and she’s going to put on a brave face and say that she’s fine. But I’ll talk to her.”

“Just remind her that she isn’t alone,” Abby adds. She gives Clarke’s hand another small squeeze, “You too, Clarke. You’re not alone either.”

“I know,” Clarke whispers.

Abby reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a small card, pushing it towards her daughter. “I want you to see someone, Clarke.”

“Mum–”

“I’m not saying right away… Just whenever you’re ready.”

Clarke takes the card.

_Dr Violet Lawson – Therapist_

“Dr Lawson is a friend, but if you would rather someone else, I don’t mind.”

“I don’t know if talking about it will help,” Clarke reveals.

“You won’t know until you try.” Abby pauses. “Just one session… that’s all I ask. If after that you decide not to go anymore then I won’t push. I have Raven the same card and asked for the same thing.”

Clarke toys with the business card. Her mother was right. She hates to admit it, but she has a tendency to push her feelings aside and when she should really be talking about them. Clarke was more of a doer, the type of person to push through the moment – to get to the other side as quickly as possible. But this time was different, she felt different. She didn’t want to do that anymore.

“I’ll see her,” Clarke whispers.

Abby reaches for Clarke’s hand again. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile in the dining room, Lexa, Raven and Octavia remain in a slightly tense conversation. But it was mostly tense on Lexa’s and Octavia’s side since they didn’t want to make Raven feel uncomfortable or simply overstep their place. It goes on for a while – until Raven has enough and speaks up.

“Stop,” Raven breathes. “Stop treating me differently.”

“We’re not treating you differently,” Octavia replies.

“You are, O. You’re tip toeing around me like I’m going to break any moment. That’s the last thing I need.” Raven turns to Lexa, “Clarke doesn’t need that either.”

Lexa apologises, “I don’t want to… _we_ don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m already uncomfortable,” Raven replies. “But that’s just you guys are trying so hard. _Too_ hard.”

Lexa nods, not really knowing how to reply from here.

“Look, we’re friends yeah?” Raven asks. Lexa nods again so she continues. “I know we’ve only really talked through messages and Skype but you don’t need to worry about overstepping or hurting my feelings. Because if you do, I’ll definitely let you know.”

Lexa nods again and offers a small smile. "I'm glad you're back." 

“Yeah, me too.” Raven turns to Octavia, who she’s getting mixed signals from. “O…”

“What are we supposed to do?” Octavia asks. “Act like this past week never happened?”

“Come on. How long have we been friends for?” Raven asks. “We’ve been through a lot together and I just need you on my side, which I know you’ll be. This time shouldn’t be any different so you don’t need to tip toe around me. Or Clarke.”

Octavia clasps her hands together and shakes them slightly. “It is different though. You and Clarke were _missing_ for a week.” She brings her hands to her lips and takes a deep breath before clasping them together again. “For a week I didn’t know if I was ever going to see my best friends again.” Octavia gestures towards Lexa, “For a week Lexa didn’t know if she was going to see her girlfriend again. And for Abby, oh Raven, you didn’t see her. Can you imagine being a mother and not knowing for a whole week, if you’re ever going to see your daughter again?”

Raven remains silent.

“You know that I’ll be there for you and Clarke, there is no doubt about that. Lexa will too.” Lexa nods along in agreement. “But you can’t expect us to act like this past week never happened. You just can’t.” Octavia stands up from her chair, “I’m going to use the bathroom.”

Raven reaches out but Octavia steps further away and out of the room without another word.

“Give her a minute,” Lexa whispers.

Raven drops her head into her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Lexa moves into the empty beside Raven. “I know.” Lexa places her hand on the back of Raven’s shoulder and starts to rub small circles. “Just remember what Octavia said though. We had no idea where you guys were for a week. It’s the worst feeling in the world, thinking that you’ve lost two people who you really care about.”

Raven lets out a deep breath and nods against her hands.

They stay like this for a while, until Clarke silently comes back into the dining room. Lexa immediately looks up and offers a small smile, still rubbing small circles on Raven’s back.

“Is she okay?” Clarke mouths, as her best friend still hadn’t realised that she was in the room.

Lexa presses her lips together a nods. With her free hand she motions towards the other door, “Octavia,” she mouths back. And fortunately Clarke seems to get the message, leaving the dining room (hopefully) to find Octavia.

A couple of minutes later Raven lifts her head from her hands, and wipes her eyes another time. Lexa takes this as her cue to move back a bit, to give the woman some space. “Where are you staying?” Lexa asks.

“With Octavia.”

Lexa nods. “I think Octavia is working tonight so you’re welcome to come over if she is.”

“It’s okay,” Raven smiles. “A couple of my cousins are flying in from LA soon – so I won’t be alone.” She pauses to rub her eyes again. “Plus, I’m sure you and Clarke would rather have them place you yourselves,” she winks.

Lexa doesn’t reply, but simply glares at Raven whilst giving her the ‘really?’ look.

Raven laughs. “OH don’t give me that look, I had to go through six months’ worth of a sexually frustrated Clarke. I get to tease you.”

“I take back my offer.”

“Doesn’t bother me,” Raven shrugs.

And with that, their moment eases. They share another small laugh before settling into light conversation as they wait for Clarke and Octavia to come back and re-join them.

 

* * *

 

Clarke finds Octavia in the bathroom. It takes a couple of minutes of knocking and quiet whispers before the door is opened and Clarke finds herself sitting next to her best friend on the bathroom floor. Octavia’s knees are to her chest, with her head down as she tries to hide the fact that she’s been crying. 

All Clarke does for the moment is put her arm around Octavia’s shoulder. “O,” she whispers.

At the sound of Clarke’s voice, Octavia cries a little more. She hasn’t slept in over a day, she’s tired and exhausted and every fibre of her being is still trying to process the fact that her best friends were back and that they were safe. That previous night, she was just about to slide into bed when she heard someone knocking at her door. She was too tired to give it much thought, but when she opened the door the last thing she was expecting was to see Clarke, Raven and Anya standing there.

Clarke stayed for about five minute before she was off to Lexa’s. From there Raven took a shower and was in bed within the hour. Octavia completely understood but as she laid beside her best friend, the urge to stay awake was stronger than her tiredness. She was afraid that if she slept, she would wake up and it would have been some dream.

And now here they were, in this very real moment. Clarke and Raven were back and it wasn’t some dream. Everything from the past weeks comes rushing back all at once. All the tears, the sleepless nights, the memories and even the sickening feeling she had carried around all week, just consumes her entirely. She’s exhausted and tired and though she’s not sorry for the things she said to Raven – maybe she could have said it a bit better.

When Clarke notices that Octavia’s breathing has evened out, she speaks up again. “Hey…”

Octavia lifts her head and turns to Clarke. “I thought you were dead,” she whispers. “I thought you and Raven were dead.”

“Oh Octavia,” Clarke whispers back. She pulls Octavia in closer and wraps her arms around her best friend protectively. “We’re not, okay? We’re here and we’re okay.”

Octavia nods against Clarke’s arm embrace. She wants to say something, but the words catch in her throat and only a muffled sob escapes her lips.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay,” Clarke reassures.

Octavia nods again and the two of them remain like this for a few moments longer. When she feels her tears have settled enough, Octavia makes the first move to get up. She splashes her face with some water and takes another minute to compose herself before she tells Clarke that she’s ready to go back out.

They walk back towards the room, where Lexa and Raven were in the same spot as before. Octavia crosses the floor immediately, with Raven getting up and meeting her half way for a hug. The two of them stay wrapped in each other’s arms for good while. They don’t need to say anything yet to hear the _I’m sorry, I love you_ and the _we’ll talk about this._

Meanwhile, Clarke moves to sit next to Lexa. They share a quick, chaste kiss before Clarke reassures Lexa that they’re all okay.

 

* * *

 

 

By 3pm Octavia and Raven are the first to say their goodbyes. Octavia was going to go and pick up Raven’s cousins from the airport, take them all back to her apartment before heading off to work for the night. She was head chef – so it was a little harder for her to get the night off on such short notice but Raven completely understands.

Clarke and Lexa stay for another hour. They move their conversation to another room, where they sit and talk with Abby about various little things. PR stops by very briefly, at the okay of Clarke, to talk about the best way forward in terms of handling the media frenzy that was only growing. And when they call it a day, it’s like some unspoken agreement that Clarke was going to go and stay with Lexa for another night.

Whilst Clarke runs to her room to gather a few things, Lexa is left with alone with Abby for the time being.

“You’re not working tonight are you?” Abby asks.

Lexa shakes her head and offers a small smile.

“Good, that’s good.” Abby pauses. “I know you’re not an agent anymore – but I have to ask you to watch over Clarke like you would me.”

“Of course. But she’s–”

Abby lifts her hand slightly to interrupt, “I know, she’s a grown woman who can take care of herself. But she’s also the president’s daughter and that itself carries a lot of risk for her safety.”

Lexa nods. “I understand.”

“I trust you, Lexa. So when you’re at your apartment, Clarke won’t need her agents. But if you go out, call in Anya until we put together a more permanent plan together.”

Lexa nods again. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”

“I know.”

Lexa smiles and there’s another small pause. “I love her, Abby.”

“I know that too.”

When the door opens they both turn around to see a smiling Clarke re-entering the room. Abby turns back to Lexa and whispers, “She really loves you too,” before walking over to her daughter.

A slight blush fills Lexa’s cheeks as a warm and fuzzy feeling washes over her. She watches the Griffin women share another long and loving hug. She can’t hear what’s whispered between the two of them but she sees Clarke nodding along, smiling and even letting out a small chuckle. Lexa says her goodbye moments later and the two of them are back into the SUV with Anya driving them home.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Clarke stands in the shower just so that water hits her back as she holds Lexa impossibly close. Wet bodies move as one as they take the time to relearn every bit of each other. With the taste of Lexa on her lips, Clarke couldn’t help the moans that escape her lips. She kisses Lexa with everything she’s got, every emotion, every ounce of love an adoration she has for the woman is poured into this moment.

Clarke trails her kisses across Lexa’s jaw and down towards the crook of Lexa’s neck. She nips and sucks, bringing one of her hands to cup Lexa’s breast.

“Clarke,” Lexa pants.

Clarke responds by taking the erect nipple between her fingers, which elicits the sweetest sounds that echo throughout the bathroom. She moves her lips back to Lexa’s, their tongues eagerly meeting and moving against each other in a fiery kiss. “Let me make you feel good,” she husks.

“You always make me feel good,” Lexa smirks.

Clarke lets out a small chuckle before closing the distance between them again. The kiss is hot and passionate and as they break a part to catch their breaths, Clarke turns Lexa around without warning. With Lexa’s back against her front, she guides both of Lexa’s hands flat against the shower wall. Clarke leans in closer to Lexa, nibbling slightly at Lexa’s earlobe. “Let me make you feel _really_ good.”

Lexa’s eyes flutter shut as she focuses on the feeling of Clarke behind her. Clarke was running her hands up and down her body, squeezing her breast with purpose and just hitting all the right spots that make her weak in the knees. It didn’t help that Clarke was sucking at her neck at the same time (neck kisses were her ultimate weakness).

Clarke trails her hand lower, “You are unbelievably sexy,” she whispers. Her hand hovers just over Lexa’s centre.

“Please,” Lexa pleas. She drops her head back, “I need…”

Slowly, Clarke runs her fingers through Lexa’s folds. “What do you need?” she teases.

Lexa moans at first contact. Her words catch in her throat as Clarke rubs her clit at an excruciating slow pace. But she didn’t mind it, Clarke’s touch ignites every part of her body. The anticipation builds and she just wants to make this moment last for as long as she could.

Clarke had the same idea. She wanted to take her time because this was important. This moment was important. She continues to rub the harden bundle of nerves, placing lazy kisses in the crook of Lexa’s neck. Their bodies move together as Lexa’s panting only becomes more rapid. And Clarke feels the arousal on her fingers and it was taking everything in her to not bring them to her lips.

“Inside,” Lexa whimpers. “I need you inside.”

Clarke grins as she feels Lexa widen her stance. No more teasing. She enters Lexa with two fingers, setting a steady rhythm as she pumps in and out. With her free hand, she cups Lexa’s breast and squeezes it in time with the thrust of her fingers.

Lexa’s eyes flutter shut again. She moans and she pants, “Oh god, Clarke, Clarke, fuck,” over and over again.

“I’ve got you,” Clarke whispers. She keeps her rhythm, focusing on Lexa’s reactions to make sure she was able to draw this out for as long as possible.

Lexa lets out a long, strangled moan. “Faster, please.”

So faster it is. Clarke pumps her fingers faster, focusing on the spots that sends Lexa into a euphoric state. She was undeniably turned on at this point, but having Lexa in front of her, moving against her, withering and whimpering and panting her name… it was pure bliss. “Come on, Lex, let go.”

Lexa’s breath hitches as everything within her builds higher and higher. “God Clarke, please I’m so close.”

Clarke pushes further into Lexa, her fingers moving faster as she herself starts to pant in Lexa’s ear. “Come. For. Me.”

Lexa turns her head slightly, “Kiss me,” she pants. The angle is a little awkward but the moment Clarke’s lips are in between her own, everything within her goes off. Her orgasm overtakes her body as the wave of pleasure fills her entirely.

Clarke continues to do everything she can so prolong Lexa’s high. She pumps her fingers, kisses with everything she’s got and holds her as close as she can as she coaxes Lexa down. In their best attempts – their kissing doesn’t last long. But instead Clarke’s lip lazily rests upon Lexa’s cheek, both of them panting as they catch their breaths.

A few moments later Lexa turns around again and grins when she feels herself being pushed against the shower wall. Their lips meet again, properly this time, as they share a long and passionate kiss. Everything around them slows down, as they once again take their time to let each other know exactly how they feel about each other.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s sometime in the middle of the night and Lexa rolls off Clarke as her back hits the mattress. After their shower they fell right into bed together and took turns in worshipping each other the way they’ve been wanting to for the last six months. “Fuck Clarke,” Lexa breathes.

Clarke lets out a small laugh. She turns her body and props her elbow up to rest her head in her hands. “Are you asking for another round?” she asks, trailing her fingers between the valley of Lexa’s breath.

“Later,” Lexa smiles. “You’ve worn me out.”

“Had to make up for lost time.” Clarke moves her hand lower and settles it on Lexa’s stomach. She leans down and the two of them fall into another sweet and tender moment. Their lips move slowly as tongues graze each other with every movement. When the kiss breaks, Clarke opens her eyes just in time to see Lexa’s eyes flutter open. It’s the simplest thing but it makes Clarke’s heart positively ache. “Hey…” she whispers.

Lexa lets out a small, content sigh. “Hey”

“I love you.”

Lexa leans up just slightly for another quick kiss before her head falls back against the pillow. She smirks. “I love you too, _Miss Griffin._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more to go!


	24. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suprise surprise!
> 
> we’ve finally reached the end! i just finished my last exam for the semester and i figured what better way to celebrate than to give you guys the last chapter?
> 
> because it is a little short I have an extra little thing for you guys. some of you may already have gotten a notification for it, but i'll definitely explain more/link it at the end.
> 
> happy reading!

The following days are as expected. PR keeps pushing for Clarke and Raven to come and speak out in an attempt to calm the media frenzy. But they are the only people who are pushing. Everyone else tells them to take their time and only speak out once they are ready and comfortable enough to do so. And they both end up taking that advice. With the moral support of those closest to them, they do speak out four days later.

Of course they do it on their own terms though. They record a short little video and posts it to YouTube, with it going viral within the first couple of minutes. Every article that is published is about this video and their own interpretation of it. Many of them “claim” to have the inside scoop on key people who were there at the time of the incident – but that’s a load of bull. Both Clarke and Raven take to their own social media accounts as well, posting long statuses and various tweets thanking everyone for the support, love and for the most part, respect for privacy.

The news of Clarke and Raven settles over the next two weeks. It is a very intense and emotional two weeks to say the least. The results from their initial check-up comes back mostly all clear. Raven’s leg starts to become more of an issue and the surgery is brought up more often than not. Raven is still very reluctant to go forward with it, but gives Dr Sam a call anyways.

It is in these two weeks that they’re also reunited with the other members of Doctors without Borders. Abby hosts a very private and low key lunch for them, giving everyone a chance to be together again. It’s probably the second most emotional day since they’ve been back (the first being that first night) because everything is let out during this lunch. Even though they didn’t need to, Clarke and Raven apologise profusely for leaving and they go on to tell their team what they went through in that week they were missing. But of course everyone in the team reassures them that they made the right choice. They offer nothing but love and support as they are all in this together. 

Clarke and Raven also manage to get in contact with the kids. The relief team in Bangladesh find them and sets up a Skype call. They spend a good two hours talking and laughing. With an adult there to help translate, the kids ask them if Clarke and Raven were ever to come back. While Clarke doesn’t say ‘no’ outright, she tells them that she’s going to be working from home for the time being, but promises that she’ll always be just a Skype call away.

Raven however, has a different answer. She says maybe and ignores the way Clarke stares at her.

 

* * *

 

As for Clarke and Lexa, their relationship slowly builds now that they aren’t physically separated anymore. It’s a delicate two weeks as Clarke continually goes back and forth between the White House and Lexa’s apartment. But she spends the majority of her nights with Lexa, they’re basically living together in an unofficial capacity.

Clarke falls more and more in love with Lexa. She doesn’t think that it was possible but she does. Lexa is so patient, knows exactly when to be by her side and knows exactly when she needs a little space. Lexa loves her, cherishes her and treats her with so much respect and Clarke thanks whoever she has to thank for bringing this woman into life.

But it’s not all smooth sailing. There are a few moments where they end up in little fights. They cry, and they scream things at each other without really thinking. But after their first fight they promise that they will never go to bed angry at each other. They promise space, but also that they will never, ever walk away. They promise to talk and to work through whatever the issue, together.

With the amount of love and support she gets from Lexa, her mum and her best friends, Clarke goes to see Dr Lawson three weeks after she’s back in DC. Raven says that she needs a little more time – which Clarke totally understands. She wasn’t even sure herself that she was ready, but truth be told she didn’t know if she would ever be.

It’s an hour session and she spends the first fifty minutes crying and not really saying anything. But something shifts in that last ten minutes. With words from her doctor, a slight weight is lifted off her shoulders and the burden and guilt she came in with, isn’t _as_ heavy. With that said, it’s still very there. But she thinks that maybe Dr Lawson can help her through it.

While they have been basically living together for the past four weeks, Clarke and Lexa decide to make it official. They spent a couple of days talking about it – on whether it was too soon or too fast. But they both come to the conclusion that their relationship has been anything but “normal” and moving in together just felt _so_ right. Clarke doesn’t have a lot of things, mostly clothes and a few art supplies so it takes less than a day to move everything in.

Clarke also gets assigned two new agents; Agent Ethan Keo and Zoe Nguyen. Before Ethan and Zoe were assigned to Clarke’s security detail she and her mother went back and forth on whether or not Anya and Luna should be the ones to take the position. Whilst Anya and Luna were already familiar with Clarke and past experiences told them that it was a good fit, the same thing could be said about Anya and Luna being on Abby’s security detail and that took priority.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Raven’s time after Bangladesh is different to Clarke’s. She was basically living with Octavia for the four weeks following her return, and while being close to the people she loved and cared for the most was good – she started to become a little lost. She didn’t know where she was going to go and she didn’t like that. Clarke had her residency program to go to, and what did she have? Nothing really. She jumped right into Doctors without Borders during college and it’s been her main focus ever since. So she makes the very hard decision to move back to LA for the time being.

Her friends call her every second day and she was so grateful for that. Though long distance friendships weren’t anything new to them, she still found it hard adjusting given everything that’s happened. She picks up work in the Doctors without Borders LA office – training new volunteers and sharing her experience about the program she’s given so much to.

It’s about the same time she decides to see a therapist. After hearing Clarke talk about how it’s been helping her, Raven gives it a go. She wants to feel better too. The first two sessions, Raven thinks are a complete waste of time. She tells herself that the third session will be her last – but halfway during her “last session” something clicks, well actually something breaks. She breaks. That session is not her last.

Raven meets Clarke (and her agents) and Octavia up in Seattle one weekend. She was meeting with Dr Sam again. She was to go through various tests and exams to update her file as well as hearing out what the doc had to say about the surgery again. Though the surgery was still experimental, Raven learns that the results have been skewing more on the favourable side and Dr Sam is confident that she can benefit from it.

Clarke argues that it should be an easy decision to make.

Octavia takes both sides and simply reassures her best friend that she will support whatever decision she makes.

Raven struggles with her choices. Her leg has been acting up more and more since she’s gotten back and whilst the adjustment in her medication was helping – she wonders how long she can go on like this. Adjusting and readjusting, she was just so tired. So tired. So she thinks that it should be an easy decision too. She should go through with the surgery.

However, things were never that simple. Just before her weekend in Seattle, she heard through the grapevine that Doctors without Borders was in the very early stages of planning a program into Burma again. While part of her aches to get better, it also aches for the feeling that working with Doctors without Borders has always given her.

She leaves Seattle still undecided. Octavia has to fly back to DC but Clarke follows her down to LA for the week. They spend a couple of days in the Doctors without Borders office – with Clarke sharing her experience with the new volunteers as well. But it’s not all fun and games. Clarke confronts her about Burma and Raven comes clean about how she’s torn between the two choices.

It's the afternoon before Clarke is due to fly back to DC and they sat in their own little area on Santa Monica beach. They have done nothing but talk for the last couple of days and it was time to make a decision. Raven scrolls between the two contacts; Dr Sam and the Doctors without Borders LA Office.

She calls Dr Sam.

 

* * *

 

The surgery is scheduled for two weeks later.

Clarke, Octavia and Lexa return to Seattle and sit in the waiting room throughout the 14-hour surgery.

Raven makes it through the surgery just fine but they are a long way from knowing whether or not it was a success. Because her injuries were quite extensive, there was no way she could ever fully recover. However, the surgery will (hopefully) allow her to do more and feel a lot less pain.

Raven is in hospital for four weeks.

Clarke stays the entire time since she wasn’t working yet. However, Lexa and Octavia fly back and forth every now and then.

Fortunately, Raven is able to start and follow through with therapy back in LA. Despite wanting to stay with her best friend, this gives Clarke some ease of mind, knowing that Raven is surrounded by people who love her.

Clarke stays with Raven in LA for another week before flying back to DC. It was time for her to get back to work.

 

* * *

 

As Clarke expected, going back to work is easy. Well fairly easy. The first couple of days are a little awkward with her agents shadowing her every move but they quickly work through compromises to make it easier on all their lives. 

As much as Clarke loves to sit and lounge around – she loves being able to help people a lot more. She’s proud of the career she’s built so far, she’s worked hard for it and she had no intention of slowing down any time soon. Within the first week of going back to work she decides that she wants to steer her career into paediatrics.

 

* * *

 

Still to this day Lexa sometimes still has trouble believing that Clarke is in her life. But when she wakes up with her arms wrapped around the woman she loves, everything within her settles and she is just so _happy._ Clarke is the first person she sees in the morning and the last at the end of the day and she doesn’t think that her life could get any better at this point. She is so in love with this woman and Lexa just knows that Clarke is the one for her.

The way Clarke carries herself at home, when she returns back to work and just overall has Lexa in awe. Clarke is strong in her own way. She hasn’t let what’s happened to her change her. Her heart is still as big as ever, she eases back into work to help those she can and Lexa finds herself falling in love a little more every day.

Their routine is anything but ordinary at this point. Clarke’s schedule at the hospital is quite hectic, and on top of that she’d sometimes be called up to perform certain duties as the president’s daughter. And then for Lexa, the majority of her shifts were during the night – which meant that she usually wasn’t home till midnight. And she had started to pick up a few more party gigs, which were a surprisingly welcome addition into her work life. But Lexa was undeniably happy. Every day she comes back home to _their_ apartment and cuddles up right up to Clarke. She couldn’t wish for much more.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few months, a lot of things happen.  

Raven works through her therapy and results are good. She’s getting stronger every day and there is a noticeable improvement in the condition of her leg.  She does get back to work in the Doctors without Borders LA office (nothing too strenuous) to continue training future volunteers. Her therapist continues to help her. She’s still got some way to go, but Raven is happy and content with her progress (as she should be).

Octavia flies over to LA once every 2 or 3 weeks. Her position at _Adina’s_ continues to put her name on the map, with the restaurant becoming only ever more popular. She gets signed to publish her first cook book and becomes a guest judge on MasterChef for a week. Dubbed “BLAKE WEEK”, she imparts her knowledge and wisdom to those following in their food dream. She’s so impressed by contestant that is (unfortunately) eliminated in that week, she offers him a job at her restaurant.

There is no doubt that Clarke has found home with Lexa. But during these months she finds home in DC as well. The _feeling_ washes over her during the most random time. She was doing some online shopping and just as she was checking out, she couldn’t help but smile as she filled out the “home address” section. It’s silly and Lexa laughs slightly at her when she tell her, but Clarke doesn’t mind. She is home.

Lexa becomes a little more popular during these months because of her relationship with Clarke. It’s not like she wasn’t use to it since Abby always had the media looking to her. But this was a little different, this time they were looking at _her._ Lexa doesn’t mind it though because it’s a very small price to pay to have Clarke in her life.

 

* * *

 

For Clarke’s birthday, Lexa takes them on their first vacation together. Well it’s more of a weekend away since Clarke wasn’t able to get as much time off but it’s better than nothing. They drive to a secluded cabin in the woods where they spend three days simply being with each other.

 

* * *

 

 Abby is re-elected as president.

 

* * *

 

Octavia starts to work on her second cook book.

 

* * *

  

On their third anniversary Clarke decides that she wants to marry Lexa. Well, she’s known that for a long while now but their third anniversary marks the beginning of Clarke’s year-long proposal plan.

Some time ago she saw a video on Facebook where a guy had proposed every day for a year, without his girlfriend actually knowing. He took 365 short videos with “will you marry me?” or some variation of it on it.

Clarke decides to do exactly this. 

For the next year she takes a photo/video everyday of Lexa and/or herself, all of which contain “will you marry me?” somewhere. She gets caught nearly 33 times, and she can’t believe the things she’s done to make sure Lexa didn’t find out what she was up to.

But life is cruel. Because on day 364, one day before their fourth anniversary, Lexa fucking proposes. Lexa rambles on about how she just couldn’t wait for their date the following night and Clarke just cries. It’s mostly happy tears because of course she was going to say yes, but a very small part of her is crushed because she was _so_ close to having the perfect proposal.

After settling her tears, Clarke says yes. Fortunately, Lexa just thinks that she is crying because she’s happy (which she definitely was) but Clarke doesn’t say anything about her own proposal. She gets the last photo she needs and finishes the video she’s been working on months.

She goes through with her plan. At dinner she plays the video and by the end of it she’s down on one knee.

It dawns on Lexa that her proposal kind of ruined Clarke’s.

But Clarke reassures her that it didn’t. It was still perfect.

And in the end all that she really cared about was the fact that she was going to call Lexa her wife one day.

 

* * *

 

After being given the all clear from doctors – Raven is back volunteering for Doctors without Borders. She still has her leg brace, but after the surgery and the intense physical therapy she’s undergone, she feels so much better. She barely notices the pain and she’s only on a third of the medication she used to be on.

She’s loved training the new volunteers for the past couple of years, but nothing will ever compare to the feeling of being _out there._ Her family and best friend support her decision, which only makes it that much better.

She is better and she is so fucking happy.

 

* * *

 

Lexa steps down as head bartender at _Adina’s_. It’s a very tough choice and Indra _almost_ convinces her not to, but when she gets the chance to own her own bar – she has to take it.

Nyko, the owner of _Grounders,_ has decided that it’s time to hang up his hat as a bar owner and offers to sell the bar to Lexa. He’s put so much time and effort into building the bar to what it is today and doesn’t want to just pass it off to some stranger who won’t treat it with the same respect as he knows Lexa would.

Lexa doesn’t have enough to buy the bar herself – and the loan she would have to take from the bank is just _too_ high. But after some careful consideration, Anya buys into the bar as well – making her a silent partner in _Grounders_.

There aren’t too many changes when Lexa takes over because even before she owned it, _Grounders_ has always been her favourite bar. She wants to preserve the image and brand that the place has. She keeps everything pretty much the same. The biggest change only comes when she decides to refurnish the place with more modern décor.

 

* * *

 

As cliché as it sounds, their wedding day is the happiest day of Clarke and Lexa’s life.

They’re engaged for a year and a half and the wedding is held on a private estate out in the country side.

The ceremony is something out of a fairy tale. The mountains are in the background, the clouds are extra white and fluffy and there are so many flowers decorated everywhere. So many.

Nyko walks Lexa down the aisle and Abby walks Clarke.

Anya is given the weekend off to stand as Lexa’s maid of honour and Aden is a groomsman.

Octavia is Clarke’s maid of honour with Raven as her bridesmaid. (They have a deal that they’ll all get to be a maid of honour at each other’s wedding).

Clarke is the first to say her vows. She holds Lexa’s hands, trying her best to hold back the happy tears. Lexa is the most beautiful bride and Clarke is so happy and so in love with the woman in front of her. She takes a deep breath in. “Truth be told, I wasn’t looking for anything when I met you, Lexa. When we first met I was only in DC for two reasons, one to see my mum again and two, to give myself some time to figure out what I wanted to do next in my life. But then we spent a lot of time over the next three weeks together and I was… completely and utterly captivated by you. While the things I did back then don’t reflect that, I confidently stand here today to tell you that you are _the_ one for me. You are my soulmate and I’m so ready to start the next part of our lives, together. You have made me the luckiest woman in the word because I could never, ever put into words how you make me feel. You have given me everything anyone could ever ask for in a partner; love, care, joy, a best friend. But I think most importantly, you have given me a sense of home. Sure DC is home, but you… you, Lexa Woods are _home._ ”

Lexa pats her eyes lightly because she can’t hold back the tears. She earns a quick “Oi!” from Octavia to be mindful of her makeup, which causes everyone to laugh a little. “I love you,” Lexa whispers to Clarke.

“I love you too,” Clarke smiles.

It takes Lexa another moment to compose herself before she can start on her own vows. She takes Clarke’s hand within her own again, giving them a small squeeze. “Clarke, my love, you are the most beautiful person I know. On the outside you are absolutely stunning and gorgeous, even when we wake up late on Saturdays and your hair is mess and your eyes are barley opened. And on the inside, you are kind, caring, smart and you just have so much love to give. You are also beautiful in the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you love. You are beautiful in the way you take my hand when we cross the street. You are beautiful in the way you mumble sweet nothings when you are half asleep. You are beautiful even when you’re trying to convince me that the crab job is funny.”

The crowd let out a small chuckle because _everyone_ has heard the crab.

Lexa continues with a wide grin. “You are beautiful. It’s as simple as that and I am so glad that you are in my life. I am so glad that you decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with me. It’s honestly the best feeling in the word knowing that someone is crazy about you as you are about them. We are going to have a wonderful life, Clarke Griffin, I can promise you that.”

By the end of the ceremony, everyone is up from their seats as they watch Clarke and Lexa share their first kiss as a married couple.

 

* * *

 

The reception is the perfect way to end the day. It’s held outside, under the night sky and shining stars (It helps Clarke feel closer to her dad. “He’d be so proud of you,” her mum tells her).

Clarke changes into flats two hours into the party.

(Lexa had already changed her shoes before the party even started)

There is so much food and so much dancing. The atmosphere is just filled with so much happiness and love and everyone is having a good time. Camera flashes go off every ten seconds, the band plays a wide variety of music and there are speeches from various loved ones.

Clarke and Lexa share their first dance as a married couple to Jason Mraz's "Lucky".

The night ends with them standing by the exit and saying to each one of their guest personally.

It has been the perfect night.

And it only gets better when they are back in their own room.

 

* * *

 

It’s two weeks after their wedding that they take their honeymoon. But it wasn’t a “traditional” honeymoon, no. (But then again, when have they ever been “traditional”?)

Lexa stands in front of the information screens at the airport, double checking their flight details.

FLIGHT 808CL to THAILAND – GATE OPENED

“Ready?”

Lexa turns to see Raven standing beside her, smiling from ear to ear. “Definitely.”

“Thailand is beautiful. You’re going to love it,” Raven smiles. “And the people there are so nice. Good choice for your first Doctors without Borders visit.”

Lexa hums in response and returns back to watch the information screens. For their honeymoon Lexa has signed up for a six months Doctors without Borders volunteer program with Clarke (on Raven’s team). They were headed to Thailand where Lexa would take on a similar role to Raven – helping out around camp in various ways.

“Let’s do this!”

Lexa turns to see Octavia join them. The young chef was also joining them for the next six months, because even volunteers need to eat. When Octavia heard that it was Thailand, she jumped on board almost immediately – having recently found a big interest in the Asian culture.

“Long line in the bathroom?” Lexa asks.

Octavia nods. “But Clarke was just behind me, she should be out in a moment.”

True to Octavia’s words, Clarke comes out of the bathroom moments later. Lexa doesn’t waste any time in intertwining their fingers together. The four women make their way through the airport and towards their gate immediately. With Clarke still being the president’s daughter, their tickets are bumped up to some first class seats.

Lexa takes the aisle seat, with Clarke by the window. Raven and Octavia are just in front of them.

Clarke turns to face Lexa once she’s got her seat belt on. “Ready babe?”

Lexa nods. “Ready and excited.”

“I’m glad.”

Lexa grins and places her thumb on Clarke’s chin, guiding their faces closer to together. Their lips meet in a slow, sweet kiss. She runs her tongue along Clarke’s bottom lip, but barely makes it halfway before she lets out an automatic whimper when Clarke’s tongue meets her own. The kiss stops briefly as Lexa lets out a small giggle which Clarke responds by simply smiling. But just moments later their lips are connected again.

Their kissing is only interrupted when they hear Raven mutter, “$20 say they join the mile-high club today,” from the front.

Clarke pokes her hand through the gap between the chair in an attempt to hit her best friend. “Hey, we heard that.”

“You were meant to!” Raven calls back.

“ _Passengers, the cabin door is now closed. We’ll be taking off soon and in a few moments our crew with demonstrate the safety procedures.”_

Clarke settles back in her seat and smiles when Lexa holds onto her hand again. “I love you, Mrs Griffin-Woods.”

Lexa leans over and places another soft, chaste kiss on Clarke’s lips. “I love you too, Mrs Griffin-Woods.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap?! Thank you ALL so much! I am overwhelmed at the amount of love I have gotten from this fic. This is (was?) my first major multi chapter fic and I was always really nervous/anxious before I uploaded a new chapter. But seeing you guys reading it/commenting/leaving kudos kept me motivated and inspired to keep going. So thank you for that.
> 
> This is a fairly short epilogue but I am quite happy with how I’ve wrapped things up and I hope you guys are too. This story has been through a lot and I’ve put you guys through a lot so I just wanted to keep it simple. 
> 
> Because it is so short I have one extra little gift for you guys. I have written an 8k one shot of Clarke’s proposal. But I have written it in a way so that it can be read as a stand-alone fic. Which means that it’s not really mentioned that Clarke is the president’s daughter or that Lexa was once her agent. However, I think I’ve thrown in enough references from this fic so that you guys can carry what you know from this world over to that fic :) you can check it out [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7337449) if you're interested
> 
> Also I am in the middle of planning my next fic! It’s a rogue assassin au (think Nikita) which should be up in a couple of weeks(?) I also have a WIP [modern day witches au](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7034926/chapters/16005952) if you're into that sort of thing :)
> 
> Again, thank you so so so much for everything. I appreciate you all so much! See you at the next story.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)
> 
> [tumblr](http://monkeykira.tumblr.com) / [twitter](http://twitter.com/solinasolina)


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